It pains me to admit it, but the priest at our church sucks like a Hoover.
Or a Dyson
Eureka
Bissell
Electrolux
Miele
Bosch
Kenmore
and
Kirby.
Pick your favorite upright.� The simile still works.
He’s a five and a half foot Dirt Devil in robes, sucking out our will to live with one long, convoluted, meandering sermon.� At least I assume it’s meandering and convoluted.� I have no idea because he isn’t very adept at keeping his mouth inline with the microphone so his voice fades in and out of my ears, much like it would if I were literally, and not just figuratively, slipping in and out of consciousness.
I couldn’t catch much of what he was saying, busy as I was bribing Nicholas to keep quiet with Elyon marshmallows in natural vanilla, but at one point he garbled something about an article he wrote nine years ago detailing the confusion of a recently converted Catholic regarding the validity of her Protestant marriage under the eyes of the Church.� This woman felt it was still blessed by God even though it had been performed under a different faith before her conversion.� Then she decided she no longer believed that because…
I have no idea.� He moved his mouth.
It was like an overly dramatic cliff-hanger from the 80s, only instead of Who Shot J.R.?, I want to know Who Blessed the Marriage? The answer, I’m afraid, will not be forthcoming and will always remain a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.� But all was not lost.� I did hear him say this week celebrates the Call to Serve, and that the Church is actively looking for young men and women eager to answer the call to serve God.� Yes, please.� That would be great, especially if they hear the phone ringing in the Inland Empire.
We’ve tried other churches before with mixed success.� The Mister is not Catholic, and out of respect for him and an interest in trying something new, last year we visited one of the large churches everyone is talking about.� You know the one (because you probably have one, too); it’s the one with stadium seating, power points presentations and
a cafe
and bookstore
and woman’s ministry
men’s ministry
preschool
MOPS
Dave Ramsey University
and, in case you’re not up to sitting with the masses, streaming live video.
I don’t know.� It was okay, but I just can’t get over the 22-piece rock band and light show.� And, forgive me for being rude, but is that a set director I see hovering in the wings?� The message was simple, straightforward, and easy enough to swallow, but at the risk of creating controversy, I feel these fast-food sermons contribute to the dumbifiction of America.� We are talking about the word of God as written by fallible men and women over 3,000 years ago.� It is my most humble opinion that some things require thought and analysis, a little frontal lobe effort on our parts to see if we are going to buy what they’re selling, and I’m not sure a fill-in-the-blank pamphlet (free pencil!) and power-point presentation with flying words in Papyrus and Jester pushes us enough intellectually.
I know many people think this is what makes this new breed of church so grand–finally, a message they can understand the first time around and without having to think too hard!–but, for me, the simplicity of the message (spoon feeding, if you will) is not a selling feature.� An inspiring message is great, and I will take them where I can, simple or complex.� A simple message alone, however, fails to keep my interest.� In law school there were many, many cases I didn’t understand the first or second or third and fourth time around.� I would read the same case over and over again until I understood the opinion of the court and the rule of law that came forth.� If I can do that with a book full of cases on civil procedure, surely I can do the same with a book that postulates we were created in the image of a supreme being.
Which is what leads me to the crossroads at which I currently stand.� On the right I have tradition and symbolism and thousands of years of history lost on a priest who is incapable of communicating the message he has spent years studying.� On the left there is a (seemingly) profitable, exciting, youthful ministry that caters to the youth and makes church enjoyable and entertaining, if not intellectually demanding or fulfilling.
What to do?� That also is a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma.
I totally hear you on this one. My husband and I struggle with this issue all the time, it’s such a pain.
Does it have to be either or? I’m sure there are other, smaller churches in your area that truly are giving thought provoking messages and are providing means to wrestle with Scriptures individually. (and they will be smaller b/c the masses aren’t looking for “thought provoking”)
You are 100% right about the spoon feeding. It’s not helping anyone and it’s dumbing down a message that wasn’t ment to be easy or comfortable. The last thing this world needs is another drone claiming Christ without having a clue what that’s really all about.
Your post really resonates with me. My husband is a youth pastor and we struggle with these things all the time. Take heart though, you are looking for the right things and I truly believe God rewards those who seek Him. Keep seeking.
Is the priest old enough that he might be replaced soon? That’s a hard spot to be in. Luckily we have a fantastic church less then a mile away. And another two or three in different directions. We live in the land of churches.
