An online friend I met years ago contacted me via Facebook three weeks ago and asked me if I was interested in joining her writing group. I’ve been asked to participate in writing groups before but have always refused. I was too scared. I even took a creative writing class in college. Better stated, I showed up on the first day of class. When I heard we had to read our writing aloud for constructive criticism, I dropped the class the next day. I’m such a perfectionist that it’s difficult for me to see what I do well, to believe I might do something well. And I hate to publicize my failures. I guess I run from critiques because it has been easier, and far more pleasant, for me to avoid risk.
I told my friend I would do it before I had the opportunity to talk myself out of it.
Our first submission is due on Friday. I have written a grand total of zero words. I’m really, really nervous/scared/overwhelmed/totally wanting to quit. I even said that I might not participate this time around–giving everyone fair warning that I am approaching Retreat Mode–and my friend quickly told me it wasn’t an option.
Well, shit.
I guess that means I have to think of something to write between now and Friday. A few ideas have come and gone over the years. One idea keeps coming back often enough for me to save a few images here and there, create a song list. I listen to it when I walk.
Here is one of the pictures I love most. It’s Duane Michael’s This Photograph is My Proof.
The text is handwritten onto the photograph and reads:
This photograph is my proof. There was that afternoon, when things were still good between us, and she embraced me, and we were so happy. It did happen, she did love me. Look see for yourself!
And this is one of the list songs I play on repeat. It’s Patient Love by Passenger. The lyrics are below the video in case you like that sort of thing.
Depending on how it goes, I may start devoting one day of the week to writing fiction. (Don’t worry, I won’t publish it here!)
Wish me luck.
got a pinch of tobacco in my pocket
i�m not gonna roll it no I�m not gonna smoke it
til we�re staring at the stars and the rockets
twinkling in the silvery nighttwo sips of whiskey in the flask but I�m not gonna drink them
I swear I�ll make it last
til we�re drinking out of the same glass againand though the sand may be washed by the sea
and the old will be lost in the new
well four will not wait for three
for three never waited for two
and though you will not wait for me
I�ll wait for yougot a polaroid picture in my wallet
I�m not going to tear it no I�m not gonna spoil it
It�s an unspoken heartbreak
a heartbroken handshake i�ll take with me where I goand three words on the tip of my tongue
not to be spoken nor sung
or whispered to anyone
til I scream them at the top of my lungs againand though the sand may be washed by the sea
and the old will be lost in the new
well four will not wait for three
for three never waited for two
and though you will not wait for me
I�ll wait for you
I�ll wait for you
and I�ll wait for yougot a pinch of tobacco in my pocket
I�m not gonna roll it no I�m not gonna smoke it
til we�re staring at the stars and the rockets
twinkling in the silvery night
A polite plea – please post your fiction. I love your writing.
I’m sure you are your own worst critic and any feedback will be done kindly. I’ve never had the urge to write fiction. I’m utterly content when I can express myself clearly and correctly. If I manage a nifty phrase or a poetic turn now and then, I’m over the moon. I think you should just dive in and see what happens!
Hard to believe that someone as talented as you are would have these feelings however, I believe you because you are refreshingly honest–always. Good luck with taking this big next step. So many people I admire talk about doing that what they fear most and finding extreme satisfaction and fulfillment for the effort. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful result? Good luck, and please do publish on your post. Or at least a link. We are followers because we already love your writing.
Do it! Do it, do it, do it. You can do it. Look at all these people here who know you can. Look at yourself. You know you can. Do it!
Go get ’em tiger! =D
Do not quit!! I would love to read your fiction. You are a lovely and talented writer! Do. Not. Quit.
What a beautiful and sad photo and song. I think your writing will be amazing. Please don’t give up before you’ve given it a shot. I understand the perfectionist thing, totally. You might fail, it’s true. But if you never try, you’ll never succeed either. And won’t that be tragic?
Definitely go for it! I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to get anything written, I really need a structure–a DEADLINE–to make it happen. I was just thinking that I would like to find a writing class or group to join. I took one at a community arts center more than 15 years ago, and had a good experience. I also had a great experiences in college writing classes (most were journalism, but I did take a poetry workshop once). The great thing is that you are not alone in your fear. Aside from the occasional show-off, most of the others in the group dislike reading their own work, too. But there is some strength in numbers, and I always learned so much.
Oh, you simply must do it. I know the aweful feeling of waiting for others’ response to parts of your insides you’ve spilled onto paper. it hurts! I joined a critique group a few years ago and have learned immense amounts. There is just nothing like it. They honed my writing in kind and thoughtful ways, and I in turn gave feedback on their’s, even when I felt I had nothing helpful to give. over time, I really gained confidence and a much improved internal editor.
