One desolate picture, just like my soul.
I’m sure it hasn’t escaped notice that my walks are not as consistent as they once were. The fact is I started that CEA HOW meal plan about a month ago, and since then I don’t have the energy to do much more than scowl. I’m also feeling bitter/sad/and extremely skeptical of the meal plan. There are too many off-limit foods that are perfectly healthy (nuts, olives, starchy vegetables) in addition to the no-sugar/no-flour edict. I found myself doing what I always do: drinking way too much caffeine and sugar free drinks.
It occurred to me yesterday that this lifestyle wasn’t for me when I flipped out after the Mister ate one of my hard boiled eggs for the second day in a row.
“You can eat anything in this kitchen at any time! Why are you constantly going after my hard boiled eggs?”
(“Going after,” like he’s lying in wait, plotting all sorts of unspeakable activity with my boiled eggs. “Constantly,” like two days is all you need to establish a pattern of behavior.)
I was like an angry, hormonal goose over a hard-boiled egg. I don’t even like hard-boiled eggs! I had them in my meal plan for the day and the thought of making more eggs felt like too much to ask.
On Facebook and Twitter I asked for some ideas on how to handle food. The only consensus was that there is no consensus.
I don’t know where I go from here. I don’t believe there is a meal plan or diet that works. I think it goes much deeper than what we eat. It’s how we eat, which means I need to learn how to approach food in a healthy, intuitive way. I don’t know how to do that, or if I can. All I know is that I lost almost 11 pounds this month, and it was not worth it.
Here’s my take, which is rarely accepted:
As long as you’re being active about 20 minutes a day, eating healthy 80% of the time, and not overindulging too often, then instead of figuring out what’s not working – figure out how to accept the body that God gave you.
Heck, you really don’t even have to be active, eat healthy, or not overindulge. I just preface with that because it sounds like striving for health is what you’re after. If it’s not worth it to do that stuff, then figure out how to accept you the way you are! “Your body is a temple” isn’t just about being healthy – it’s about seeing yourself as the glorious and wondrous and unique being that you are.
I love this comment so hard, I want to marry it!! You are SO right. A lot of what you said ties in line perfectly with the work of Linda Bacon, who I greatly admire. I’m just too chicken to follow her advice!!!
So much wisdom here!!
I’ve been totally failing at this lately and have the weight gain as proof. I’m convinced that I am just not fully convinced that eating too much is bad. It’s horrible. I know that when I eat only when hungry and only until full, i lose weight and keep it off. Then I fall back into my gluttoness eating habits and the weight piles on.
The only reasoning I’ve found is that I don’t like being left out. When someone else is eating, I feel like I HAVE to eat too. It’s crazy and frustrating because my kid’s eat all day long, so I’m eating all day long too. I hate it. I wish there was some easy answer that didn’t require any work, any self-control. I need that fruit of the Spirit to be super sized in my soul.
Tomorrow is a new day is what I keep telling myself. And every day I try again to eat less than the day before. I refuse to give up on being comfortable in my own skin.
It’s amazing how our minds can reduce us to toddlers around food. I’m the same way. I don’t want to be different or left out. So bizarre.
We got the Mayo Clinic Diet book and used that as a kick off point. It basically focuses on the food pyramid and counting servings rather than calories or points or that kind of thing. No food is off limits as long as you are within your daily servings, and you can have as many servings as veg as you want. The focus is on life style change rather than a prescribed list of foods; it’s a low key, sensible plan that gives you a lot of agency.
I spent ten minutes whipping up a couple of tracking sheets so we can keep a quick list of what we ate, and a little pyramid graphic we use to tally daily servings. So that’s what works for us! It’s also really easy to get back into if you fall off the wagon (hello, cross-country move) as it’s such a low threshold for effort. I will say, it’s the least stabby I’ve ever felt about meal planning and nutrition.
You can get it on Amazon in hardcover and kindle I know for sure, for like $15-ish, I think?
Thanks, Aimee! I will look into it. No off-limit foods is what is key for me.
