I arrived to church on Sunday wearing a dress with cap sleeves. It’s a simple black dress with tan polka dots, a faux wrap dress with a flattering cut. If only it had full sleeves. Sleeves to the elbows, preferably. Still, it’s a nice dress, a classic dress, a dress that hasn’t failed me in six years.
I sat down next to my friend Jen, like I always do. She wore a color block sleeveless dress with ruffles down the neck. The top was a shimmery apricot that looked amazing against her skin, and I told her so. She complimented me on my dress, too. Then we looked around at the congregation because, to be honest, we always check out what everyone else is wearing.
Shortly before mass started Jen ran a hand up her arm and looked at me. “I feel weird not wearing sleeves in church, but it’s too hot. I don’t care. Well, I care, but it’s too hot for a cardigan.”
I agreed. “I feel uncomfortable, too. These cap sleeves are killing me. I hate my arms, so I always try to wear long sleeves or cardigans. But you’re right–it’s too hot for a cardigan.”
Jen nodded her head in agreement. “I know what you mean. I never wear shorts.”
We sat their bemoaning arms and legs and stomachs that don’t lay flat for a bit until we decided that it all sounded incredibly stupid. Really, really stupid. We promised to reevaluate our unhealthy behavior, our negative self talk. Later, Jen texted me. “I’m on my way to Kohl’s, and I’m wearing shorts!” I laughed.
My arms, I will probably never love them. They are unusually large, and that’s the truth. But they work and they give good hugs and they get hot in long sleeves in the middle of summer.
The boys are in swim camp for the next couple of weeks, and of course I’m unprepared. I couldn’t find Nicholas’s swimsuit, forgot their towels, and had to stop at Target for sun screen.
While I was there I passed a cute dress with spaghetti straps. It’s a simple striped dress with a multitude of colors, a maxi dress with a flattering cut. If only it had full sleeves. Sleeves to the elbows, preferably. Still, it’s a nice dress, a comfortable dress, a dress I bought and wore at the pool without a cardigan in sight.
{I’m going to take the rest of the week off and spend time with family. No William Morris this week! Whether or not you celebrate the 4th of July, have a wonderful and safe rest of the week.}
Love it (you look gorgeous by the way)! And a most happy 4th of July celebration to you!
Thanks, Amy. :)
Fat arms unite! :-) If you cut mine in half they’d still look too big on my body.
Yup. That picture only shows a quarter of my arms.
Oh my gosh, you always look terrific. And yes, it is too hot to wear sleeves! Have a happy 4th!
I post pictures of myself online where I look terrific (arguable). Big difference. ;)
I so KNOW what you mean! That’s why my wedding dress had sleeves to my wrists and we got married in November! I could never wear a strapless dress, the arms the b&!*s, just everything. I do like my clavicles and wrists so there’s some positive self-talk. You look pretty by the pool, I need a couple cute summer dresses and some cute sunnies!
Married in January, long sleeves. Don’t even get me started with the boobs. If I still have mine after I reach my goal weight, I’m getting a reduction.
I hear ya, sister! It is unbelievably hot here in Florida, and the best I do is capris – that way it’s like I’m almost wearing shorts.
You look wonderful! Have a great week!
Shorts are next on my list!
You know what’s funny, Jules..I saw you post this photo on Instagram and the ONLY thing I thought was, “I LOVEEE that dress! (though I was going to ask if it was a suit!) Be proud of those arms, woman! No one but you is thinking that when they see you in a sleeveless top, I promise you! (at least, I certainly wasn’t!)
That’s what I’m hoping. Whenever I see someone with big arms wearing a tank top, my only thought is that I am impressed with their body image.
Giving good hugs is probably the most important things arms can do. When my grandma was dying, I got a hug from my cousin Theresa that kept me on my feet and allowed me to somehow get out the door, knowing I would never see my grandma again. Her body is soft all over, and I felt myself sinking into it, and I was so grateful for her warmth, for the heft of love embodied in her arms.
I have a bony chest and unremarkable arms–and I, too, dislike how I look in cap sleeves and spaghetti straps. It’s not about our arms. It’s about our heads. When mine starts hating on my body, I remind myself of Theresa’s hugs.
Well said, Rita. xoxo
I love this pic. You look so sassy and summery! And yeah, we all have parts of our bodies that we don’t wish to expose but damn, it’s been a hot summer and I have to wear shorts or I will melt into a puddle. I have a feeling everyone is thinking that these days and no one even notices what others are wearing. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself as I sport my shorts.
I was actually nervous taking the picture, but I’m glad it came across as sassy! I told myself the same thing yesterday. It was HOT.
You = HOTNESS!!! Love that dress, it’s gorgeous, as are you!
