I’m not opposed to television, but I don’t watch it unless a show truly captures my interest. This is because we don’t have a DVR. To watch a show we have to remember the channel, time, and day of the week. Impossible! It’s been a bit easier for us to watch TV now that we can stream episodes online, but even then we have a short list.
- Mad Men
- Modern Family
- The Vampire Diaries
No Downton Abbey (I thought it was Downtown Abbey until a couple of weeks ago). No political news channels (I prefer my despair on paper). No reality TV (NO reality TV. Ever. HATE.)
Three shows. Three itty-bitty shows I like to describe as the past, the present, and the ridonkulous.
It’s not outlandish for me to describe the mood on Sunday night as downright chipper. After 18 months of waiting, our beloved Mad Men was returning to TV with a two hour premiere. Two hours! Two hours of Don Draper, a man I would put on a shelf at Christmas.
I’d like to share my thoughts on the season 5 premiere episode of one of the most critically lauded shows on television, if you don’t mind.
Here goes.
What.
The Hell.
Trudy Campbell took the expression right off my face. Wane, plastic smile, hand to chest, and a soft “Oh my,” expelled on a nervous breath. Here, let me add to my review.
I can’t even.
No.
There was inane dialog. There was thinly veiled, overused tropes. There was camp. A whole lotta camp. When did Mad Men become a farcical romp? I asked that on Twitter and E. Annie Hall suggested it happened in season two when the British ad exec lost his leg in a freak, in-office lawnmower accident.
Huh. I must have missed that episode.
I watch The Vampire Diaries; I can handle The Cheese. And I sat there for two hours, so it’s not like the show was akin to bamboo shoots under fingernails. It was good(ish). I just didn’t expect a soap opera from a period drama. Of more concern, I don’t believe they were trying to be campy.
Spoilers ahead, folks.
What The? No. 1. (Sigh)
Let’s take the opening scene. Little Sally wakes up with perfect hair and full makeup to wind chimes/bells/harps/I have no idea. We hear angel soundtrack music as she walks down the hall of her father and stepmother’s glamorous NYC apartment and ends up, by mistake, at their bedroom door. Don Draper meets her there, disheveled from sleep. Sally peeks inside and catches a glimpse of her sleeping, French, odalisque of a stepmother, nude but for an artfully placed sheet.
I get it. Don Draper is virile. Very virile! So virile he can’t be bothered to cover the moon on his paramour before he opens the door to one or more of his minor children. And his new, much younger wife can’t get enough. Thank goodness for that, because all that virility coursing through his veins (heh) has to go somewhere, am I right? They are passionate, happy newlyweds with a relationship based on sex that may furl like cheap panty hose mid-season and expose a social and intellectual disconnect. Thank you, AMC. Subtlety appreciated. When it happens, I’ll pretend I didn’t see it coming.
What The? No. 2. (Slightly Annoying)
Joan Harris (office manager/assistant to the CFO) has a baby with Roger Sterling (partner), only Roger doesn’t know it’s his. Fine. It is a drama, after all. While on maternity leave, Joan worries about her role at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and returns, infant and carriage in tow, to urinate around her desk and mark her territory. Seems reasonable. Joan arrives and bumbles in the lobby trying to maneuver the carriage and the heavy glass doors. A clueless secretary sits while Joan flounders. After Joan struggles through the glass doors (symbolism!) the secretary fails to recognize her and prattles on about the two people who have assumed her position. Feathers ruffle. Joan meets with the CFO, cries. Misconceptions are cleared up and everyone is (mostly) happy.
I don’t know why this entire scene annoyed me, but it did. Perhaps it’s because, once again, the strong, independent career woman is almost brought to her knees by a 7 pound infant. Just once I would like to see a career woman-turned-new mother portrayed as harried, not hapless. If she can manage the books for a Madison Avenue ad agency, she can probably manage a stroller and a set of glass doors.
What The? No. 3. (The Big One)
Don Draper turns 40 and new wife, Megan, decides to throw him a surprise party even though everyone tells her it’s a bad idea given Don’s distaste for birthday celebrations of any kind. She decides that’s because he hasn’t attended one of her parties, the kind where everyone leaves and “wants to have sex.” Already, this sounds like an idea destined for success.
