My issues with food were going well until they weren’t. It’s insidious, this disease. It starts off with a skipped meal, usually breakfast, because I’m busy. Too busy to bother. A diet-coke to help me make it to lunch. The small shot of caffeine is enough to give me energy to read later than usual, so I stay up late. I have to wake up at the same early hour, though, so I drink two diet cokes and make it past lunch. Those diet cokes mean I can stay up even later, and by the time a week has passed, I’m drinking iced coffees throughout the day to stay awake. I’m not hungry until dinner–which secretly thrills me–but by then I’m famished. Eating dinner flips a switch. Soon, I’m ravenous–though I’m pretty sure it’s false hunger. I read to keep my mind off the hunger and stay up even later.
And so on, and so on, and so on.
I get to the point where I have so much caffeine and artificial sweetener coursing through my veins that I don’t know what I want or whether I’m hungry. Everything tastes false. I puff up heavy and soft, a fluid-filled sac of sodium and discontent. My skin feels tight when I flex my fingers.
This can go on for weeks until I swing the other way and indulge my cravings, cravings I’m unable to ascertain most of the time. I don’t know what I want. Nothing sounds good. Everything sounds good.
I’m in a better place right now, as impossible as that sounds. I’ve been skipping meals for the last few days, but this time I’m cognizant of the subterfuge my mind attempts on my body. I know what I am doing, but I feel like a cadet surrounded by an elite militia. It seems hopeless. I read the story of David and Goliath to remember it isn’t.
I drank a diet coke yesterday, but not the coffee I wanted at 3:00pm. I drank water, several glasses, and sat and wondered what to do.
Helpless and clueless, I did the only thing I could think of. I made my breakfast and put it in the refrigerator so that in the morning I have no reason to skip my first meal. All I can do is take it one meal at a time, one day at a time.
I’m doing many things right. I go to meetings. I talk to other emotional eaters, though not as many as I should. I journal, but I could do better. I could read more program literature, I suppose. I need to meditate and pray. But I do a little bit of all of it, enough for me to know I’m walking a thin line. Enough for me to remain somewhat sane when my friend shares she lost 30 pounds in two months.
I’m happy for her, truly. But I’m so tempted to do what she is doing. I want the quick fix. I want someone to tell me to take this pill, inject this chemical, eat this root harvested by elves wearing striped stockings. I would do it all, any of it and gladly, if only I didn’t know my success would be fleeting. I hope her success is lifelong.
Along with from the small areas of improvement I mentioned above, I wonder what I should eat. I was doing fine with my meal plan until the other day, when I read an article in a magazine about intuitive eating. It was all my mind needed. Within minutes I had myself convinced that my strict meal plan was preposterous and that I could eat a little of whatever I wanted. What a shame that what I eat has little to do with what I want, at least not physically.
Since then, I’ve been doing research on intuitive eating. I found many practitioners and proponents, all with wonderful and inspiring messages. I own many of their books. The thing is, that’s all I found. In all my research, I never did find an individual who successfully repaired their broken intuition eating a little of everything they wanted. At least not an intuition as broken as mine. I found people with hope and acceptance, but that’s not enough for me. I want it all.
I want hope and acceptance and results. That is the only true craving I recognize.
it’s hard when, like me, your intuition leads you to eat nothing but ice cream and chips and bacon sandwiches. A strict meal plan is the only thing that stops me from going off the rails. There is a great blog about eating better, you may know it already, but here is the link just in case
http://www.wordofwisdomliving.com/
x
I used to read this blog! I need to start reading it again.
The funny thing is, I like the taste of healthy food. I just don’t take the time to prepare it for myself, which I think is telling.
I know what you mean – I cook for the kids and the husband with no problem, but I will stuff down a hot dog standing up while I’m doing it. It’s crazy. I need a personal chef or something.
