It was a wonderful July. One of the best I’ve had in recent memory, and my memory stretches back a very long time. Longer than July.
I chose silver, the color of reflection. The color I see when small waves brush against the light. The color that absorbs only to push out, cautioning you to steel yourself before you look. Because, really, what if you don’t like what you see? It’s not like you can give it back. It’s who you are.
I chose silver before I knew what it meant, before I knew I would spend the month at the edge of a pool thinking, reflecting on a life not quite lived. Creeping around a house, looking for ghosts not yet formed, hoping to find a piece of myself behind that chair, that picture, that paragraph I could have written better.
I don’t have all the answers. Does anyone? I struggle to make a decision. The impulse to ponder and analyze and wait until it’s out of my hands slows down the wheels in motion to a grinding halt. But even at a standstill, I do okay. My choices are sometimes guesses I get right despite myself, despite my urge to find fault with the person I see in the mirror. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself. I pull back my eyes and cheeks gently with the tips of my fingers. I look ten years younger. I look how I feel.
But ten years ago I didn’t have him or him, and they are two things I know I am doing right. If this summer has taught me anything, it is to live while you can. Rejoice while you can. Forgive while you can. Accept the colors you reflect and if you don’t like it, change. There isn’t much more we can do.
I chose silver, the color of reflection. I chose well.
This was a color story. Please leave a link to yours in the comments, if you are so inclined. Otherwise, will you join me in August? The theme is cotton–pressed oxford shirts, fresh paper, and the bright white of new shoelaces at the beginning of a new school year. Find any shade of white around your home, your town, or your inspiration folder. Stuff you make, stuff you buy, stuff you photograph. No pressure. (Do it.)
i know the struggle well. thanks for these lovely, inspiring words. (and your photo skills are getting better + better with each color story! love the glint of the sunlight on the water on the fourth photo).
I’ve been right there with you. And I’m going to be right there with you … with a color story … I just have to find words for what few splashes of silver I spotted. Something tells me it will be fluffy … hmmm…
This is a beautiful post. I’m in for August. :)
Want to hear something super embarrassing? That pinwheel photo made me tear up a little. SO WEIRD, RIGHT? For some reason it reminded me of hazy summer at my grandmother’s and this nostalgia, paired with the fact that I’m getting on a plane back to Kentucky for a much needed two-week vacation from New York got the tear ducts rolling. Great post!
I hear Kentucky is amazing and a wonderful place to live. It’s on my list of places to visit.
Interesting story about the pinwheels! The boys and I were on a walk and I spotted them tucked in a nicely manicured planter of a very modern home. They seemed so out of place! They must have been leftovers from a party or something. The owners were pulling out of the driveway and I was too shy to ask to take a picture so I pretended to give the boys a break/tie shoes and waited until they left the neighborhood. Then I took the pictures, all the while expecting them to pull up behind me.
Cannot tell you how much I love Fresh perfumes… So nice to see you are a fan; so few here are familiar, but what other perfumes can you mix and match so nicely!!!
Great story.
Oh, Jules. I love this. The story, the photos.
Perfect.
xx.Z