You’ll have to indulge me for a moment while I act like Mikey just accomplished something no other 5 year old has in the history of the world. He had his first recital today and he did great! Since I never said one word in kindergarten, I was nervous at the prospect of him reciting a nursery rhyme from memory in front of a room full of parents and students.
Of course, every parent in the room was nervous, and when it was time for their child to go up on stage, there wasn’t a mother in the room that wasn’t reciting her child’s nursery rhyme under her breath. Some kids panicked and cried, others refused to go up. The funniest moment came when the teacher called out one little boy named Christian S.
Teacher: Okay, let’s see who’s next. It’s Christian S., please.
Christian S.: OH, GOD! NO!
And that was all Christian S. had to say about that. He wouldn’t go up, even when the group of kids surrounding him said things like, “You can do it, Christian!” “It’s not that bad, I promise!” “Come on, Christian, it’s okay! You can do it!” It was all very sweet, and ten kids later, Christian S. finally did slither his way onto the stage. And I do mean slither. He dragged himself up like a dying man in the desert, laying for just a brief second on the stage before hoisting himself up on trembling legs. Finally he got up and gave one long look up to the sky as if begging God to split the ground beneath his feet and swallow him up whole. I have no idea what he said into the microphone, but he said something and we applauded loudly.
Of course, maybe I didn’t understand what he said because the kids were reciting the most obscure, nonsensical nursery rhymes I have ever heard in my life. There were kids talking about mushy clouds, cats in Paris, and bats eating bacon and cake. Little Miss Muffet and her Tuffet, apparently, are just too ordinary for these jaded five year olds.
Nicholas behaved himself well enough during the hour long recital, so long as he was allowed to scroll through pictures of dinosaurs on The Mister’s phone or take out every single item I have ever thought to shove in my wallet. That reminds me, I should put my wallet back together again or I will have to upend my purse to find my ATM card the next time I am at the store.
Poor thing, all he wants is to hang out with Mikey and his friends, and here I am trying to subject him to the indignity of a family picture.
And, because 477 words and 15 pictures of Mikey holding a microphone isn’t enough for me to hammer home to everyone that Mikey had his first recital and didn’t leave the stage screaming, I have included a phenomenally bad video taken with The Mister’s phone. I am not the least bit worried about the security of minors on the internet because you can’t see anything. It’s as if the recital took place in a foggy field of heather in Scotland, but I don’t care because you can hear Mikey recite what must be one of the more disturbing rhymes of the bunch. You can also hear Nicholas whining in the background (The Mister having taken away the phone so he could record Mikey) and me giving the biggest sigh of relief that is was over with my nerves intact.
Bat, bat, come under my hat
And I’ll give you a slice of bacon
And when I bake, I’ll give you a cake
If I am not mistaken