I’ve always been a fan of my dreams. I’m not talking about my aspirations, although those are also top notch. The dreams I love are a product of my imagination, a reflection of how creative a writer I could be if I wasn’t so concerned with you liking me. They are what happen when I fall asleep.
For a long time my dreams played out like chapters in a Garcia Marquez novel, my subconscious an unraveling sweater the colors of magical realism. In my dreams, anthropomorphism reigned supreme and gnocchis saved lives, literally. If you’ve ever had a plate of homemade gnocchis, you know this could totally happen.
Lately, my dreams are more philosophical and not quite so fantastical. Perhaps my subconscious is watching me blunder through my days, groaning as I miss all the clues and signs until finally she decides to send me a direct message. At this point in my life, I can’t be trusted to properly interpret a dream about a woman shaking a blanket made of periwinkle butterflies.
On Saturday, I dreamed I sat at a table of weathered gray wood with a very wise man. We sat in turquoise, spindle back chairs with the perfect amount of squeak, both of us looking across a long expanse of swamp water recently calm after a large storm. The air was thick and curled the hair around my face.
He smoked a corn cob pipe, as most wise men do, and stared at me in intervals. Oddly, I didn’t find it at all creepy and not once felt the urge to chastise him on the dangers of smoking. After a while he turned to me and spoke. His voice came from all directions.
“You know, as parents we often feel like we are in the midst of a storm that doesn’t break. Everything is chaotic, nothing is predictable. Years later you’ll look back and realize you were sitting under a rainbow. Enjoy it while you can.”
I nodded my understanding and stared off into the water, which was slowly losing its edges. He took a final pull from his pipe and put his hands on his knees to stand up. With a parting glance he said, “Try not to forget that when you wake up.”
I remembered, although I have to admit my first thought was again with the rainbows? My second thought was, oh.
Oh, with a heavy heart. The plan was for me to remain at home until our youngest was in school full time. A few months ago, while I was watching it rain, I realized the youngest turned four and full time school was less than two years away. Last week I acknowledged that with the economy the way it is, I may not be able to wait that long. My two years turned into two months, all while I was watching the rain.
With this realization, the rain stopped, the sky opened up, and from clouds made of cotton candy sprang forth a herd of Pegasus with rainbows for wings. The very wise man was right; there never was a storm.
On the same day mythical creatures took over the sky, I received an email asking me, from what I could tell from the subject line, to write about a book. I almost deleted it automatically as I normally do but for some reason decided to take the time to read the email. I don’t get as many of these as I used to. People talk, and I may have developed a reputation for being unduly selective.
I was right, it was a book. A children’s book, or maybe something more. Arthur Levine’s Monday is One Day is a love note from a working parent to a child. It’s a book about Mondays through Fridays and the appreciation for one another that comes from being apart. It’s a wonderful book. It’s also book a small part of me doesn’t want to read.
It’s not that I don’t want to work, or that I don’t miss it. I do. But when my friends from law school read my blog and tell me I was meant to write more than motions and appeals I realize, now that my two years are two months, that I have spent my time complaining about the weather and not much else.
I have not slowed down my life and tried to enjoy the little things (at least not as much as I thought I would). I have not honored the gift and privilege it is to stay at home (at least not as much as I should). I have not done the writing and editing and writing again (at least not as much as I could).
Would have, should have, could have.
Monday is one day.
Tuesday is a day for blue shoes.
Wednesday is the half way mark.
Everything leads up to the weekend. But today, today I am going to focus on the woulds, shoulds, and coulds because my two years turned into two months and this book, this book that landed in my lap after a realization but before a dream, is a book that a bigger part of me is thrilled to read. I will soon be returning to the workforce soon as an attorney…or not.
Probably not. Hopefully not.
Not.
I’m going to go chase rainbows. If I catch them, I’ll be doing what I truly love. If I don’t, there’s always law. And the beauty of it all is that I already have the pot of gold at the end.
******
The book loving team at Scholastic sponsored this post and would like to give five readers who comment on this post their own copy of Monday is One Day by Arthur Levine. I am leaving the contest open until June 6, 2011, which is a Monday. I thought that was appropriate.
