{Life with two dogs}
The Mister and I have a difference of opinion when it comes to preparing the house for company. He mows the lawn and hoses down the windows. I take a more practical approach and clean the house. The house is that 1800 square foot section of our suburban homestead where company will actually congregate.
Tiffany flies in this morning from Virginia, and together we will spend the rest of the week getting ready for the reunion on Saturday. In preparation for her visit, I cleaned the house top to bottom so that when she sees my home for the first time she will think I have never once impaled my foot on the horn of a plastic triceratops while rushing to find the cordless phone.
The Mister doesn’t understand the cleaning frenzy. I already keep the house somewhat tidy to reduce his and Mikey’s allergies and, hey, the lawn looks great! What more needs to be done?! I took a break from scraping the hard water stains from the shower doors to explain to him something that, after ten years, he should already understand.
There is clean, and there is company clean, and never the twain shall meet. Additionally, if clean and company clean ever did meet, it wouldn’t be on the lawn. We aren’t the Gatsbys.
My mother can come over when there are toys all over the house. She is at my house often enough to know that it does, on occasion, look like it houses more than a warren of rabbits. I’ve even had close friends or neighbors come over spur of the moment and barely broke a sweat over the dishes on the counter or the laundry on the sofa. I have the opportunity to redeem myself and besides, I’ve seen their homes, too.
But, please. Tiffany was my tennis partner in high school and was one of my bridesmaids. We live on opposite ends of the country and have seen each other twice in ten years. Today’s get-together is practically a first date, and a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go clean the kick plate under the kitchen cabinets.
A house with people living in it should look like a house with people living in it, not a museum. It’s a sad house that’s spotless all day long.
I say yay for company clean! I do that every time my mother in law comes over. She loves having reasons to hate me, so having her think I keep my house in perfect condition is just bonus points in my book :)
I didn’t understand this until I was fourteen or so, and my very pregnant, very nesting aunt came over for the weekend and felt a need to Softscrub the bathtub.
From there on out, my mother made sure we all knew about Company Clean. Happy stain scraping!
Hilarious this morning – yes, that’s what you are! I can relate. I clean the house for company while my husband washes the car and blows out the garage – because, yeah, we entertain a lot in our garage. {Not!}
Oh, and the thing about the dress and the boobs and not looking slutty? Priceless. :-)
This is too funny. I love it!!! I am absolutely the same way.
It’s a woman thing and the Mister will probably never understand it. And that’s okay! After 25 years of marriage my guy rolls his eyes, recruits the 2 teenagers and pitches in, because the sooner we end the cleaning frenzy, the better!
I feel like our home is a reflection of our family and yes, most of the time it’s a mire of charger cords, piles of books and papers and dust, but when needed its nice to know we can pull it together enough to impress our guests.
I hope you enjoy Tiffany’s visit and your 20th reunion!
Lol. This post cracks me up. And I TOTALLY get it. My husband thinks it’s hilarious when I go into a Monica Geller-esque cleaning frenzy before his parents visit; I just think it’s good sense. ;)
I think men lack the “company is coming I must clean the house” gene. If you ever visit me feel free to look under my bed because I will clean under there! Oh and try vinegar on those hard water stains on the shower door. It’s like magic!
Company clean is serious business … and oh-so-stressful … you could miss one little crevace and your reputation would be ruined. Forever. Needless to say, best wishes … :)
And do enjoy your visit!
This might be my favorite line of yours ever: “… a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty.” Seriously? That was awesome. (My husband and I have differing opinions on “company clean” as well. Our other source of conflict? What in the refrigerator needs to be thrown out. It’s gross what a guy is willing to eat.)
“a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty”
One of your best lines ever! I can’t stop smiling.
Jennifer Weiner only WISHES she had come up with this: a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty. Love it!
“and a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty”
Oh how I love this! Maybe I’ll try that line on my husband and see if that helps him get it. :)
Thanks for the post! Like the previous how many comments…you are one witty chick and I loved the “gives you good boobs without looking slutty” line…
Have an enjoyable visit. People come to visit people, not the house but I agree…a clean house speaks volumes!
For me, I can clean and clean and clean, my mom will visit and she’ll start doing MORE cleaning. The woman loves to clean. So now I start adding ridiculous projects to my cleaning list to try and outsmart her so she’ll just sit and relax when she comes to visit. I guess my clean apartment is a dress that makes my boobs look slightly lopsided.
I have to admit I love having guests over, because it FORCES me to do the company clean (or bring in a cleaner), which I then can enjoy myself after they are gone. We are looking to buy a house in the next couple months, and I am totally looking forward to more space… as well as getting it in tip-top “company clean” shape — for as long as it lasts.
Well, this was a nice surprise! I shall present this to The Mister as Exhibit A the next time he tries to make fun of my company clean routine. Thanks, everyone. :)
@bec: +150 points (and I have the same mom)
@Jenny: I have to read Jennifer Weiner. I keep hearing about her! I think she is the same author who posted the Sassy Gay Friend videos on her blog and joked that she tried to buy a house because the backyard reminded her of Twilight. She sounds hilarious!
