I thought I was the only one feeling low this week. Since Sunday, I have been struggling to keep my eyes open, my mouth shut, and my temper in check. It hasn’t been easy. Believe it or not, Monday’s post took me several hours to write. I kept going back to it again and again Sunday evening until I finally gave up. On Monday, it wasn’t any better. It’s not that I was starved for inspiration; I had that in spades. The challenge was in trying to write something positive, or at the very least not so damn privileged suburban whiny.
I finally edited down 700 words to the one message that didn’t make me sound like a spoiled snit: weeds don’t look half bad with the right set of eyes. I went to bed early and slept eight hours. I woke up confident my mood would improve.
The first part of the morning was good, and by good I mean better than 75% of the world’s population, the ones with legitimate problems, like finding food and shelter. I noticed while I was making the bed that the light streaming through the frosted window was beautiful. I ran and got my camera, all the while making LifeTime Channel analogies between my mood and new days, bright sides, and foggy windows pierced with light. I know. It was all so dramatic I almost put myself in time-out. By 11:00am I was back to feeling tired and foggy, like the window (again with the analogies!) only not nearly as photogenic.
My aim is to keep this place honest, but mainly positive. To that end, I usually wait to write about things that upset me until I can write about them with humor. At my core, I am a funny, positive, incredibly goofy individual. But occasionally I get grumpy, and when I am grumpy I am more caustic than funny. Chemical burns are rarely funny, so yesterday I kept silent.
The silence here allowed me to poke around online, and seems like there is a collective panties in wad feeling both online and off. It didn’t make me feel better, really, but I did enjoy the company.
Until I didn’t. If I had any hope of getting out of my mood, I had to drown out the negative voices and look inside at what had me so anxious. There was plenty, and it was all of my own doing. I feel a new endeavor coming up. I think I will call it the Anti-Endeavor, or the month of less. Less scheduling, less projects, less late nights, less running around, less worrying (over nothing), and less whining. It’s an endeavor where I hope to find more gratitude. Wish me luck.
Hi Jules
You never cease to amaze me!
I think most people would have used their blog to vent away without any regards to others. You are so sensitive and kind.
We all feel like you some days ( many days).
Big hugs
J xxx
I think we have all been there. When my daughter was diagnosed with a speech delay and then a sensory processing disorder I was in a mood. Until I looked around the hospital and saw the other parents with their kids that could not talk or walk. Suddenly, I realized I was not so bad off. Even now, as I sit attempting to type with my two year old son sitting on my lap (I so wish he would get over his 4:45 wake up calls) I have to make myself remember something good.
I hope things brighten up for you. And great photo.
I love your honesty. And your perspective. We should definitely appreciate our blessings (home, food, etc) but your problems are still legitimate. Maybe not dire, but legitimate and real. (((HUGS))) And you’re right, acid burns are rarely funny….I have to tell myself that daily because I catch myself being sarcastic with my kiddos. Not good. The reminder was great. :)
It seems to be a year … all the way around. The other day a friend of the family said to me, “I bet you can’t wait’ until December.” OH MY WORD … this year cannot end soon enough, I replied. Yeah, she was talking about my brother, sister-in-law and nephew coming to visit from Sweden. Sigh. It was a good reminder to focus on the good.
And just so you know, it’s okay to show the foggy windows once in awhile. If they get so bad, we can’t see out … then we may need an intervention! :)
All I can say is… YES. I know how you feel and having been feeling, and I agree something is going around. This week has been a hellish one for me, and after everything seemed to be going wrong, I finally got to the point where I was looking UP instead of AROUND and asking God what lesson He had in mind for me.
Anyways, Jules, I really appreciate your honesty, and your ability to wade through the stuff of life and be REAL, even when not everything is happy all the time. Here’s to hoping things get better soon…
-B
Have you heard of the websites whitewine.com or catalogliving.net? These always make me smile when I’m feeling whiney for reasons that I know aren’t too important in the grand scheme of things… thanks for your honesty:)
I read Catalog Living (hilarious) but I had never heard of White Whine before. It is AWESOME! What a bunch of tools. I love it!
Hey Jules,
I read your blog every day, but after reading this post, I just had to de-lurk for a moment and comment. I appreciate your honesty, of course. And since I don’t know you, I can’t really even guess about what is going on in your mind, BUT I can say this…my husband (who is already a published author, but not in the genre he prefers) joined NaNoWriMo (which as you know, starts on the 1st). He has been “in a mood” often about this (and has even gone so far as his to blame his mood on his “creative genius)…I think we all are like this when we are about to tackle something that we are scared of that is challenging! So worth it, though. Even if that’s not the source of your mood, maybe you can claim “creative genius” and just sit with your feet up and relax (for once!)…you know, while you’re “thinking!”