She dresses for the party wearing a short, sexy shift�� la Mrs. Robinson. There is loud music and requisite carousing. Near the end, Megan gives Don his birthday present, a risque song and dance in French. Part of her dance routine includes one very brief movement suggesting self gratification. Her character performed a masturbatory motion at an office party in 1965. Brilliant! Because that worked so well for Madonna in 1990. (You can see the clip here.) So, of course, everyone is all:
I share this to set up the What The? that happens next.
The party ends and Don grouses about how he didn’t want it, he doesn’t care about birthdays, she wasted money, etc. Megan is hurt. The next day at work she claims illness and leaves early without telling Don. He finds out and immediately goes home to find her in a robe cleaning the apartment.
He’s all: What the?
She’s all: I don’t feel well! I came home to clean because the apartment is a mess!
He’s all: What happened to the maid?
She’s all: I sent her home.
Then she strips down to her black lace bra and underwear and starts to pick up the apartment.
?
He’s all: What the?
She’s all: I’m cleaning in my bra and underwear because I don’t want to get sweaty!
??
Then she drops to her knees, points her rear in the air in his direction, and starts scooping up party detritus.
???
So he comes at her like a rutting boar and she’s all: No, you don’t deserve this! You can only look at it!
????
He’s all: Yeah, right, Frenchie.
She’s all: No! (For, like, 0.25 seconds)
Then they have angry floor sex.
????????????????????????????
WHAT.
THE.
Sacr� bleu, people. I had no choice but to hang my head in embarrassment. That entire scene was straight out of a Harlequin Blaze novel–and I should know.
Shortly after that, the show ended. To be honest, I was so stunned by the scent of cheese that the rest of the episode is a bit fuzzy. I do remember her mentioning the need to replace the carpet. Then Don replied that white carpet is unrealistic because nothing can remain so pristine. Oh good, more symbolism.
Great television can be dramatic and edgy, and it can be campy. Rarely can you straddle the fence and be both. I can’t wait for next Sunday to see which side of the fence Mad Men chooses.
[photo credit, first image: Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC.]
[photo credit, remaining images: Michael Yarish/AMC]
My goodness, I agree 100%!
Honestly, the show Jumped the Shark for me after the second season. Everyone was acting so out-of-character, especially in season four, it was baffling. I’ll still watch, but only because I want to see what happens with some of the characters I initially cared about. I was never as enthralled with the show as everyone else seemed to be — I’ve always found it a bit weird — but I did enjoy the period aspect.
I’m still going to keep watching. Maybe the premiere episode was a fluke? I don’t mind a little camp, but that sex scene was so cheese!
First, I have to agree that I will still watch because I just…. can’t not watch it. Even with all the missteps, it’s still better than 90% of the current programs (and we have no DVR either!). I actually enjoyed it, but it left me with more questions than answers – and I also spent most of the time asking myself “why this, why that?” Joan: get your act together, and Peggy: for the love of Pete, “The Art of Supper” is the best you could do??? It was not a strong beginning, but I am choosing to consider it a starting point. Here’s to hoping Weiner doesn’t alienate us further.
And JULES, YOU MUST WATCH DOWNTON. I’m sorry for the caps, but it is WONDERFUL. Stream it, Netflix it, but you will not regret it.
I’ll keep watching, too. Obviously I think it’s good since it’s on the short list, so I don’t know why I’m complaining. Probably because I loved it so much that is pains me to see it teetering towards goofy!
I have to watch Downton. I’ve heard too much of it now to ignore it any longer!
Sadly, I win the prize for most pathetic watcher-of-television–Doc Martin and Castle . . . and I’m always a season behind because I catch them on PBS or Netflix. That said, BEST MAD MEN REVIEW EVER! I would give snippets of what I love most, but I’d just be rewriting your whole post . . .
I don’t know what Doc Martin or Castle is, but it can’t be worse than Vampire Diaries. :)
LOVE Castle…awesome camp factor…
I watch Castle as well! You’re not alone, Amy & Kate. :) And I agree; it’s totally campy, but I think part of the reason I enjoy it is that all of the actors seem like they’re in on the joke. We have DVR, so I probably watch more TV than I would without it, but my “must watch” shows are The Good Wife, Castle, Downton Abbey, and Modern Family – the dramatic, the campy, the past, and the present.
