Pink Week
I heard a rumor years ago that pink was once a color for boys. I did some very brief research online, and the consensus is similar to this Jezebel post. Some periodicals claimed pink, a color close to powerful red, was a color more appropriate for males. Blue, a dainty color often associated with the Virgin Mary, was a color suitable for females. Girl, boy, pink, blue…it is impossible for me to care less. Nico wanted a pink (strawberry) army cake for his 5th birthday. I made him a pink (strawberry) army cake. One mother was aghast, but I didn’t understand the big deal. I wanted to ask her is she ever tried strawberry cake, because if she had, she’d realize color was the least of my problems. Strawberry cake is revolting.
I learned of a similar male-female divide last week. I heard from a friend that Mikey would pick his band instrument in the fall, and that if I had a preference I should start talking about it with him now because the kids choose their instruments almost immediately and without parental involvement during the first days of school. That’s intentional on the part of their music teacher, obviously, and I can imagine the drama this is supposed to avoid.
Too bad it didn’t work last year. This woman’s son chose the flute and convinced several of his friends to do the same. All boys, all excited to play the flute. The next day, her son was the only one still allowed to play the flute. No one can say what happened. The parents may have told their sons to pick a more masculine instrument; the boys may have been teased by their siblings or friends. It’s even possible the boys had to switch to other instruments for financial reasons. Whatever the reason, there is only one boy who plays the flute in the school orchestra.
Curious, because if you read a list of the most famous flautists in history, most of them are male. Shocking.
That’s Jean Pierre Rampal, certainly one of the most commercially successful flautists. The guy was on Sesame Street.
As for Mikey, he will play the clarinet and starts music camp this week. For those of you who have only a passing interest in music, consider this your warning. It’s about to get geeky.
This is the first time I’ve ever strongly suggested Mikey do something he didn’t want to do. At first I thought he should play the guitar since he has one, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized what a missed opportunity it would be for him to play an instrument like the guitar or piano when his music teacher is a touring clarinet player. I spoke with other parents, researched music forums online, called music stores and emailed his music teacher. They agreed the clarinet was the best fit for him. It’s a great instrument that allows him to move to other instruments like the saxophone and–in my dream world–the oboe. He can play a wide variety of musical genres, the instruments are rarer and open him up to scholarships (you’d be surprised–I was!) and, this was my main argument all along, the fingering is closest to the recorder, which Mikey loves and plays almost daily for fun.
The recorder is the instrument the kids get in the 3rd grade, and not once did I have to ask Mikey to practice. He always completed his assignments and then taught himself to play other songs in his music book. To me, that spoke volumes.
Mikey wanted to play the trumpet. The trumpet is nice, I guess, but it’s no French horn. [side note: OMG what is she wearing?] And the only reason he could give me for wanting to play the trumpet was that it looked cool. Well, his electric guitar looked cool, too, and he barely spares it a second glance. He claims it’s because there is a problem with his amp but, honestly, he’s not drawn to string instruments. I know this because I took him to Sam Ash last week to try out all the instruments in the store and the violin nearly slipped him into a boredom induced coma. He wasn’t even interested in trying the cello or stand up bass.
His favorites were the clarinet (ahem. mama knows best) and the trumpet. I was able to convince him the clarinet was the way to go after showing him some Benny Goodman and a couple of clarinet playing kids on Youtube.
We’ll see this fall if Mikey gets any push back from the boys for picking the clarinet. It seems unlikely with his teacher being a clarinet player, but I didn’t think a strawberry army cake was scandalous so I maybe I don’t know what’s coming. It amazes me the rules and roles we continue to put on kids these days based on gender–rules and roles I’m guilty of myself. I make a conscious effort to avoid biased behavior, but I also know boys and girls can be different–and that’s okay. I don’t know; it’s a balance, one I don’t know if I’m achieving. I guess the story about the flutes really bothered me. I’m curious to see how the rest of the orchestra comes together. I know most of the boys are vying for the very few guitar and percussion seats. Should be interesting!
Also interesting: my family room every afternoon this week until the end of July. Nico is in band camp, too. He’s taking drums.
(Nico is taking drums because his first pick, French horn, seems like a big instrument to take on as a beginner.)
(Also, French horns: not cheap.)
this would have been helpful in, oh, 1996 when i was choosing clarinet (which i hated – should have done sax) because all the other options were ~boy’s~ instruments. ugh. three years and gave it up happily, but that video? totally makes me want to play drums. ha.
The Benny Goodman video? Yeah, the drummer looks like he’s having the time of his life. Nico loved it! I’m not usually a brass girl, but those trumpets sounded amazing, too.
