Last year I read two books that significantly changed the way we managed the boys’ schoolwork. The Board is a result of reading those books, and while I never planned to post this project here, it made such a difference in our lives that it’s worth sharing.
It’s best to begin at the beginning, which in this case was 2016. I was at my wit’s end regarding the boys’ lackluster executive skills, which is a diplomatic way to say they were disorganized, messy, and continually forgetting their homework and obligations. They always did their homework, but they didn’t always turn in their homework. Sometimes it was on the table; sometimes, it was in their backpacks. Sometimes they forgot their music instruments. Sometimes they forgot their altar serving assignments. Sometimes, sometimes I felt like I was always yelling.
The first book I read was Smart But Scattered. This book was great in helping me identify their strengths and weaknesses and reminded me of the obvious–we don’t all share the same gifts and what comes naturally to one (mom and dad) may seem daunting for another (Mikey and Nico). It also disabused me of the notion that once they hit middle school, they magically mature into multi-tasking wizards.
Once children reach middle school, the demands on executive skills increase dramatically–and, we would argue, in many cases unrealistically. […] That means more support, rather than less, is critical. Think about how children learn to ride a bike. At the point where the training wheels are removed, they need more guidance, encouragement, and support from parents than they did when they were riding around with training wheels. The onset of adolescence, and the brain growth that accompanies this stage, requires the same thing.
The second book I read was even more amazing and focused on boys: That Crumpled Paper was due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life. This book inspired The Board and changed our lives forever. The Board is the tool that helped me guide the boys while still allowing them to build and develop their executive skills.
Warning: The Board is not for everyone.
Based on their “dis-organizational” style, I determined that Mikey and Nico function best with clear, visual reminders displayed in a prominent location. They also needed set areas for frequently accessed paperwork/longterm assignment instructions, a bin to place items for us to sign or review, and several calendars. I bought a 5’x3′ bulletin board and turned my dining room into a War Room.
This picture is of The Board after the end of a very successful year. Nico’s artwork has usurped the bottom row, but I’ll walk through what it looks like usually.
I took the boys to a school supply store and had them pick out nameplates for me to use as headers. Nico chose a Woodlands Animal theme. I used the nameplates to create the following sections, which you can see starting from the top left moving in a clockwise formation.
- Altar Serving (their quarterly assignment calendar)
- Extra-Curricular Activities (karate, game schedules)
- Every Day (not seen as well in this picture because it’s blocked by a golf camp flyer, but there’s another picture below)
- Amazing/So Proud (where they pinned whatever work they were proud of)
- Long Term Assignments (where they pinned instructions for longterm assignments, MLA format guides, or anything they needed to refer to more than once)
- Misc/Special Events (here is where they pin school flyers, coupons, party invitations, etc.)
- Mikey’s Schedule (Mikey posted his weekly homework schedule here, though by the 2nd trimester he didn’t need to anymore)
- Mom/Dad Sign or Review (filed trips forms, permission slips, etc.)
- Nico’s Schedule (Nico pinned his spelling words/homework contract here)
Here is a closeup of the everyday schedule (blurry, sorry, wasn’t expecting to share this online). This is a quick list the boys checked before heading out the door. Nico chose the fonts and colors with Mikey’s approval. Both books made it clear that the children have to be a part of the process, or it won’t work. I came up with the idea for The Board because Mikey did well with a tiny bulletin board he had above his desk, and Nico kept trying to put his stuff on it, too. They said they wished their whole life could be on a bulletin board. Wish granted.
Close up of the Amazing/So Proud section.
Here is The Board with everything down for the summer. The only calendars left are altar serving and karate, which are year-round. I know it looks like a cluttered mess above, but during the year it was pretty tidy and, more importantly, it worked so well for us! Because Nico’s homework contract was right there while we ate, we ended up doing spelling bees during dinner, or helped him memorize the Preamble to the Constitution, or talked to Mikey about the school dance coming up, or discussed our plans for the weekend based on the calendars. The War Room made dinner peaceful.
Many of my friends told me straight up that they would never, ever do this to their dining room. That’s fine! I agree it’s not for everyone. Most people use their phones to do what I did, but that didn’t work for us. A friend of mine adopted the idea for her son and bought a large bulletin board to place above his desk. Another friend relies heavily on a planner. At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you or it won’t work at all. Three cheers for finding what works!