Really though, when the decision is between the true body/blood of Jesus and a mega-church, the answer is pretty simple in my mind.
I understand completely. My husband and I are both Catholics, but with very different views of what church should be. I’m a bit more traditional (a bit? I like a bit of 15th century in my mass!) and he’s not-quite-fast-food-but-lets-see-if-we-can-wrap-this-up-in-45-minutes. Its a mystery, to be sure.
I am right there with you! As a 20-something, I can’t quite understand why the Word requires light shows and rock bands in order to make it accessible. (Nor do I understand why church leaders think that’s what people my age are looking for!) Since when did the Bible say our faith was supposed to be entertaining??
I’m going to agree with Lindsay, though: there’s a happy medium out there, but I bet it’s just going to be a smaller congregation than you might be used to. It’s going to take some searching–and some praying–but you’ll find it.
And don’t lose heart! I think this is something a lot of us struggle with. Some of God’s teaching is easy to understand, for the faithful child in us all, but some of it is shrouded in mystery. It’s not meant to be dumbed or watered down. It’s meant to be chewed over and meditated on.
Oh, I had to laugh at your analogy of your priest. That is hilarious and I totally see it, because I have set through a number of masses with similar priest. My parents were raised Catholic and all of mine, and most of my husbands extended family, remain Catholic. It’s refreshing to know that not all Catholics are content and happy with this kinda of spiritual feeding. We often sit through weddings, funerals or special masses and leave puzzled how anyone could enjoy, let alone get anything out of that.
Secondly, I again agree with you on your take of the post-modern Protestant spin of the Sunday morning experience. Again, it’s nice to hear someone say, “That’s not what I’m looking for, and this doesn’t meet my needs.” I am Protestant and so many people are sending the message that this is the only way to do church, make it appealing and comfortable. As you know and express, there is so much more to church.
It’s difficult to get past all the differences, even for my husband and I. We agree on the domination but there are smaller likes and dislikes that we have to work through and look past in our church.
I encourage you to keep visiting other churches. Find what meets your needs the most. But also, I am learning that so much of my own growth isn’t supposed to come from some one else. I have this “Feed me, I’m hungry.” attitude. Yes, pastors or priest are called to lead us and teach us, but there is nothing we can’t learn about or find for ourselves in the Word. We don’t have to have a doctorate in theology to understand God and grow in Him. All we need is a heart searching and longing to know Him. Because of His Holy Spirit we can learn.
1 John 2:25
But Christ has blessed you with the Holy Spirit. Now the Spirit stays in you, and you don’t need any teachers. The Spirit is truthful and teaches you everything. So stay one in your heart with Christ, just as the Spirit has taught you to do.
Pray and ask God to lead to the church or friends that can help you feed your spiritual man. Your heart is being stirred and longing for more, that is straight from the Father.
Jeremiah 33:3
‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’
While I am not Catholic my best friend is, I attended a large Catholic high school, and my mom was raised Catholic so I’ve had many experiences with the Catholic church. I love the traditions and reverence of the Catholic church, but I am often left cold by the actual service. So often it seems people are just going through the motions without taking anything from the sermon. I especially feel this is a problem with the younger generation (I am 25). So many of the kids I went to school with claimed to be Catholic but when asked what this meant it came down to their being raised in the Catholic faith and participating in the traditional rites. They did what they were told to but did not try to grow their relationship with God or their faith.
I attend a large church, Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa, which isn’t a mega church but still has the ministries, schools, and bookstore, minus the powerpoint (thank God). I agree that sometimes the sermons don’t dig as deep as I would like but for the most part I am happy as often the after church meal is spent in debate with my mom over the message. Although the traditions and rituals are lacking the pastor’s desire for his parishioners to understand and love God is great. There are no pretenses, no gaudiness ala TBN, and no man made rules that dictate whether you are one of the group or not. I am probably biased but I think this is how church should feel regardless of the denomination. You should want to go because you have a desire to not because you have to.
Anyway, I don’t know what mega church you went to but I know my mom loves Greg Laurie so I would suggest checking out his church, Harvest Christian. I’ve never been and I know it’s a huge church but I think the message is more important than any of the details. I hope you find the church you are looking for. It is definitely a difficult choice to make.
The description of that priest almost made me pee myself! I’m catholic, but stopped going to church in college. The priest there split his time between being a man of the cloth and being Mr. Burns on the Simpsons. I know it’s about more than the priest, but come on! How the heck am I supposed to come away with anything when the person leading me through the experience looks like a Simpsons character? I have religion induced ADD anyway. I don’t need anything out of the ordinary going on and making the problem worse.