Honestly, most of the time, I believe that this whole weight thing for me has absolute nothing to do with food, and everything to do with psychology- food is my lover, and when it is ripped away, I yearn for the part of me that is missing, I’m jealous that other people get to share in it without me, and I’m horribly, horribly lonely without him.
So, in saying this, one thing that has helped me so much in the last year is realizing that I don’t like dinner. So, I sit down with the family and have a very small dinner, and then I still get my evening snack – the thin I love, and feel most satisfied with. I am also looking into counselling around food. We will see how it goes!
I don’t like dinner, either! In fact, I don’t like meals. Food stresses me out immensely. It never occurred to me to skip dinner–but still sit with my family–and instead have a late evening snack. My mind is spinning right now!
I hate to comment on things like diet, as it is so distinctly personal and it always feels disingenuous somehow. I have smashing success over the last two months with becoming healthier and more balanced using Jason Seib’s AltShift protocol. Some people lower their body fat percentage signifiantly from it (he’s very careful to not say weight, as that’s not the point of the program). It’s not gimmicks or pills or obsessing over anything and there is no continuous cost and that felt an awful lot like freedom to me.
As someone who struggled with eating disorders and now lives with the messed up metabolism that follows, this has been a wonderful exercise in mindful eating and peace with myself. Case in point, last summer I refused to wear a swimsuit without something covering my arms and abdomen. This year I look mostly similar, but we’re going on a beach vacation- that I suggested. I feel better , my head space is better and any positive body changes are just a benefit. (I genuinely promise this isn’t sponsored content, etc. Just someone who found something that allowed her to feel a little bit more confident and more human.)
Your swimsuit story is amazing. To be honest, that is what upsets me the most. I’ve been to a lot of funerals lately, and if someone were to go through my house in search of pictures, they’d come up with less than a handful.
I’m on day 20 of my first Whole30. When you do a Whole30, you eliminate all grains, dairy, legumes and sugar/sweeteners including artificial sweeteners, honey, syrup, stevia, agave, etc and alcohol. While I have a lot of weight to lose, I am doing it because I have an auto-immune disease. I am trying to reduce the inflammatory response in my body to eliminate joint pain that was impacting every joint. My joints are better, so there definitely was something I was eating that was ramping up my inflammation. I have also lost about 8 pounds which is a nice side effect.
The Whole30 has been both easier and harder than I expected. I thought I would miss the grains the most, but I have found I can easily live without them. The dairy is a lot harder than I expected since it seems to be easily replaced with almond and coconut milk. I can live without cheese, but I surely miss yogurt and ice cream so I am hoping that dairy is not the food I need to eliminate long term. Sugar it turns out is in everything! I knew that it was sometimes in canned tomato products, but I had no idea there was sugar in bacon and sausage.
I have found that my food cravings are much more limited now, and I think it is due to elimination of sugars/sweeteners. I normally used a splenda in my coffee and frequently had a coke zero at lunch. Then I would be looking for more to eat mid morning and all afternoon no matter what I ate for lunch. Between getting rid of those sweetened drinks and having a more protein-heavy breakfast (no cereal, oatmeal, yogurt, toast/bagel now), I am far more in control of my eating.
After I am done with my 30 days, I will re-introduce foods every 3 days and monitor how I feel. Based on how much better I am feeling, I am thinking about eating 80% Paleo with a little grace for an occassional ice cream cone. :)
Congrats on doing so well on Whole30! I do believe that some foods are not good for some people. Gluten and dairy do aggravate my mom’s joints. I saw the difference with my own eyes, and before that I wouldn’t have believed it. I guess I need to be more aware of my body after I eat certain foods. I know fatty carbs like cookies and pies give me instant heartburn.
Former binge-eater, chiming in with yet another opinion:)
I have approached my relationship with food in many ways over the past 20 years. Binge eating/compulsive exercise/restricting was a “great” way to avoid naming or facing depression or loneliness in college. I can see now, in hindsight, that’s what fueled a lot of my food obsession but there’s no way I had the insight or vocabulary for that at 18 years old.