Food can carry so much guilt. I have been nursing my youngest for a year and we are just starting to taper off. I have yet figure out how to adjust my eating so the weight is slowing adding back on. I am mentally doing a full on wail because I miraculously did something different with that pregnancy and lost 10 lbs over my pre-pregnacy weight. ( I had been working to slowly lose weight before it). I am having a hard time not hating my body image so that I will want to make conscience decisions on what I eat. I want to lose weight because I feel better, stronger, more balanced with it off, but I don’t want to hate myself because it is not off yet. In the past only disgust with my body image seemed to motivate the conscientious thinking. If I ever get to a “normal” weight there will still be things about myself that I cant change (like a too large chest, no waist to speak of)
In the past only disgust with my body image seemed to motivate the conscientious thinking.
I know that motivation all too well. If I ever do reach my goal weight, I wonder how I will feel about the parts of me that used to drive me crazy when I was thin.
Hope and acceptance and results…those words pierced my heart as I realized how true they are for me as well. I need to think about this more, but I wanted to remind you (not sure how much it helps) that you are not alone. I suspect that for me a strict regimen is the only way to go, but I haven’t gotten myself motivated enough. Yet this morning I spent 45 minutes finding something to wear to the office that didn’t show how fat I am – seems to me there is a more productive way to use all that energy and time.
I love your comment about wasting 45 minutes looking for something to wear. This happens to me all the time. If my husband walks in and sees all the clothes from my closet piled on the bed he knows I need a hug. This also reminded me of my morning routine. I toss and turn in bed debating whether I should get up and exercise. Then the negotiations begin, maybe I should exercise after work or maybe I should switch days and exercise tomorrow rather than today. If I don๏ฟฝt get up the guilt begins and I lecture myself for being such a slacker. It๏ฟฝs endless.
I can relate to all of that! Definitely – my husband knows when he comes home and sees a pile of clothes on the bed that it was a bad morning! I do the same – debating and negotiating with myself. Maybe if we can think of it as rechanneling that time and energy it will help. I SO miss the days of putting something on and just walking out the door, instead of examining it from every angle to make sure it hides as much as possible. (Although even when I was a size 4 I’m pretty sure I checked the back view no matter what!)
I have a question for you regarding the clothes on the bed thing. And please know that I’m sincere in my obliviousness. Is it ever likely that the clothes would be strewn across the bed out of legitimate indecisiveness? I feel like I might have been missing something for 10 years that your husband seemed to pick up on intuitively.
Occasionally it could be that, but I pretty much wear the same pieces to work every day (skirt and cardigan) so it usually, for me, means skirts were too tight, didn’t look good, etc. And I’m otherwise pretty good about putting things away, so when I don’t it means I was feeling bad about my clothes and myself.
I agree with Shaina–your husbands are quite astute. I’m not sure mine would make the connection between piled clothes and a bad body image. As for guilt when it comes to exercise, mine knows no bounds. I am completely sedentary. Again, this makes no sense to me since I actually do enjoy physical activity.
Oh, me too! I usually walk after the kids leave for school, but they are home for the summer now. My youngest doesn’t like waking up to find me gone ( his older sister is home with him) so I haven’t been walking. And it’s been hot, and I have not been sleeping well. Etc., etc., etc.,
I can so relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I am 10 months postpartum and just fell into a rut with food. I craved healthy, fresh foods but I had no time or energy to make them so I’d call my husband and ask that he pick up pizza for dinner on his way home from work. Lunch became cheese and crackers and sometimes fruit. Breakfast was cereal and one cup of coffee became two. I felt terrible but it felt like so much effort trying to change it. When my baby started eating food that’s when I realized I needed to make a change so we did Whole Living’s 21 day whole foods challenge. Both my husband and I felt great and lost weight. We were going to bed early and waking up refreshed. Foods had a lot of flavor and fruit was oh so sweet and delicious. Now a couple of months later, I’m back on coffee. At least once a week we have pizza and I’m now starting to dread the grocery store again. And meal planning. And taking the time to cook the food. Even though how great I felt is still fresh in my memory. It’s hard! And sugar/caffeine addiction is hard to overcome (that’s my problem anyway).
You just described my life.
