My friend Tiffany has very curly hair that used to be blonde but is now a chestnut brown. Almost everyone agrees, including Tiffany’s husband, that straight hair suits her better. This opinion doesn’t bother Tiffany because she agrees with the consensus. The only insult is that her hair used to be straight, perhaps no more than wavy, until a fickle season of puberty hit, causing her hair to never again lie on a flat plane. She took the ringlets in stride, if not with pride, but it wasn’t until she compared two recent pictures of herself (curly and straight) that she noticed the power of a coif done right.
“You can dress like a million bucks, but if your hair looks like crap, there isn’t much that can save you,” Tiffany said, and not just to buffer our case against doing the 30-Day Shred before our high school reunion in two months.
“I realized,” she continued, “that I’ve spent the last 20 years looking really, really bad.”
All this to say I will never live in Pensacola, Florida. Never in my life has my hair looked as fugly. I live near the desert. I have never experienced more than 0.25% humidity at a special occasion or social event. Humidity during a beach vacation where my biggest fashion decision was which color scrunchi to wear? Yes. Humidity during a family reunion-slash-once in a lifetime wedding? No.
I mean, sure. If you’re into azure skies, white beaches and warm water from the gulf of Mexico, you might like Pensacola.
Like to play in the sand, eat s’mores on the beach, and feed seagulls? Go to Pensacola.
In Pensacola you can dress up, act silly, and wear yellow shoes that look like 1950s bedroom slippers (but are totally you) without anyone batting an eye.
You can visit family you haven’t seen in years and watch a beautiful bride get married in an equally beautiful church in, you guessed it, Pensacola, Florida.
Kiddie mosh pit? Pensacola.
Naval museum? Pensacola.
So, yeah. You can do all that and more and have a great time, with great people, in a great city.
Just don’t expect to do it with great hair, is all I am saying.