You can post once a day until the contest is closed. You don’t need to tweet or stumble or facebook, but if you like the post, by all means social media yourself out!
Thank you, as always, for your support.
This giveaway is now closed. Thank you to all who participated! The winners are:
What a thoughtful post. I need to stop noticing the rain and start noticing the rainbow, myself. But also, find a new job.
I don’t have kids myself, but I would hand this book off to my sister. She works and her husband is in school, so his schedule is crazy, so they do put my niece in daycare.
My less than three years seems to hang over my head like a damp cloud. I love being home with our kids but there are days that i also focus on the storms and not the rainbows, flowers, and just play in the mist.
Your post reminded me that I need to keep in focus why I am home right now.
And I don’t have powers of publishing books, but I have said more than once that I would read what you wrote. I hope the two months can lead to something….
Yeah, what IS with the rainbows?
I work full time and my husband is home and in school part time. It’s hard…I wish I were the one home with our children. My son asks me every weekday morning how many days until I am home for a family day. Sniff. Enjoy your two months.
jules, you’ve given me so much to think about with this post. thank you.
also. your dreams are deep.
Wow. I’m still trying to take in everything you wrote. I truly believe you are a writer at heart (and not necessarily a writer of motions and appellate briefs – although I’m sure you’re good at that too). I am about to embark on a summer of my own “two months” spending as much quality time with my teenagers as possible.
(and since I don’t have little ones anymore, if I should win a copy of the book, would you please donate it to a local library or children’s organization?)
This is totally off the subject, but what kind of tree is that in the picture? With the smooth bark? It is fascinating — surreal!
When I tell people that after the birth of my second child, my husband and I decided that I should stay home, they almost always say, “Oh, but you’ll go back to work when (the baby) starts school?” I feel compelled to remind them that, one, I AM working, I am just not collecting a paycheck! Second, when my little one starts school, there will still be plenty to keep me busy at home. My husband’s job frequently (but irregularly) calls him to travel out of state for 4 or 5 days at a time, and so sick days, parent teacher conferences, teacher in-service days, and so forth fall to me (I seriously don’t know how single parents do it!!!). I already do some part time and free-lance work, so my “plan” is just to take on more over time. If you have the luxury, really take some time to figure out what makes you happiest, and then figure out a way to make it happen. If you need to bring in income, and going back to the job you had pre-kids doesn’t light your fire the way it once did, figure out what WILL make you excited to “work” everyday, and start finding a way to do it. Seriously, I know it is out there for you!
And now… oFF the Soapbox! Down! Down! ;)
It’s a crepe myrtle. They do really well around here. Aren’t the trunks amazing? :)
I stumbled upon your blog last week and promised myself I would return regularly. I say this about many beautiful and well written blogs and then I forget. But I didn’t forget yours. I remember to stop by today and came across this entry.
Thank you.
I need a book like this. I am a single mom to a vibrant and amazingly funny 15 month old girl and she is someone else’s care for 12 hours every day, 5 days a week. I try and make the most our time together no matter how small.
I have bookmarked your blog and will be returning regularly :)
Oh, I love it. No wonder you’re such a wonderful writer … your dreams run deep. You are no doubt headed for greatness; never worry, the road that leads to such is rarely straight.
I may have a longer road. Just last week, I dreamed some little crazy woman was trying to steal my cat for her chop suey. Yeah, it explains a lot, doesn’t it? Sigh.
You are meant to write! I hope that you find yourself doing exactly what you want to be doing when the time comes for you. I’m so impressed with your profound dreams (and the ability to remember them!). All my dreams lately have involved me being innocent but running from either the police or the “bad guys”. Haha, but I think they’re all pregnancy related–my dreams before were not so cloak and dagger.
P.S. Did Nicco just go through a growth spurt? He’s looking rather tall in these pictures.
Yes, he did! He’s really tall and solid right now. :)
Oh, Jules! You’ve gone and made me cry again! And what dreams you have. I agree with your law school buddies. You are talented. I hope writing works out for you (may I please recommend again that you write a children’s book?), but good luck to you either way.