As far as writing fiction: DO IT! it will help you see the world differently, and will change the way you read the works of others forever. For instance: painting landscapes has given me better powers of observation regarding the colors in shadows and scenery I’d never noticed before. Its the same way with telling stories. you will become a keen observer of human behavior.
I was driven to write fiction, like a lot of physicians, I think because so many people have given us insight into their souls. people tell us secrets of every variety, which of course we are under oath to never reveal. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve heard. Which is one reason I write fiction.
YOU CAN DO THIS!! (I can’t – but you can!) You paint such lovely pictures and evoke such vivid emotions with your words – you can do this!
Can’t believe you posted that song! Passenger, aka Mike, is a dear friend of ours – he spent a lot of time touring in Australia and we adore him. We played one of his songs as I walked down the aisle at our wedding! Serendipity, Jules :)
Good luck times a thousand – you can do this. Look how beautifully you write this blog xx
WHAT.
Well, tell him I’m a huge fan.
This one goes down in the books….
I will! He will be thrilled :) BTW The song we played is ‘I See Love’ and is a nice, happy balance to this one in case you need a boost!
http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2013/01/quit-asking-fear-for-permission/
I went to this blog right after yours this morning.
You are very talented, and I so enjoy reading your posts!
You know I’m your #1 supporter. Feel free to bounce your ideas off of me or pass them along for proofing ;).
Go ahead and stick your neck out there – you can do this!
You can do this. But it is scary; you’re totally allowed to feel that! I trust that the group is a collection of good folks who take writing & reading seriously — nothing worse than a gaggle of dabblers who all are hoping to write the next blockbuster teen zombie romance. (Uh, unless of course that’s what you’re aiming for. ;) )
Oh Jules . . . if only you could see your writing through our eyes. You’re one of my favorite ‘authors’ . . . already. And I cannot wait to read your fiction!
FYI–I felt the same in my Fiction class. I was actually a non-traditional student. Still I tested into a higher class; I worked myself into a complete dither before it started. I could just imagine a large, neon sign flashing above my head when I entered the room . . . “She doesn’t belong.” But what do you know? When it came time to read my manuscript aloud, people actually liked it! The biggest criticism: “It sounded as though you got your description of poker from the encyclopedia.” Which, oddly enough, I did. :)
I actually would be thrilled to read your creations, Jules, I bet you’ll write some amazing texts!
Face it Jules, you are a great writer. Just write something. It won’t be wrong!
So, one of my favorite movies of all time is “Wonder Boys” (sadly, I have not read the book yet because I saw the movie first, and just never got around to it). Anyway, there is a scene at the beginning in which students rip Tobey Maguire’s short story to shreds in a workshop. In my fiction-writing-class experience, this never happened. Most people are very tactful and thoughtful in their criticism. You shouldn’t be worried about putting yourself out there. It is refreshing to hear reactions of your work from an outsider’s perspective. Try to take it all with a grain of salt. You might find things to improve upon; you might decide “to hell with it, I like my story and I’m not changing a thing!”
I would love to read your fiction, by the way. I wouldn’t even criticize, I’d just read it.
well, I read your blog mostly because of your writing… so I think you’ll do great – go for it!!!!!
Jules: You are already a writer. Start where you are. Take in one of your posts. Say: “This is where I am now.” Then: “I want to write fiction.” (If that’s what you want to do.)
If it is the right group for you, they will accept you right where you are. They will build on what you already do. They’ll help you find the stones in the path between where you are and where you want to go. They’ll nudge you to step out on them. (Or maybe shove. But there will be movement.)
Perfectionism is one of the leading causes of underachievement in TAG (talented and gifted) students. When it comes to writing, you clearly are both. Just throwin’ that out there.
Oh Jules, I get this, I really really do. There is a class here in Seattle about nature writing and I want to take it so very much because I love to *read* nature writing – but I am too scared. Like you, I know that I would have zero words right before the first deadline and would want to run away and hide in a cave. And this is an *online* class, so I wouldn’t even have to face my accusers. Your first piece of fiction may be a bit all over the map, but you have to throw *something* on the wall so people can help you go in the right direction – just like you did with the paint colors on the boys’ room wall. If it’s a good group, the right group for you, they will be gentle and fun and honest and knowledgeable. They will help you with the basics of your craft, help you with how to tell Readerland the stories that are bottled up inside you, waiting to be told. If nothing else, you’ll have a little adventure and come back with all your limbs intact. My dearest friend is an award-winning author and a literature professor, and even she has a writers group, and not one piece of her work was ever perfect the first time. Very best of luck with the writing – we are all cheering for you.
Jules, the best tip I ever received about an open workshop class was from the instructor, while waffling about signing up: “If you only intend to submit work that you think is perfect, don’t ever take a class with me. Perfectionism is insufferable, and workshopping is about exploring options together.” Give the stuff that drives you crazy over for discussion — in a good class, your peers will help you love the best of it.