I chose the trumpet on the first day of school and the teacher said no- only boys can play trumpet. I chose clarinet and there were plenty of boys playing clarinet.
People tell my boys things they can’t do All THE TIME because they are for girls. I don’t get it!!!
Only boys can play the trumpet?! OMG. Rage.
My son is a drummer. Good ear plugs are a must for maintaining sanity :)
Right now he has a practice pad. He’ll use real drums at school. But, I’m sure a drum set is in out future.
Clarinet is the best. I teach and play for a living. I recommend the ” First Solo Songbook” published by Belwin. It has pages and pages of songs all on the first 7 notes, and will give Mikey lots to play around with between summer band and school band. The squeaks are awful at first, but they will go away!
For summer band, they’re using The Standard of Excellence book 1 by Bruce Pearson. I don’t know what they’ll use in the fall, but I will pick up the Belwin book. Thank you!
Funny, I have a high tolerance for squeaks and squawks. I was able to tune out Mikey’s recorder all of last year, and sometimes he would play the same song over and over and over and over. O_O
being able to ‘tune it out,’ is critical for a band parent ;-)
I think the SOE series is good for clarinetists: extra credit in the back, a good fingering chart and explanations of new concepts on each page for self-directed learners.
This boy/girl labeling makes me CRAZY. Fortunately, I haven’t seen much of it in our band program. We convinced our 10-yr-old son to try the clarinet because a) we like how it sounds, b) we could borrow a nice one from a relative, and c) Woody Allen plays the clarinet! (my husband is a crazy fan). He was the only boy in the section, but it didn’t seem to matter. I think there are girls in every section, though no boys playing flute. The band director really let the kids take the lead in choosing an instrument, so much so that the band was a little unbalanced (too many saxes, not enough low brass). If they could manage to make a sound on the instrument, they could take it on.
On the other hand, my 5-yr-old son refused to participate in a tap dance class that he had loved (after a year of ballet), just because there were no other boys in the class. The teacher tried her best to make him feel welcome, but he completely shut down. I tried to get him to join in for a few weeks, and finally gave up and stayed home. I showed him videos, did my best to find books about boys dancing (more difficult than it should be), but he wouldn’t budge. Eventually he discovered that a bunch of his big brother’s friends were taking a hip hop dance class just for boys, and he begged me to sign him up. It’s taught by three male teachers, and he LOVES it. This child was born to dance, so I hope that as he matures, he’ll get over his prejudices and be proud that dancing is what HE does.
All of which is to say, I’m still trying to sort out how much is just a developmental phase and how much is the pink/blue cultural divide being pushed on our kids.
I’ve been trying to get the boys to try ballet FOREVER. No go. I at least got them to watch the First Position documentary so they could see that it’s not a sissy thing. Nico has a little boy in his class who does ballet, and the kid is ripped. Already built like a dancer and can do Russian splits!
Oboe Power!
I switched from the flute to the oboe in high school. I was horrific (in comparison to the other 30 flutists who showed up freshman year) on the flute, but picked up the oboe as if I had been playing it for years. I loved it, and it DID bring up a number of scholarship opportunities.
Also: most of the clarinetists in our orchestra were male. So, there. :)
Enjoy the “music” this month!
I “added on” the oboe after learning the flute (which I did not excel at) – but I did NOT succeed – embouchure indeed!
When my daughter was in 4th grade, they had each student try an instrument – flute, clarinet, baritone, and percussion – to see which they could get a sound out of the best. I like this approach better as they see which instrument fits the child best.
That said, the reed instruments offer lots of diversity. Go for it Mikey!
Kirsten, that’s what I did at Sam Ash. The clarinet was the one Mikey got sound out of quickest. Flute he didn’t want to try, and I already mentioned his complete lack of interest in strings. I think (hope!!) clarinet will be the way to go.
Did I tell you about what happened with my mom? She started on violin, then moved to cello. She was pretty good at it too! Then some girls and women started telling her that it was not lady-like to play cello. So she stopped and never played another instrument. That story has always made me so sad. It is interesting to match up personalities with instruments, though. There was once a quiz on Facebook that would tell you which instrument you were most like. My results revealed Oboe! Perfect! I switched over to oboe in 10th grade. . I think. And then played in college. You are right on about colleges wanting rare instruments. I can wait to see and hear Mikey playing the clarinet!!
Oh, I love quizzes! I’ll have to see if I can find it. I do remember you telling me about your mom. How frustrating! I always wanted to play the violin.
My youngest daughter selected the flute to play. She never, ever got a note to come out of that instrument. It was her first real failure in life. My husband assured her that she could still participate in the holiday concert and play Silent Night. She did not think that was funny. Her older sister chose the clarinet. As the first school concert approached I said to her,” Ali you never ever practice.” She responded, “Oh Mommy, no one practices.” As expected, it was not a fun evening for the sudience listening to the elementary school concert.