EDIT: I had a request for a picture of The Board when I first posted about it last year on FB (personal page, no link). Here is a cell phone picture I found from October 2017, shortly after our lives changed for the better.
Holy cow that’s amazing. I’m adding those books to my reading list right now. I’ve been wanting a board for my own life. I think I’ll add a dinner section and a small parent schedule as well. And pet responsibility too. There’s so much to manage.
SO MUCH TO MANAGE. Your suggestions are great and have me thinking. I hope a board works for your family as well as it did for us!
This is amazing. I’m super lucky to have a kiddo that basically devised something like this on her own for her middle school calendar (which offers block schedules and has three different schedules per week for her to keep track of) plus her extracurricular /sports and even? what days she needs to pack a lunch versus which days she can buy from cafeteria and reminders to double check for keys/backpack/lunch/phone as she walks out the door. Yes. Really. I have no idea how this happened but believe me when I say I do a hallelujah often not being the one that has to nag.
That’s so fantastic! There are a few girls in Mikey and Nico’s class that just seem to get it. The books both say that girls are intuitively better at multi-tasking. The boys eventually catch up, but it’s still an area where women excel. These are generalities, of course. I’m a woman and I don’t do so well with multi-tasking. I get overwhelmed and stressed out so I try to avoid it when possible.
I totally stress out whenever possible. I’m actually organized and effective usually, but still. So much to manage. I was thrilled when she got to this stage and is ‘getting it’ because I’m exhausted. If I had a kid that I had to put my thumb on every day? Eek !
Please link your original “board” post! xo
Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t clear! My original board post was on my personal FB page. It pretty much says what I said here, but with different pictures. I added to the end of this post a picture of the board in October of last year. :)
I’m so glad you shared “The Board” with us. This has given me a lot to think about. My library has both of these books available, so I’m going to read them and try to pull together a plan *before* school starts!
Great! This year I have tried to get ready for school long before school actually starts. Getting ready for school two weeks before it starts depresses me. I feel like it shortens summer.
My own copy of Smart But Scattered (versus the librariy’s copy) arrived today & need to find a good book about girls & attention/ executive function. My youngest and I are both very much like your boys and need the visual cues. (Pretty sure my major downfall in life is a paperless system – ) I love this and may need to implement something similar before Fall. Did you choose your dining room for any particular reason?
Yes, I did! We live in a small, older home. We have only one eating table (one table, period) and it’s in the center of the house. We do everything at this table and pass that wall multiple times per day, including to leave the house, so it seemed like the place where they would see a board most often and would therefore have the most success.
This is genius! I googled the books and have just bought “The smart but scattered guide to succes” for myself. :-)
Oh! Let me know how you like it. I was eyeballing it for myself. :)
A friend (mother of four boys) sent me a copy of Smart but Scattered to read over the summer, while she reads Crumpled Paper; then we get to compare notes. I have continually been perplexed by how my oldest (10) can just forget things that we JUST TALKED ABOUT as I was dropping her off at school. Permission slips. requests to join the school orchestra, notes to ride the bus home… It all ends up at the bottom of her book bag and she is as puzzled as I am when she finds it a month later. My second (8) can be counted on to turn those papers in AND remind me of the forms that still need signatures by X date. Third and fourth kids (6 and 3)- remains to be seen how they will manage this. It’s interesting- this other mother of four said something similar to you– that she needed to change her approach. It’s been more of a family attempt at wrangling papers/deadlines/etc. One of her boys works really well with his iPhone and calendar reminders. Another (her oldest; 15) uses his old paper agenda from middle school and that works extremely well. So interesting! It has dawned on me this past year that I need to actually be teaching my kids how to organize their time and possessions, not just getting frustrated when they don’t.
(Duh. Sigh.)
(Duh. Sigh) was me, too! I was so insistent that my way (planner/iphone) was the way to do it (because it worked for ME) that I was blind to the many other viable methods. It even got to the point that I thought Nico was forgetting things on purpose either out of spite or to get my attention. Sometimes I feel guilty think back to that year of battles, but all I can do is learn from my mistakes and just keep swimming.
“That Crumpled Paper….” is my experience with a son in the 7th grade in a book title.. We did see a little light at the end of the year, but I am adding this to my summer reading regardless. Here is to a crumple free 8th grade.
What a good post! Im nervous about middle school for Violet next year. Her 5th grade teacher commented that shes really good about having her work DONE but terrible about actually turning it in. (I cant tell you how many times shed turn things in late because she just left it in her backpack.)