I’ve been trying to spend less time on Facebook, but it’s not because I’m working or too busy. The truth of the matter is that to get to my Facebook page I have to go through my personal page, and I’ve basically come to hate most of the people with whom I’m “friends.”
Seriously. So annoying. Part of the problem is that I found most of these people back when my best friend and I were in charge of the high school reunion. Before then, I was never on Facebook. Now it’s like I’ve been sucked into a whirlpool of malcontent.
By all means, call me an idiot for having a different opinion. Nothing could make me happier! Unless, of course, you attach a meme with bad words and a picture of a cat releasing it’s bowels all over a keyboard to hammer home the point that you think what I believe is crap. I won’t even judge you for using such literal imagery. (Hahaha, yes I will.)
If I ever post about something that happened 6 months ago, by God someone better chime in and remind me that it was actually 3 months, 12 days, and 4 hours ago or I’m going to be very disappointed in the Facebook police.
Always, always, always tell me how I could be a better mother. I really need your help on this because I think as a woman who has never met my children, you might be able to provide a “fresh set of eyes.”
I don’t care what you think about the other candidate.
Two weeks ago I almost deleted my Facebook account. Some friends convinced me to keep it because if I delete my personal account, I lose my blog page. “I remember to read your blog when a post of yours shows up in my feed.” I get that, but if she only reads my blog when I remind her, maybe I’m keeping her from doing something more important. I don’t need to be reminded to read the blogs that really speak to me and my life at the moment. I don’t want to add unnecessary noise to anyone’s life.
For these reasons and more, I’ve been slowly moving away from Facebook and going back to Twitter. It’s easier for me to reply to people when I’m on break at school and I don’t have to deal with people I want to throttle or run the risk of getting roped into another War of the Words.
After only a few days back on Twitter, I’ve been directed to some great links!
Rebecca sent me this one on the “All About that Bass” video. Go ahead and have a little clicky-poo, all you visiting readers from the Collective Haters of the Internet, LLC. And while you’re at it, go reread the post you hated so much. I put it back up and added a few comments.
Twitter is how Linda Bacon heard about this post. She sent me an email wishing me luck on my journey. Fangirl moment.
I found out a lot of people like and use doTERRA essential oils. I swear by quite a few of the oils and I was able to search and find a few other users. Facebook is actually a better place for reading doTERRA stuff but, again, trying to avoid Facebook.
Twitter isn’t perfect, of course. People can turn on you quickly. My brother says Twitter can be a medieval stockade but with blue birds instead of rotten vegetables. He has a point, but that can be said of all social media.
I wonder what would happen if I stopped all social media? Instagram would be TOUGH to let go.
I know just what you mean with facebook. I felt the same way until about 3 months ago when I made two changes. First, I made my friends list private. Only I can see who my friends are and how many I have, with the exception of my friends who can see a list of those friends we have in common. Second, I “unfriended” everyone I don’t enjoy in real life. My friends list is now at 25 people who I love and enjoy very much. Facebook helps me keep in contact with them since several live out of the country and the rest are scattered across the US. Now I enjoy my facebook feed and I have a public page that followers can still see and that I can interact with them on, should I so choose. It was incredibly liberating, helped me save time and lowered my stress level. There was also the added benefit of allowing me more time to really interact with the people I love without the chaos of a packed news feed of random political drivel and 9,456 cat memes.
Nodding head…and thankful for ‘unfriending’ and ‘custom list’ options on FB. But really just want to say this line really just made me laugh w/its awesomeness: “Go ahead and have a little clicky-poo”. You just keep doing your online thing however you want. I don’t need a reminder to read. =)
I’m still ok with being on Facebook because I don’t use it much, but I hate seeing my feed so much that I always look away when Facebook loads. I love hearing what my friends have been up to when I speak to them, but for some reason seeing that on Facebook makes me all angsty – go figure. I removed a lot of people after reading this post http://www.hollywoodhousewife.com/2012/09/dont-tell-me-how-to-use-facebook.html a while back and felt better about it, but I still dislike the information overload and the fact people expect you to be checking up on them via FB. Whatever happened to texting or calling friends when you want to speak to them?
I like IG better. I follow a handful of specific friends and bloggers whose updates I actually want to see, and I find the photos-only aspect easier to handle: so and so may be very nice and I vaguely know them, but if their photos bum me out for whatever reason I unfollow them straightaway without feeling the least bit guilty. It’s like FB from the old days.
Years ago I had been toying with the idea to do without facebook. Reason one, I was out for dinner for my birthday and the guy next to me (friend of a friend) asked how old I was. I told him 31 (this was a few years ago), he said, “okay let me check your facebook page … yup you are 31”. I said “I know I just told you that, me, the real-live version sitting beside you”.
