I have a short list. People who irritate me immediately by their appearance, mannerisms, or beliefs. Not exactly a charitable quality in me, but no one is perfect. Especially not the people on my short list.
My short list is, by definition, not terribly long and varies from year to year. People who once bothered me I find agreeable, fences mend, and I grow up. There is one type of person that, maturity be damned, sits forever on my list. One person that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t understand, tolerate, or pretend to like. I am talking about the label loving rock-star mom. Middle aged women defined by their appearance and possessions.
She’s in her early 40s and she has chunky highlights, either in blonde or something ridiculous, like purple, because she’s young and hip and cool. She wears every label she owns all at once and drives a Hummer. To the mall. On her fingertips sit 3-inch long acrylic rectangles she occasionally uses to scratch a boob filled tight with 300 cc of saline. Her gum snaps, her lips flap, and she thinks she is incredibly hot. She is not. She is, most likely, horribly insecure, has her own issues, and uses what she shouldn’t to define her and make her feel valuable. No one is perfect, especially not me, and I shouldn’t judge.
Remind me of that tomorrow.
I arrived at Weight Watchers several minutes early last Friday because the last few times the line moved slower than I do on a walk. By the time I cattle herded my way through the line with the equally obese, the meeting was over. Normally this would not be a big deal, but I was due for a couple of goal related awards and, dammit, I wanted that sticker in my book.
This time the line was short, and before me flitted the leader of the short list. A middle-aged blonde in skin-tight stretch capris who, I assumed, was there for her monthly maintenance weigh in before going to the gym. I was impressed. She was actually a repeat offender–someone who started the program the previous year and was now back to lose…I’m not sure. She looked to be at goal weight. During her extended leave, she forgot all the Weight Watchers protocol, including where to pick up her book and where to stand while other people weighed in.
I was nice and friendly, even when she asked (loudly–they’re always loud) if she should be standing where I was, a 3×5 mat with the words PLEASE STAND HERE WHILE OTHERS ARE WEIGHING IN stamped boldly along its entire length.
“Yes,” I said. {internal sigh}
Two stations opened up and we both walked up to get weighed. She went on and on about how she was back because she gained 15 pounds and even though her new husband said he would still love her no matter how fat she was, she couldn’t stand being so fat.
She weighed 136 pounds.
She was there with her friend who has been doing the plan for two weeks. Her friend appeared to be a rotund 150 pounds. The two of them together are practically my goal weight.
As usual, I sat front row, left seat. They sat second row, diagonal to me. The talked to each other the entire meeting. Mainly it was the blonde espousing all her diet tips. Her friend announced to the meeting that blondie was “very smart and the master of diets and carbs.” She was, like, “practically a nutritional-ist.”
But not so smart that she could avoid gaining 15 pounds in 9 months, right? I was good. I kept my mouth shut.
Until.
Until it was my turn to get an award and Donna, the meeting leader, asked me what was the hardest part of the plan. I spoke honestly, and said the hardest part is admitting what you can and can not do. I gave my popcorn example, and how I would pick at dinner so I could eat 7 points worth of popcorn.
The entire room gasped. Which I found funny, because I doubt any of the people in the room were overweight from eating carrots. I ignored them. But I couldn’t ignore blondie. I noticed Donna looking behind me, and when I turned around I saw blondie looking at me with a mixture of disgust and revulsion, but exaggerated. The way you do when you want to convey to everyone around you your complete shock and horror. The look on her face hurt me. A lot.
So, I got angry.
“You shouldn’t look so shocked and disgusted,” I said calmly. (Sort of. I could feel my blood begin to boil.) “A teaspoon of oil has 1 point. I use three tablespoons of oil (9 points) for 6 tablespoons of popcorn kernels that my husband and I share. It adds up.”
Donna chirped like a nervous bird, “That’s right! It adds up!” {pleasedon’tfight. pleasedon’tfight.}
Blondie stared at me, still disgusted, and said, “I can’t staaaaaand oil.”
I stared back, imagined her typical diet (a six pack of Michelob Ultra and an Atkins Bar) and responded, “I guess that’s what makes you better than me.”
And in that regard, maybe she is. Maybe she does have a better grip on snacking than I do. After all, she has 15 pounds to lose. I’ve already lost 16 pounds, and I can barely tell the difference. I assume I’m losing fat around my liver, because everything else looks the same.
But she’s still on my damn short list.
