You would think someone who went to school for as long as I have would have thought of this idea sooner. Degrees: three. Commonsense: zero. After ten years of looking at floppy, twisted stockings, I realized (with the same pride Lise Meitner must have felt when she discovered nuclear fission) I could stuff them with something innocuous until Christmas Eve, whereby toys and goodies would replace said stuffing and keep the stockings looking plump and pretty.
[pauses for applause]
I used plastic bags from the super market, of which I have many. Go ahead, judge me. I use them to dispose of Nichoals’s thrice daily diaper bombs. Uh huh. I knew you would understand. Anyway, four seems to be the magic number. The heel and toe each get one bag, stuffed firmly. The shaft needs only two loosely crumpled bags. I didn’t think the bags would add enough weight to keep the stockings straight, but it worked. Had the stockings continued to twist, I would have added dried beans or rice to the toes. (Now that I am coming up with brilliant ideas and all.)
For my next trick, I will attempt to finish decorating for Christmas before Christmas–or, at least before my inlaws show up on Sunday.