@FreeRange Pamela: Exactly! Getting to enjoy all your hard work is half the fun because you know it won’t look like that forever (or next week).
“a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty.”
As large as mine are I tend to feel slutty unless wearing my husband’s t-shirt. I would love to have that dress and of course that clean house.
Love this post!
Hilarious! I told my Mom once that she could safely assume there has been some sort of tiff between the Mister and me minutes before any of her arrivals. He has no idea why I stress over ‘company cleaning’ and he has no concept of time AT ALL. He thinks that the cleaning can be done minutes before anyone’s arrival�a day or two before or even hours before doesn’t really register with him.
To be perfectly honest these are my list of reasons why I enjoy having company:
1- to enjoy time with my family/friends
2-to enjoy a clean house
3-to still enjoy a clean house after they leave even if it’s for a few hours
i feel you! when company comes over the vacuum cleaner is out also with pledge, brooms, windex and febreze. i never once thought in-between moping the bathroom floor and popping the dishes in the washer: O! i must sprit to the tool shed and break out the lawn mower and take care of those long blades of grass! nope. never once crossed my mind. and that is perhaps because, we all gather indoors instead of on the lawn. *sigh* it’s up to us all right. i just hope you didn’t over do it! :)
i hope you have an amazing day!
xoxoxxo
LOL. “a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty”. I love that line!
Like the other ladies, I can totally relate. My sweetie and I have a big difference of opinion when it comes to clean and company clean. But then he has a different view of what’s clean period. He calls himself a desert rat because he was raised out in the middle of no where in the desert, apparently no one dusts out there. However, our yard is spotless when family and friends drop in.
Love this post, and love your blog, you are very witty!
Ahh…. I love finding other NORMAL women who are just like me in so many ways :o)
This post made me feel quite at home. Here’s one you might enjoy that had me nodding and chuckling just as much as yours did.
http://www.adventuresinbabywearing.com/2010/07/changing-sheets-on-bunk-beds-should-be.html
P.S. Have a happy reunion!
I am the exact same way. On a mission with the company clean.
My mom always says, “Housework is something no one notices unless you don’t do it.” So true.
Oh my gosh I totally GET this post. About to have the same situation when a long time best friend comes down to visit. I’ll confess to developing a strange tick and anxiety disorder when I know visitors are coming to our house. Four kids, a dog and a cat…no explanation necessary.
My sister Julia is coming over to visit with her husband next week and, even though I am sick and sleep deprived, I have been spending my evenings getting the house “company clean.” Will she care that the Costco supplies are orderly in the garage? Probably not, but I do so it’s a great motivator to get me going.
Very funny post. I can definitely relate.
I totally get it and would be doing the same thing! The reunion is here? I can’t believe it, it flew!
Right, that was actually amazing! You and I…your husband and mine? I’m sure we’re twins! LOL
I think exactly like you. He thinks like the Mister. 100%
By the way your quote “a clean house is like a dress that gives you good boobs without looking slutty.” became one of my favourites ever. Hope you don’t mind me using it (with full credits to you of course) LOL
Now, you said that you keep the house reasonably tidy pretty much regularly.
What’s your routine? Any tips? Can you share with us what you do to keep it all running smoothly?
Sing it, sister!
I once unexpectedly had people come to the house after a happy hour. I called the husband frantically asking him to tidy up. When I walked in the door, the first thing I saw was my red bra on the sofa! I blame it on a condition I like to call “man eyes.”
So funny and so true. Men. My husband would be cleaning and organizing the basement because people TOTALLY will go down there. My theory is it is their way of getting away from us before we make them do something ;) Enjoy your reunion!!
Hilarious as always Jules. It’s not “what you say, but how you say it”! Funny thing is, that I was thinking about blogging last night while trying to go to sleep and thought about doing a post on “clean” vs. “mommy-clean”! LOL There is a huge difference!
So, really, I’m not a total copy-cat if you see that post come up soon.
Oh, and for the record: be thankful your husband cares about the windows and the lawn. Mine could care less about any of it. :/
Only one or two friends can come to my house on an average day without me knowing they’re coming over. I have this strange desire to make them think I’ve got it all together (when really, who am I kidding?).
Yes, yes & yes. I thank (blame?) my mom for instilling the “company clean” in me at a young age, when I was on my knees on a hardwood floor scrubbing baseboard. I love the feeling of having that kind of clean, just not the pain of getting there! It’s funny- for the brief moment in time things are all clean, I have the nerve to feel just a little bit self-righteous. That vanishes in an instant the next day as toys start piling up, dust bunnies creep out, and we have to invite someone over quickly to force ourselves to keep up with it!
This is just-peed-a-little-from-laughing-so-hard funny!
P.S. I totally get the kick plate thing. Totally.
I definitely understand the difference in “clean” and “company clean.” Lately, though, I’ve been learning to make my hubby’s and my bedroom the TOP priority. Before, my priority was “company clean” in the living and dining areas. Trying to make my hubby a first in this area has been humbling but not as hard as I thought. :)