When you look back on history, it’s easy to read a few pages on the past and idealize an era while looking upon our own with disdain. The 20s were roaring and the 50s were magnetic, but it doesn’t take long to look back with nostalgia. Even the 80s, the decade of decadence and greed and jelly shoes, for Pete’s sake, now finds itself ensconced in the sought after category called “simpler times.” I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most of the movies featured in Design Sponge’s Living In series (my favorite posts on the blog) feature movies from the past or set in the past, and often times both. We all want a bit of what we never had a chance at having.
Perhaps we idealize in our search for permanence. Life, while you live it, seems fleeting and vaporous. It lacks the significance of something with decades or centuries of history to lend to its value. We romanticize societal norms long gone and look to the past to inform our taste in clothing, design, and art today. Everything was better then.
I felt that way this weekend when I saw a mourning ring from the 1790s in the Erie Basin online shop. The Erie Basin blog is a new obsession of mine. With each new post I am down a rabbit hole of research. Art Deco Filigree craftsmanship, Walter Crane Wallpaper, and Victorian friendship broaches each had me considering their present-day counterparts. The mourning ring had me the most infatuated and amused. Their history is long but, in short, mourning rings are exactly what you imagine. Jewelry made and worn upon the passing of a loved one. You can read a little more about them here. It’s romantic and morbid and not fashionable today. Today, we have car decal memorials.
I understand the decals, to a certain degree. Were I to suffer the loss of a loved one (please, God, no), I can imagine the need to remind everyone of an existence that no longer is, one that is quickly disappearing into the vapor. It’s the choice of monument I find odd. We live in our cars, so that makes sense. We are seen by the largest number of people in our cars, so that makes sense, too. Where I get lost is when I consider the importance we ultimately place on our cars. Yes, we allow the make and model to define us, but only temporarily. They are not heirlooms. They are often leased, rarely kept longer than 5 years, and frequently replaced. Sometimes I wonder what happens to the decal once the life expectancy of the car expires.
Do they scrape off the decal before they put an add up on Craigslist? Do they feel guilty when they do? Do they buy another decal for the new car? Do they feel guilty when they don’t? Sometimes I fight the urge to pull up alongside the person and say, “I’m so sorry for your loss. If you don’t mind, I have a few questions that won’t take but a minute of your time…”
Reading the description of the mourning ring on Erie Basin made me feel then was better. The image portrays a classically-styled lady standing over an anchor– probably to symbolize the mourning of a sailor lost at sea. So much better than a decal, right? A ring has permanence, significance, and more effectively pays homage to someone dear.
And that’s how you idealize an era after reading a couple of pages of history. Only a few short hours later, it hit me while driving home from an errand that as permanent and significant as a ring may appear when compared to a decal, there are still over 230 of them up for auction on ebay.
PHOTO CREDIT: All images from Erie Basin.
I think the same things when I see those decals. Cars are headed out to a car graveyard so why would someone put a memorial on what will only be destroyed? It is like those air-brushed t-shirts that I see in this area. You sweat, you get dirty and the wash fades the design. Not much of a memorial.
Perhaps it is easier to buy these things than it is to try to emulate the person’s virtues or to improve one’s character in the wake of death.
Oh this post was amazing! You know I am a Victoria-o-phile so this was most pleasing. Written beautifully and intelligent without compromising your keen observation skills. Loved every bit of this!
Oh, how interesting! I had no idea there was such a thing as mourning rings. Isn�t it funny how we tend to romanticize? Then we�re amazed to find the details of their lives were much the same as ours�like the need for a tangible reminder that a loved one was here.
And I can understand romanticizing other times�after all they had style, grace … human interaction. They not only knew what penmanship was, they knew how to use it. But romanticizing the 80�s? That�s going a bit far � :)
Long time reader, first time poster.
I too think the same thing when I see mourning decals on cars. Did the person pass away as the result of a car accident and is the decal there to remind other drivers to be safe? If not, why would you put something so special on a car that will get dirty and damaged, and that will one day be disposed of?
I love the idea of mourning rings. Everytime you look down at your hand you can be reminded of your loved one … instead of having to look at the back of your car!
I adore the idea of the mourning rings. Brilliant.
And the ones on ebay? Probably found at an estate sale that were discovered in someones boxes when they cleaned out the attic of their grandmother’s house. And yet….they ARE on ebay. They are kept around, if only to pass on to someone else.
You can’t do that with the tatters of a decal removed.
Very true. Can’t argue with that one.
(But my heart still breaks for the family when I see one of those decals. Then I pray a million prayers for the health and safety of my family.)
My favorite lines:
“It�s romantic and morbid and not fashionable today. Today, we have car decal memorials.”
“Sometimes I fight the urge to pull up alongside the person and say, ‘I�m so sorry for your loss. If you don�t mind, I have a few questions that won�t take but a minute of your time�
It drives me nuts when I see a large gang of people sauntering through the mall with some loved one’s face screenprinted across their chests on XXXL beefy cotton tees embellished with a giant “In Loving Memory of Bernard ‘Lil Boo Boo’ Jenkins” in a hideous script. To each his own, I suppose. I’d much prefer a beautiful piece of jewelry.
I realize my last comment sounded pretty rude (compared to everybody else) so I thought I’d add something nice: after my grandfather died, my grandmother had his wedding ring refashioned into a ring for herself with his birthstone so his memory would always be close to her.
I lost my only child in utero. We had a decal on my old van with the name we chose, the date, and a ribbon to raise awareness of pregnancy and infant loss. When we had to trade in that van for a new one, my husband scraped the name and date from the window while I took off the ribbon decal and put it on my mom’s car. We then ordered a new decal for the new van. I do have some jewelry and such in remembrance of our baby, but the decal and ribbon make it easier for other people to learn about our loss without having to ask, and to do just what awareness ribbons are supposed to do, raise awareness.
That said, I’ve always secretly loved mourning jewelry with places for hair [like the brooch above], specifically rings and lockets where you can see the hair.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Panya. I see you a bit differently, because you are also promoting awareness. My friends have decals for 9/11, breast cancer, and other programs to increase awareness, too.
Love this post! And while I mean no disrespect for the previous poster, (Panya), whom poionted out her reasons for decals on her car- I ask myself all the time, “WHY on Earth would I want my name emblazoned on the back of a 1997 Toyota Tercel after I died??” Have you ever noticed that the decals also appear on, um, older or less desirable cars with many dents and dings? Just saying. My husband and I have a long standing joke where we double pinkie swear not to ever put an “In Memory” of decal on any automobile, and likewise, not to name a freeway overpass or a roadside trash pick up sign after either one of us.
Honestly people- there are many, many more ways (and beneficial, too, for getting your message out) to memorialize someone.
I too am secretly fascinated by the memorial decal craze. Thank you for letting me admit it in public!
One should not forget the trend of memorial tattoos (of which I know only because of Miami and LA Ink). I can kind of understand why but still find it… well, not something I would do.
A fan of Victoriana, I did not know about mourning rings, and now I have slipped down a rabbit hole of research.. and hopefully not shopping!