My 3 year old asked me today, “Why do you have to go out of town all the time?” Break.My.Heart. I’ve said about my job what you said (there’s always the law); in my house it’s “there’s always nonprofit fundraising.”
I’m really trying to be with them when I’m with them and not obsess over how unhappy I am going to work. You’re helping. Thanks!
So darn cute!! I want to grab a book and a blanket and head for a big shade tree!
What a perfect set of photos to make me smile on a Monday. I had to look at them again and again!!
So sweet! Thank you for sharing this little moment with us!
What a cute book, and even cuter child :) He’s growing so fast! :)
Law can be family-friendly if you force the issue. There are practices that don’t require always-on, and clients who learn to live with a realistic approach to deadlines and a lights-and-buzzers off at 4:30 rule (only modified with entreaties in advance).
I love being a lawyer, and am a better mother for it. I’d like to capital-“W” write, but am willing to wait until a better time for my family. I have to believe the words will still be there.
I loved what the old guy said in your dream
“You know, as parents we often feel like we are in the midst of a storm that doesn�t break. Everything is chaotic, nothing is predictable. Years later you�ll look back and realize you were sitting under a rainbow. Enjoy it while you can.�
I tend to forget about how wonderful every day can be with little ones around.
I love your blog, I love your writing style and the way you express yourself. You are one to look up to. I think you are a very gifted writer and I think you could have a successful career as one!!!!
Thank you for sharing this. I feel like I needed to read this today as I sit at my desk and my little ones are at daycare.
You are so wonderful. Chase those rainbows! They are there for a reason. <3
It seems like this post has come at such an opportune time, as a single mom who struggles with work/home times. I haven’t made it to my child’s kung fu class yet(he’s been in it for 2 months now) because it is during “work” times. Will I remember the projects that I completed on time, the emails I sent? Or seeing him kick and punch and look adorable in his outfit? Thank you so much Jules. Kung Fu class it is. :)
We lived like paupers, I sewed most of my own clothes and my children’s clothes and we NEVER ate out, shared one vehicle etc. But I never regretted staying home for most of my children’s childhood until, sadly I divorced (it was the one vehicle deal) and had to return to the workforce.
I’d do it all over again if I could.
Of course, things are way different now, and our lifestyles EXPECT so much of us. If I had a cool law degree I’d use it, even part-time, and if I wrote such beautiful posts, I’d start freelance writing for Parent’s magazine or gosh, maybe Cosmo even…
Good luck smelling the roses!
Oh gosh. Your words are beautiful.
I’m struggling right now–not with needing to go to work for financial reasons (I know that I am lucky…we’re not loaded by any stretch, but we aren’t suffering. And the cost of living in Central Texas is l.o.w.)–but for psychological (?) ones. It makes me feel guilty even though my youngest little one starts kindergarten in August. I’m so thankful and grateful for every second I spend with my boys–I guard each moment jealously–but I’m ready to feel a little “independent” even if it’s for just a little while. I want to be out creating, taking photographs, talking to people, exploring.
Did that just make me sound like an ungrateful turd?
That book sounds wonderful, particularly as I’m searching for full-time work after having been home with my sweet girl the past couple of years.
thanks for those words. great giveaway. the book sounds great!
Such good advice. We all need to remember to look for those rainbows. Sometimes easier said than done.
Don’t forget that practicing law is not all bad. If you do it right you can use your creativity to help people solve their problems. That’s how I look at my job. A little writing skill never hurt a lawyer either.
I’ll check out the book, sounds like a good one for the kiddos.
If you don’t write a book soon I might cry. No, I will cry.
I’m a stay-at-home mother of a 6 year old boy and I home-schooled last year. A former academic and one of the few of my peers to stay-at-home the whole time, I won’t pretend it’s been easy. It’s been intense. I’ve had the career crises. There have been tears. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Now my son is getting more independent I’m so happy we’ve had that dedicated time together. Lots of time to watch rainbows:)
We love to read! We haven’t had nice enough weather to go outside for a reading picnic yet, but hopefully soon. I would like to second Kendra — write a book, please.
Wish I had a guy with a corncob pipe telling me what I’m supposed to be remembering.