I have really struggled with getting back into any kind of organized religion since then. I went to a church down the street from me that I really liked. That was until they wanted me to come to the Sunday night worship service, the Tuesday night singles worship service, the Wednesday night bible study, the Thursday night women’s bible study and then have lunch with the all the ladies of the church on Saturday afternoon. I want to go to church on Sunday morning. Not get another full time job in which I need an assistant to keep it all straight. I’m a shut in and not sociable! This was not acceptable.
They need to start a church for the socially awkard, religion induced ADD people of the world like me. And the first rule is the priest/preacher CANNOT resemble a cartoon character!
I think there is definitely something between your boring priest and mega-church pablum. I just found a church myself after 10+ years of not attending, basically for the same reasons as you. I am completely and utterly opposed to anything that smacks of “prosperity gospel” and most of the stadium seating churches fit that bill.
I found a small Congregational church with no rock band or stage manager, a knowledgeable pastor who’s also a gifted speaker, and a focus on social justice and helping the poor rather than expanding the church building or making it fancier. I say, keep searching!
Reading your post, I felt like you were describing my own situation! I’m protestant, but we’ve got a pastor who is no longer in touch with his flock and a church that is having problems growing. Then there’s the mega churches in town (We call them Six Flags Over Jesus) who are growing leaps and bounds but don’t have the kind of thoughtful, indepth worship services a thinking Christian really wants. I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one who feels adrift. Good luck with your search!
Jules, I am so sorry to hear this. I sympathize with your situation as I live in the Dallas Texas area, and have fought for the last decade to keep crazy, boomer priests and deacons from sucking my soul dry. I could regale you with all kinds of stories: The Karaoke Sermon (given by a teenager), The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein read and acted out in place of the Gospel, a woman in robes performing a baptism, all the deacons trying to “connect with the peeps” during their sermons, 17 year olds making their confirmation who don’t know the 10 commandments and don’t care, a priest using cuss words in his homily. I could go on and on and on. Sadly, I would probably be happy with your priest as long as I didn’t hear anything heretical in his mumblings.
I hope you won’t be chased away from what you clearly believe by a priest who is a bad public speaker. Find another parish if you must, but don’t abandon the Catholic part of your Christianity.
I agree with everyone who has said that surely there is a happy medium. What about a smaller church that might be more liturgical but still had a lot of the elements that you like about the mega church (hate that word!) like a vibrant youth ministry?
I am currently a seminary student and, trust me, I feel your pain. My husband and I are looking for a church too. We just found a smaller church in our area that still is youthful and active, with a fantastic pastor, lots of liturgy and (perhaps most important in my mind) a congregation that is loving each other and the city around them well.
Good luck in your search.
(Also, did you ever see the episode of King of the Hill where Hank leaves his small Methodist church to go to a Mega Church? Peggy is listing all the the things the church offers when Hank says, “If I wanted to go to a church like that, I would just walk around the mall and think of Jesus.”)
I’ve been in the same boat – my husband comes from a Christian Science background and I’m from a more “fire and brimstone” approach to the Bible. We searched for years to find a place where we both felt comfortable, but the bottom line? We had to compromise.
I attend what I would call a mini-mega church – not at all a place I thought I would ever attend. Nor did my husband – the first time he heard the band (which is really good, mind you, but in a rock star kind of way), he just flinched. And while some of your readers would consider my pastor’s message “Jesus-lite” it was the first time in years I felt something stir in my soul. I truly wanted to find out more about Christ, how I can spread His love in my community and beyond, how I could create a more solid foundation of faith upon which I could secure my marriage and my family upon. I’m now at a place where I seek more in-depth study of the Bible and of my faith, and because the church is so big there are a million small groups and organizations I can turn to for that.
I remember in one of my Shakespeare classes in college (I was an English Lit major) the professor asked us what we thought of Baz Lurman’s (sp?) Romeo and Juliet – you know the one with Leo DiCaprio and Claire Daines? Most of the students were APPALLED that R + J could be so commercialized and modernized for Hollywood’s sake – this is SHAKESPEARE! But a small group of us though that if Baz could bring this timeless story to a new group of people that may otherwise never know a single Shakespeare play, what is the harm in that? I sort of feel the same way about mega-churches. Is it really that bad that people that may not have otherwise come to Christ find their way while sitting in the stadium seating sipping a latte? The sincerity of your faith is not mine to judge.