I’m with you in that we don’t have a DVR and have to carefully pick & choose how to spend our time with the T.V. I don’t do Mad Men because I never got in to the show, so I’m kind of glad that I skipped it all together. My must watch shows are The Walking Dead (just had their season finale), Supernatural & Big Brother. Very strange trio, but it’s what I’ll sit in front of the boob tube for an hour for.
Isn’t it strange what we choose to watch? I mean, Vampire Diaries? I’m not even their demographic! It’s a show for kids, for Pete’s sake.
I’m assuming Walking Dead is one of those zombie shows that are popular right now? I keep toying with the idea of watching one. People seem to love them, and a lot of my friends watch them!
As someone who hasn’t watched the premier yet, THANK YOU! This is just enough to satiate my desire to know what goes on, but you left me still mildly interested in watching. I have to assume I am going to agree with you once I see it!
Let me know what you think! Some parts were a real let down.
I felt pretty much the same way about a lot of it. Also – did you find the commercial breaks really awkward? Like when you watch a rerun that has been franchised to USA and the breaks are in different places from the original?
BUT I heard the writer on Terri Gross yesterday talking about some of the scenes, and it really changed the way felt about it. (That happens so often with Terri’s show – I have read books that I would never have read until I hear her interview the author, watched movies because of her…) Anyway, I would recommend listening to the podcast, if for no other reason than some very funny moments. But especially if you are going to keep watching MM.
Ack – two other things I meant to say. One – you shouldn’t have to hear an interview with the writer to appreciate a show! And second – I had never seen MM until last summer when I watched all 4 seasons in a week. Maybe because of that I always saw it as pretty campy (except the racist, anti-Semitic, anti-gay, and anti-women moments that make my stomach hurt) and so I have lower expectations.
I’m going to listen to that Terri Gross interview. I’m sure I’m missing a ton since I’m not a critical TV watcher. I pretty much stare at the glass tube and watch the pretty pictures.
You bring up a good point. I’ve watched it from the beginning, so the camp has always been in small doses.
I have never watched it, but will throw in a comment from my old boss, probably after season 2. He is a 65-ish former NY ad exec and he and his wife loved the show–said it was the best (most accurate) depiction of that time/industry he had ever seen. They nailed it. But, now it sounds campy and unrealistic. Not in touch with him, so have no clue if his opinion has changed. Always meant to get it at the library –maybe will attempt marathon viewing this summer. I love love love Modern Family! And am also into Smash–very well done, I think.
I believe it because I’ve heard the same thing regarding its authenticity. This premiere didn’t seem that way, but maybe I’m just super annoyed with that French Maid sex scene.
We don’t have a DVR, or cable, but moved to just Apple TV almost two years ago. We did it to save time and cash. I was tired of watching design shows and those ridiculous ‘pregnant for 50 years’ shows.
We moved overseas almost a year ago and we do get some free channels but rarely watch them. If the husband is out for the night I might check out some of the cool BBC docs but otherwise we read, I blog or we watch a few select shows that we purchase off iTunes.
Mad Men is one of those shows so I was really looking forward to the season opener double episode. Watched it last night and… I was let down. Must reign in my expectations.
Haven’t let myself watch Vampire Diaries. Don’t need another tv show to watch right now. :)
We have Apple Tv, too. Love it! I’m glad I’m not the only one who was let down. I know I don’t hold the popular opinion on this one. Most people loved it! I guess I was blind to the camp the last couple of years, or maybe I built up MM in my head after waiting 18 months (!!) for the next season to start.
Jules, I wasn’t “let down” per se, but found it similar to their other, previous season premieres. I think it’s a slow build into the heart of the season. I wasn’t that annoyed with the sex scene. I thought it showed Megan knows Don pretty well by now, and he likes it a little rough. Remember his affair with Bobbi, the wife of the comedian? I think she was angry and just egging him on. She was hurt that he didn’t love the party, and so she got to flaunt her young, cute ass in his face and call him old. (My friend and I, both over 40, giggled at the scene where Peggy and Megan both seemed so appalled by Don turning 40!) Anyway, bottom line I’m just happy it’s back, and looking forward to seeing what’s up Betty next week.