It’s strange how a virtual stranger can so beautifully articulate my relationship with food. I am slowly awakening to the realization that I will never be one of those people who can just eat whatever she wants. My body and brain cannot seem to make the connection necessary for me to just automatically know what a proper portion size is (despite an arsenal of measuring cups and a digital scale). My cravings take over my intuition every damned time. It’s certainly manageable – I’m just lazy. And of course, there’s the issue of too much control (or that dark desire to eat as little as possible).
Here’s to better balance in the face of food.
Thanks, Senora H-B. :) I don’t know if I’m fooling myself or not by bashing intuitive eating or claiming my intuition is broken. I wish someone would just give me the answer. Hah!
I’m a kid that grew up on Pop-Tarts, sugary cereals, Coke and Hot Pockets. I never learned what healthy eating is or learned how important cooking whole foods is. I’m trying to change that, but I need rules to follow or I cut myself way too much slack and get lazy.
Enter a book that I thought I’d NEVER ever sit down and read, much less implement into my life. Granted, I’m only on Day Two, but Bob Harper’s Skinny Rules (such a stupid title) makes a lot of sense to me. I am a classic example of someone who craves super-salty or super-sweet foods. It was constant. I’d eat one and immediately want the other to balance out. I’m hoping that this eating plan helps change my preferences.
The biggest change is that I’m giving up sugars and artificial sweeteners. That means no daily Diet Dr. Pepper, and that is really hard for me.
Lydia – I can’t tell you what a big difference giving up artificial sweeteners has made (when I’ve maintained it). Though I’m back drinking diet soda again (grr….), when I’m off it, my sweet tooth has all but disappeared. I’m a person who could easily, mindlessly eat an entire, full-size bag of in a single sitting (often one of each). I was shocked when I was suddenly satisfied with a serving of Hershey Kisses or Twizzlers, sometimes even with just a half a serving. Good luck to you!
Thanks for the encouragement. I would always have claimed I had a salty-tooth much more so than a sweet tooth, but recently I’ve just had such intense cravings for sweets. Something had to give. I’m totally not a chocolate person, so that part is easy, but it’s the insidious artificial sweeteners that I’m missing (in my yogurt, in my drinks, etc.).
This is so me, Lydia! For years I claimed to find sweets uninteresting, and for the most part that was true! Now I crave the extremes. Super salty and crunchy followed immediately by something sweet. I think the effect the chemicals are having on our bodies can’t be overstated.
I recently read the book This Is How by Augusten Burroughs and he touched on eating. I recall wondering at the time of reading his theory whether or not it would actually work for someone with a truly broken “intuition” (thank you for so succinctly describing that!). He basically said to figure out what you’re trying to cover with the food. And then just eat whatever you want, however much you want. In short, allow yourself to be spoiled like a kid with no rules. His theory (proven or not?) was that eventually, you’d get sick of all the excess and slip into a healthier and more moderated eating habit.
Now after reading your post and many of the comments above, I don’t think that bit of advice would work for everyone. The theory of his on how to beat addiction however, “find something you love MORE” (in short), might be more relevant simply because both a broken intuition could apply to more than just food.
I’m not sure if what he says wouldn’t work for everyone. More than anything, I wish it would! I would love to be eat what I want and not have it trigger crazy eating patterns and meal skipping for me. I’ll definitely check out his book. What can it hurt to gain more knowledge?
I’m guessing you’ve read Geneen Roth, right? I found her book at a used bookstore in college and felt like I was reading my own story. Yo-yo’ing with weight, bingeing then restricting, never ever ever trusting my own body… Her older books (Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, namely) were a huge, instrumental part of my recovery from compulsive eating and bingeing. That’s where I first learned the concept of intuitive eating. It was beyond scary to think that I could trust my body and it wouldn’t just have me craving ice cream until I was 400 pounds or something. She talked about eating cookie dough until her body didn’t want it anymore– I didn’t know that could happen.
I love Geneen Roth, but so far her books haven’t helped me…but if I am going to be completely honest, I don’t follow her seven rules. I want to say I have it in me to try, but I don’t know that I do. I do really love her, though, and would recommend her books to anyone.