Thanks, Melissa!
One of the things that really struck me while in Spain a few sweltering summers ago is how the women — all of them, not just the little cool model-y ones — seemed so confident. They didn’t seem to give much thought to the bit of pudge on their arms, the slight plumpness to their middles, or that their was a lot of cleavage spilling out decorously from their top … and so I didn’t care either. I just thought they were gorgeous and I’ve kept that lesson with me: if the outfit is pretty (and fits well — I noticed that, too) and my attitude is confident, no one is going to second guess my arm/thigh pudge. I now wear shorts and sleeveless shirts and even though I have that little twinge when I leave the house, I’ve only been told, “Ugh, I wish I could wear shorts like you do!” So see? Wear ’em proud and you’ll look good.
Yes, yes, yes. The key is to have a well-fitting wardrobe. It makes all the difference in the world!
Oh, I can relate to this so much, Jules. Lisa-Jo Baker wrote this about her arms last week (http://lisajobaker.com/2012/06/post-pregnancy-body-image/) and it’s had me rethinking the issue again. Then, on Saturday night, I found myself at the drive-in, our whole little family squished in the open hatchback, legs dangling out, and as I leaned against my husband, and our daughters piled in and leaned against me, I actually counted my squishy belly a gift, my less then svelte arm a soft pillow for my four year old. Actual gratitude for my body, instead of loathing! Small victories, indeed. Rocking that maxi, dress, by the way. Super cute!
I’ve never seen this blog before, Annie! Thanks so much for the link. There are so many great blogs out there that I am missing. :)
I know, me too! I hope it wasn’t bad form to put a link in the comments! Loved what you had to say here, as always, Jules!
Not bad form at all. I love it when people do that. :)
Just wait. I am at the age where my upper arms keep waving long after I’ve finished saying good bye. In fact they remind me of my grandma’s arms. Yikes! But wait,
I loved my grandma. Maybe my grands will think of my jiggly arms one day and smile.
Here’s to summertime and bare arms!
Ah, now that’s a good attitude! Associate arms with love. Brilliant. :)
I am so proud of you! And you look amazing. ;)
I’ve only ready your blog for a short time but this post has prompted me to comment. Just last night I had a major meltdown after swimsuit shopping. Feeling horrible about my body and embarrassed. I too have had large arms all my life and lately gained some weight in my mid-section. Comforting to hear someone else has the same insecurities and you are not afraid to share it but you also decide to be confident in who you are. Thank you for the inspiration. And that dress is super cute on you!
Ugh. I have to go swimsuit shopping, too. Not looking forward to it at all!
Oh, I feel you. My upper arms are disproportionally large compared to the rest of my (admittedly not so thin) body. I would prefer sleeves and while I suck it up and wear spaghetti straps and halter tops here and there (I live in Louisiana, after all), I prefer to have them covered. I’m in a wedding this weekend and wearing a strapless dress. I have been stressing and obsessing about the way my arms are going to look in pictures ever since I was asked to be in the party. This post made me feel a little bit better about it.
My upper arms are disproportionally large compared to the rest of my (admittedly not so thin) body.
This is so me.
I would also really stress about wearing strapless in a wedding since there will be pictures. I’m going to a baby shower this weekend, and my dress is sleeveless. I’m (shamefully) nervous that people will take pictures of my arms. I mean, not OF my arms, but pictures where my arms will be clearly visible. Sigh. So much for not sounding ridiculous.
Good for you! I am a member of the ‘don’t wear shorts’ club. I think I’ll go to the store today and try on a few pairs. Maybe I can get over myself and just dress for the weather and not to hide my so-called flaws.
Good for you! Do it and report your findings. :) I wore shorts the other day (granted, they went to my knees!) and my husband said I looked fantastic and that he wanted to see me wear shorts more often. It felt good, even though I secretly thought he was suffering from a head injury.
This is why blogging is important, to empower ourselves and each other and create new messages to combat the photoshopped images and hate yourself hype. Gray hairs, soft arms and bellies are earned and loved. Also, you look gorgeous in that dress.
Don’t make me cry, Kathryn. My husband made me a drink tonight and I’m both a light-weight (only when it comes to alcohol) and a mushy drinker. ;)
I don’t know a single woman or man who doesn’t like some part of their body. For me, it’s always been my skinny legs. I wear jeans & slacks in the dead of summer. The one caveat to hiding whatever part we feel needs hiding, is that the one time we get the boost of confidence to wear whatever thing it is we’ve never worn, everyone will make such a fuss about that part showing. For me, that extra attention is enough to not want to do it again, LOL. This last year has been my year to work on body issues though – so I’ve been wearing shorts and capris a little more often and trying to soak up the attention instead of rejecting it. My Fall/Spring challenge was to wear button-up shirts without the tshirt underneath. It’s a work in progress but so liberating once that point is reached where I don’t think about what others *might* be thinking about me!
