I decided against participating in this year’s NaNoWriMo. [Hangs head in shame.]
There is a part of me that is worried my decision reflects my fear of failure and my resistance to challenging myself creatively. There is another part of me that reads that last sentence and says, seriously? Get over yourself, Laura Esquivel. You write a middling blog; I think you and your readership of dozens will survive the disappointment.
Still, I feel I need to at least share my decision with you, especially since I received so many emails and comments and messages of support. I think you all could tell I was scared senseless. (Much more descriptive adjective deleted for sensors. Hi, mom.) There are so many things I want to add, so many thoughts swirling around in my Charlie Brown-sized head, but right now I need to help The Mister put the boys to bed and after that I have to clean up dinner and then make lunches for tomorrow.
That list of things to do is what I am telling myself–what I believe–is my major hurdle. I don’t pretend to be as busy as those mothers with full-time jobs outside the home. I’ve been that mom before and know how limited and precious your time is. Having said that, I’m busy, too. Meals, housework, homework, soccer practices, tennis practices, room mom, field trips, and parent-teacher conferences have no measurable value under patriarchal standards, but I still consider this to be my job and, salary or not, it takes time. My other job, the one that isn’t a job as much as it is a passion, is writing here. I love talking to you daily about my life that is just like yours, only more humiliating. To do my real job effectively and then add 1667 words per day on top of the 500-700 words I write here several times a week seems like a recipe for disaster. Something will have to give because honestly, I’m just not that organized! More importantly, I’ve been kind of a bitch since I put NaNoWriMo in the maybe pile. The project hasn’t even started and I am already yelling at people and stressing about how it’s all going to get done. That’s not fair, not if I’m going to claim that my family comes first.
I’m not saying never, I’m just saying not now. That’s my go-to line every time Mikey wants another Star Wars action figure. Turns out it works for overbooked moms, too.
This post is a mess. It’s unorganized and poorly executed, but I’m out of time tonight. Maybe I will add to it in the comments. Forgive me? Of course you do. You’re just as busy as I am, if not more so.
xoxo,
Jules
Hi Jules,
I dont think I’ve introduced myself yet- I’m fairly new to your blog and enjoying it very much. This post is delightful, thank you.
Sue
Hi, Sue! Thanks for introducing yourself. It’s nice to meet you. :)
Good for you. I’m off to my penultimate day of work at a job I do for a couple hours a week just so I can get out of the house a bit and make a tiny bit of money. Know what? It’s not worth it anymore and I came home a couple weeks ago, looked at my husband and said I wanted to quit. He quite earnestly looked me in the eye and said, “Great.” I know there are women who get far more accomplished each day than I do, but I’m starting to accept that that’s okay. Know your limits, ’cause if mama ain’t happy…. ;-)
Jules, come here. Let me give you a hug …and then a big high five. :-) There will be plenty of time for writing ….enjoy your full time job at home now. The boys (and your husband) won’t wait. Enjoy all the lunch making, dinner cooking, dog hair corraling you do – it’s what makes a house a home.
And, on a purely selfish note, if the writing project took you away from your blog, I’d be terribly disappointed. I love checking in here each day to see what witty things you have to say.
So, I say, “good choice Jules!” :-)
Come here you!
I think you made the right decision. And I’m pretty sure I’m not just saying that because I said no to NaNoWriMo … pretty sure …
Plus, you never know. It could be like one of those mornings when the alarm doesn’t go ff and you wake up an hour late and are certain to be doomed… but somehow you end up getting ready early. Maybe now that you’ve said no to time constraints, you’ll find yourself inspired. GASP! Wouldn’t that be a bit of fabulous …
Hi
I’m a new fan of yours and thoroughly enjoy your posts. I found the NaNoWriMo here and momentarily considered it as well. I think I need a bit more runway to take off.
So on a selfish note, I look forward to more posts instead of less from you with your decision to not embark on the insanity this year. Maybe next year, who knows!
A Supporting Fan
Thanks, Cathy. :)
Can I just say, thank you? In my comings and goings across the blogosphere yesterday, I was beginning to panic. NaNoWriMo? NaBloPoMo? Are we even listening to ourselves? I’m all for personal challenges and goals and achievement, but sometimes, I just get overwhelmed. It’s all just too much: too much pressure, too much what-do-other-people-think, and maybe, just maybe, too much of the unimportant. I’ve no doubt you could create something beautiful for NaNoWriMo, but this is a case where I think you’ve chosen “the better thing” (I bet your little boys would agree). It’s such a relief to see and to hear the admission: I can’t do it all. As it turns out, neither can I. So thanks.