Jules – This post touches something familiar in every woman. You can see it in the responses. My first thought has already been written here: artificial sweeteners are the devil. I would love a Diet Coke right now. I used to drink them every day, but no more. It wasn’t a weight issue for me; I was having horrible digestion problems. I felt nauseous and icky all the time. Lots of testing and long story short, cutting out all artificial sweeteners has been the answer. No more malodextrin, sorbitol, or other things that are hard to pronounce. It is in everything “light” or “diet” – awful. I feel better inside and out, and now I view food as less of an enemy. Another tip that has helped me: instead of saying to yourself, “I can’t have that,” think, “I don’t eat/drink that.” It is more an empowering statement and helps me resist that oh-so-tempting Diet Coke.
I like that distinction, Courtney. I’m going to use it from now on. I do think artificial sweeteners are the devil. I cut them out today!
Oh, I am sooo in that caffeine viscous cycle right now. You nailed it. I’m an emotional eater also and can totally relate to the up’s and down’s. Thanks for sharing.
Good luck, Chris. :)
Jules, this was a brave posting you did. You put it all out there. I loved the “cadet and elite militia” reference. You are such a gifted writer. I have to admit that I am thin and pretty much attracted to healthy eating, so don’t really live the same struggles you write about. Still, I can relate. . .I polished off a bag of spice drops from Walmart in 2 days with a total (empty/useless) caloric content of 900. Yikes, I have a sweet tooth. And. . .I have an appt for my daughter to see a nutritionist tomorrow. She requested it. She is zaftig from birth. We need an outside authority to talk about healthy eating and portion control. I am sure she struggles with 2 thin parents (who preach too much) and an overabundance of willowy long legged girls in her class. I do believe that it is possible to eat some of anything you want in moderation. Isn’t that really the basis of weight watchers? A co-worker lost 100+ lbs over about 18 months on the WW diet and looks FANTASTIC. She is almost 60 and has a new lease on life. I can’t help but think it’s a shame she didn’t look this great when she was in her youth. Believe me, the slide from 40 to 50+ is fast. I assume that you have consulted professionals about healthy eating, etc. If not, do so. My advice–DO NOT SKIP MEALS, eat enough protein to feel full (i.e. your yogurt concoction with dates and fruit you posted), research online the evils of soda–I think Coke can remove paint!–and wean yourself off of it. Good luck. . . .and keep us posted. I think everyone is touched by the issue of weight these days. Sorry for the long ramble . . . .
Thanks, Jeanne. I’m gong to give moderation more thought and see what I come up with. Maybe I need to work with a professional on this one. And best of luck to your daughter. It’s not fun–not for the child or the parents.
Not everything works for everyone. Wouldn’t a quick fix be wonderful? You’re engaged. You’re dealing ith it–in the end, it’s about your health, not a strapless dress. At least, that’s hat I have to tell myself. It’s hard, though. I understand.
I am reading “Never Satisfied: A Cultural History of Diets, Fantasies and Fat.” by Hillel Schwartz. Right now I’m reading about the connections beteen the invention of flight and the invention of modern dance. Unfortunately, the the tone is quite academic, but it’s worth it. PS–it seems those of us in North America have always had a problem ith abundance.
That book sounds fascinating! I can’t wait to see if my library carries it.
I think you’re BRILLIANT for making breakfast tomorrow, today. You can do it!
Thanks, Amy. :)
I found that reading ” The End of Overeating” by David Kessler helped me to understand the pull I feel to sugar, salt and fat. It also helped me divert some of my anger at myself outward towards the part of food industry which is dedicated to keeping us addicted to these substances. When my food choices are about beating the ‘eatertainment’ industry, rather than about denial, I feel much more powerful, and it’s easier to say no to the foods I crave.
This book sounds right up my alley.
One day at a time – with planning. Why are we so broken? I blame the food industry, the government for allowing the degradation of our food systems, my parents for abandoning health for convenience, the workplace for propagating the myth of balance while promoting sedentary desk jobs…the list goes one. But honestly, I blame myself, because I’ve failed to recognize what is slowly killing me, and I can’t seem to stop, even though I know better. Shame.