So I guess my advice would be to keep an open mind, and realize that this is a journey, not a destination (I know that phrase is annoying and overused, but it’s appropriate). You may find a church home for a few years and find that you need to move somewhere else to really grow. Hang in there!
Try growing up Roman Catholic, sermons are in Latin and are like 24 hours long! I remember being in church with my eye lids threatening to shut close permanently and my aunts pinching me and telling me I was going to hell (sweet thing to tell a child under 8) and my cousins laughing and agreeing with them. I am assuming you are doing this search in part for the benefit of the boys and although you may find the stadium type sermons not as intellectually stimulating I think it may be more accessible to them. I don’t think that kids should have to sleep with the light on and do the rosary 1,200 times a night because they are afraid of going to ‘hell’, I think that if they see God as good and loving they may be more apt to embrace the concept instead of being scared into it and only want to ‘speak’ with God when they are in dire straits instead of being thankful every day for the gifts around us. They are from brainy stock and they can explore all the other versions when they are old enough but now why not a little light show, some catchy tunes to remember psalms? I know there was a stadium ‘lite’ in our neighborhood and there may very well be one in yours, where the pastor was very passionate without coming off as hucksterish and had great intellectual debates for the congregation. I think a great sermon should stay with you in a good way and perhaps it’s that one little seed that gets planted that flourishes for them (and you). Part of church is the community that is created and when you are as excited to see your pew mates as you are to go to mass (I am sure there are other words for these things but as a Catholic that had to go to church almost every day of my childhood these are the words I have) then I think you will have found your fit. No one should ever have to go to an uninspired sermon, there’s too much to delve into. I know you are great at discovering new treasures and will find something soon.
xo,
t.
Jules, I have to know: is the funky church the same one that one of the big-boobed women on Real Housewives of Orange County goes to? It was like a white-ified Baptist church but instead of the Amens and the Tell-it’s there was much closing-of-eyes in feeling the spirit while also checking others’ outfits out. It was INTERESTING.
But who am I to judge? It would seem not-quite-right if, during my synagogue’s services our friend Danny Cohen didn’t fall into such a deep sleep that he SNORES.
Oh one more thing, I tried to add but was cut off (perhaps I am exceeding the limit?) I was trying to add was Catholicism is more, uhm ‘classic’ if you will, where Christianity seems to be the younger hipper little brother/sister. I think if a place brings you to God and you really believe in the ideals set forth and try to live an upright existence (Truly not none of this ‘I am Christian and doing things that I don’t want anyone ever to find out’ sort of thing or saying your Christian in vain and in name only) , than it has always been my belief that whatever brings you to that place is a-okay–stage directors and all. That’s all but what do I know? I’m only as old as Noah….
You’ll find it — keep your eyes open and your heart, too, for that matter. You’ll find the comfortable place for you! It can be a frustrating place, though… hang in there!
It took me leaving a religion and faith that my entire family was a practicing member of, being strong enough to take action on those feelings of being a little lost and dullness that lies within you (which isn’t how faith or a belief system should feel)…. and going in a new direction.
I put aside everything I was taught and started from scratch and it wasn’t until then that I found the strong foothold in faith/religion that I have now. It’s scary, but you should never live life in the dark! (although there’s probably a nightlight analogy there somewhere)
Had to laugh at Jen’s question regarding one of the Housewives….that is exactly what I was thinking when you were painting your picture of that type of church. All they need to add is some roller derby and the husbands would have their Sunday sports quota taken care of before Noon.
I was raised Methodist but converted to Catholicism 3 years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. Couldn’t be happier about it. I love, love, love the traditions that you have in a Catholic mass and I also love that you can have your priest over for dinner and get him sauced on his favorite brand of Scotch…true story. I am not much of a drinker but I must admit it was a bonding experience…am I going to Hell for that? I don’t think so. In fact, over the years we became so close that our family spent a weekend at his cabin and he came back from retirement to baptize my daughter. I doubt that is going to happen in a mega church.
I think the bigger question is….do you love the community at your church? Is this the parish connected to your school? If so, I would try to grin and bear it until a new priest comes in. The best part of church for my kids is post mass when they can see their school friends in the coffee hall. Before I got married, I never could have imagined that my kids would attend a Catholic school….now I can’t imagine anything else. Now if I can only convince my 7th grader to attend the amazing all girls high school in our area. Good luck and I hope it gets better!