Then, Reason two, I went through a divorce and it was not an amicable one and people were already on the prowl for gossip. Already an introvert I went inside like a turtle and immediately deleted my Facebook account. Someone that I knew said “hey, so I see you committed facebook suicide” and I enjoyed that term. Not that I take suicide lightly, just the fact that my digital self took a dive off the proverbial cliff. The feeling can only be described as sweet release! I found more peace and more quiet in my life. When I saw friends at gatherings I didn’t already know that they ‘had an awesome time in Costa Rica’ or that ‘they were expecting another baby’ or that they ‘totally love the new episode of (insert whatever)’. When I got together with people their lives were new to me, like it was before ‘social media’. I have never looked back. A few people were upset with me, can you imagine? They were upset, why? Because they didn’t get to have a peek at my supposed life?
Then, I started blogging and it was on my terms, no pictures, just lessons. Then another big life curve ball hit and immediately I took my blog down.
I don’t have facebook, twitter, instagram (honestly don’t even understand the last 2 very much). I still call this symbol # the number sign. Maybe I live under a rock, but I like it. So, I say …. DO IT! Free yourself of Facebook and see how sweet it is…
The only way to survive Facebook is to unfollow regularly. REGULARLY. It is the only way I stay sane and I pretty much have a one-strike rule.
I’m to the point where I am unfollowing people whose lives just appear too stinking happy and it bums me out every time they update. So yeah. Obviously I love people.
Why not just defriend everyone you don’t call a real “Friend”? I did that – I only have 32 “friends” on my Facebook and those are either family or close friends that I want to know what is going on in my life. Keeps life simple and I get updates from people that I really want to hear from / about….
Besides defriending, I hide people. I have some relatives that would be hurt if I defriended them, but their politics makes me crazy so I just clicked the little hide button and now their posts don’t show up. It is awesome!
I do this, too. Sometimes it’s just for season (say, during elections), and then I might unhide them. There are a lot of friends, relatives, and acquaintances who post a bunch of stuff I’m just not interested in. I enjoy checking in with them occasionally about real life events, but I don’t want to read every article they share. Hiding them is awesome.
I think you took that comment the wrong way Jules :) For me, I don’t use a feed program or anything like that, so have posts from the blogs I like pop up in my Facebook feed serve, yes as a reminder, but because I want them to remind me ! :) (and it’s not so much a reminder as it serves to be an ‘alert’).
I love you just the way you are!
I don’t get FB, and don’t have an account. I call, txt or email the people I love and want to have in my life. I just don’t get being FB “friends” with someone you don’t want to be friends, or at least acquaintances, with in real life. What is the point? I understand that FB can be helpful in arranging things like reunions, but now that it is over, why do you feel obligated to still let these unwanted “friends” in your life? (I’m not criticizing, just asking.) Why not unfriend them or hide them?
Just yesterday, I logged off Facebook vowing to not log on for at least a month. I too have grown tired of countless political articles, parenting articles (I don’t even have kids!) and zillions of baby pictures posted by two people on my friend list that seem to think we need to know every time their kids smile, wink, poop, draw something, etc. The constant stream of information was too much and I felt lots of negativity flowing through it. I’m taking big steps right now to simplify my life and take time to focus on things I want to do and FB was becoming too much of a negative timesuck. After my month is up, I’m going to decide if I want to just delete my account and be done with it all�glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks about it that way!
Oooohhh… social media. I agree with several of the comments above. I have chosen to whittle my ‘friends’ list to people in my family and friends that I really do interact with. You know, In Real Life. There are a few holdouts that I’ve hidden from my feed rather than unfriend because I unfriended a bunch of people a few years ago (not out of bad spirits, but many were from H.S. and I came to realize I didn’t care about their posts & they probably didn’t care about mine) and got several snippy little notes along the lines of ‘who did I think I was to unfriend them?’ Really people? REALLY??! THIS is what you worry about in a day??
Anyway, I don’t need that drama, but I do enjoy being able to make a post and know that most of my family (spread out all over the country) can see it easily and at their own convenience so I haven’t gotten rid of FB or Twitter. I find myself following & reading great links & posts from my Twitter feed, but I rarely tweet. I don’t have Instagram. A few months ago I posted on my main FB page that if someone needed to reach me & it was urgent then it was best to pick up the phone and call or even text directly because most evenings from 5:30 until 8:30am the next day I try to have a no social media zone (read: Family Time). I took a LOT of flack for that post ( generally from friends, not family). I must be a Luddite! Calling on a phone. I probably have a LANDLINE. pshaw.
