The last time The Mister left town, chaos ensued. Andrea suggested a karma cleanse. I laughed.
The Mister left shortly after New Year for another trip. The day he left, Nicholas, who has had two bathroom accidents his entire short life, released his bowels upon our home and car with the fury of a cyclone. Mikey, upon surveying the damage in the bathroom, noted, “Mom, I think he thought had to fart. That’s not a fart.”
You think?!
In keeping with the theme of “Mister leaves and things go to pot,” my computer started to officially circle the drain the same day Nicholas missed the drain. I would like to schedule that karma cleanse, please.
The problem with my computer has been going on for about a year, but to make a long story short, I took several hours of my life last night to move all my music and movie files to a separate hard drive. I’ll be doing the same thing with my pictures from 2010, as prior years are already stored on a separate drive and on disks. Until I have the courage to delete all my music and movie files on my computer hard drive (I’m so scared I didn’t transfer the files right!), I’m going to hold off uploading any pictures. Even better, I’m going to hold off placing my camera in the same room as my computer, because I think the former is giving the latter PTSD.
I also have PTSD, but not because my computer turned into Hal 9000, although that is certainly something to worry about. I’m still cowering in the corner sobbing gently into cupped hands thanks to my visit to the Genius Bar because, I think we all can agree, having someone who barely reaches the legal age of drinking rifle around your hard drive is as uncomfortable as a visit to your gynecologist. The gynecologist at least uses gloves. Some even wear lab coats, which helps set an appropriate level of expectation. My guy at the Genius Bar wore a royal blue t-shirt and had finger nails bitten down to the quick. His cuticles were a mess. (Still a cute looking fellow, though.)
Foolish me, I walked in feeling rather confident.� I cleaned off my desktop days prior, so rather than the usual Jackson Pollock splatter of downloads, everything looked nice and tidy against a back drop of one of my favorite pictures of the boys. So when he warned me this might be cold “I’m going to turn on your computer now,” I smiled smugly and said, “Of course.”
Then he saw my desktop, so clean and lovely, and commented on the picture of the boys, going as far to say that they were, “good looking kids.” I smiled wider and decided his fingernails weren’t that bad.
It took a while for the computer to boot up and it was wheezing along nicely, something that put me in a deliriously happy mood. Usually when I bring in my computer, whatever problem I’ve had magically disappears, leaving me to look like a frazzled stay-at-home mom hopped up on Starbucks and incapable of waiting more than two seconds for her Gymboree order to process. (Friends and Family! Gym Bucks! Must. Buy. More. Headbands.) I was two seconds away from a touch down dance when he mentioned something about checking my files for size.
Dude, I can tell you right now anything size related on my watch is going to be big.
We checked my available disk space. 10 GB.
He stared at me in horror. I stared back blankly. What, is that not good?
No, Ma’am, that’s not good.
See, I remember buying a computer with a 750 Mhz hard drive. I road that thing like a super highway. The way I see it, at 10 GB the party is just getting started. It turns out that at 10 GB, the party is not getting started. The party is winding down, and the only ones still there have nowhere else to go, like old married people.
We decided to see what was taking up so much room. I directed him to my pictures, and we saw that they take up almost 30 GB. Not as bad as it used to be, but getting there. Still not the culprit, however.
Then he looked at my music and movies. We had a winner at 73 GB of space. We use Apple TV, and all those movies and TV shows we bought were starting to take a toll. That’s a problem easily solved, he assured me, by transferring everything over to a separate hard drive and redirecting itunes. I don’t know. Something like that. He told me he would show me how to do it, step by step. Then he opened my music and movies file.
Que the sound of a medical glove snapping.
Music and movies, those are personal things. You can learn a lot about a person just by observing their taste in both, especially when neither is good. It went exactly as I anticipated.
His main purpose was to show how, when in the new hard drive, to make sure everything transferred properly. You couldn’t just see the file and assume it works. You have to go into the actual folder and make sure the mp3 was still there. And so he opened up my music and looked for a file to use as an example.
And of course he skipped over all the ones that might make me look remotely current in the eyes of a 21 year-old boy with a scruffy beard and ironic glasses.
Cee Lo Green? See you later.
Band of Horses? Trotted right past that one.
Frightened Rabbit? Trix are for kids.
No, Mr. Subversive had to pause briefly at Beyonc�, smirk, and zero in on Islands in the Stream by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers because, as he put it, “You wouldn’t want to lose that.”
Oh, I don’t know. I’ve already lost my dignity, why not my penchant for 1980s country music?
The first two thoughts I had upon reading this were “you are so good” and “you have to stop giving this stuff away”.
Trying to think of the most embarrassing songs on my computer – guess it would just be the sheer quantity of Beatles music.
Wow! What a compliment. Thank you, really.
I am laughing so hard right now. My appointment at the Genius Bar (both of them, actually) went much the same and I actually told the guy it was like waiting in the ER for a loved one’s diagnosis. He laughed and said, “Yeah, a lot of people say that. That’s why our external hard drive machines that we use here are called ‘Triages.'” Gulp. Mine was also scruffy, male, and cute.
