I’m still sick, and spent most of yesterday dozing and coughing on the couch.� Carey had the exact same thing I have (flu, then bronchitis) and two and a half weeks later, she is still pretty tired.� I’m one and a half weeks down, so I have high hopes for next week.� No pressure, immune system, but I expect a full recovery.
Until I am up to snuff, I thought I might share the Time Magazine article on Helicopter Parenting that is going around the web.� I read it in Lake Tahoe, and thought it was pretty good.� How’s that for a stirring and thoughtful analysis?� I have to say, though, guilty as charged.� At five years old, I can’t imagine letting Mikey play in the front yard by himself.� As I write this, I’ve gone and checked on Nicholas playing outside no less than three times.� The gate to the backyard doesn’t have a lock, and I am convinced a “bad guy” will wander down our street, sniff the air like a vampire, and catch the scent of fresh two year old playing.� He’ll use his super powers to mute the dogs (also outside) and abscond with Nicholas, who for the first time in his life will not utter a word.
And yet, I have a personal blog and put pictures of my kids online.� Don’t try to work through the logic.� You can’t.� In my defense, I never wanted a blog but was gifted one by my friend Nicole, who thought I might be good at it.� That, and I suspect she was growing tired of my many emails.� I didn’t think I would keep it up, honestly, but two years later I am still here.� I’m here as much for myself as I am The Mister.� He loves my blog, loves reading about the day to day he misses while he is at work, and loves that this allows me to write, something he feels I was born to do.� Since I dashed his hopes of living a lifestyle of leisure when I quit my six-figure job as an attorney, I figure I owe him at least a few posts a week.
I feel like I am at a pivotal point with the blog.� (Forgive me the dramatics.� I am sick, after all.)� I can either shut it down or grow it into something of value.� I want to grow it into something of value, but am unsure what that looks like.� Well, that’s not exactly true, either.� I know what I want to do; I want to be a modern day Erma Bombeck.� I want a syndicated column and a book of greatest hits.� While I’m at it, I’ll take twenty white kittens and some butterfly confetti, too.� (The hubris, I know.)� The question becomes whether I have what it takes to see my goals to fruition.� Because, let’s face it, the helicopter parenting we do on our children is an extension of the caution and reserve we employ in our own lives.� We choose responsible jobs, wardrobes, friends, and spouses to protect ourselves as much as our children.� I went to law school because it was the only job I could think of that would allow me to read and write for a living without putting myself out there too much.� (Lawyering doesn’t require as much creativity as you would imagine.)�� Now that I write for myself, I hide behind internet piracy and child safety laws to keep from pushing myself and my potential.
Can I write a great blog without abusing the privacy of my family?� I believe I can.� I believe that, to some degree, my concerns with safety is another excuse I give myself to keep from working to my potential.� Bombeck wrote weekly about her family for thirty years, but as much as she wrote about them, I can’t tell you anything more than superficial trivialities–and those trivialities were damn funny.� Of course, in this day and age people expect pictures with their posts, and the imagery issue is one I haven’t yet figured out in my head.� Sometimes I think it’s much ado about nothing and other times I feel just the opposite.
What I can tell you is that I have goals and aspirations, most of them hindered only by my need for self preservation.� I hope that by writing it out here I slowly begin to snip away the bubble wrap I have so lovingly and securely wrapped around myself…starting next week.� For now, I am heading back to the couch for more dozing and coughing.
I read the same article on helicopter parenting this week, too. I’m still chewing on it. I’m with you, I check on my boys all day every day and the idea of my 3 year old going to preschool in the fall totally freaks me out because I won’t be with him every single second of his life. Yeah, I’m a bit of a helicopter. But I’m working on it.
I know what you mean about the blog thing. I’m a newish blogger and I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I want out of the whole thing. But then again, why do I have to want anything out of it. I’m just trying to enjoy it for me and I hope a few others do too.
In my blog world where so many of my favorites are calling it quits, I hope you don’t. I hope you figure out everything you need to figure out and you keep writing and writing and writing.