Then there was super duper intensive intuitive eating phase. I obsessed (obsessed!!!) over everything I put in my mouth. I had long lost any sense of what I was hungry for or when I even felt hunger, so I had laser-sharp focus on that for a long time. It made my then-boyfriend a little nutty because I was really controlling about it.
You know who else is super controlling for a while? Recovering alcoholics. But hey- more power to them. It’s hard to kick an addiction; but the one with food and our bodies is one we can never ever abstain from. We are stuck with these vessels until we kick it:) I was a recovering addict, trying to figure out how to NOT rely on food or exercise to survive life.
I’m glad I was like that for a while. It was what I needed. I really had zero ideas of what my body wanted and I also had to do the gutsy thing of listening and responding. And- holy shit- trusting that my body would ultimately take care of me. I was convinced with absolute certainty, for many years, that if I listened to my body it would sabotage me and they would need to take me out of the house in a crane, buried under empty ice cream containers.
Now my binges are small-scale (think: a full container of ice cream, plus bags of chips, plus whatever else, when I was 19; now: seven oreos, when my body was content and wanted me to stop at three). But I notice them and hopefully let them tip me off to other stuff going on in my life that I need to attend to. Like if I feel binge’y it usually means I am overwhelmed or angry or feeling out of control, etc etc.
It was a radical, crazy concept that I could trust my body. Even though we live in a fallen, sinful world- I don’t think God put us in vessels that are continually out to sabotage and destroy us. That was a big shift for me.
Sermon: over.
I was convinced with absolute certainty, for many years, that if I listened to my body it would sabotage me and they would need to take me out of the house in a crane, buried under empty ice cream containers.
So…this is me. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Actually, whenever I’ve talked about food and diet you’ve always chimed in with something insightful and wise. Thank you for that.
Here’s my thing, the harder I work at ‘diet’, the worse it is for me. I’m better off just doing the 80/20 mindset in conjunction with the Michael Pollan quote ‘Eat Food. Not too much. Mostly plants’
Whenever I start trying to strictly follow a plan (any plan), it’s as if my brain rebels and all I can think about is food and what I’m not having and then a lot of time is spent feeling guilty about what I’m doing ‘wrong’. The guilt doesn’t help. The constant focus on food doesn’t help. Then the unhealthy cycle spirals.
I just try to be mindful of what I’m eating in a general way and keep my portions reasonable. I lost 23lbs 2 years ago not dieting. I’ve kept it off. Sometimes my portions aren’t that reasonable. I still go out to restaurants. I still have treats and an occasional drink with friends. I do not work out like crazy. I try to get a walk in or some kind of activity (I have a desk job. Any activity is a plus) semi-regularly. That’s it.
I’m not bone skinny. I will never be bone skinny. I’m 44.5 year old and I’m just trying to come to terms with that and the fact that maybe? I don’t need to be ‘ripped’
I sure hope you find something that works for you. (Plus? I always love your walking photos)
Thanks, Phaedra. I want your healthy perspective on food and life!
I’ve had some VERY unhealthy habits with the scale in my lifetime and still have to remind myself to not go down that rabbit hole. Some days I still do, but they’re the exception not the rule these days.
That being said, the less I worry about it and the more I focus on just being moderate and paying attention to how I feel over a day, week and so on the better I do. I immediately rebel as soon as some strict plan is applied and am cranky and hungry and solely focused on food.
I know you will find something that works for you, something that allows you to enjoy your life and family and feel good!
I don’t have any great words of wisdom, just sending you good thoughts! And I hope you had fun in the snow, since that’s actually a recreational substance for most of us Californians. :-)
Thanks, Karen!
I did the Whole30 for the first time last November, which is basically an elimination diet. It taught me SO much about my relationship with food, and the experience really shifted my perspective on eating. It was a LOT of work, but it was only 30 days, and it also helped me figure out how certain foods make me feel, so it was a helpful experiment for me.
That’s great!! What did you conclude? Did it change the way you ate long term?
I am going to send you an e-mail with more info…. :)
Where is the SNOW??? So pretty!!
