Lent began last Wednesday, and as many of you know (or can imagine) this period of self-reflection is my favorite time of the year, liturgical or otherwise. Unlike years past, I haven’t discussed what I will be giving up for Lent. I had good reason: I couldn’t decide. I’m not even trying to be funny, I swear.
I won’t go through all the Lenten promises I considered. There are many and all had promise, but I didn’t get that feeling in my gut that tells me I am on the right path. I’m an over-thinker by nature, so my gut never gets to say much more than, “You overdid it with the dairy,” or, “Don’t read in a moving car, especially without your glasses.” Every now and then, though, I can count on it to scream louder than the thoughts in my head. In fact, it’s when the thoughts in my head skitter to a stop that I know I’ve hit upon a good idea.
The other day I made a few self-deprecating comments in a post and a reader chided me for it later on Facebook. I realized immediately she was right and edited the post. Then I turned her words around in my head for a few days until they turned into a promise, shiny and smooth.
This year for Lent I will give up the negative self-talk and take on a more forgiving, gentle attitude towards myself. I am very good at restrictions and rules and challenges. I excel at trying to excel. I’m not so good at just being okay.
Lent is about conversion, turning our lives more completely over to Christ and his way of life. That always involves giving up sin in some form. The goal is not just to abstain from sin for the duration of Lent but to root sin out of our lives forever. Conversion means leaving behind an old way of living and acting in order to embrace new life in Christ. For catechumens, Lent is a period intended to bring their initial conversion to completion. Catholic.org
I’m not giving up flour, or sugar, or meat, or blogs, or media. Instead, I’m hoping to gain a new perspective, form new habits, and treat myself the way I want my sons to treat themselves. Jesus would approve.
p.s. I twice caught myself on Saturday practicing negative self talk (once I poked fun at the socks I was wearing and the other time I joked that my nose looked a pencil fresh out of the sharpener). I see this will be a challenging Lenten season, but one that will come with great reward.
Oh, what a beautiful offering for Lent. Very appropriate. After all, Jesus took one look at each of us and said, “For her, I will die . . . ” It’s only right we learn to look at ourselves–and others–with his eyes.
Hooray for this Lent project! I think we could all benefit from doing the same. I appreciate the distinction you make between giving something up and a conversion. I’m trying to convert from a yeller to a calm talker with my kids. The noise level in our house with two young boys (you know) gets insane sometimes. As a result, my voice reaches insane levels and I hate it. It doesn’t help the noise level or the chaos at all. I feel like God wants me to work on that, so that is what I’m doing for Lent. Like you, I’ve already caught myself slipping multiple times, but it is good to have one thing to focus on changing for now.
I’ve been really, really working on my yelling. Like you said, it’s so easy to do when you are surrounded by boys. Right now, Mikey and Nico are wrestling behind me after I have told them twice now to go to separate rooms so Mikey can do his homework before practice. Normally, I would start yelling, but in the last couple of weeks I’ve been more calm.
This Lenten “sacrifice” seems to fit well with achieving a more positive outlook on life in general.
I think my goal is similiar. I will no longer accept excuses from myself about exersice. I can find thirty minutes to an hour everyday to be physically active. If I can’t, it means my focus is in the wrong place.
The priest this weekend made some wonderful comments along the same line. More often than not, we have the time–we just don’t use it properly. He said something great about praying, too. Same thing, most people complain they don’t have the time or forget (that would be me). He said that first thing in the morning, while you are brushing your teeth, doing your hair, etc., pray in your head. It doesn’t have to be perfect or formal or full of rituals, you just have to do it–even if that means asking for a wonderful day while you’re spitting toothpaste in the sink.
I don’t formally observe Lent, but I recognize it and usually pick something and join in. It’s encouraging to do hard things when you know you’re not alone. This year, I feel like I’m already working on so many things (eating habits, parenting, inner healing, etc.) that it looks like it’s happening organically, without a necessary start and finish date. I guess it’s more of a lifestyle of conversion, like you mentioned. I feel like those kind have more ‘sticking’ power, anyway.
By the way, I love that you’re cutting yourself some slack. Y0ur gut was right!
I think part of the reason that I struggled with what to do is because I am already working on a few things, and have been for a while. Still, the negative talk has GOT TO GO. It annoys my husband beyond all explanation.
Love your picture. You look like a beautiful teenager! You are inspiring me to be a gentler mother, to try and cut back on the yelling and to speak in a kindly and encouraging way that will elicit the good in my child. And to try and enjoy the journey of parenting no matter how challenging it is. There is always something good to appreciate.