Best!
Kristen
Ding ding ding! I’ve been in a mood ever since I joined that stupid thing. I am so filled with angst I can’t even think about what to write here. Yesterday I decided to not do it this year, but now I am thinking maybe I should, especially because I am worried about it enough to cloud my entire mood!
I feel you. The mood. The desire to keep it positive, because who wants to read a bunch of whiners. The over-extended schedule.
Just commiserating.
Maybe it’s the change in seasons? Shorter days, less sunlight, all that jazz? Hubby just told me he’s having a hard time “finding my happy self.” :-) If “whining” on-line helps, do it. We’ll listen chica. xoxox
i love this post. i am envious of your restraint… because i’m as caustic as vitriol could be when i’m irritated. I will have to post this and link back to this awesome post.
thank you, superstar!
I blame the weather. It’s NOT sunny here in Philly.
Anyhow, I highly recommend Bruno Mar’s new CD, and on it, “The Lazy Song.” It’s bright and peppy and he says, “Today, I’m not going to do ANYTHING.”
It’s perhaps not safe for children later on in the song but. . . it’s catchy and cheers me up!
Oh, and if there isn’t a new pancakesandfrenchfries post, I usually head over for some cakewrecks or SMKR (s[tuff] mykidsruined.com) to cheer me up.
I totally get this Jules, I try to do the same thing with my blog… wait until I can get my head around a hard day or situation before I blog about it. I agree the internet is full of emo-blogging and it can get tiresome. The negativity online can be comforting but like vicious gossip it rarely helps you turn your day around. So props for pushing through and choosing not to add more to the downers out there.
That said, I have to agree with Cara, that it’s okay to have worries and bad days. It’s good to have persepctive but also to have grace for yourself in the little details too.
I have a friend who has had some very serious struggles, cancer, divorce, mental health problems etc etc and she told me once “I want my friends to recognize that a problem doesn’t have to be cancer to be worthy of the time to talk it through with me. Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friends’ smaller struggles. A bad day is a bad day.” When she said that it really changed the way I acted towards myself and others. Now I take the time to treat myself nicely when I’m struggling and I am kinder towards others when they have a bad day too.
So be kind to yourself Jules!
well, I have to raise my hand here and say, yes, I am guilty of having my panties in a bunch yesterday, and I probably should’ve just kept my mouth shut before going off on a rant. although I think my post was more bitchy than whiny.
If I really thought about it, I can nail it to the exact moment I turned sour and it was at work. A buyer said something really just unprofessional to me in regards to me, my kids and traveling. It happened Monday morning and I haven’t been able to shake it, but I obviously need to just get over it.
Anyhow, great post, and I think you’ve inspired a better, more positive post for me. You can always be honest here, but you’re right, honesty with humor is always a better combo than honesty mixed with suburbia whining.
It’s not just you. There is something in the air, for sure. It’s a time for change, you can just tell. But not only that, there is something negative floating around.
Thank you for the positive. It’s inspiring.
good luck!
I’m aiming for November to be a month of less as well. Though I’m not sure how well that will go with two birthdays and Thanksgiving.
This is a great post, you describe feelings we all know, and you describe them wittily with all the details and associative thinking they carry. Thank you for writing this. I am saving this page.
Clearly this is an epidemic as your commenters and I also share in this feeling! All week I have wanted to do nothing but crawl in bed and not move while at the same time feeling incredibly restless. Half of me wants the brownie and half of me wants to run a marathon.
It’s the whole losing-daylight thing for me. It makes me miserable this time of year. I want to sit on the couch and eat and read and be anti-social, but when I get my way about that I’m even worse. I somehow end up resenting everybody for not begging me harder to come out of my shell — I’m completely impossible, every year right around the Daylight Savings time switch. I don’t know how my husband puts up with me sometimes.
Oh, well. Just got to fight it and keep on moving…and try to keep our mouths shut when we can’t be civil.
Maybe November should be the month of Thanksgiving – away. Less is more. Clear the clutter of heart and home.
oh jules, you are speaking my language! i wrote about something similar to this yesterday. for me it’s based in the ability to say no and feel good about it. not feel my self worth is tied to saying yes to everyone but my family. i am on a less journey myself and can’t wait to see how yours unveils.
p.s. i think a little chemical burn in the midst of the sweet sugar land that is blog world is good from time to time. cause it’s real life and real life is sweet.