You need to do what is best for you :o) Time is so precious, and it needs to be filled with things that make you happy.
I have been reading your blogs for about 6 months now and I look forward to your musings. I feel as if you are my friend and enjoy whatever you decide to do or say. You are a wonderful mother and wife. Many blessings for whatever you choose to do!
I enjoy reading your blog so much that, selfishly, I am glad that you won’t be distracted from it! Don’t go beating yourself up, just sit a minute and allow yourself to enjoy some relief from a decision made, guilt-free! My boss just placed me on “furlough” from my part-time job until the company’s financial situation improves. I could whine, but instead I feel a wave of energy to get alot of things done around the house that I was procrastinating on. Hopefully I will be more prepared (although poorer!) for the holidays this year.
I’m new to your blog (it came highly recommended by a friend) but I already love it!
Don’t get down about not participating in this year’s NaNoWriMo. I’m one of those people who tries to take on as much as possible all at once – but the truth is, when I’m devoting energy and time to so many things, my effort for each thing is less than it would be if I focused only on a few things at once. If your heart isn’t in it at the moment, focus your heart where it needs to be focused – like your family! And your wonderful blog :P
There’s always next time!
Thanks, Michelle. :) I’ve never been good at juggling multiple projects, either. Two or three is usually my limit for sanity!
I started reading your blog regularly after the Real Simple couch story and I love it. Let me tell you this…realizing AHEAD of time that you can’t do it is wonderful. Why do we moms, working inside and outside the home beat ourselves up so much? Or compare ourselves to someone that appears to be doing more? I know I’m guilty of it even though I wonder why? Yep….there are some amazing moms out there that appear to juggle 10 things well. I can juggle about 2 before I panic!! I face this every day in the office and in the mom world and I have decided I’d rather do my 2 things well then 10 things half-bleeped!! It’s been very difficult…but I’m learning slowly, to step back and decide what I can and can’t do!!
Take care!
Good for you for realizing your limits. I think when you are as passionate about something as you are about writing it shouldn’t be a source of stress for you. Those beautiful boys of yours won’t be this age forever. Enjoy being their mom for now and then someday when the time is right you will be able to write more. And then you will be able to fully enjoy doing and it won’t feel like a stress or a burden.
Yesterday morning, I looked at my husband (who has halfway finished two novels before moving on to other projects) and said, “Hey! Its NaNoWriMo, you should finish your book!” He looked at me, and not very seriously replied, “I’ll add it to my list.”
When it comes to huge undertakings like NaNoWriMo, you should feel compelled to do it unless you want to and will enjoy it… or someone is paying you. ;) If its going to affect your quality of life, you shouldn’t feel in the least bit ashamed to say “not ‘write’ now.”
I like your husband’s response. :)
I hope you can let go of feeling like you’re letting anyone down by not doing NaNoWriMo this year. You’re the one who would have been doing the writing and making the time commitment so you’re the only one to whom you owe a rationale for your decision. It takes a wise and strong woman to say no!
Have a wonderful November!
I know that feeling of something stressing you out before it even happens….it’s good to listen to your gut! Great post as usual.
Londen
Aw Jules!
You’ll participate next time (or not…)! My husband thought about it for years before doing it this year (we’re on day two and it is HARD). It’s not just the writing, it’s committing to something you are scared about and then working at it every. single. day. And I feel like I’m doing it too (even though I’m not!) I say all this to illustrate the point that often these 30 day “challenges” take a lot out of the people around us and sometimes it’s just not worth it for a variety of reasons. Good for you for writing an honest post and telling us how it didn’t fit in your life! Sometimes we all get so focused on what we are doing and whether we are efficiently working on our “to do lists,” we forget that the people whom make our lives WORTH living have to patiently wait for attention too!
Kristen :-)
There is life after children, and it’s wonderful in a different way than life with children.
Not better or worse. Just different.
After years of sacrifice, I am now painting and horse-back riding and sleeping when I need to sleep. Things that were on the back burner for years. I think it’s even more fun now because I appreciate the freedom I have.
Glad you were able to let that go. It’s a life skill that will serve you well.
You made the decision that’s right for you and your family. That’s the ONLY thing that matters. The tangential result that we all love how honest and human you are matters very little.
There are too many nice comments from nice people for me to even know where to begin. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am one of those legions who shouted, “DO IT!” Reading this post, it’s so clear that you are making the best choice for your personal sanity — and for your family. And, frankly, it’s a choice I made as well, but with less fanfare.
Cheers to setting limits!