Not good – meandering, rabbit-trail sermons are never good. You have to hold yourself back from jumping up and screaming, “For the love of God and all that is holy, shut up, shut up, shut up!” And let’s face it, that would be wrong on so many levels. We have one preacher who tends to ramble. One service the only thing that saved me was when he said, “…and the hardest fart” … at which part I started giggling like a schoolgirl.
It is a serious quandary, however – to find a church that feeds both the mind and the soul. I grew up in a large (for the time) “holy roller” church, so I assumed that’s what I would always be drawn to. But the older I get, the more I can’t stand the “show” of it all – it just seems so impersonal and, quite frankly, disrespectful. Personally, I believe it shouldn’t be all ritual or all entertainment … I believe there should be middle ground. I believe the whole reason behind a church is to encourage & equip the saints to do what they are called to do. Of course, as my mom reminds me, we live in an imperfect world – churches included. So if you can’t find that perfect church, decide what you must have (people you connect with, for instance; sermons based in scripture; activities for the boys) … find it, and make the best of the rest.
And I’ll be keeping you close in my prayers …
Amen, sister.
I was raised Catholic, but once I went off to college, my parents changed to the ‘goditorium’ you refer to. Because of this, I essentially haven’t been to church in 15 years. I agree, the big church show is just too insincere for me. If my husband were Catholic, we’d probably go to Mass, but as it stands, we spend Sun mornings worshipping the fried chicken plate at Cracker Barrel.
Good luck!
There are so many great comments, I don’t even know where to begin!
Meg, Toi, Kendall, and Jen made my husband and I laugh out loud. That King of the Hill line…too much!
I agree that going to a church that provides you with what you are looking for is the most important part. For some people, you will find it at the larger, more modern churches. Certainly there are things about them I love that I wish my church would incorporate. I did attend the large church last year because I was interested in trying something new. The turn off for me was (1) when he talked about “growing the business, I mean, congregation” during his sermon (all churches are businesses to some degree, but in that glamorous his slip really bugged me) and (2) when I bumped into some people I know who are exactly how Tristan described above: Hi! I’m a Christian! Let me pray over you, sinner! And then they turn around and gossip about you up, down, and every which way while they are having affairs with their best friend’s husband. (True story.) There is probably some of that in every congregation, but I wasn’t about to hang around people who I knew for a fact are so drama filled.
For now, I am too spiritually and emotionally connected with my church to go anywhere else, especially after attending a two hour class last night. It made me all mushy for my little church all over again. I grew up in that church, had almost all my sacraments there, etc. Plus, it is the church where most of the kids from Mikey’s school attend and where many of the kids I went to school with attend. The ones who don’t, funny enough, attend the large church or no church at all.
Amy (the one who sauced her priest)–my best friend’s parents used to do that with one of the priests, although his choice of drink was wine. :)
I grew up a Methodist, and, until several years ago, would tell you that I never could “feel God” in that denomination. I blamed that church for not getting through to me, not teaching me and not giving me “enough” (rules, inspiration, information…???) to keep from going off the deep end in high school and early college. I was convinced that God did not reside in that church. Later in college, I switched denominations to one often referred to as “holy-roller” or “Bible-beating.” Needlessto say, my Methodist family was not impressed. I loved it.
In the years since I switched denominations I believe the Holy Spirit has revealed two very important truths to me: I will find Him when I seek Him (Jer. 29:13; Matt. 7:7) and that it is my responsiblity to work out my own salvation (Phil. 2:12-13).
God WAS in that Methodist church. Where He was not was in my heart.
Mega-church complete with distracting light show or tiny Catholic church with old, droning priest, it is not the church’s job to entertain, fulfill or challenge me. I will not be able to stand at the judgement seat of Christ and blame the church for anything. Ultimately, it is my responsibility to get alone with the Lord and ask Him to grow and change me where I am. He has intimate knowledge of my heart, and He wants to minister to me through the church, but that should be a jumping off point. He wants to minister to me (and you!) specifically through the Holy Spirit every moment of every day, not just during a spectacular sermon.
He WILL use an imperfect church, just as He uses imperfect people, to do His perfect work.
You clearly have a burden in you to find a place to worship Him — that is the most important thing. Let Him lead you, and you WILL find a place, however imperfect, to call home. Best for finding it soon!
Good point, Sarah.