Hahahahaha!!! Everything about this comment made me laugh. Silent Night!
p.s. My friend’s son took forever to get sound out of the flute.
This male/female divide is something I worry about and I’m glad you addressed it. I have sons but no daughters and I wonder if there are a lot of questions (like this) that would be answered if I were raising young women alongside my young men. Regardless, I do my best to have girls over to play whenever possible just so they are comfortable and accustomed to the different points of view girls bring to the table… It’s tricky!
The boys are involved in things like choir and book club, so that helps. Mikey’s baseball team had a girl on it for the longest time. I hear everything changes in 4th grade–the divide gets wide, from what I hear.
First, where is the link to the video of the most influential flute player of the last several years, Ron Burgundy?
Second, I remember going to the Hollywood Bowl years ago and listening to the orchestra. The instrument I enjoyed most was the Oboe. Angelic. The musician was incredible.
The oboe is angelic. I love it.
I’ve been following the blog pinkisforboys.org for a while now.
I’ve never liked pink, and have always been completely anti-gender-stereotyping [or any other type of stereotyping]. As a child I remember hating the fact that all of my baby dolls were blue-eyed, blonde, light-skinned girls wearing pink — I declared that the only dark-skinned baby doll I owned [a homemade rag doll, wearing pink, of course] was a boy.
My younger brother would occasionally ask me to paint his nails when we were kids — his son did the same thing a couple of years ago, then came to me crying less than an hour later, begging me to take it off because he didn’t “want people to get mad”. I try to show my brother’s kids that they can do/like/play with/etc. whatever, without any criticism or judgment, but I’m afraid my brother is much less open to such things as an adult.
My parents were very good about stuff like that. My mom painted my brother’s nails (middle one) and both my brothers played with dolls. In fact, my younger brother got an African American Cabbage Patch Doll named Franklin. He loved that thing.
I started out playing trumpet in the 5th grade, but had my eye on the French Horn the whole time! Trumpets are muuuuch cheaper and really help you learn the basics of playing a brass instrument. That way you know they have the skill to move up to a French Horn, without spending a bunch of cash on an instrument that might just collect dust!
That’s what I told Nico! I said we could start him off with the trumpet, maybe next year once he can read better. He got sound on his very first try (!!) so I thought that was a good sign. It took Mikey at least 10 tries to get sound out of the trumpet. Less with the clarinet.
I played clarinet. Briefly. I didn’t like the way the reed vibrated or made my teeth feel so it was short lived. My dad always wanted me to play the trumpet. I probably should have listened to him.
Growing up, we started playing instruments in 5th grade and our director helped us select instruments based on sounds we liked, our mouth shape, preference, etc. He was so serious about picking the right instrument but he was good at it, and he was an amazing director (who played the…wait for it…clarinet). I ended up playing percussion (started on the drum pad and small xylophone). I loved it and played through high school (I played the quad toms in marching band thankyouverymuch–girls can do it too!). My brother was a trombone player who eventually moved to tuba. Yes, my parents were troopers, but we both practiced a lot on instruments at school and the tuba can sound very soft and nice, believe it or not (and there are great scholarships for tuba players). I miss playing an instrument and get misty-eyed when I attend a local concert or see marching bands (band geeks forever!). Good luck to you and the boys!
Maybe it’s because I went to such a big high school, but we had boys and girls that played pretty much everything (even flute), so it was never a big deal.
I played flute for almost 10 years, even training 6 hours a day to be a professional musician. I picked the flute because we had a woman come to our band class and play the song “Flight of the Bumblebee,” and I was determined to be able to do that someday. I did, but it was kind of my swan song – shortly after I mastered it, my carpal tunnel got so bad that I had to quit.
My only advice is to head right out to the nearest home improvement store and buy a giant bucket of those neon orange ear plugs. For one thing, EVERY instrument in the hands of a beginner sounds like a dying animal until they get better at it – trust me on that one. Also, hearing loss in musicians is a very real thing – and without my dad bringing home ear plugs from work every day, I’m pretty sure I’d be half deaf by now. Seriously. Well worth the investment, especially if they are practicing a lot at home. :-)
I feel like gender stereotypes is such a tough spot. I have a two-year daughter and really wanted to hold off on any hetero-normative toys, unless she chose them on her own free will. We weren’t planning to do much in the way of princesses and pink but she consistently shows interest in toys that are much more traditionally “female”.