Love the concept of this book! Sounds like a great read, thanks for sharing!
And . . . you did it again! Great read, as usual.
No book for me, Jules – I’m sure someone with kids could put it to better use.
Just wanted to comment to say that it’s tough to really slow down as much as you’d like to, in retrospect. But it’s always worth reminding ourselves to try. And I’m excited to see how your life and dreams continue to develop.
Thanks for commenting, Rachel. You’re one of my favorite bloggers for a reason.
This book would make a great gift for any new mom (or dad) that will be returning to work after maternity leave. Thanks
What a great idea for a book! My son is 4 and as a single mom, I get discouraged when the weekend is over. Saturday has been named Brayden and Mommy day but monday, he cries that i get to go to work (like its fun or something). The week is so full of laundry, chores, cooking, bathtime, bedtime. we seem to lose sight of what it’s all about… until Brayden and mommy days rolls around again.
WOW! I would love to sit down with Gabby and read this with her… I’m crying and I have not even read it yet! As you know the “norm” roles are a bit reversed and with your brother home with Gabs full time and trying to start a business life has not been easy! I think he has the hardest job (as do you) being home WORKING!
Waking up each day and walking out the door is the hardest thing I do each and every day…I worry I will miss the milestones, the smiles, the laughter, the tears,etc. But I also know that she is home (for now) with daddy…and that is truly a blessing for any parent!
Don’t give up your dreams…embrace them! Talent like yours is rare.
Love you!
every single day I question my choice to go to work. I feel like I am not giving anyone the attention they deserve (work, babies, husband) but just enough to get by. It weighs heavily on my heart, most definitely.
Hi Jules, been offline a bit and just getting caught up on some of my faves. No book for me for obvious reasons, but it truly seems like a beautiful one. When I returned to work Full Time when Taylor was 1 I bought a book called When Mama Comes Home From Work Tonight. I read it to her everyday for a long time, more for myself I think than for her, and then stopped reading it when I was only working part time. I picked it out of her bookshelf a few months ago when I was working again and she started crying and didn’t want to read it :( Working parents have it hard enough, so it’s nice to see Scholastic publish a book to help ease the strain of the average working parent.
On another note, did you see my post today? Probably not; not trying to be presumptuous ;) But it’s just strange because I talked about that very subject of nothing being predictable with parenting and it’s such a constant struggle sometime. When I read that part I got teary eyed.
On a final note, you are being very mysterious! What is going on with you I’m now dying to know! Are you returning to work? As an attorney or not? Maybe you can send me an email? ;)
I love the rainbow dream. Spot on. I’ll start work Sep 1st after more than two years at home with my baby. This looks like a book I should read, but I’m scared it’s going to break my heart.
As a working Mama, I can relate to Monday is one day. I really like your dream, about storms that are actually rainbows!
We love books around our house- this would be great! Thanks also for the quote about sitting under the rainbow- it gives me something sweet to think about when the days get a little crazy.
Wow….just wow. I am a new follower, and I just loved reading your post.
Looks like a wonderful book that my kids would love.
Thanks for the giveaway!
[email protected]
What a lovely post to accompany a lovely looking book!
I love this post. I feel the same way, though I haven’t worked since my first child was born 5 years ago. I find myself often so wrapped up in all of the things that I’m not getting done during the day because of the kids, that I forget to enjoy the time that I have with them before they are off in school. I am kind of a neat freak/perfectionist and having two messy kids along with a messy Hubby leaving me feeling like I’m cleaning/doing laundry/cooking all day and the house still looks like a bomb went off! I am working on being okay with the mess and enjoying time with the kids more, I’m sure when they’re off in school I’ll be able to get back to my ocd self. So I can relate! The one thing that I do always love to do with them is read stories before bed. We love going to the library and adding to our own collection whenever we can. Speaking of which, I really need a new bookshelf to keep all those books organized…hmmm. Sorry, there it is again! But this book sounds great and if I don’t win it, I’ll surely look for it in our library! Thanks!
I just found your blog, via Making it Lovely. I’m bookmarking this one for sure, and if I win a book, bonus!