Jules, you were so hilarious describing your Priest !!!! My coffee ended on my laptop screen. LOL. My husband and I have gone thru so much of the same thing over the past, we were saved 26 years ago at a large church in San Diego “Horizon Christian Fellowship” 5 years later we moved to North County and continued to commute but it got old after a year, we started to look here in the North County area for a new church (really looking) and to this day no church will ever replace the teaching of Mike McIntosh and how he presents my relationship with Christ, but since we had small children and they were going to be attending a local christian school it was also important that we would attend a local church that had a good kids program, Sunday school, growth group ( which was great as they got older) and so even though we missed our Horizon we had to make the choice of finding another church close by. And so the story goes…we did and it worked out but now that we are empty nesters we went back to Horizon. I can tell you I believe with all my heart that it is very important that your kids understand and have a relationship with Jesus Christ and keep them hungry for the Word. I was raised in a church and when I was 20 years old I realized that all of these years that I was going to church I did not have a relationship with Jesus Christ, I never could understand the gospel or the way that it was presented. . I know exactly where you are in your life , what is important here right now is that your kiddos be fed, and that they understand fully what is being said and taught. I can go on all day here b/c I have experienced it first hand, I understand that you have to be fed also but how can you if you don’t understand or your kids don’t understand?? it is hard . I pray that God shows you exactly where you and your sweet family needs to be. That is my prayer for you today ~ Hugs
Hey Jules-
You have alot of really long comments so I will try and keep it short… We attend a Presbyterian church in Philadelphia. I was raised a Christian and have always attened a Christian church. Tenth is a Christian, bible teaching church. I love it. Check out the site… http://www.tenth.org. I’m sure there are many PCA (not USA) churchs in your area. I suggest giving it a try. I have a mindless job and get my weekly intellectual stimulation from the preaching at Tenth. Isn’t that what church is for? Why attened when you get nothinig out of it? Also, I so don’t do the charismatic churches. Never have. Never will. They glorify themselves instead of the Lord. Tenth is proof that you can attened a traditional, Christian service without a rock band and a preacher yelling at you.
**Do you read Joys Hope blog? If not, check it out. Her husband is a youth pastor somewhere in Orange County. Is that close to you? Maybe you can check out their church. I don’t know what it’s like, but she seems pretty secure in her faith.
Do you have a link to that blog? I’d like to check it out.
I did the mega-church thing for a while in college and at first it was really fun and accessible and you felt kind of like a “cool kid” to be going there. But I got really frustrated when even after attending three services a week and going on lots of retreats and being very active, none of the church leadership could ever remember my name. They would all introduce themselves to me after every service. Really? Hello, I’m here all the time! I also started to feel like we were on a 25 sermon rotation and I wasn’t getting much in the way of a spiritual challenge. Ever.
I also missed the episcopal church I grew up in. The one in my college town had the old, dull, Hoover priest. But I figured out that the Wednesday chapel eucharist was given by the younger, more with-it, passionate younger priest. Perfect happy medium for me. And by the time I was out of school and working, old priest had retired and young priest was conducting Sunday services. Church score.
Good luck figuring out what to do. This stuff is so hard.
This post is the first of yours I’ve ever read; I was pointed here by a good friend of mine who is going through the same thing in her search for a church home. I’m married to a Navy officer and we have to find a new church home every couple of years when we move across the country to a new place, so I completely understand this predicament as well! We’ve visited and been members of everything from tiny, traditional urban congregations to huge suburban congregations with nothing but contemporary services (all Lutheran, though). We definitely have our preferences but we don’t always have the option to attend services at the kind of church we’d like best. It’s a constant balancing act to get the spiritual guidance we need while still remembering that we need to focus less on what we’ll get out of a church, and focus more on looking for a church where we can give to others.
Anyway. I’m kinda rambling, so I’ll just add that I completely LOVED the line, “I�m not sure a fill-in-the-blank pamphlet (free pencil!) and power-point presentation with flying words in Papyrus and Jester pushes us enough intellectually.” I laughed out loud at that, and was nodding my head in agreement at that whole paragraph and the one that follows it.
I’ll be adding you to my feed reader!
I just started reading your blog a couple weeks ago, found it on the “homies” page. I love it. This post gave me a lot to think on. . . . my husband has been in ministry for 10+ years with families and youth and is now in seminary. We have had so many conversations of the pros and cons of mega churches. Thanks for getting some good conversation going . . . i loved everyone’s response, especially the “king of the hill” comment.