My brother and grew up without any pressure to choose one thing over the other based on gender stereotypes. I played with Ninja Turtles and Barbies with equal measure. My brother chose Barbies and dress-up with no repercussions. Even now as adults we don’t feel the pressure to choose something because it’s male or female. I just have to keep reminding myself to not force my daughter into gender neutral toys if she’s blazing a path she enjoys.
As an aside — I wanted to play the French Horn in 4th grade, but my mom told me I wasn’t allowed because I had a short attention span. When she tells the story even today she says “You never would have stuck with it. You ran around in the backyard like a pony until you were 13.” As it turns out, Mom knows best. I NEVER would have stuck with it.
I played in an orchestra/symphony from 4th grades through 12th (on the violin).
My really good friend was a cellist during that time as well (and just had her first baby, who I get to meet over July 4th). I picked up flute in the 6th grade but hyperventilated a few times until I got sound (loved that it was so portable compared to the trombone I picked up in 5th grade). I chose the flute because it weighed less than the trombone and violin and thus was less unweildy and also because the trombones were stinky from use and smelled of spit while the school had just gotten new flutes my 6th grade year.
My clarinet and oboe guy friends from symphony/high school actually ended up professional musicians/music teachers.
I hope Mikey enjoys the clarinet (i never got the reeds to work for me) as he will be in great company with many other men who have played/continue to play it!
the clarinet is such a good choice. I just started my son on Suzuki violin. He wanted to play cello since that is what his older sister plays, but the thought of lugging two cellos and two cello chairs (yes, kids this young need special adjustable chairs to sit properly for cello), and juggling both of them along with the new baby arriving this fall across city streets downtown to lessons seems ridiculous. Plus–my boy is to young to really know what he likes. He’s not even three (but eager to play music, and suzuki frequently starts kids at insanely yound ages, I know.) His grandfather and great-grandfather were fiddlers of scotch-irish descent so it’s in his blook. Plus, we’ll get a quartet out of the family yet.
Did it take some convincing with my husband to let his son play violin? A bit. But between the fact that I promised he’d wear camoflage somewhere on his person at recitals and the fact that my husband has seen the amazing benefits developementally in starting our daughter on cello when she was two, and he wasn’t a hard sell. There are other relatives, of course, who think I might as well let him sign up for ballet as give him a violin. This is the South, after all.
It seems the whole gender issues keeps getting stranger, rather than better. Like that family who dresses their young son like a girl, “because he likes to play with dolls.” Really? Because my brother had a favorite doll and my little green army men were amongst my favorite toys. What does that have to do with anything?
But I digress . . .
You know, it doesn’t get much better than Sing, Sing, Sing. Good luck to the boys on their instruments of choice–and good luck to mom and dad who must endure that awkward getting started stage! :)
Gender issues with music? My mother played the double bass in high school (Samuel J. Tilden, Brooklyn, 1938) but her forte was piano. My brothers: clarinet and accordion. I had piano lessons and later clarinet lessons BECAUSE WE OWNED THE INSTRUMENTS. Now I play the radio. However, because of my mother, I learned a great deal about music and the knowledge really adds to my enjoyment. She once mentioned that the school orchestra played Beethoven’s 9th in concert.
On the other hand, my husband reports he chose the flute in school but couldn’t get it to make a sound. The other kids in band called him “tootless”. He transferred to drums.
I never realized flute was “feminine” in that the most well known flutists (and this may be the gender issue) that I know are male.
My mom played the clarinet. My brother and I were not given a choice, we had to play the clarinet. When my older son was choosing an instrument his Grandma began pressuring him to play the clarinet- 3 generations of clarinet players! He wanted to please his Grandma, but I explained to him that I was never given a choice and I wanted him to decide for himself. He picked the trumpet and loves to practice less than 5 feet from wherever I am. It was tough to listen to in the beginning! It finally sounds like music.
I’ve been living with an elementary music teacher for four years now and have learned all sorts of shocking things about kids and their musical instruments. In college music ed classes, you learn about how to pair kids with instruments (aka, don’t give the klutzy kid a clarinet he’ll be dropping it all the time and breaking little pieces off) and there are plenty of sneaky music-teacher ways to subtly convince kids that whatever instrument you would rather them play is cool. One year he needed more trombones, so he did a special trombone bit when he toured homerooms asking for band volunteers… BAM 10 little kids itching to play a silly trombone. Everyone looks back so fondly on their days in band, their specially chosen instrument, but IT’S ALL LIES AND MANIPULATION
Also, my younger sister is a highly talented musician who plays multiple instruments… but her first few months playing oboe? Oh. My. Word. Worst sound. Ever. Have fun with that. Maybe William Morris yourself a soundproof practice room. :-P