I don’t know why I didn’t write my Happy, Happy post on Friday. Or maybe I do, but am having trouble putting it into words. Why I didn’t is still a rough stone, my mind running over it repeatedly until it’s smooth and makes sense.
It wasn’t for lack of material. I surprised Mikey by volunteering in the library again. I watched him walk down the breezeway with his friends, laughing. As he entered the room and saw me sitting there at the desk he stopped, leaned against the door jam, and tucked his chin down to his chest. Then he looked up at me from underneath those palm frond lashes of his and smiled wide. He walked over to me quickly and gave me a side hug. At almost 8 years old, a side hug is high praise, indeed. We were both happy.
It wasn’t for lack of material. Mikey’s team finished first in the league; we are headed to the playoffs. He made three amazing plays in the final game, plays that helped make the win possible. Then he spent the weekend practicing in the backyard. Nicholas and I watched him from the bedroom window on Saturday as he threw pitches against a concrete wall for practice. He drew an orange chalk square for the strike zone. The ball zone was blue. He was the pitcher, the infield, the outfield, and the announcer, whispering under his breath. Mikey makes the play at 1st. Another three strikes from Mikey. The runner at second tries to steal third, but Mikey’s on him.
Nicholas completed his first season of baseball. The trophy, the party, the attention…he ate all of it up greedily. After all these years attending sports related events for his older brother, it was a joy to attend an event just for Nicholas. His eyes turn into triangles when he smiles. He’s our happy little jack-o-lantern.
No, it wasn’t for lack of material. The counter in my blog admin panel says I’ve done 8 posts with the title Happy, Happy. That seemed like a lot to me, someone who likes change and worries about monotony. It isn’t. There are blogs who have had the same weekly posts for years on end. I sometimes envy their constancy and sometimes mock it, nose scrunched with disdain.
I don’t want happiness to become rote. I want to stumble upon it joyfully, feel my cheeks stain pink when my quickly growing son gives me a hug in front of his friends because he is happy to see me.� I want to scream at line drives and trace isosceles eyes in a dirty Shakey’s on University Avenue. I have to ground myself, keep myself present.
I have to remember to notice moments, not material. And when I do, I’ll feel good about feeling happy, happy.
Thank you for taking the time to write so honestly and so well. It is a joy to read your posts. I particularly like the idea of letting a troubling or consuming thought be rubbed smooth till it makes sense. I enjoy the agitation in your blog and the unwillingness to churn out the same old, same old.
No one has ever said to my blog has agitation. I like it. Thank you.
This post makes me happy – that and the munchkin-esque smile! =D
I know, his smile is crazy. :)
Ah, I love it. Of course, seeing kids with honest-to-goodness books, alone, makes me giddy. Also, gold star for the use of ‘isosceles.’ :)
I’m all over any chance I get to use the work ‘isosceles.’
I find I have to pursue happiness. I have to look for it, cultivate it. When I don’t show up for it, it doesn’t show up for me. Currently half-way through a month-long gratitude project on my FB page. Knowing that I need to post 3 things every day for which to be grateful (and capture a photo to illustrate) helps me notice all the happy happy I might otherwise not really see. I continually replay Elizabeth Gilbert’s words when I am unhappy: “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.”
Thanks for sharing this. And having eaten many a slice in the dirty Shakey’s on the Ave way back in the day, I got a kick out of the ending. Good to know it’s still there.
Still dirty, too! That place should hand out hand sanitizer with their pizza.
I find I have to pursue happiness, too. My only concern is that a weekly post will start to ring false.
Sometimes you want to express the happy, happy on a random Tuesday instead of a set aside happy, happy Friday.
Word.
Keepin’ it real…. Love it! That library has REALLY changed, thankfully. It looks… dare I say somewhat modern from the library we used to visit. Is it still in the modular on the other side of K-3?
No, that’s the music room now. This is a new building.
Yep, I too like my eight year olds side hugs!
You get what you can, when you can. :)
I don’t care what day it is – your words and pictures (that sweet smiley face!!) makes me ever so happy happy. Understand the material v. moments. I started scrapbooking when my girls were 1 and 9 (it was the “I have cancer and am going to die and I’m the only one who knows all their memories” motivation). I realized after a while I was living life through the camera lens and had to intentionally leave the camera behind occasionally. Of course, now I have no pictures because they take their own and just post them all on FB Sigh…
Yes, this exactly.
Here is my comment on this post:
http://ashow.zefrank.com/episodes/17
wishing you lots of Happy = )
Haha! That part when he’s slamming the keyboard is hilarious. :)
the side hug!!! the nico smile!!! wipes tears…. love it!
Thanks, Michelle. :)
I have to tell you that your “Happy, Happy” posts – on whatever day of the week – are like my own little poke in the ribs, reminding me to reflect on my week and find my “Happy, Happy.” Nothing rote or monotonous about it.
Thanks so much, Kathie. I needed to hear that. I worry that a weekly post can come across disingenuous.
Weekly = disingenuous not at all. And we know, if it’s a week you really had to struggle to find the happy, you’ll share that process too. But since you’ve shared the ‘why’ behind your struggle to find the happy, I think a weekly target is as important for YOU as it is for us. We’re just the lucky voyeurs who get to enjoy the reminder to find our own happy in the midst of the regular craziness life throws our way.
I get it. I totally understand, but not in a way that I can put into words. At least not in just a blog comment.
I love Nico’s happy triangle eyes, so sweet! And I love how the team picture looks so faded and 1970s. Cue Chicago, and “Saturday In the Park…”
Hah!! I love your Chicago comment. In fact, I think it’s inspired an entire blog post.