I have to know is your real name Jules? my dad’s name is jules and we NEVER hear it. We shortened the name and used it as a middle name for my daughter . . . Tatum JULE.
Sure!!
http://www.joyshope.com/
It’s one of my favorites!
Enjoy!
C
I was once told, as I married from Catholic to Protestant, “There will always be a place for the Methodists as long as the Baptists keep marrying the Catholics.” :-D I have never laughed so hard as that morning of my wedding. (Thanks to my dear aunt.) Before we got married, I just couldn’t convert him to Catholicism knowing how he felt, so we went to nearly every church family in town. We settled in on a church that gave me the familial feel I wanted from my church, and a more open view that he wanted. Now, we have a lovely church family that has us involved and a beautiful family leading the church. Shop around! Make sure it feels good to both of you. (And a spiral to take notes and stay awake helps some, too.)
I think you have to ask yourself if you believe what the Catholic church teaches, mainly the sacraments, the Eucharist, the authority of the Pope, Mary. If you do, then I don’t think “church hopping” is the answer. However, trying out another parish may help. I don’t think church is necessarily about us, and how it makes us feel, but about our relationship with God, and going to worship him. I’m sorry your priest is a little coo coo, but please don’t abandon your faith because he doesn’t meet your needs to be inspired. Your their for the mass and for the Eucharist. There are plenty of inspirational speakers out there. Maybe he’ll retire soon!
It looks like everybody has put in their $.02 so I may as well jump aboard. :)
As someone who attended church and “believed” her whole life, I was comfortable in my church with my friends and activities. Once I came into a personal relationship with Jesus and began to learn what it meant to have Him as Lord and Savior over my life, I began to long for more from my church. I wanted to be fed spiritually. It sounds like you might be in a similar place where your soul is craving that pure spiritual milk (1 Peter 2:2.)
My advice, for what it’s worth, is to find a place where you’re being fed spiritually. The fellowship will come as you begin to meet people in your church family. It’s been amazing to see the Lord work in my life through the ministry of my pastor and my church family as a whole.
I’m not a fan of the Six Flags show style worship either but I can see why it’s so popular. I’m sure there are some excellent churches in your area that offer the reverence and tradition you enjoy paired with sound, Biblical teaching. Have you tried any PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) churches?
I’ll honestly be praying that the Lord will lead you and your family to a church where you’ll be fed, challenged, loved and used (in a good way!) And I promise not to talk about you behind your back while having an affair with my best friend’s husband. :)
Jules, I know what you mean about some priests just not doing it for you. It seems some of them are more set on hearing themselves talk even if it does nothing to further the kingdom. And some seem so stuck in the rut of ritual that it is completely complacent which would always leave me to think “if the priest can’t even get into it..?!?!” My dad is baptist and attends a kind of / sort of version of the big box churches you talk about only not nearly as bad. I go with him often to church just because the preacher there delivers thought provoking sermons but they do have a fill-in-the-blank sheet, no stadium seating though. I do have to say that when comparing the two (having been raised Catholic by my parents choice, mom is Catholic) that there is something so much more spiritual and moving to me about a good Catholic mass. having heard my fair share of not-so moving homilies by priests, I know that there are thought-provoking, moving ones out there too. You just have to find the right church for you. I try to remind myself that even though they are holy men, men of the cloth, etc they are still human and therefore totally fallible…they aren’t perfect and won’t be the right guy for each and every attendant. Keep looking around. If your heart seems tied to one sect then maybe try out different churches within it until you find a priest that seems to connect with you and move your heart. Keep praying about it, the Lord will deliver just what you need when you need it. I’ll keep you in my prayers too.
Lindsey
I really enjoyed this honest dialogue…I am very encouraged by people who stick with the search to find the “right fit” instead of just abandoning their faith. I too have had issues with every church I have ever gone to, but I think it’s important to keep our focus on God and not on all the stuff that clouds our worship of him and devotion to him. God is good even when people, pastors, & various congregations are crazy!
Jules…I would hope you and the mister would try an Episcopal church or two, as finding a good fit is difficult at best.
God has a way of leading you to the right place, the key is “Keep Trying”.
jk
After thirty-something years I’ve come to the conclusion that Church blows! What? Somebody had to say it.