In the meantime, I hope you feel better soon.
I’m sorry you are still sick, that’s been a long time!
I am reading the article, about half way through right now, and it’s good but I’m not sure where I fit in yet.
Best of luck with growing the blog!
Last week I followed a link to a blog where the author stated she was quitting for many reasons, but primarily she decided to let it go because she didn’t yet have a book deal. I have to say, I went through the archives and scratched my head wondering why she even thought one might be coming. That sounds rude, and I suppose it is, but I think people need to have realistic expectations. Blogging isn’t easy, and having a blog doesn’t entitle you to a book deal. I can’t look through my archives and say they are book worthy. Hell, most of what I write isn’t family newsletter worthy. That’s my fault, not the book industry’s.
I’m all over the map because I don’t feel well, but what I am trying to say is that while many of us have potential to be great, we are just mediocre. We helicopter parent ourselves as much as we do our children. How to fix that–that is something I wish I could figure out.
Jules, you may be under the weather but you’re thinking about such important things! This is one of the reasons I enjoy your blog: I can laugh or coo over kid stories one day, and have something very substantial to think about another day.
I’ve been trying to write as thoughtful a response to your post as it deserves, but it’s just not coming together right now and it’s time for me to leave school, so I’ll just say this for the time being: I come to the “helicopter parent” issue kind of from the other side – as a teacher, I see parents who are so concerned with their daughters’ “success” (I teach at a girls’ school) that they rob them of the opportunity to learn. You – and your readers – might be interested in this article: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113347007. It’s an excerpt from a new book, NurtureShock, that sounds very sensible to me, and it cites the work of Carol Dweck, whose book Mindset I would also highly recommend.
I don’t have children, but that last paragraph in your comment really hit home. God, if you can figure out to fix that you will be a very famous and rich woman. I am so in need of that answer right now.
I would read any book you write. Your writing and blog are a huge inspiration to me.
I started reading blogs about 6 months ago and I’m hooked on yours because it’s honest and funny and I love your stories about your kids. I also have 2 sons and everything you say rings so true; I can connect with you and yet I don’t even know you! That’s why you should keep blogging or make it into something different if you want, but if it makes you happy and provides a creative outlet, you should definitely keep doing it! Feel better soon!
I was taken aback when i read the line, ” I can either shut it down or grow it into something of value. I want to grow it into something of value, but am unsure what that looks like.”
To me, your blog is already of value. It expresses you. Right now. Where you are.
If it never changes, you never acquire a book deal and you continue to write just like now….it will still be of value.
It doesn’t need to change to be valuable.
Just my two cents.
Thank you for pointing out that helicopter parenting article! I’m not a parent yet, but I work in a study abroad office at a large university. You’d be shocked at how many 20 year old students have their moms calling all the time trying to figure out their study abroad experience for them. We even had the mother of a 33 year old student filling out his application! In the end, these students are the ones who are the least prepared for their time abroad and often have the worst time. I feel like I have learned so much about how I hope to raise my kids after my time in this office.
Feel better, and keep up the great blog!
Hi
I have been reading your blog for the last 6 months and until now have not left a comment however many times I have wanted to.
Some days what I read here makes me laugh, actually make that most days. I enjoy hearing about the adventures you have with your children and the changes you are making to your diet in order to live a healthier life. (something I am also attempting to do)
I even find some of what you say to be inspiring, which is the exact reason for my first ever comment here today. The bubble wrap thing especially rang true for me.
I am just at the beginning of another ordinary workday (a Friday at least) and will approach the challenges of today differently than if I had not read your latest entry. I’ll try at least, to express my opinions and stand up for them.
So if someone were to ask me if yours was a blog worth reading….. who am I kidding, I’ve already told everyone I know about you.
Thankyou.
Hope you feel better soon.
Rachel (No 17)–What a great point on perceived value, and how sad that I missed it completely. When I say that I want to make this blog something of value, I meant only that I wanted it to, somehow, replace the income we lost when we decided I would stay at home with the boys. I failed completely, as many stay at home moms do, to realize that what I do daily has value. Documenting this chapter of our lives does have value. I know I would love to read a journal written by my mom or grandmother as young mothers. Hmm. Food for thought.