Okay, first of all, YOU GO GIRL! I snapped at the idiot on my kickball team {there are no winners in kickball, we’re ALL losers}, and had less composure than that.
Secondly, women are SO competitive. What gives? Even my best friends, who I love; I size up and compete. Ug. That sucks.
Thirdly, I bet you look LOTS different. You are extremely lacking in showing pictures on your blog {hint}, but I bet you look great. Some weeks diets suck, and then there’s the one day that you look at your thighs in the mirror and think, “Okay, not Eva Longoria… but not bad!”
w00t!
ohbrooke�s last blog post..Save Your Blog!
I will cut the bitch.
Wow, way to go! I’m pretty sure I would have turned thirty shades of red and slunk down in my seat. But, you are right….no one got to that meeting by eating carrots and sprouts 24/7. Well done. As for losing the fat around your liver, at least that’s good for your health. At 23 pounds I am noticing some differences finally and you will soon too!
Do they have other options for meetings that would work for you in your area? That one sounds a bit toxic! I completely relate to your struggles and was surprised to read about the collective WW gasp at your sharing your real challenges. Keep doing what you’re doing it’s working!!
I always love when people prove your stereotypes/cliches correct! Gah!
Yay for your sixteen pounds!
Deidra�s last blog post..i Heart Faces
This post made me fall in love with you!
Gasping at someone’s comments =bad, fighting= good, you are burning calories as your blood boils right? I’m right there with you with gum snappers.
I think that should be the name of your book ” I Guess That’s What Makes You Better Than Me” : )
.. now I have the Kiss song rock and roll all night in my head, thanks a lot.
i agree with Kathi D! so cool that you said something…i was reading along and hoping “oh god i hope she said something to that idiot!” we have a lot of those in my town….i actually would feel embarrassed to walk around unless i had my newborn with me as if to say – see, this is why my ass looks like this. but she’s 18 months now and can’t blame it on her anymore :) keep on working it!
I want to kick her in the chins. With the love of Jesus, of course. But still…….
CherryTreeLane�s last blog post..inspiration
You should have choked her with the hood of her Juicy jacket!!!
I swear, every single comment is funnier than the next! You guys are the best. :)
good for you! what a knuckle head – I too would give up dinner for popcorn and I happen to love oil :)
I love Kathi’s “I will cut her “- me too —- Bon Qui Qui style!
Brie�s last blog post..Mother’s Day Tea
The lady was probably too stupid to know how to even make popcorn. What else are you supposed to cook it in?!
Mandola–
There was talk about me trying 1 point, fat free, microwave popcorn and I was all, “Wha? No comprendo.”
The whole point of popcorn is oil+salt+nutritional yeast. The actual popcorn kernels are merely a device to transport the above items into my pie hole.
HAHAHA oh man, your last comment about popcorn being a transport device nearly made me forget what I was going to say! And I love to soak my popcorn in butter. I’m not in weight watchers, but I’d hate to hear how many points mine would add up to.
I love to read that you had the guts to stand up to this woman. So often we go around ignoring people because we’ve been taught to keep our mouths shut and endure when things hurt, and I think that’s wrong. I think it was darn right of you to say something back and to demonstrate to her that her reaction was rude and unsuitable.
As for losing weight, be patient and good to yourself! Stick with it. You will begin to notice a difference in the way you feel, the foods you crave, and the shape of your body!
Argh what a hobag! I’m sick of judgemental biznatches. I swear. Way to stand up for yourself, rock on. I lived vicariously through you in that moment. (my mother in law’s face may have replaced the blondes’)
ew, what a bitch. who goes to weight watcher’s meetings just to brag about their eating habits? that’s like going to AA and saying “eww I hate vodka!” perhaps you should take a card from Mean Girls and befriend her so you can feed her swedish weight gain bars. Or just hope that one of her Ed Hardy t-shirts chokes her to death. ANYWAYS, congrats on the weight loss so far!
hannah�s last blog post..confession
See, as I was reading this post, I KNEW you would say something to her. Atta girl! :-)
Oh, and this {because I doubt any of the people in the room grew their dimpled butts eating carrots} made me laugh out LOUD! :-)
Julie�s last blog post..L’Atelier des Bijoux
Good for you for standing up to her. I think you are doing great. I decided I would lose weight around the same time you started. Unlike you, however, I’ve hardly done a thing about it and I may have lost 1 or 2 pounds, but not 16! I am so jealous of you losing 16 pounds and I wish I were as strong as you!