We are fortunate enough that our church has a good ‘tone’ to it, if that’s what one could call it. All of the priests have their different styles/strengths but overall they do give great sermons. My struggle has always been the kids. Our daughter in particular dreads, I mean DREADS, going to church but we’ve found that the happy medium for us is to attend the mass that the youth group is in charge of. Who knew that the livelier music would calm her down?!
I hope that you and your husband find a place that suits you. I know that’s hard because that happened to me when I was in college and away from home. Personally, I could never stomach the light show version. It makes me squirm when I catch glimpses on TV. Aside from that, how on earth would I live down my mother’s raised eyebrow, paired with some verbal stabs, over hearing that we’d even consider participating in anything other than a truly Catholic service? Yes, I’m a grown woman but�yikes. No thanks.
Hoping you and your husband find a good fit for your family. There are few things worse than “church shopping”. We just left our church that was headed towards the light (show) for a much smaller, more traditional one. Our new church doesn’t have many kids (we have 4 and that’s about half of the total), but they get much love from adults and are learning reverence, respect, and how to act (kind of) around older folks. I find the dumbed down message insulting. Hello, God of the universe, we’re going to need a break from worshiping you on the day you set aside so we can get an extra pump of vanilla syrup.
I appreciate, as always, your honesty. And your struggle is a good one. Keep on keepin on.
Hi — this post has me laughing out loud a little! Partly because I go to (and LOVE) my mega-church complete with it’s own cafe (what can I say? our pastor loves coffee). It was the fastest-growing church in the US last year, but I’ve been going since it was much, much smaller and was meeting in a local high school. It makes me sad to read that so many people look negatively on my kind of church, but to each his or her own, I guess. There are lots of things I feel the need to defend, but I’ll limit it to these two: 1. since when did the Bible say that church shouldn’t be fun? What is so wrong about getting as passionate about worshiping the Creator of the universe as we do about college football or our favorite band? 2. I can’t speak for the heart of every pastor of every “mega-church,” but mine believes (and I agree) that a Sunday-morning sermon should be presented in a way that any person who comes in off the street can listen and hear the Word of God. Church isn’t for believers, it’s for the lost. Personally, I have been in church my entire life, have Godly parents, and I still leave every “dumbed down” service having learned something new about the Bible and about the Lord and ready to apply it to my life. Not to mention feeling refreshed and loved-on. It may not be ground-breaking theology, but I can actually use it. Our church’s mid-week services and small groups are made for more in-depth study. Okay, and a third thing: Every church is made of people and every person is a sinner. So yes, there will be people in EVERY church doing questionable and objectionable things and most of them will probably pretend they aren’t. To me, that’s part of the beauty of a big church, you don’t have to see EVERYONE if you don’t want to :)
ALL THAT SAID, the most important thing is that you and your family find a church where you can serve and grow. The rest is just details. Here is mine: http://churchofthehighlands.com/
I think that at the heart of this matter the important thing to remember is this: at the end of the day, Mass, service, Christianity, it isn’t so much about us as it is about God. I think we should always keep in mind that it is not about what we as Christians want to hear about that is important, it is what we need to hear about. Sometimes by just going to different places until we get what we want at a church is sort of like telling God that we like everything about what he’s telling us… except.. oh, that one thing that guy said.. or that other thing that they do… or, you know, that family at that other church who just rub me the wrong way. So many times we try to fit our religion to us instead of really being changed by it. Christianity is made up of sinners… but we’re all sinners who are changing our hearts and minds for God. that isn’t going to happen if we only hear the things that we want to hear about. Church isn’t just about learning about the Bible, it isn’t just about music, it isn’t just about what you as a Christian are good at, its about what the Bible and the Church means to you, how does it translate from your head to your heart? and how are you going to live your faith out? even those areas of your faith you struggle and grapple with? even those areas that you really don’t want to live out?
As a 20 year old Catholic who struggles with her faith, but tries to work hard to really live it and to really mean it, I can tell you don’t lose heart. Maybe your priest sucks. but at least he isn’t heretical. maybe try just talking to him one on one? he could be a really interesting guy! try going to Confession with him! but, most importantly, realize that at the heart of our Catholic faith isn’t one priest’s homily, but instead the Eucharist. We are given the tremendous gift of Jesus every Sunday (or even more often if you can go!), so how could any Mass not be good? Remember that going to church isn’t about what you get out of it, but rather it should be an extension, an expression of your love for God. God gives us so much, so why are you asking for so much more on Sundays? Be thankful for everything he has given you and have hope in the Eucharist, for it says more than any homily could ever ever say.