Being fat sucks the life out of you. Intuitively I know this, but there will never be a time that I can eat using this method.
Last night wasn’t good. Today I ate my oatmeal. Rode my bike to work. Packed a lunch. Planned a dinner. So far, so good. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be great.
I blame the food industry, too. I think years from now the lid will pop off, just like it did with big tobacco.
It takes so much strength to admit to weakness – just remember that you already have all the answers: one day at a time, one meal at a time. And when in doubt, write more amazing posts like this!
Thank you. :)
Jules, what a great post! I agree completely with your sentiment. I had a similar experience with a magazine article tipping me much too far in the wrong direction. I remember clearly sitting at the nail salon, waiting for my toes to dry, and reading about something akin to intuitive eating and throwing out all I had learned from WW. I decided then and there that I would eat what I wanted and not what some company told me to eat. Guess what? Gained back all that I had lost on WW and have since gained another twenty. Hmmmm. . . . I think my intuition is broken too. I’m coming to the conclusion that intuitive anything is an inherent condition, like being frugal with money. Some people just naturally know how to eat only what is “good” for their bodies in the way that some people just naturally are inclined to save their pennies. I’m working on getting over the fact that I’m neither and that I have to work very hard at both and that its OK. I need guidelines to follow, boundaries & budget, support from outside of my head and to recognize the consequences.
That all being said, in a women’s wellness course I took last year (taught by the amazing Lisa Byrne) she talked about primary food not being actual food that nourishes our bodies but a purpose that nourishes our soul. When there is enough of that primary food we can begin to push out some of the food choices we use to mask our hunger for purpose. Its a beautiful idea that I’ve been mulling over for a while, trying to identify what that primary food is. I’m pretty sure its not ice cream. ;)
Keep up the good fight. You are worth it.
I googled Lisa Byrne, but only came up with an event planner in DC. If you have a link, I’d love to see it. :)
I found this link that might be the Lisa Byrne she’s talking about:
http://www.momtastic.com/topics/Lisa-Byrne – it has other links in it and mostly talks about her and her background.
As always, fabulous post! It reminds me of the quote by Spurgeon, “By perseverance the snail reached the ark.” It always cracks me up because I can totally see that poor little snail, inching along–Lord help him if he reached a slippery slope, it would be like one slime forward, two slimes back. It was probably one thing when the lions and wolves passed him by–but the turtle had to be the final straw. But he did it.
And so you will you, my friend! After all, anything worth our effort looks hopeless at one point or another. We just have to keep move forward, all the more so when we fall back.
xoxo
PS-making breakfast the night before is brilliant! I need to start doing that for healthy snacks–delectable cookies are always SO much easier.
The turtle was the final straw. I love it! :)
I think intuitive eating is a horrible idea for most women. I understand the premise of it, but feel that when I’ve tried to put it into practice, I swing wildly from one side to the other. And although I am a huge DC fan myself, I feel loads better when it is an occasional treat instead of a daily indulgence. All things in moderation (now if only I could consistently practice what I am preaching).
I swing wildly, too. I don’t know if it’s not for me or if I’m not committing myself to it fully.
Oh, Jules. I wish we could all just somehow break free of this. Clearly, food issues of one sort or another afflict many of us and we’re always searching for the magic bullet that will somehow make the whole process painless and thoughtless. I don’t know what the answer is, but I hope you find one that works for you.
Thank you, Rachel. :)
Brave post.
I am not really a fan of intuitive eating, although I’m sure it works for some people. On Gretchen Rubin’s blog (and in her book the Happiness Project, I think), she discusses the concept of some people being moderators and others being abstainers. Abstainers find it easier to give up something completely than try to have just a little. Moderators are those people who are always going on about “just have a little! If you give it up completely you’ll never succeed!” Moderators seem to take abstainers as a personal affront. I feel like intuitive eating is the moderator’s world view–just eat a little bit of whatever you want! And I don’t think that works for everyone. For some, sure, but not for everyone.