I would be rolling on the floor laughing right now, but I am at work and have dirty tile floor beneath me. I am dealing with PMS today and your post just subdued my uncontrollable anger. Listening to Disturbed, during my 45 minute commute, couldn’t even help with that. Is it bad that I found your poor little boy sharting all over the place hysterical? Bless his heart! I mean that in the good southern way, not the bad. This was better than the scheduled gynecologist appointment that I was supposed to go to today.
I forgot they are called sharts! Now I will have that burned in my brain. I almost didn’t post that part of the story since years from now it will be embarrassing for him, but I’m going to emphasize that at the time it happened, he really was only a little guy of three years. It’s not like he’s 12, or even 6!
Oh man, I’m right there in the same boat with you. My computer has to have mouth to mouth every time I turn it on. I bought an external hard drive and transfered my bazillion pictures, but I’m so scared they aren’t on there that I refuse to delete them off my computer.
And just so you know, I too have Islands in the Stream on my computer also and it’s on my work out playlist. Hold your head high with pride!
hysterical. you’ve got me rolling over here.
{in other news, i’m 24 with “islands in the stream” on my on iPod. it came on shuffle the other day, and my husband only recognized it from an episode of “the office.” what is the world coming to?}
Thanks for the laugh. I’ve needed to take my Iphone to the Genius Bar for over a year. I now feel even more validated for my avoidance.
http://40daysof.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/conspiracy-theory-thursday/
�Mom, I think he thought had to fart. That�s not a fart.�
that made me laugh out loud and tears came out… and i’m at the office so i can’t really share this because it’s not “workplace appropriate”
i hope when i get home and share it with my husband it doesn’t turn into one of those “you had to be there” stories i always tell him
Oh, Dona Panqueques, you always know how to make us laugh!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dolly and Kenny are a classic combo and a music staple.
Also, I love Mikey’s frankness concerning Nicholas’s shart incident.
“You wouldn’t want to lose that.”
LOL!
I will be right over to help you with that karma cleanse with patchoullie incense in hand and we can dance around a fire and howl at the moon.
p.s. Islands In the Stream is my mom and dad’s song and every time we go to a wedding they request it and dance…so for that reason, and that reason alone, it sort of gives me the heeby geebies. but other than that it’s a good song.
Did you know you can store a lot of stuff online instead of on hard drives? That way if the house ever burns down you won’t lose important things like writing and photos.
And don’t feel bad about “Islands in the Stream.” Circa 1983 I could be found in my cousins’ wood-paneled den on a Saturday night, spinning that baby on the record player and wailing it into a round pink hair brush. Probably as an encore to “Swingin'” or “Stranger in My House.” Talk about cheesy ’80s country music!
I do, but aren’t you afraid that something will happen to the company? I looked into it, but then I started worrying that all my files would one day disappear and I’d be up the same creak. I feel like I need to have multiple back up plans!
I must confess, I haven’t tried it. I prefer to use the “It won’t happen to me” method of backing up, which is none at all. It’s probably not any more reliable with computers than it is with birth control, though :)
We�and our equally important collection of late ’70s/early ’80s music (I have very vivid memories of serenading the family to “Here I Go Again,” which I still maintain is a fantastic song)�use an external hard drive and Time Machine, with another layer of protection through a company called Carbonite.
My feeling is that all secondary back-up systems could go wrong, whether you’re putting things in a fire safe or storing them online, but if they did, there would be much bigger issues to deal with.
Aaah, the infamous shart. Do you think it’s bad that I have boy humor? Seriously. I was watching Along Came Polly on a blind date … when I was assailed with a laughing fit due to the “shart” bit. The scene was long gone and I was still smirking. Sigh.
And who doesn’t love Islands in the Stream? Please.
Since you have an external hard drive start [today!!] backing up your hard drive using time machine. It’s great that you’re moving important things to the external, but backing up your Mac is a must. And easy. Googling will tell you how. Or take the drive and the compute and Mr. Genius can show you.
If/When your hard drive crashes, you will be so happy you started doing this.
P.S. I back up once every week or week and a half.
LOL about comparing the computer repairman to a gynecologist. !!!! Too funny….As for your musical choices!? LOOOOve it (do you watch Dragon Tales??? Think Wheezy with that “Loooooove”)Anyway I love that song.
You have so much excitement in your life….stuff to blog about.
Ha, that is funny about the poop story.
I just happened upon your blog and so glad I found it! I will keep coming back for sure. :)
I know the feeling of loss. I lost only one Mac in my life so far, but was able to save the hard drive. Yesterday I came home to an opened back door, meaning the door to my home was ajar. My heart sank. My camera not in it’s place, my apple notebook, where was it??? Where did I leave it?
Luckily my camera was in my “new” hiding spot (in a basket of hats, gloves and scarves) and my computer was happily asleep, safe, warm and secure in the blankets of my unmade bed. The door you ask? I think the throw rug prevented it from slamming shut as I raced out of the house yesterday! No one had broken into my house and all my treasures were safe and secure, including the cats (unfortunately).
Good luck…….
andrea
If that Genius Bar guy was judging your musical tastes, screw him. One of my BFFs works at the Apple Store and, although she may have very impressive musical tastes, doesn’t seem to behave as though it’s the Cool Kids’ job to work there. And she’s 32. I mean, all things being equal, when did being a mom become ‘oh so lame’ compared to working at a computer store? What does that say about American society?
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