I’m not in a position to give parenting advice, nor am I a child that requires supervision any longer, but maybe I can add a different point of view.
I’m 24. I am not anywhere near ready to be a parent, but I am not so removed from my childhood to forget how it feels to be under surveillance. I was 4 in the late 80s, and we could play in the front yard then. Maybe it’s different now, but I’m sure the same amount of weirdos existed then. Mum & Dad let me eat a few bugs to work out they tasted bad, and taught us to swim so we could play in the pool. Dad took the treehouse down when our friend fell out and broke his arm, but when I fell off my scooter and had stitches in my chin, he fixed the brakes and got me back on.
When I was 11, I was allowed to walk home from school and let myself in to the empty house (granted, I lived across the road). I got a mobile phone when I was about 15, I paid the bills with my McDonald’s salary and my parents didn’t monitor that. They didn’t go looking for ways for me to get in trouble, but they certainly didn’t hover over me with night-vision goggles and long-range listening devices. And thank goodness! I appreciated that more than anything, and I came to them when I needed them because I knew they’re weren’t going to bubble-wrap me.
Now I’ve been away from them for a year, studying abroad. I left home, requesting that Mum didn’t watch the film Taken, and said I’d keep her updated on my blog. I’ve travelled countries alone, which I’m sure freaks Mum out a bit, but I am 1000 times better off for it. And she didn’t have anything to do with my exchange application. I’m a young woman now, not afraid to take risks, but I don’t make ridiculous decisions either.
Jules, I started reading your blog a few months ago, and I can not find any way in which to relate to you. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I don’t own a house, and I don’t work full time. But you’re a woman, I’m a woman, and you write things I enjoy reading.
Why did you even start writing your blog in the first place? I started mine to record a journey. I could have used a secret diary and a pen, but I knew there might be some people out there who might be interested in my adventures. My parents were 16,000km away, so they had to do their helicoptering virtually. And there would be other students doing the same program as me that might find it a useful reference. But mainly, it was so I was a little bit accountable. I can put a diary away on a shelf and forget about it and not feel guilty, but at the end of the year I’d have no written memories, and pretty soon the rest of my life will take over and I’d forget the little things that made me so happy.
You want it to be of value, but value for who?? Just keep writing – for your boys, so they can read all the good stories later. For your husband, so he’s in the loop, and for you, most of all. It’s an outlet, and you’ll appreciate it later when you can’t remember everything anymore. If it’s entertaining or helpful for others, what a bonus. And trust me, it IS already.
I am pretty lucky to have such insightful readers. Having readers that push you to be better is never a bad thing.
I was struck, as No. 17 was, about the “something of value” aspect. I do think that we fall into a trap of believing that money determines value. If we do this for free, then it must be worth nothing? Surely that can’t be true.
Were you able to write this post without crying? This is what I want to know. When I’m sick something like this always makes me bawl – kleenexes every which way – just curious if it’s only me. :) As for being scared to do what you love – I understand. To an extent, anyway. I don’t have a husband or children, of course. But I do have bills. It took losing my job – and not being able to find a traditional one – to get me to try my hand at freelance. Still, when someone asks, I get a sick look on my face and whisper, “I freelance.”
But hang in there! I’m certain you have what it takes. And should you question, or otherwise feel blue, remember the lyrics of Crystal Lewis’ For Such a Time as This…
For such a time as this
Isn’t it much too great a risk
I’ve never flown from the edge of a cliff
Never walked on the water
But if I turned away
How would I know what I have missed
Have I waited all of my life
For such a time as this
For…
sometimes the thrill of soaring
has to begin with the fear of falling
Okay. I can relate because 1) I am prone to devastating yet non-life-threatening illnesses, and 2) the blog thing.
Here’s my question: How do I grow my blog without coming across as desperate? I mean, networking and guest posting is cool, but I also want to maintain a high quality of writing and only endorse other bloggers who I feel do the same (YOU being one of them).
