In the hospital they encouraged me to nestle Nicholas against my naked skin, so familiar he was with my scent after 37 weeks.� It was my favorite part, that closeness.� A small, gentle weight rooting, sighing and occasionally twitching limbs shocked by the sudden freedom to explore.� I wanted to graze my fingers along his soft skin forever because his skin was softer than anything, even the wishes you whisper under your breath so nobody will hear.
He’s harder now.� More firm and strong, and though his limbs still twitch, it is now in anticipation.� The only thing that shocks now are boundaries and, perhaps, potty training.� I was just out of the shower wearing towels around my head and body when he came to me limping, upset that his sock was wet.
“It’s because you had an accident.� If you don’t go potty in the toilet, your pants and socks will get wet.”
“Change it, mama.� Please?”� One small orange sock with a blue toe pointed gingerly in my direction.
I thought about what everyone has told me, both friends and books, about letting them feel uncomfortable.� Letting them stew, if you will.
“No, not right now.� I need to get dressed.� When I’m done dressing, I will change you.”
“Oh, mama!”� Face cupped in small hands, the classic pose of defeat.� “No, mama, no.� I don’t like this wet sock.”
“I’ll change you when I am done dressing.”
I was able to put on my bra and underwear before I caved, although maybe he didn’t know that.� Technically, I was more dressed than before.
“Let’s get you changed.”
“I don’t like this wet sock, mama.”
“I know.”
Nicholas likes to wrap himself around me like a koala bear when I hold him, so I hoisted him up awkwardly from underneath one arm and a thigh to avoid getting wet.� And, apparently, accidentally but most definitely noogied his thigh with my fingers.� He cried.
A lot.
While I took off his clothes, he cried.� While he stepped into his pull-up, he cried.� He cried from the pain (although I still don’t understand what I did or how I hurt him) and from frustration, probably, until he sucked in air with short little gasps.� I decided a pull-up was enough clothing for the time being.
We moved to the glider, me in my unmentionables and he in his pull-up, once again skin to skin.
For a very long time we rocked back and forth, a tangle of limbs and warm skin.� The solid weight of him, the murmurs, the shudders and gasps that slowly came to an end were all a supreme comfort.� I grazed my fingers along skin softer than anything, even wishes whispered under your breath that ultimately came true.
……………………..
For those who are new here, Favorite Moment is a series of posts I wrote every Friday when I first started this blog.� The point of the exercise was to encourage me to reflect on the week, pick my favorite moment, and write about it.
Amy says
Oh, I love it. Sigh. And what a lovely idea for posts!
Jennifer says
Of course, I have tears in my eyes… Why, oh why, do they have to grow?
Abbey says
hi! thanks for your nice comments on my blog! I’ve been off line sooo much recently so I totally understand. xoxoxo
Vicki says
Thanks for sharing this beautiful moment.
Vicki says
Okay. I accidently hit “submit comment” twice. So now I’m trying to come up with another comment so the same thing doesn’t appear twice. I’ve got 2 minutes and 32 seconds. Love your blog. Truly–one of my “must reads” everyday!
Zak says
Love this, Jules.
Toddler boys are a total trip.
SweetBeaker says
wow. i don’t even know what to say. such a touching moment. definitely have tears in my eyes. so yearning to hold my little lady (2) right this very second (i’m at work).
GG says
Another reader that you made cry with your lovely post. How beautiful.
Thank you.
Miss B. says
So sweet Jules, love that you are re-visiting this brilliant idea:)
Joy_UK says
Hi Jules,
Hope you don’t mind me barging in, this is my very first comment.
I found your blog via Nicole (Making it lovely) a few weeks ago and since that day I have been totally addicted. So much so, that I’m forever talking about you as if you were a close friend hahaha
I love everything about your blog. You’re such an inspiration in so many ways!
Part of me thinks you’re my long lost twin, cos it is just not possible that two people from totally different places can have so much in common :)
I have to say you have the most adorable boys I have ever seen. They’re not only beautiful children, but also so smart, so elloquent for their ages! I have never been one of those people who melt every time they see a child, but your kids, your family seem to have changed something in me. I suddenly find myself thinking much more about children and raising a family of my own.
Finding your blog has been one of the best things of 2010 so far, so thanks!
Kristina says
This is such a sweet memory. I’m glad you shared it.