What a great connection, Lisa. I adore Gretchen’s project & blog and these really do fit together.
This is so interesting, Lisa! I have The Happiness Project book but of course haven’t read it. I need to do that.
From what I’ve read, intuitive eating does work for some people but certainly not everybody. Then again, because people stubbornly persist in being individuals with wildly varying nutritional needs, nothing will work for everybody.
I was completely blindsided by the effect artificial sweeteners were having on me. In the last year or so I went from having a “sweet tooth” to losing any semblance of control over sugar cravings. I ate candy and cookies and ice cream and pastries all day, every day – and not necessarily out of a place of “emotional eating” but from sheer inability to mitigate the cravings. Several weeks ago, out of sheer desperation, I stopped drinking diet soda and those fruit-flavored zero-calorie fizzy waters and stopped putting artificial sweeteners in tea. I always thought those news stories about artificial sweeteners were total crap, pseudo-science at best. But in two days I totally lost the cravings. They were completely gone.
I think you might enjoy reading the blog The Fat Nutritionist. She’s smart, funny, and compassionate, and she shares so much insight about food, ordered/competent eating (not the same as “intuitive eating”), nutrition, fat, shame, self-loathing, health, societal and cultural issues around diet, etc. The comments are often heart-breaking, what people struggle with. She works hard to keep her blog a safe space and will not tolerate concern-trolling or fat-shaming. Here’s a sample of her writing, about emotional eating.
Thanks for linking to this blog. It’s amazing.
What a great blog!
Lisa, I really like that concept. Years ago I successfully quit smoking cold turkey, no gum or drugs to help. It was a huge thing for me to be able to do that. It’s always bothered me that I haven’t been able to conquer food issues that well, but I can see that giving up something completely was something I could do. Moderating is not something that works well for me.
This has helped me:
I gave up all diet soft drinks (I used to have way too many), it was not hard for me, but many months later – I still occassionally want one. I feel so much better without all the fake chemicals (I used to get achy knees, not anymore).
After a few months of no diet coke – I started to eat a regular breakfast (oatmeal, yogurt with a little granola) and protien shake (often I mix the protein shake with cold coffee/milk), then have something light, a piece of cheese or a dab of applesauce/yogurt a couple hours after.
Then I make sure to have lunch – a simple salad: romaine/spinach w/veg and some turkey, shrimp or ham on it – plus about 1 tbs of not terrible dressing, then I have a little soup.
A couple hours later I have something else, cheese, or yog or a piece of fruit.
Dinner – a couple hours later, and hardly any carbs…a lot of veg & a couple hours later maybe a little wine or some chocolate.
I don’t get as TIRED eating this way, I used to drop off at 4/5 pm every day…not anymore. And I’ve lost 15 lbs.
Congrats on the weight loss, Jo_Ro! I like that you say it took you a few months of no diet coke to start eating a regular breakfast. So often I make large changes and expect immediate results.
I too am an emotional eater, I eat when I am happy, when I am sad, when I’m mad or lonely or (insert emotion here). But I guess it is better than turning to drugs or alcohol right? At least that is what I tell myself.
That’s what I have always told myself, too. But, since my body image and health are starting to get compromised, I think something has to change.
I hope that you feel well soon!
This post, and your other one recently about body image, bring up so many things I’m struggling with right now. For myself, yes, but more as a parent of a daughter who has a large build. Watching her go through this, at ten, trying to figure out how to parent her through this without causing any more issues. She is fairly sheltered from media, we don’t have cable, I don’t buy women’s magazines. But she knows and judges herself already. I want her to be able to love herself, to enjoy food that nourishes her body and soul (because food does), to not hear painful voices when she gets dressed or chooses her meals, to exercise because it makes her feel good not because she’s been “bad” with her eating habits. And I see myself and all these women above comment about how we cannot do that even now as adults. Perhaps even more so. How can we model a healthy relationship with food for our daughters when we don’t know how to find it for ourselves? Why is something that should be so easy so difficult?
