I avoided our 10th high school reunion because of my weight.� I didn’t want anyone to see how removed my body was from it’s former size 4.� (To be a size 4, I barely ate and played competitive tennis, but I forgot all that.)� Today I am almost the same size I was 10 years ago, and yet this time I co-hosted the event.� You grow up.� You realize that you will never be where you want (weight, career, social standing) and you get over it, or at least try.� The people who don’t like it or criticize can suck it.
Despite all this self actualization talk, I was impossibly stressed about my weight for the reunion.� My weight, my gray hair, my wrinkles…all of it.� I haven’t been eating like I normally do.� July was so ridiculous (I’ve mentioned it) that I spent a good portion of it eating out or eating junk.� I even started drinking diet coke again for the caffeine since I wasn’t sleeping.� As a result, I gained almost 12 pounds in 6 weeks.� Sadly, I didn’t eat a ton of food.� What I did eat was your standard restaurant and fast food full of fat, calories, sugar, and chemicals, and my body just can’t tolerate that kind of abuse.� I puffed up like a blow fish almost immediately, which is what happens when you drink diet coke and have fast food 2-3 times a week.� At least, that’s what happens to me.� (And no, I never super-size.)
Anyway, I have seen only a few pictures of the reunion, and of course I don’t recognize myself in most of them.� Blech.� Hopefully the pictures from the professional photographer we hired will be better.� I’m not worried about losing the weight I’ve gained.� I’ve already lost some of the bloat and water weight just by drinking plain, old fashioned water.� Amazing what happens when you drink what was made to replenish your body instead of chemicals in a can, right?� The weight will be gone within a couple of weeks, but this shows me I need to be a better planner, with foods prepared and waiting for me in the freezer for the seasons in my life when I am too busy or stressed to cook healthy meals.
I was feeling a bit down about not having a flattering picture of me at the reunion to show you when I saw these videos on Reachel Bagley’s blog, Cardigan Empire.� I absolutely adore this blog and encourage you to take a look through her archives.� I have purchased from her a look book and fashion session in the past and loved it.� Anyway, here are the videos:
This was just the push I needed to post what could be one of the most unflattering pictures of me in a long time. Tiffany looks great.� Steve asked me to clarify that he looks much better in real life. He might be telling the truth. This is at the very end, about an hour and a half after the reunion officially ended and almost 6 hours since my hair saw a brush.
Oh well.� It’s not the best picture, but it was the best reunion.
You MUST be kidding. You look completely adorable! A little tired, maybe, but super, super cute. I wish my worst picture in years looked that good!
You are silly nuts crazy!! I don’t know what you think you look like but in the above picture I know you look great.
I think you look beautiful in every picture you’ve posted here. I love your silly sense of humor, especially what one post where you had your husband taking the pictures of you and the cake – that was fantastic, it had me rolling on the floor because my husband is the same way about pictures. I don’t know how it’s possible that he can take 10 pictures and have not a single one be flattering in any way!
I think the picture above is lovely though. You’re warm bright smile is infectious! Then again, I know how many pictures I personally DON’T post of me because they are just horrifying to me….”I can’t possibly look like that! – what an unflattering perspective! – where did all those chins come from?!”
Thank you for sharing though!
Jules, seriously, if that is the most unflattering picture of you then you’re way ahead of the game! You look lovely. And if you really want to see unflattering, I can send you picture that my Dad recently snapped of me, making a cake with my niece. I look like the giant about to inhale both the cake and everything else in a 10ft radius.
OOHHH dear!! you looked fantastic! I love your “get over it or SUCK it” comment. I totally agree, I love my job, I love my family, I love my life (sometimes), I don’t love my body but I have had 4 kids so I deal with it, and if that isn’t good enough for all the peeps I went to high school with 20 years ago, they can SUCK IT!
You looked great, you threw a great party and we should keep in touch!
I just subscribed to that blog you mentioned, and I’m loving it already! And Jules, really… we ALL have body image issues. You look bright and funny, intelligent and warm. I mean, shit, I’d be honored to know ya.
