Two Scoops

As a diocesan employee, I am limited in what I can say or do online. Better stated, I self-censor because it’s the prudent thing to do. So, although I am an opinionated person by nature, I have resisted the temptation to comment on what is on everyone’s hearts and minds. My will is wavering. I want to jump into the fray with my own opinions and conspiracy theories. Unfortunately, I can’t. I’m a fact-driven person who relies on data, and I don’t have enough information to do anything more than speculate. I have no idea what the countdown clock on Stephenie Meyer’s website means.

Trust me when I say I have done my research. The links at the bottom of the website lead to the social media accounts of her production company, which suggests a movie announcement is on the horizon. A red herring if I ever saw one.

Meyer never did finish her Midnight Sun project, and all the Twilight books do have astronomically themed titles. Might we finally figure out what Edward saw in Bella?

No, I can’t comment without more information.

Perhaps it’s for the best that I keep my mouth shut. I’m still a diocesan employee, after all. And people don’t want my opinions, especially when there are already so many opinions being tossed around online. Even people who don’t work in arts and entertainment have views on this countdown clock. Everyone is an expert!

The other day a wellness blogger who gets paid in pili nuts said in her Instagram stories that she didn’t want to tell anyone what to believe, but she could point people to the truth when they were ready. I sent her a DM and told her that I, probably more than anyone, wanted an explanation to Edward’s attraction to Bella. Unfortunately, we’re in it for the long haul and need to wait until May 4th. She suggested a blend of lavender, frankincense, vetiver, lemon, and peppermint oil to reduce brain fog and promote mental clarity. She gave me her discount code, which was kind of her.

It’s definitely for the best that I keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to get fired for offensive behavior online. I don’t even want to get laid off due to the economy. I love my job and want to keep it, which is why I decided to make this a safe place for people to go when they want to go online but don’t want to speculate on Twilight.

I can be the most boring, plain vanilla blogger the internet has ever hosted. Think about your least favorite ice cream flavor. Does it not still do in a pinch? The answer is yes. I can post about sock drawers, what I ate for lunch, and the books everyone has already read. I’ll save the racy sourdough starter content for my Instagram stories since those only last 24 hours. You won’t believe the bubbles.

This is a great idea; nothing can go wrong.