Jules, I’m a new Mom (we adopted our son less than a year ago) and the past 10 months have been a lot of me learning how to say no. Even though sometimes I have to say no to things I would really like to do, it’s great to say no to things that are causing me stress. No, I don’t want to go to your party full of people I don’t know, No, I don’t want to work on Sunday! So, very sorry, but I have to stay home and take care of my baby boy! I’ve been slowly learning that saying No can be very enjoyable and with small children no is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. We’re heading into Advent soon and it’s such a wonderful time to spend with loved ones. I love your NO! And I hope you enjoy all the blessings that come with it!
phew!! I have been reading and enjoying your writing for a couple of months now and I know that if and when you want to write THE book you will do it, although possibly not in a November. I love your blog and know you probably already know about those writer’s challenges such as topics, characters, blocks, time, energy, inspiration etc. through more than a November. Thank you for the writing you share.
I have a set of angel/demon twins, or more accurately writer/critic twins, that sit on my shoulders whenever I sit at my desk.
“You have something to say!” says the writer. “But nobody cares!” says the critic.
“You’re good at this!” says the writer. “You’re not as good as you think,” says the critic.
“People care about your thoughts and they enjoy the way you write,” says the writer. “No they don’t,” says the critic.
NaNoWriMo is a gimmick, I believe invented to help contort procrastinating writers into kicking themselves in the ass. Does it work? Sure! That’s why people do it. Just because you aren’t ready doesn’t mean you suck. It just means you’re still marinating. And when you are ready, something will kick you in the ass and get you going. At least that’s what I hope for myself.
If you were dreading it that much (and I know you were) it wasn’t going to be something you were going to enjoy anyways.
I’m not sure when NES (not enough syndrome) burrowed deep into my brain, but it sits there and snaps at me at least once a day. When I see opportunities I would have liked to seize, when I discuss the beautiful accomplishments of my peers, when a particularly put-together acquaintance gives me *that* look, NES reaches out like a vicious little drill to bore tiny holes right through my heart. Getting past myself the hardest part of parenting.
Your blog is one stop on my personal internet-train that helps me patch myself up mid-day and go on to have a delightful afternoon with the people who would never, ever be so cruel as I am to myself.
To summarize this little comment up, I’m glad you share so honestly. And for the record I’m pretty darn impressed with all you accomplish and your ability to capture life so precisely with words. I’ve got a hold in at B&N for your book for whenever it is they start selling it. :)
Hi, also a “new fan”. Sorry about the NaNoWriMo. I signed up this year for the first time (heard about it in October, from a friend) and I just can’t get started.
Here’s to next year, and may the “maybe” turn into “it’s possible”, then to “likely” and then “Yay, I’ve done it!” :)
L.
I think it was a brave decision. And you didn’t need to justify it here, but I appreciate your sharing.
Oh Jules, this is what makes your writing so wonderful:
“…so many thoughts swirling around in my Charlie Brown-sized head”
Who can not relate to that? You are amazing and I still think you should do something like the challenge on your own time another time, not wait until next November and I think you should write about a gorgeous girl, that meets a gorgeous boy that has two baby boys one as handsome as a movie star the other as cute as a button and all the hijinx (sp?) that entails…
xx,
t.
Good for you for knowing when to draw the line, especially when it comes to putting your family first. I admire you {and love your blog}!
I had a long comment ready, to tell you that you made the right decision.
I decided to get to the point…
You made a the right decision!
Take it from a mom who misses her 21 year old art student and 18 year old nursing student. I still have two at home, and yet I SO miss my kids away at college. I miss everything about having little ones around. There will be plenty of time for writing. Plenty! Enjoy your babies.
I agree with the comment from Julie. HIGH FIVE Jules!
I’m proud of you for just saying “NO”! Honestly, I thought the whole thing sounded like nothing but a pressure cooker waiting to explode. A lot like me making my kids trick or treat bags the morning of Halloween. Sometimes us moms just have to learn to say no. Good for you lady!
In dealing with way too much on my plate at the moment, I was told I need to learn to let myself off the hook. That’s what you did! What a great self-preservation skill to have. One November will be your NaNoWriMo season, and you’ll know it without a doubt. Seems like you got plenty of high-fives and hugs above so, I don’t know…how about a fistbump?
Hah! I’ll take it. ;)
Hey, I’m pretty new here too, but so far I’m enjoying what you write, and it seems like it would be quite a task to add to what you’re already doing, let alone try to do it all well. Stressing out over something that should be fun is not a good idea…and if your family ends up suffering because of it, even worse. Good decision. :)
I’m glad you’re doing what is best for you and your family! In certain seasons of life, some projects just have to be put on hold for later:) I have a lot of respect for what you do and all that goes into it!