That first video was awesome, thank you for posting it.
As for the photo, I think all three of you look great! You look happy and relaxed and as if you’re having a fantastic time! We are always our own harshest critics, aren’t we? :-)
you look great, and so happy! hope it was a snag-free reunion!
are we looking at the same pictures?!? because you look beautiful. i LOVE that cobalt blue dress- you look stunning!
have a enchanting day, xoxoxxo
wow. thank you, as always, for your candor. you are so right on so many points. i have noticed that as i have gotten older two things happened: i stopped beating myself up for what i am not and i can’t eat like i used to. i can’t eat a lot of salt (which i love) because of the water gain, i can’t tolerate too much eating out as it makes me feel sluggish and gross which only contributes to that pesky self-loathing that creeps in now an then. the video was so wonderful and i want to show it to every woman i know. i am a graphic designer and i know what photoshop can do. i even know that the mags/celebs rely on it–but i still look at those photos and wish i looked that way. the nutritionist makes a really good point about the reality actually sinking in. if it doesn’t fully for this 40 year old, there is no way a 14 year old girl gets it. by the way, i think you are gorgeous. okay, enough blathering.
I didn’t know you twenty years ago or ten years ago and in a way (like,um, in reality), i don’t know you now, but I think you look beautiful.
You look lovely Jules. seriously. That dress is wonderful!
Jules – first, you look BEAUTIFUL in the photo … truly! Second, thanks for the video bits … I have seen the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty clip in which they go through the retouching process from start to finish (from “real girl” to what you see in print), but I have not seen either of these. I will be sharing these with my 9 and 11 year old daughters asap! Thanks again …
I agree, you do look beautiful. so pretty.
Jules,
I love the way you look! I honestly do. You’re always so stylish and real. I love that!
It makes me mad and sad that nowadays there is this obsession about perfection, I’m saying cos I do it to myself every single day! Just before reading this post I was *once again* planning in my head how many pounds I “need” to loose, reading about diets etc etc etc This post has actually made me feel better about it all, so thanks! Do I really need to be perfect to be happy? And by perfect I mean thin?
You’re an inspiration to me!
I too skipped my 10-year because I was embarrassed about my weight and my menial job. I’m excited about my next reunion in a couple of years. Hopefully I will have lost some weight by then because my current weight is not healthy (diet soda and restaurant meals are my nemesis as well), but I’m showing up no matter what! And, yeah, the meanies can definitely suck it! :)
I should note that I recently saw some relatives who last saw me 5 years and 5 sizes ago, and somehow they have managed to become sweet and supportive instead of catty and critical. Maybe it was because I’m more confident?! Whatever it was, it was great!
You looked great! We are always the most critical of ourselves. I know I am. And to have been a size 4!! That has never and will never happen for me (and that is OK). Most of us have changed since graduation, some I hardly even recognized, but you, my friend, still look like Jules. If someone has a problem with that, they can suck it!! (I love that line).
You look great! I sometimes HATE pictures of myself, and then come across them in the future randomly and think “oh, you know, this is kind of cute!” We’re so critical of ourselves sometimes but I hope all these comments give you a little more confidence! You really do look wonderful, and I love the colour of that dress!
Jules…
Hmmmm…well, first, kudos for such a blatantly candid post. Second…honestly, you looked fabulous. The best thing is, that since you ‘seep’ beautiful, inside and out, I really doubt that anyone noticed your extra few pounds. And ocean blue is quite your color, just FYI.
This being said, I really do understand where you are coming from. I have gained 55 lbs. since high school. There, I said it. It’s scary when I type it….. and I, like you, have avoided certain situations because of it. I have been trying to get it under control. The sad thing is my boyfriend readily tells me that I don’t eat a lot, but that cube of cheese somehow bypasses my stomach and goes straight to the rear. I don’t get it. I could just tape it there or smoosh it on with a spatula and save my GI system the pains of digestion. Go figure, such is life and I don’t even have the excuse of children to get me by.
