I feel like I can’t top Lent from last year. For one, I didn’t kiss anyone’s husband on the church steps. As for penance, I’m coming up dry there, as well. I’m not giving up blogs this year; as someone without a computer during the day or a cellphone with internet coverage, I’m not worried about screen time. I haven’t given anything up, so far. A week ago I gave up refined flour and sugar, and that’s still going strong. This year I may focus on the three pillars of Lent and not be such a cafeteria Catholic.
The beginning of Lent usually leaves me inspired and optimistic, eager to change the many things about myself that drive me nuts. I don’t feel that way today. I feel content. I still have room to grow, and will always struggle with facets of my personality I would like to crush like a bug under my heel, but today the journey towards maturation feels more ongoing and less like spring cleaning. And, really, this is how it should be. The purpose of Lent isn’t to improve yourself for 40 days. It’s to begin or continue lifelong changes in your spirit and conduct. This realization makes me feel good, like I’m finally heading in the right direction. At this rate, I may be acting like an adult by the time I turn 40.
But, since I have two more years before I reach adulthood, I will say that just once I would like to receive ashes on my forehead that resemble a cross. Mine always look like a Rorschach blot, like the priest or deacon looked into my soul and decided of all the shapes in the world, smudge represents me best.
Speaking of proper representation, a couple of you wondered about my bags and wrinkles, the ones I fastidiously edited out in the last picture I posted. Well, here they are, my penance for Ash Wednesday. Of course, I’m still a sinner. I made sure to pick a picture where the light from the windows blurred them out, just a touch. And that act of vanity is why, I suppose, priests and deacons always give me ashes that look like a smudges.
I can’t see anything! You look wonderful, Jules…Honestly!
Wow, I am so much on the same wavelength. I feel like I’ve really grown so much in the last year through serious concentrated effort and I am on the right path, I might actually become a decent human being eventually! And I have never seen ashes on someone’s head that actually resemble a cross. They always look like a smudge to me.
Oh, Jules … as always, I love it.
And might I just say, those smudges throw us non-Catholics off. Every year I have to catch myself from going up to someone and saying, “Oh hon, you’ve got a little something right here … ” Sigh.
I do love Lent though. But I’ve noticed that so often I give up things that will benefit me, physically–when, as you said, the intent is to benefit our spiritual lives. That’s why I lean more toward things like “Seek God for the City.” It allows me to give up a bit of myself, to pray for others. I’m sure God welcomes the change. ;)
That has been my Lent philosophy my entire life! I’m trying to change, slowly but surely.
My kids were similarly frustrated. “Why doesn’t it look like a cross? I thought it was supposed to be a CROSS. Mine just looks like a thumbprint!” I confess, I envisioned getting them t-shirts proclaiming, “I sat through Ash Wednesday mass and all I got was this lousy thumbprint!”
I’m not Catholic, so I’ve never yearned for the Ash Cross. I can tell you that there is absolutely no difference between this picture and the *supposedly* edited one.
You look great!
Brandi
Catholics aren’t the only whackos to rub ashes on their foreheads. From what I understand (I could be flat wrong) all liturgically based faiths do it. Episcopalians, Lutherans, etc. All that to say, dude. Big difference between the two pictures. Just wait, one day I will be social and leave my home. You all will walk right past me in public and think, “Cute old woman. Must be on the way to the pharmacy to pick up her coumadin.”
Hardly. :p I agree with Brandi. You are gorgeous and NOT old woman faced.
Ha! Jules, you response made me laugh out loud!!
By the way, I CANNOT believe its been a year since you wrote the post on kissing someone else’s husband! Tell me it hasnt been a year! oh well, this old woman will go reflect on her life now… thanks for a year of incredible writing and wonderful stories!
I know! I can’t believe it’s been a year, either. Time flies whether you are having fun kissing someone else, or not.
Jules, you are beautiful, and you don’t need soft lighting or photoshop (or random validation from strangers, although its nice) for that to be true. You inspire me every single day, and I know I am not the only one.
(Amy – I do the exact same thing! Glad I’m not the only one…)
Thanks, Dorothy. :)
beautiful, funny, genuine post… again! i’m giving up sugar for lent, so i’d love to hear your tips on that (since it sounds like you may have some expertise in that area). thanks, as always for sharing a little bit of your life with all of us!
Sometimes I wish that I was Catholic and could have the ritualistic bits. Unfortunately I don’t believe in the doctrine, but I love the ritual of it. It’s so beautiful.
I know what you mean. Every time I consider leaving (and I have tried) I miss the rituals and liturgy too much.