By the way, I NEVER need a reminder to read your blog. It’s my favorite & if you don’t see me commenting it’s because I’m taking a break from all devices/social media and/or I’m on vacation (=unplugged! the sweet release!) I will find you where you go. Wait, that sounds stalker-ish. I mean it in the most un-stalkerish way. :)
I’ve never been on Facebook, so I can’t comment about that, but I think your comments are wonderfully amusing and they have the added bonus of reinforcing my stand against Facebook! However, I am commenting to request that you NOT leave Instagram!! I love your posts and I would miss seeing them! Thanks for your blog (and your Instagram), you’re a delight and I look forward to reading what you have to say about things!
You’re one of my favorite people on Twitter, so I’m glad you’re there. And you’re in my Feedly because I want to know what you have to say. I delete blogs from Feedly if they aren’t relevant, I unfollow people who post annoying crap on Twitter, and I hide people liberally on Facebook. I think I’ve been pretty clear about how I feel about unproductive comments when people snark at me online. And I have Opinions with a capital “O” sometimes. I think the key is to use the platform in the way that makes sense for you and not worry about everyone else. I am sure I’ve been hidden by people who just want more cat videos, but I think FB is a way to have productive conversations with like-minded friends, and I’ve found really good connections by realizing folks are interested and engaged, and involved in the same things I am. Twitter is the same, but allows me to connect with strangers. Ditto for Instagram. It’s a different audience. I don’t really want or need my “real-life” friends there, because that’s what FB is for. I don’t know. It’s weird. I like the connections. There are some goofballs, but mostly it’s in a pretty good place.
Glad you enjoyed the link. The timing was so perfect, right after your post. I can’t believe (yes I can, ignore that. I read the comments too often) that people are so mean.
Nooooot that you asked for advice, but what is a blog with comments enabled FOR other than unsolicited advice? My point exactly. Here is my helpful, unsolicited advice. There are three ways to control the negativity on Facebook:
1) Defriend every last person who stresses you out, that you feel no connection to, that you actively dislike. 99% of the time, they don’t notice that they’ve been defriended for a very long time.
2) Defriend and block every. last. person. on Facebook who tells you you’re a bad mother or is in any way abusive, or complains about your blog posts or WHATEVER.
3) What to do with people that you don’t want to defriend, but you also don’t want to HEAR from anymore? Unfollow them. Valuable tool there! Go to their facebook page and if you look at the bottom right of the big rectangular picture that’s the header for their page, there are three widgets. Friends (checkmark) Following (checkmark) and Message (ellipsis). Uncheck “Following”. They will no longer appear in your feed, and you’re still friends. You can still touch base, but you don’t have to put up with how they use Facebook.
I hope this helps you bring your toxic facebook page under control. :)
I don’t have a FB account, so that’s prolly why I agree with everything you said. (Except for the twitter part cuz I don’t have a clue to how to twitter.)
I also have a friend who wants me to email and tell her when I have a new blog post. Really? You can spend hours on FB but you can’t bother to figure out how to follow me? You can’t bookmark and check it once a week?
Needless to say, I don’t email and tell her.
I’ve never had a Facebook account, and I’ve never regretted that decision. I went through several years of feeling persuaded by my friends to join, but eventually they seemed to give up, and now I hear about Facebook less in general. I do know that being Facebook-free made my high school reunion more fun – I had no idea what people looked like or what they were doing. I do sometimes miss seeing photos of my friends’ kids, but my closest friends usually share via texts, or in person. I use Twitter every day (it’s such a better fit for me), and Instagram is great, too. I think people shouldn’t feel obligated to use any particular network, or to use them at all.
Also, I read your blog regularly with no reminders at all, because it is fantastic.
Ugh, I hate Facebook but I hate twitter more. Technically I’ve never used it consistently but that’s because I hate it so I don’t bother to figure it out. IG, on the other hand…. Anyway, the point of this comment is a) to commiserate and b) to say that Instagram is a way easier place to read about oil stuff. I follow a ton of feeds to get ideas on how to use my oils. I recently started my own too….it’s been fun to share.
I don’t “do” Facebook exactly for the reasons you mentioned. I wasn’t a fan of many of the snobby, mean kids I grew up with. Not do I need a large circle of followers to feed my self-worth. I don’t do Twitter or Instagram, either. My brother is a self-proclaimed Facebook addict. He documents every single event in his and his family’s lives which is then viewed and commented on by close to 1000 people. No appeal to me whatsoever. Plus Facebook can become very competitive, esp ecoally with kids; whose are the cutest/smartest/most fun, etc.