Without being patronizing, I’m really proud of you… it takes a lot of guts to face your fears, whatever they may be…but I think that you’ve noticed that once you face them, it never seems quite as daunting afterward.
Maybe I will find courage…and maybe we both can achieve a healthy, happy medium in the future (with cheese and chocolates included).
Brandi
I also believe in a little retail therapy..not as in, consumerism, but just “sometimes a girl needs a cute little ______ to make her feel as beautiful as others see her”.. So, on that note.. Tomorrow a.m., bright and early, Ann Taylor Loft starts Friends and Family, 30% off, and there’s quite a few very cute dresses already on CLEARANCE!!! and then, with an added 30%, well… need I say more?
Do you need the coupon? I can email…
B
Wow. Jules. A size 4? I am in awe. ;) I was super-skinny as a kid and teenager but I don’t think I wore a size 4!? But that’s beside the point. This was an excellent post. and great timing for me. I am headed to NY to see my friend there. And am about 30 lbs heavier than 2 years ago when I went. :/ And clothes shopping so I would have ONE thing that fit and I liked…did not go well. I *almost* bought a pair of maternity shorts. Yes I did. Because I knew they would not squeeze where my waist USED TO BE.
And by the way…Alexis? She needed no refining for her body. Oy.
What a lovely collection of comments to come home to! Yes, I used to be a size 4. I lost 20 pounds my senior year of high school. I kept it off all through college and a few years after that. Then, disaster. ;)
Well. I think so many of us have these hangups and it’s hard to face a crowd that knew us when we were thinner/less wrinkled/more active/whatever. I admire the proactive “screw that feeling” position you took by actually organizing the reunion. Now stop being hard on yourself and read the posts above. You look very pretty (and stylish, if I may add). We tend to be too hard on ourselves, so try to shut that voice out and enjoy the fact that you looked great!
That’s your worst picture? Seriously?! You look bea-u-tiful! {love the dress by the way} And knowing some of the clever things you’ve come up with and posted here, I’m sure it was the best reunion!
Well Jules congratulations on hosting what I am sure was a great reunion! I would never attempt such a thing and am in awe…
I understand about concern over how I am “feeling” about how I look and it can be a challenge to relax and go with the flow, but blue is definitely your color and you looked beautiful. The stress thing leading up can overshadow all the good things, so your plan to deal with the stress is an excellent one. Unfortunately we can’t return to our 18 year old, size 4 selves for reunions and that’s probably a good thing because all the guys at reunion would leave their wives and want us to leave our beautiful families for what, really?
You are a gorgeous, smart, loving woman with a fabulous family and so much more than your dress size! Please take good care of yourself and think positive thoughts (especially about you)
XOXO
Donna
P.S. At least you’re not bald, Ha!
You look like you’re having a wonderful time, which makes you super sexy. I am a size 4, but horribly un-photogenic, so just a reminder that weight only goes so far and that smaller women struggle with this stuff, too. I always seem to have my eyes closed in posed photos and my mouth open in candid shots (usually with a fork of something en route). And let’s not talk about the injustice of having female facial hair and not even getting the consolation prize of being Italian.
Jamie Lee Curtis appeared in a great article about all of this some years ago. I can’t remember which magazine she was in, but they printed untouched photos of her in a bathing suit, flat-footed, with no make-up and no hair-styling. Then they did a time line progression showing how her stylists and retouchers fixed her up. She was very vocal about how damaging she thought it was to our self-esteem to be bombarded with all this crazy un-realism.
Good mantra from an Ani DiFranco song: “It took me too long to realize that I don’t take good pictures ’cause I’ve got the kind of beauty that moves.”
I read that article and thought it was fabulous. And I agree about weight often being irrelevant. I’m lucky to be a photogenic person. I was better when I was thinner (that’s just confidence and being more familiar with how to pose) but I still take good pictures.