It was a wonderful July. One of the best I’ve had in recent memory, and my memory stretches back a very long time. Longer than July.
I chose silver, the color of reflection. The color I see when small waves brush against the light. The color that absorbs only to push out, cautioning you to steel yourself before you look. Because, really, what if you don’t like what you see? It’s not like you can give it back. It’s who you are.
I chose silver before I knew what it meant, before I knew I would spend the month at the edge of a pool thinking, reflecting on a life not quite lived. Creeping around a house, looking for ghosts not yet formed, hoping to find a piece of myself behind that chair, that picture, that paragraph I could have written better.
I don’t have all the answers. Does anyone? I struggle to make a decision. The impulse to ponder and analyze and wait until it’s out of my hands slows down the wheels in motion to a grinding halt. But even at a standstill, I do okay. My choices are sometimes guesses I get right despite myself, despite my urge to find fault with the person I see in the mirror. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself. I pull back my eyes and cheeks gently with the tips of my fingers. I look ten years younger. I look how I feel.
But ten years ago I didn’t have him or him, and they are two things I know I am doing right. If this summer has taught me anything, it is to live while you can. Rejoice while you can. Forgive while you can. Accept the colors you reflect and if you don’t like it, change. There isn’t much more we can do.
I chose silver, the color of reflection. I chose well.
This was a color story. Please leave a link to yours in the comments, if you are so inclined. Otherwise, will you join me in August? The theme is cotton–pressed oxford shirts, fresh paper, and the bright white of new shoelaces at the beginning of a new school year. Find any shade of white around your home, your town, or your inspiration folder. Stuff you make, stuff you buy, stuff you photograph. No pressure. (Do it.)