Yesterday I went to get my teeth cleaned. Don’t worry, it gets better.
At my last teeth cleaning appointment six months ago, the hygienist did a standard H&P. She asked me if I had high blood pressure or diabetes. I said no. She looked at me and blinked; I looked back and scowled. I could tell that she was thinking that if I didn’t have high blood pressure or diabetes then, I would eventually.
Yesterday I showed up 45 pounds lighter.
She walked me back into the room and started the H&P. “So,” she asked, “any changes in your health?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I had lost weight, but it’s not like that would be reflected in the enamel of my bicuspids. I decided to keep it simple. “Nope. Nothing’s changed.” Still no hypertension or diabetes, contrary to your predictions, gypsy woman!
“Nothing, huh?” She looked at me and blinked.
“No, everything’s the same.” Blink.
“Nothing except you getting skinny, huh?”
“Oh. Oh! Well. Yes. Can you tell? I have lost a little weight…” Did I call you a gypsy woman? You’re no gypsy woman, you’re my new best friend! Let’s go watch The Notebook and braid each others hair!
And that, everyone, is the first person who doesn’t know I am dieting to comment on my weight loss. Everyone else who has commented on my weight knows I am monitoring my food intake like a stay at home mom trolling YouTube for new New Moon trailers. My friends and family comment frequently, especially my sister-in-law, Stephanie, who knows I need the motivation and can spot fluctuations in weight within 1/32 of an ounce. I appreciate every single comment, but it’s not the same as when it comes from someone on the outside.
I had such a ridiculously large grin plastered all over my face that I had to pick imaginary lint off my jeans to hide my face. And then, then!, when she wheeled over to me to push that little foot pedal thing to lower my chair, THEN I slammed my legs together and raised my knees every-so-slightly to make my thighs look thinner. Yeah, I totally did that and I am almost not completely mortified by my juvenile behavior because, ladies, she noticed I lost weight before I resorted to trickery. And I have, dammit.