We were in Lake Tahoe last week!
The snow photos were awesome! Even though, I’m completely over snow since we had the coldest snowiest, rainiest horrible-est winter ever here in Portland. But snow other places? PERFECT.
I certainly don’t have the answers, as I am at my highest weight ever, but when I was able to loose weight ( slowly, but without too much effort) it was because I cut way back on sugar during the day. I would have a small snack at night though. In the beginning, I didn’t restrict anything else–I could eat as much as I wanted, as long as it wasn’t sugar, and then I just craved less.
It all went to crap when I had surgery though, and I haven’t gotten back to it in 3.5 years.
Recently I have been craving less crap, and I wish I knew why. have you ever seen the blog, Pickup Limes? I came across it right after I saw your FB post about diets, and it made me think of you. It is written by a nutritionist, and she is really laid back and positive, and her recipes look so good. (I think she is vegan, but I haven’t looked around too much yet. She also has a YouTube channel about , food, travel, and minimalism.)
It makes me want to eat all the good things (although not necessarily become a vegan,) I am trying to focus on increasing the good, instead of decreasing the bad, but that is easier for me this time of year, because I love all the early summer fruits & vegetables.
I also feel like I eat more crap when I don’t feel like I have time for myself, so I am trying to be aware of that.
I can relate to this post. I have an overweight college daughter that I worry and obsess about so much and this summer am going to try to get her on track to lose some weight. I really think the key is not to try the programs that alter your intake or type of food you eat soooo much that they are hard and unrealistic to maintain. Better to eat more sensibly and healthy with perhaps some foods like sweets off limits most days. And lots of veggies and good fats like nuts, avocado, etc. Consistent exercise is important, but it doesn’t have to be crazy active stuff. Maybe walking and lifting some arm weights while watching tv and riding a bike with the family. There is a website I read about that does a DNA analysis and tells you what foods you should eat and those you should stay away from. I think I’d will look into that, as it might be enlightening as to what food enhances your life and what food causes problems. Keep up the walks. Personally, I think your diet sounds crazy and i would stop it. Try some mindful eating and abandon the notion you have to eat with your family and what they eat if that doesn’t suit you. I liked that idea from another reader. Sit with them and talk. Follow your own rhythms. Get enough sleep. Best of luck to you. Isn’t life a perennial struggle?
My husband’s workplace has been pushing a program their insurance covers called NaturallySlim (naturallyslim.com). He wasn’t interested, but after they started sending direct mail to our mailbox instead of just e-mails to his work inbox, I decided to try it. After all, with the insurance covering it, it was free… so if I hated it I could just quit right? Well, it’s been a month and I have lost 10 pounds, pretty much effortlessly.
The program seemed too good to be trueeat whatever I want? Even cheeseburgers and pizza? Lose weight without limiting any foods? My biggest failure with diets in the past is the same as you, I get hangry (hungry angry) with food limits and it just doesn’t feel worth it. And then when I stop the diet it all comes back. Sometimes more.
I ate cheeseburgers twice and tatertots with my meals four times the first week, and still lost five pounds! And this is an eating method I feel I can stick with the rest of my life (so, not a diet, but a lifestyle), because it’s just so easy. I don’t fear those pounds coming back.
They go into more detail in the program, but to sum up their principles, it’s not WHAT you eat, but WHEN and HOW you eat. Just like you were wanting!
I can eat whatever I want, so long as I wait until I’m truly hungry to eat (and they teach you how to learn what that feels like). When I eat, I eat slowly and really savor my food (this made me enjoy my meals so much more). Eat for ten minutes, take a five minute rest, and then eat for at least another ten minutes to let your brain register the volume in your stomach (it can take 20 minutes for your brain to realize you’re full). They also teach how to portion control without using math or specialized equipment (portioned plates, etc.). No calorie counting. No points. And then, finally, stop eating when comfortable, not when stuffed and having to loosen your belt.
“Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re not” sounds so simple, but it was a game changer for me.