And now I want to go eat ice cream :)
I hope things work out well with your daughter. I have no idea why something so easy has to be difficult, but I suspect a lot of it has to do with the foods we eat and what’s in them.
p.s. I always want ice cream. :)
I spent several years as a disordered eater and compulsive exerciser – I finally had to make a pact with myself to spend 3 months without engaging in those behaviors, because that was the only way I could stop myself (I also wrote a blog during that time for accountability – it’s still out there if anyone would want to read it, goodwithcheese.wordpress.com). I pretty much immediately gained 20 pounds because I ate everything I’d been denying myself.
But that was a few years ago, and my weight is now stable and healthy (and I’m not carrying all 20 of those pounds anymore). Eventually, the pendulum stops swinging so widely – you initially feel like you’re going to eat the world because you’ve been depriving yourself for so long. But once you truly give yourself permission to eat freely, you will eventually arrive at a place where food loses its power. It takes time, it takes introspection, and it takes a lot of self-kindness, but it’s possible.
I didn’t realize back than that food wasn’t out to destroy me – but now I know it’s not. It’s incredibly freeing and completely worth the hard, hard, hard work. I wish you all the best.
I was in limbo with my weight for a long while — after many attempts at watching what I ate and exercise regimens, and not seeing results, I finally figured out if I’m not mentally happy about what I’m doing, I get nowhere…so I figured out a few mental “hacks” that worked to keep me on track:
– Instead of telling myself I can’t have something, I first ask myself why I want it. Over time, I’ve figured out that a sugar craving generally means I’m tired; steak cravings mean I want iron or heavier protein; etc. (I’ve also figured out that these cravings tend to be tied to my cycle.) So now, I can ask myself – will it make me happier to have a soda, or a nap? On “bad” days, I can at least split it 50-50 between “healthy alternative that I also like” (a nap or spinach) vs. sugary overload or high cholesterol. Sometimes I can even split the middle, like with sugar cravings – I’ll have some fruit instead.
It’s great because I don’t feel like I’m denying myself something – I’m just troubleshooting/listening/learning about myself. I find it a lot easier to curb the urge, or at least squeeze it into a smaller payoff. (i.e., if I really want candy, I’ll sometimes see if a jolly rancher will do the trick. It’s small, but takes awhile to dissolve, so it means I’m tasting it for longer.) My creativity definitely gets put to use in answering the question, “What will make me happy but also still be good for me?”
It also takes me off the mental self-punishment treadmill – if I choose sugar or a McDonald’s cheeseburger, I don’t feel bad about myself, since I’m no longer thinking of it as a failure to exercise willpower. (Which just makes me want to break open the Doritos and go to town.) I think of it as my body requesting something that…truth be told…I often find wasn’t the right solution after all. And I think of it just as what I chose for that day – tomorrow’s a blank slate. Next time, I’ll try a different solution. Or perhaps a smaller portion of it.
– I started to exercise regularly once I asked myself if I could do something for X number of minutes. (For some reason, thinking of things in terms of hours makes them seem like a huge endeavor.) Instead of thinking, “Oh, I have to exercise for 6 days out of 7,” I just ask myself, “Hey, I’m busy today, but can I take 15 minutes to just walk around the block? Can I do two sets of 10 push-ups on the bathroom counter – 5 minutes, tops – before I step into the shower?” Generally the answer is yes.
The happy side effect is that as I started building strength, it made me eager to keep doing more. Stressful days at work, I head out the door for a walk on my lunch hour – I always feel better after. And it’s reminded me of why I used to love being active – I never exercised to fight what my shape was, but instead because I loved the joy of feeling in shape (or the hint of getting there). It’s like: Hey! I’ve got this body! And it can do some pretty cool stuff!
For the first time in years, my weight’s starting to go down slowly but steadily. Whenever I start to plateau (or creep up a bit), it’s usually because I’m starting to think of exercise as this chore so I don’t become a fatty, and surprise – my activity levels start to drop off.
Sorry for the long ramble – I don’t know if any of these admittedly elaborate mental schemes might help you, but I do have to say it’s so nice to not feel guilty about how I’m doing now. I do have bad days, but I bounce back from them a lot faster.