Good for you, Shaina! I’ll bet your sweetie has no problem with your skinny legs, either. No one–other than my husband–comments on my shorts or tanks tops, though. Hah!
The only problem she has with my skinny legs is that she wants them, lol. Interesting how we always want what someone else has, while that someone else wants what we already have!
BRAVO JULES!
I had a girl tell me that I had fat ankles, when I was in 6th grade.
I’ve never worn shorts, dresses or bathing suits since then.
That’s about 20 years of jeans, slacks and long skirts.
Even in my own house.
Until about 6 months ago when my daughter told me she thought I looked pretty when I ran out of my bedroom (an alarm was going off) in an “emergency”, having only a slip on.
So, I started wearing skirts and just bought my first pair of shorts since 6th grade, last week.
You’re in good company.
Yay!! Good for you, Rachel. Isn’t it terrible what we allow our minds to believe? I would never allow the boys to believe such negative. Sigh.
Thank you!!! I needed that. xoxoxo
You’re welcome. Thank you for commenting. xoxo
Hooray for you and thank you for this post! I had to laugh about your friend never wearing shorts. I too have sworn off shorts and in the summer, only wear dresses or skirts that come down to my knees. I have spider veins all over my thighs and I absolutely hate them. I’m so self conscious about them that I never wear shorts. I recently overheard some darling older ladies talking at the park about how they wished they could wear shorts at their age and how they wished they had appreciated the beauty and strength of their bodies more when they were younger. That was my ah-ha moment and I felt ridiculous. I’m going to look back at this time when I’m older and wish I could have these 34 year old legs back, spider veins and all! I went to the Old Navy shorts sale and bought 2 pair. So far I’ve only worn them to do yard work around the house. Baby steps!
Baby steps is right! I only wore my dress to the pool. I did the same thing with my shorts, which are really Bermudas. :)
I think you look sassy and happy in that picture.
I feel the same way about my arms, my stomach, my thighs. My post-baby body is unlikely to be skinny again, and my stomach gives me the most agita. But a few months ago my four year old was cuddling me and told me “I love your soft belly, its like a pillow for my head.” I do not feel that good about a pillowy tummy, but I do love that this soft body is appreciated for its love-giving properties. (I would feel better if my six year old would stop asking me if we are having another baby. Hell to the no we are not.)
Hahaha! :) Yes, I don’t like to be compared to a pillow, either, but I suppose the comfort the kids receive makes up for the blow to my ego. :)
Oh I so sympathise with this post!
I am also an arm-hater and can’t show them in public. If I do I feel really bad and I actually believe people are looking at me and will make comments about it. LOL
I do hope one day my self-image problems will get better…In the meantime, I look at inspirational people like yourself and I smile :)
You look AMAZING in that pic. Love the dress and the shades :)
Thanks, Joy. :) Please keep in mind that I took and posted a flattering picture. I deleted the two I took previous to this one!
Jules, you are beautiful no matter what. It’s always the camera’s fault anyway ;) LOL
See I love photography and I now avoid being photographed because I hate the way I look in them. It’s a shame because I’d love to have more mementos of the last 4 years.
How come it’s always easier to say to someone else that they shouldn’t worry so much about their bodies but when it comes to ourselves…
Please keep trying not to worry too much about your arms and enjoy the hot weather with your sleeveless clothes! :)
Fwiw I think you look fantastic. And my mother has a weird thing about her arms. Wont’ wear anything sleeveless. I feel like it’s such a waste of life being uncomfortable about your body.
happy 4th!
Happy 4th to you, too, Kelly! xoxo
My dear Jules, your darling dress blows my shorts out of the water!! I love your blog and feel famous when you mention our chats (or during mass whispers), lol! I loved all the comments here as well. My kids love my “squishy parts” (their term!) as well. That upper arm fat is Nathan’s pillow while I’m tucking him in at night!! Remember when I gave up being lazy for lent (instead of my crazy plan to give up make-up) and started working out every day? Nathan actually cried real tears one night at bedtime when the arm didn’t feel quite so squishy! He begged me to not work out so much….yeah, that was all the excuse I needed :)
Hahaha! I would take that excuse and RUN WITH IT! :) xoxoxo
Way to go!!!!
Thanks, Erin!