In fact, yesterday was my birthday so I went to Outback Steakhouse. I used to get a medium size steak with two sides and clear my plate, wishing for dessert. Yesterday I decided it was my birthday so I’d let myself eat the old way but with the smallest size steak, but it was a serious effort to eat half of my food. I felt waaaay stuffed! I just can’t eat as much as I used to anymore, and that’s a great thing. It’s liberating to know I don’t need that much to feel satisfied anymore. And the food never tasted better because I really savored each bite. And that’s only after 4 weeks! (It’s a 10 week program.)
It sounds too good to be true so I know it’s hard to believe, but I wish I could tell the whole world that this is what they need. YOU get to decide what to eat (Mexican, Italian, gluten-free, cheeseburgers, roasted vegetables, noodles, stir fry… whatever sounds super delicious to you). You can even have alcohol or desserts, though for the first three weeks they have you abstain until you have a better grasp of the principles. But though they don’t bar you from anything, they do think sugar is terrible for you and encourage you to limit your sugar intake as much as possible. But because it’s not forced I have an easier time accepting it (for example, I chose to stop drinking pop, but I can eat chocolate fudge cake on my birthday guilt-free; it doesn’t mean I’m cheating).
Even if my insurance hadn’t covered the program, the money would have been the best cash I spent all year. Heck, all decade. I can’t tell you how great it’s been.
You don’t have to try it if you don’t want to. But I think you’ll really love it, especially after reading what you said in your last paragraph.
I should clarify that after the first week I didn’t eat so much junk food. I do love veggies! It’s just that they said to test their principles by eating whatever we wanted that first week, any food we love that is not “diet friendly,” so they could earn our trust. I was super skeptical but now I’m totally a believer.
Hey Jules!
I’m currently 6 months pregnant, and when I first began to show I was really disturbed to find that my mental programming of “must diet, must remove excess weight” wasn’t automatically turned off by my reasonable mind, which knew I would gain weight for the baby and that my body would be rounded out for the baby bump. I found that when my belly began to show, unbidden automatic thoughts of “must get exercise, must eat less” and feelings of “I look bad” just *happened*. I was so upset that the constant messaging of “you have to be a thin woman” didn’t stop when it was TIME TO STOP. Pregnancy is not a time to diet, and yet the automatic programming didn’t just… quit for me.
My reasonable mind is in control so I haven’t engaged in any attempts at weight loss or weight control (the effing baby needs FOOD), but my eyes were definitely opened to just how deep our messaging about losing weight goes.
I know you keep learning this lesson over and over, that your mental programming to lose weight is really deep and really hard to resist/overcome, and that sucks. I have just discovered for myself how deep it goes. I’m sorry that you put yourself through this. Something you have said before and are reporting again is that you think you want the weight loss, but the cost of achieving it runs 100% against your personal values (such as being a patient person instead of a snappy, hungry person). Given that that’s the case, keep the happy family and husband, keep the weight, ditch the diets, and next time you think about dieting, invest instead in dealing with the reasons why you think you want to diet. Is it that you don’t like your clothes? Is it that you’re stressed? Is it that something ELSE is hard and you think it’d be easier if you were thinner?
Let’s get after those things and skip diets entirely. Because eff it. I’m strong, I’m healthy, I’m not skinny, but I’m alive and thriving. (And as a temporary measure to add to the pile of good things, my baby also seems to be healthy and thriving although you never know, maybe there’s an Alien chest burster in there, who knows.)
As a feminist, I find that the obsession with weight is like this giant boondoggle to focus our attention on something personal, private and kinda useless to the greater good. I’d rather focus on DOING SOMETHING with my mind and time that isn’t a dang FOOD PLAN, yanno? When I die, is anyone gonna say “here rests Janine, she made a lot of food plans and was really good at sticking to her diet, she was skinny, and that really made the world a better place HASHTAG BLESSED”. I’d rather say “here lies Janine: we aren’t surprised she died at a demolition derby, we’re just surprised that she was dressed like a clown when she was accidentally crushed”.
Testing the comments to make sure everything is working as it should…so far so good! ;)