So here’s my second question: Do you have a strategy for growing your blog yet?
There are many ways to grow your blog (besides having great content)–I don’t do any of them, really. Commenting on someone else’s blog, guest posting, creating some sort of ping network (still don’t understand how to do that one), inviting other bloggers to read your blog…all of those things probably work, but I am far too shy to do any of them. Also, they feel a teensy bit disingenuous. I can’t see myself commenting on someone else’s blog simply to gain a reader or two. It doesn’t seem right.
My blog has grown very slowly and, to a large degree, it’s been word of mouth. I am not linked on very many popular blogs, that I know of. There are certainly people who started a blog at the same time as I did who are more popular. The work they have put into marketing their blog has paid off. I haven’t done the work because the truth is, I sometimes have a problem seeing blogging as a legitimate form of creative expression. Let me clarify: I don’t ever see it as an inadequate form of expression for someone else. On the contrary, there are many bloggers I find incredibly inspiring. I just seem to have a problem allowing myself the same consideration. Also, for a long time I didn’t see myself among their ranks, so I downplayed what I did. That is slowly starting to change as I find that more and more people who I admire read my blog. If they read it, it must be somewhat good, right? Right.
So, my strategy is to keep doing what I am doing. I will continue to be honest, disregard common attempts to artificially grow traffic, and work on my craft. If you build it, they will come. I think I gave an impression that I will be changing my blog. I won’t–I will just be working at it a bit more, using it more as a form of expression, and not feeling so guilty for doing something I love. I often get looks or (thinly veiled) comments that I am wasting my time blogging. That has always bothered me, but I am now slowly realizing that the people who make comments like that usually don’t have a passion or creative outlet to speak of. Maybe their comments come more from a place of jealousy than contempt.
Oh, and I will also try to register for Holly’s (Decor8) blogging class. I’m not sure it will be the right fit for me since I do not have a fashion or lifestyle blog, but the opportunity to meet other bloggers who also feel blogging is a fun and fulfilling form of expression is exciting. You never know–it could be a life changing course or I could just meet some new and cool people. Either way I’ll be happy.
I just started reading your blog and my heart just sank at the thought of not having your stories to read! I just started blogging and honestly, I have no idea where I’m going with it, but I started it to reconnect with my creativity,…and to “slowly begin to snip away the bubble wrap I have so lovingly and securely wrapped around myself.” It’s not perfect, never will be, if I waited for it to be perfect, it still wouldn’t be up, it will evolve! I love the discovery, I love pushing myself, and I love that I’ve found other bloggers who inspire me…You! Had I not started my blog, I don’t know that I would have found you when I did, or BSP. I guess I just want to say…thank you, and like Erma B., you make me laugh, you make me cry, and most of all you let me know that through each adventure in life, life is good!
If you build it- they will come :)
Sappy movie quotes aside- I hope you don’t stop writing- your blog (and you) are so relatable. I couldn’t say where your journey with it will lead, but it can’t be any place bad.
And yes, next week, you’ll feel better. I think my recovery would’ve been quicker if I could’ve had some rest time, not be in the midst of home improvement, holiday madness…and not be chasing after a 1 year old every day :)
I can’t wait to be lolling on the beach reading your syndicated column and have a stack of your books on my towel waiting to make me laugh my head off…
Erma, I mean Jules,
You can do anything you set your mind to. I’m so impressed with some of the things that I’ve seen you accomplish and I’m proud to be your friend. Money or book deals or whatever. You’ve created something special and obviously have touched people’s lives. Hello…see above posts. I’m having a rare emotional moment…Ha!
Your sickness sounded a lot like mine….flu turned into nasty pneumonia! At one point I was wondering if it was going to completely take me down. Never been so weak in my life. Hope you’re doing better, I know this has been rough. It took me about a month to fully recover.
Love reading your posts. They always make me laugh, think hard, and really reflect. All at within the same five minutes. That’s talent to be able to bring someone through so many emotions.
Can’t wait to see what you come up with.