Thank you so much, Jeanne! I’m working on being a gentler mother, too. But I realized I have to be as gentle with myself, or in the end it’s all a wash.
What a wonderful Lenten practice to carry through for the rest of your life! This year, my Lenten practice is to reflect on my day and come up with at least one thing that I am truly thankful for. It seems like it should be easy, but some days (like yesterday, when I was terribly sick all day) it takes a little more reflection than others. Blessings.
Last week was so hard for me. My husband was out of town all week and I was really, really sick. I felt like I was barely holding my head above water! I used to keep a gratitude journal, and I really should get back to it. One thing I would do differently is to write something new everyday. Even with gratitude, I got into a rut.
Great choice. I have to do the same in the future. I wish you much success.
Thank you, Rosa–Both here and on Facebook! ;)
what a lovely idea!! You are a beloved child of God and deserve to be treated as such. Especially by yourself!
There is a Child of God print on etsy I’ve been wanting to buy for the boys for at least a couple of years now.
Well done, you! It’s a great Lenten promise. And for what it’s worth, I really enjoy the way you write about faith. I really connect to the way you write about your journey. So thank you!
I’ve tried the positive Lenten promise instead of the negative in years past as well–it’s a good way to go. This year, however, I’ve given up facebook. I’ve found myself almost reflexively going there and wasting untold periods of time this past year. I know this isn’t uncommon, but in the past several months, I’ve also found myself making negative comments in my head (dare I say judgements) about other people’s decisions, from what type of status to post, to Vegas marriages. People who, if not for facebook, I would frankly not have even thought about for the past 10 years. I’m looking forward to becoming a more positive person again and focusing on the people in my life with whom I have real relationships. And spending time I’ve been wasting doing far more productive things that will benefit my soul and my family.
So, so true about Facebook. (And blogs, twitter, et al.) I’ve been giving that a lot of thought, too.
One thing that was helpful to me during an especially negative self-talk season of my life is to ask myself, “would I say this to a friend?” The answer was always no. And therefore, I stopped saying those things to myself as well. It takes time to recognize negative self-talk for what it is (why does it flow off our lips so easily?) but the reward is immeasurable. Blessings to you, Jules!
I’ll tell you what, it flies off my lips as if the words had wings! Thanks for the tips; I could use as many as you have!
I don’t celebrate Lent but what a lovely idea for you to practice!
Oh, and you have SUCH lovely eyes! Love this photo!
Thank you! :)
This is a great idea. And a constant reminder to be nice to yourself.
I still can’t decide what to give up…..
Haha. Glad to know I’m not the only one!
What a great decision you have made. One of my favorite quotes is:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Oh, I love this! Thank you. :)
Bravo! I wish I could “like” this. :D (as in fb “like”).
I’m a lapsed Catholic, but thanks to all your paleo – links and thoughts, I decided to try it for lent!
Oh, good luck! Let me know how it goes. I don’t eat paleo, but I know a lot of people who read here are. We got lots of links that day! :)
Just a thought —
“I�m the introvert in the corner who can�t eat a spoonful of oatmeal without my chest turning into a smithy, but will lick the bowl clean if you tell me you made a double batch of Quaker Oats just for me. Hurting your feelings bothers me more than heartburn?”
Maybe this is another version of the negative self-talker? Essentially the other’s feelings are more valuable than your own? or is it the act of asserting your needs is not important enough to overcome the discomfort of speaking out?
I admire your commitment to self-reflection and tangible changes like the WmMorris Project, as well as the risks you take documenting them here for ‘the world’ to comment on. I fight the same internal self-talk battle myself, daily, so I am hoping this comment comes across as supportive, not judgmental.
Oh, absolutely. They are all part of the same deal.
I think this is a great approach to Lent. Also, such a lovely photo of you!
Good for you,
I believe Christ wants us to be the best version of ourselves. How can we allow Him to change us when we keep putting ourselves back into the old places He brought us out of? With Him, all things are possible. :)
I love this.
I’m Catholic and trying to come to terms with what that means to me. Trying to define it for myself, because so much of what the church stands for, to me, is just wrong. Lent is tricky for me because I don’t see any value in skipping meat on Friday or depriving myself for 40 days. I’ve often used the season as an opportunity for reflection and self-improvement.
Your take on it is so refreshing! Good luck with your endeavor — I think it’s courageous.
I have tried to give up yelling for Lent.
http://trans-parents-y.com/2012/03/11/yelling-fast/