Oh, I think the scene where the guy gets his foot cut off in the office is in Season 3… It was funny and horrific at the same time.
My husband and I laughed when Peggy and Megan freaked out over Don’s age!
I still say that sex scene was goofy. Just the way she took off her robe made us laugh! That could not have been the goal, right?
I totally thought is was Downtown Abbey too.
Your ” she was all, he was all” totally reminded me of my mother. She used to complain that I would say, so and so was “all” and she thought it was the strangest way to phrase something. And then I was all, whatever mom.
I’ve never watched Mad Men, but you’re description is kinda making me happy about that.
That scene was so juvenile that I thought I would report it in a similar manner. :)
Doesn’t sound like I’ve been missing much by not watching MM. Thanks Jules for reminding me that my Sun. evenings continue to be better spent reading. :)
It was such a fantastic show! The set and costume design alone made it worth watching. I’m too far invested to give up on it now. I’m hoping it’s like what Kelly says, and it picks up.
Okay, first of all, I’m glad to hear that you like Apple TV- we are looking into it for my parents. But I have to admit- the DVR CHANGED MY LIFE. I love ours.
Secondly- Roger TOTALLY KNOWS Joan’s baby is his.
We all remember their PASSIONATE MOMENT in the street after they were mugged, at the end of last season.
When Joan told Roger that she was “in a family way”, she told him point blank “Greg has been gone for 8 weeks, it can’t be his”. Roger knew the baby was his- he stammers at her “You mean it’s mine?”.
Then Joan said she was going to “get it taken care of”, and changed her mind, but told Roger that it was “dealt with”. Then there was that whole scene with Joan on the phone to her husband, and she says “Yes, they’re bigger!” and that’s when everyone knew- HOLY COW, JOAN’S GONNA BE A MOMMA!!
Anyway, Roger may be a drunk, but he’s not stupid. If Joan told him that Greg had been gone too long for the baby to be his, and then suddenly starts visibly gestating, and ends up with a baby 9 months later, Roger understands who the father is. He just can’t say anything- he’s married for the second time to Don’s ex-secretary (between Peggy, Jane and Megan, Don’s secretaries seem to do pretty well for themselves, don’t they?) and Joan is married to Greg. End of story.
Also, I don’t have a freakishly good memory, I rewatched the last episode of Season 4 before I watched the first episode of Season 5.
Yes, I remember all that. As crazy as it sounds, I’ve always rooted for Joan and Roger. I know Roger knows the baby is his (that’s why he stared at it a little longer than an uninterested boss should have), but I think he’s clinging to the thought that she “took care of it” and that somehow Greg’s sperm shot across the sky, over an ocean, and straight into Joan’s uterus.
I don’t watch Mad Men but I am thrilled to see Vampire Diaries makes your short list for TV watching. It’s my guilty pleasure show. I can’t get enough of Damon. :)
Hah! I was talking about Vampire Diaries over the weekend at Helena’s girl night party and someone asked me if I was Team Stefan or Team Damon. Please. Damon! Stefan can take his emo angst to moan to someone who cares. ;)
Okay so I get what you are saying, but Mad Men has always had a bit of camp (yes, the scene where the guy gets his leg chopped off by a lawn mower being a good example). I saw the Sally scene as the showing pointing out Sally’s sexual curiosity (because she did NOT forget where the bathroom was – come ON!!) and Don being oblivious to a naked rump is…well, Don. As for the crazy angry floor sex scene – I just thought it was showing us how Megan keeps “Don” in check. And Roger DEFINITELY knows the baby was his. In fact, I THINK he said (I’d have to rewatch to be sure) “How’s my baby? And how are you?” all playful which Joan got but the other secretary missed. Just my thoughts…
Oh, I missed Roger saying that! Yes, Sally is sexually curious as her night at the slumber party proved. Hah!
p.s. I shouldn’t have written that Roger doesn’t know the baby is his (it’s impossible for him to say he doesn’t) but the AMC descriptions/promo have it as such and for some reason, I’m insane enough to feel weird about deviating from that. I guess we’ll see how they explain that he really doesn’t think it’s his. Remember, over a year has passed so we don’t know what has really gone on. Clearly Don and Megan got married, they bought an apartment, Joan had a baby, etc.
