A few months ago I decided Nico needed a constellation pillow on his bed. Not just needed, oh no, Nico suddenly and desperately needed a constellation pillow on his bed. I’m not sure what I thought would happen if I didn’t buy this yet unknown to me constellation pillow within those 24 hours, but I was the Jack Bauer of etsy. There were no bathroom breaks. There were no sissy moments of sleep. There was just relentless searching, and when I didn’t find what I wanted I didn’t retreat–I just searched in the opposite direction.
I bought the Constellation Pillow Cover in Orion by Holly Mueller Home. It was (and is) everything I wanted in a pillow cover: Simple, not babyish or cutesy, and generally awesome. Pictures don’t do the silver thread justice.
If you’re wondering why it sat in my kitchen for several months, check out my About page, you New Person, you!
Armed with my recently found gift card from Walmart, I headed off to buy a pillow insert. Naturally, none of the pillow inserts at Walmart fit. Too big, too small, all too reminiscent of a childhood fairy tale. Also, by the way, too ridiculously expensive for what is basically a bunch of batting wrapped in cheap cotton. (Mikey has bad allergies so no down inserts for us.) Since the pillow cover was a dark, heavy weight linen, I wasn’t discouraged. I decided to use a decorative toss pillow instead. No one would be the wiser.
As luck would have it, I found one on clearance for $2. It fit perfectly. One small problem.
Oh, it gets better.
In my defense, I did look up and down Walmart to see if anything else would work. To me, this isn’t a big deal. It’s campy and awesome and funny to have something so ridiculous hidden underneath something so simple and delicate. I knew Mikey–who share’s a room with Nico–would not be as amused, so I made sure to keep the pillow in the bag until I was ready to put it all together. (I was busy nagging Mikey to do a book report for days and couldn’t take my eyes off of Captain Procrastination for a second.)
Mikey had just finished his book report and without thinking I grabbed the Walmart bag to hold his origami dogs. He came around the corner to grab the bag and it was like his eyeballs were Boy Band seeking missiles. You know how in a movie there’s a huge party going on and something shocking happens and the record screeches to a halt?
The record screeched to a halt. Mikey stopped in mid-step like he was hit by Medusa’s stare.
“Mom. Mom, what? Mom! ONE DIRECTION?! I just…why? Mom. I hate this band! Explain yourself.”
I told him to calm down, it’s not like I was inviting the band to come live with him and share his beloved cinnamon cereal. I was merely using the pillow as an insert. No one would ever know he had a pink, glittery One Direction pillow in his room. (Until their moms read my blog.) It wasn’t until I told him the pillow would sit on Nico’s bed that he was willing to admit the pillow was funny. Funny, but not that funny.
“Mom, when I saw that pillow and you said it was going in my room, I felt like one of those cartoons that are sweating buckets and have crazy eyes because they are totally, really freaking out.”
I’m happy to report the trauma of the pink, glittery One Direction pillow did not stifle Mikey’s flair for the dramatic.
And I’m also happy to report that the pillow I had to have immediately is now on…the floor of Nico’s room where he tossed it before going to bed.
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