Girl, I feel you. About 2 summers ago I decided forget it, I’m wearing shorts and tank tops. It’s. Too. Freaking. Hot. Life’s too short to be hiding behind sleeves! Let your arms fly free, I do! ;)
Thanks, Amy. I came to that realization, and it feels (pretty) good. :)
I’m so glad that you bought and wore that dress! Sometimes I think that the old woman that I hope to be someday will look back at me and my silly insecurities at the age of 38 and think about how dumb I was way back then. :)
I KNOW that’s what I will think (I’m full of insecurities) so I’m taking steps now to prevent disappointing my 80 year old self.
I already do this (looking back and thinking “what was I worried about”), and I’m only 40!
Great post, Jules. enjoy the rest of the week (and your pretty new dress!)
“My arms, I will probably never love them. They are unusually large, and that�s the truth. But they work and they give good hugs and they get hot in long sleeves in the middle of summer.”
^^^Yes! I love this. I may make it my mantra.
I have serious issues with my upper arms, which I call “wings” because of the loose skin. I don’t know if I’ll ever be OK with them, honestly. But I take off my cardigans and long sleeves at the beach, my one place to not give a damn.
Thank you for this post. Sometimes it’s nice to know that other people have (silly) insecurities, too. After having kids, I never wanted to wear a bathing suit in public. I’d sit by the pool in my shorts and t shirt rather than subject anyone to the horrific sight of me in a bathing suit. Then one day I realized what a disservice I was doing to myself and my children. I didn’t want to be That Mom – the one who sits on the side and watches her children play instead of playing with them. And I also realized how incredibly self-centered I was. Did I really think that all eyes would be on my rounded tummy and un-muscular arms? And even if they were, who cares? I’d rather spend my energy frolicking with my kiddos than berating myself for a few extra pounds. This must be the wisdom with age thing people keep telling me about. ;)
Cap sleeves are De Debbil. They look horrible on everyone who isn’t a personal trainer. And I think they show an ambiguousness, a lack of commitment, if you will. Makes me want to bark: Be a tank top! Be a short-sleeved top! Stop quavering (unflatteringly) in the middle!
Sigh, I get it. Oh, how I get it. The short sleeves, the shorts. I wonder if my arms look any less sizable in long sleeves in reality though. Or is it just noticeable that they fill out every smidgen of space in the sleeve? And in the end does it matter? Wear your new dress in good health!
Was I the only who snorted/giggled at “arms” when my cursor hovered over the picture? Ok, just me then. Why did I giggle? Cause your arms were the last thing I looked at: I saw the gorgeous turquoise water, the rockin’ stripes, and your sunglasses which made me think of Annie Potts in Ghostbusters (which is a cool thing, not a bad thing).
But I hear your pain: I haven’t worn shorts in almost 20 years…after seeing a VERY unflattering picture of myself in them. Knee-length skirts? Ayep. Capris? Ayep. Shorts? A-nope.
Ha! That’s a great point! The first thing I thought of when I saw the photo is “man, I’d kill to have her thick hair!”
You look so young and carefree!
I was JUST looking at pictures and thinking how much I hate my arms.
I have for years.
I am eternally envious of girls with skinny arms.
And even if I work out and they get all musclely, they will still be big.
But I like your point.
They DO give good hugs.
Thanks for that.
Love from,
Greta
Because Ohio has lately descended into one of the 7 layers of Hell (103? on Sunday!) I’ve found myself wearing shorts. SHORTS! This girl hasn’t worn shorts since long before I had children. My thighs alone are enough to scare away the makers of corduroy pants everywhere. The resulting fire from the mating of the two would be enough to make Smokey the Bear stand up and take notice. But I thought, screw it. I’ve had two children, I’m happily married, and I’m in my *gulp* 30’s.
You know what? It’s not so bad. I’m a lot cooler and based on the few reflections of myself that I’ve caught in windows and doors I don’t look all that bad. The best part is that I’m comfortable. Now, I’m on the hunt for some cute summer dresses to cool off in as well.
I just stumbled across your blog and feel compelled to add my bit….. I’m almost 73 years old and haven’t shown my legs for over 50 years…..ever since I developed varicose and spider veins when I was pregnant with my first baby! I went on to have 4 babies in 5 years and my legs NEVER recovered. I hated the way they looked and nasty comments from my (now ex-) husband stuck in my mind for all these years. I live in Australia…a hot country… and have very rarely bared my legs and even my upper arms because of feeling “ashamed” even though I’m not a large lady.
After reading all your other readers comments I think I’ve wasted too many years suffering the effects of those long-ago negative comments by an uncaring man who accused me of not taking care of myself…! Now I’m an old lady and probably wouldn’t really want to show my body now, but wish I’d got over it a long time ago. You love like a lovely woman and I’d hate anything to stop you enjoying your body while you’re young. Go for it Jules……!
What a kick ass comment.
And she is just so right, love this.