Go ahead, delete Facebook. I don’t need a “reminder” to read your blog- haha!
Instagram and Twitter (to me) don’t seem as soul-sucking, plus It’s a great place for cool pics and snippets and it might me enough to scratch your media itch.
I’ve never been on Facebook, and I get pressure to join all of the time. I have no issue with others being on it, I just don’t want participate. The thing is, I cannot get myself to join into something that involves the social pressure of having to publicly friend or unfriend someone. I watched my BFF have to unfriend some people, and it was stressful and unpleasant. Plus my nosey Dad who has already lambasted my sister and daughter over things they “liked.” They can’t unfriend him, because that would cause more problems. They do limit how much he can see though. That would drive me crazy. Trying to make some things public for friends and family to see, but hiding other things. I hope you can find the right balance to fit your needs. I love your blog, and check it every morning without a feed or Facebook.
Years ago, right after college, I deleted my Facebook and heard serious uproar from my friends. They were actually offended, as though not having a Facebook meant we weren’t friends? When I went back, I vowed to clean house and only keep people that I was genuinely happy to hear from. If I didn’t want to see their updates/have them see my updates, they were out. To this day I keep my friends list at a lean 140 or so and don’t regret it. There are a few kooky family members who have slipped through the policy because I objectively understand that I can’t/shouldn’t unfriend them, so I keep them hidden from my feed. They can hear my news, but I don’t need to read their job rants or see 100 shares from Moms Get Stuff For Free!
At this point, I’m most likely to quit Facebook out of frustration from not understanding the ridiculous new features. I HATE being forced into downloading additional apps (I’m looking at you, “Messenger”) and upgrade when I’m not interested. Every time they make a change, I’m less inclined to even bother learning how to use the new features. Overrrrr it.
Meanwhile, my twitter was hacked and I just never opened the email to reset my password. Though it sounds silly, I felt like twitter was giving me permission to quit and I took it!
Bottom line – social media cannot/should not make us feel shitty. I’ve finally adopted the policy that if it’s not serving me, I’m OUT.
Oh, I have such a love/hate relationship with FB. On the love side, I belong to some really interesting groups where people have (mostly) meaningful conversations or are generally positive or have great links/advice (depending on the group). But, oh, I feel you on the “friends” thing. About once a week I tell my husband I need better friends.
I have a Twitter account, and generally use it to keep up with another friend who refuses FB, but perhaps I will try it out in lieu of FB for a bit.
“Hide” and “Unfriend” are two great options, I personally go over my friends’ list in FB at least couple of times a year
my rule used to be that I’m only adding someone I know in real life to be a friend (back when this was limited to 3-4 colleges). Now, I keep the same rule, but add people like you, smittenkitchen, since I read your blogs.
I’ve gotten to “unfollowing” anybody who posts stupid stuff. And fortunately, I don’t post often enough for anybody that isn’t a friend in real life to comment on my posts.
technology is a tool for YOU, not the other way around.
I quit Facebook 2 1/2 years ago and I am so glad that I did. I got tired of the pissing contests, the “my marriage is so amazing I have to tell everyone about it every day”, the “I bought a new car”, etc. I love being Facebook free! Never going back. And, for what it’s worth, both of my teenage daughter’s tried Facebook, declared it lame and closed their accounts, too.
Well, I follow you on FB and I STILL missed this post. Love it, though.
The last personal post I put on FB was January 31, 2014. My husband and I have a “joint” account, because he refuses to have his own. We were heading off for a month-long trip, and I decided to unplug. When I got back, I didn’t “plug” back in.
Since I work in social media for a virtual company, I do have to have access to FB, which is one of 2 reasons I haven’t closed it down completely. We have a “secret” team page where we communicate, plus I do social media for clients throughout North America. In other words, I HAVE to have it if I want to make money. :)
What I DON’T have to do is play with the meanies on FB. In March, a “friend” raked me over the coals for the way I made a “big deal” about “unplugging”. That was the last straw. I pulled every picture I had put on FB and shut down my personal account… in that I don’t use it that way any longer. I still have the account so I can work, and I still have my Busy Nothings FB page, and I make the occasional comment on something you post, or something Jessica (Life as MOM) or Anne (Modern Mrs. Darcy) posts, but otherwise, I let it all go. And I love it.
All those so-called “friends”… no loss. Those who wanted to keep up followed me to my BN FB page. If this job ever ends, I would close social in a heartbeat. I’m only posting to the blog about once a month any more, and it’s all lost it’s charm to me. It’s been a fun way to get to know completely different people outside of my little area, but I don’t think social can take the place of real life and real interactions.
Pass the paperback… this introvert is DONE.