Oh, and am I the only one who loves…Stan? I think that’s his name. The piggish artist that has a secret thing for Peggy. They did the strip tease once.
The writer says that about 7 months has passed in MM time, I think.
Yes, that’s right. It’s been over a year since the last season. I’m confused, clearly.
Ha! That sex scene was the MOST awkward thing. I felt uncomfortable being in the same room as the TV (and I’m not prudish at all normally – there was just something really bizarre about it).
I mean, I’ll still watch it because I’ve been watching it. And I do love the clothes/period piece nature of it and I find it interesting. But I can completely understand why someone flipping channels and stumbling upon it would be bewildered as to why we all talk about it so reverently.
Need to hear that Terri Gross interview mentioned earlier! I’m hit or miss with her show because it comes on at 7 pm, but I wish I could hear all of them.
I’m pretty sure you can hear them after the fact – or download podcasts (not that I’ve ever DONE that or know exactly what it means!).
Yes, that’s the word I was looking for: awkward. I’m not prudish at all, either, but that whole scene had me laughing/cringing/bug-eyed!
Okay, so I’m STILL thinking about why this scene was so uncomfortable (yes, I’m totally dorky and I also happen to be going through a bout of insomnia, so there is lots of time for thinking).
I did listen to that interview on Fresh Air and the creator mentioned that he saw that scene as an intimate peek into their relationship. And then I started wondering if what made me so uncomfortable was not the sex itself but the intimacy that went along with it – that this is somehow much more intimate because it’s not the standard TV fare and it was sort of awkward.
Of course, it could still just be the maid fantasy thing that was weird. All of this made much more sense in my head around 2 am.
They talk about that scene? Okay, I need to go listen to that podcast. Maybe we are uncomfortable because we would never address a confrontation the way she did. I found it so passive and manipulative.
I tried to watch the first season of “Mad Men” and had to stop because it irritated me with all of its “we’re smoking in the office A LOT because it’s the 1960s, winkwink” and “everyone is sexist because it’s the 1960s, winkwink” and “women are weak because it’s the 1960s, winkwink.” I’m all for movies and TV that are true to their time periods, but I think “Mad Men” has always been a little too pleased with itself and extraordinarily unsubtle about its 1960s pop-culture references.
Now that you mention it, there is a whole bunch of wink-winking going on. I remember the first season had the car accident (no seat belts) and the kids playing with the dry cleaning bags while the moms sat around and drank/smoked.
wow – i can’t believe you wrote all that!! we don’t get AMC – we only get basic networks and fox with our rabbit ears. we had watched all the other seasons of MM on DVD. there have been numerous times things were too much or over the top for me … but i kept right on watching. the opener sounds wierd and awkward (just like it is – all of it…) i’ll watch it on DVD someday!
I know, I went a little crazy. I won’t write so much next time. I keep right on watching it, too! I’ll be there, front and center, next Sunday.
This is perfect. My co-worker (we’re lawyers) described it for me:
Joanie wants back from maternity leave, underappreciated rainmaker wants a bigger office, a supervisor fails to support an underling’s idea in a client meeting and folks drink too much at an office party and say things they wish they hadn’t. This differs from private practice how? I can’t believe I waited 18 months to watch THAT.
I can’t decide whether to tune in next week or not. I’m THAT mad.
Nice and concise! :) Oh, I already know I’ll be there on Sunday. We’ll see if it gets better. Did anyone else notice they were hiding Betty? Even in the promos, you see Henry talking to her, but you don’t see Betty. I wonder what’s up?
I seem to know more about this than I should! January Jones had a baby last fall right when they were filming so they chose to keep her out of the beginning episodes. (The gossipy part is she wasn’t telling who the father is.)
You need to watch Downton and you should watch Parenthood. And look up Life (Damien Lewis) on Netflix. It is awesome.
Lovely post Jules. I really love Vampire Diaries. Downtown Abbey is indeed a must-watch series. Very interesting plot.
I have some catching up to do on your blog, so I’m just reading this now. After watching last night’s show I’m still trying to figure out what it’s about now…but I can’t stop watching! I also enjoy Vampire Diaries (although not as much this season, but still, doesn’t keep me from watching.) And I’m 36 (not 16). Once again you’ve made me feel less alone in this world :)