In keeping with tradition, we continue with our series of WORST HALLOWEEN PICTURES EVER.� The Mister and I love the peacock costume and when Mikey wore it, he loved it, too.� But Nicholas?� You would have thought I was poking his testicles with hot pokers the way he was protesting–and if you ask my brother in law, putting a boy in this costume isn’t much different.
Lucky for Captain Testosterone, I had Mikey’s old puppy dog costume shoved in the back of the closet underneath a pile of swim suits and beach towels.� After I shook the dust off, I crammed Nico’s near-three years of toddler into a costume sized for an 18 month old.� Have you ever seen a terrier wear capris?� You have now.
In other news, if you are old enough to, I don’t know, claim dependents on your taxes, don’t trick-or-treat at our house because The Mister and I will call you out on your douche-baggery.� Just ask the twenty something year old guy who strolled up wearing jeans and a sweater.
“Trick or Treat,” he claimed as he held open a bulging pillow case.� The Mister was not impressed.
“Dude.� What are you even supposed to be?”
Twenty something year old guy delicately extended a foot in The Mister’s direction to show him his worn Vans.� “I’m a skater dude.”
“Well, skate or die, bro.� Happy Halloween.”
Want more proof of our hostility?� Track down the Suburban filled with twelve families that would stop at each block, walk a few houses, and then drive 20 feet to the next block.� I’m sure they will advise you to heed our warning.� Hey, we all know I’m the laziest when it comes to exercise but, really?� You can’t walk on Halloween?� If you’re feeling a bit weak, start gnawing on the Smarties bouncing around in that Santa Claus-sized sack of candy and chase it with a Jolt or whatever it is you have rolling around under the seats of your Halloween Chariot.� In other words: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
So, The Mister gives the lazies their candy with a healthy dose of stink eye.� I can almost see the slides of power point presentation on juvenile diabetes escaping out of his ears like steam.� Even then, there was no need for them to worry until the forty year old matriarch of this band of sedentary travelers moved towards The Mister like a barge heading into the Panama Canal.
“Now, come on!� What?� Who?� What are you?”
“Nah, I’m not trick or treating.”
“You’re not?”� At this point The Mister could only look pointedly at her outstretched bag of candy.
“Nope.� I’m collecting.”
“Collecting?!”� Collecting?� Like a bookie?� Is this the mob?� Was she planning to shake us down for some bite-sized Snickers and some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?
“Yeah, for her.� She twisted her ankle.”
Her.� I see.� Just one quick question: WHO IS HER?!� Is Her in the Suburban?� Is Her a child?� A dog?� A figment of our imagination?� Whoever Her is, we know she has a bum ankle.� I can only assume the weight of two hundred pounds of candy collected in 3 hours over 20 city miles crushed Her’s bones like dry twigs.� Much like you, you behemoth woman, have crushed our hopes and dreams that there exist people out there who won’t go to any means necessary for some free candy.
Don’t even get me started on the young couple who were trick or treating with the sleeping 6 month old…
LOL…..couldn’t agree more. There’s a certain age where parents need to put there foot down but them, I guess that would mean the parents would need to understand the concept. We heard one girl go up to a house, knock on the door and when the woman opened it she said “Do you have candy?” WTH? How about trick or treat? I’m pretty sure I would hae slammed the door in her face. Ugh. As for puppy dog capris…..I think the tights made it :)
Like you, we got those kinds and more on Halloween. Including the pre-pubescent (maybe she was 12?) young girl in the french maid’s costume – complete with thigh high stockings. I wanted to yell “Where is your mother and does she know you’re dressed up like that?????”
Okay so we totally took our 14 month old trick or treating and one person made a “aren’t you a little old to trick or treat” comment to my husband (bc he was holding him and taking him to the door)–I swear he really DOES eat some candy and we only went down one or two streets. But was he still too young for it? Be honest!
LOL! love it! i thought i was tough making all the kids dressed like Michael Jackson show me some dance moves first before they got candy! can’t complain. we have an annoyingly sweet neighborhood where we all take the kids out in packs and trick or treat. even left a small pail with candy on my step and there were a couple of pieces left when i came back! yes, the pail was still there too…good luck next year!
but yes, they have got to be kidding with the HER in the van. my aunt had adults with pillowcases coming up to her door with the kids til 10pm!!!
I went out for Trick or Eat this year – a program with the local university to collect non-perishable food items for the local food bank. We got a lot of stink eye while we tried to explain to people that we wanted dried beans, not candy.
Roni–I think you are in the clear. ;)
Caitlin, you had me worried there for a moment. ;) If you had showed up to my door and told me you wanted food items for local food bank, I would have been so happy I probably would have upended my pantry into the trunk of your car.
I like the feminizing costume torture. When he’s in therapy as an angst riddled twentysomething he may ‘remember that year my mom tried to dress me up in a figure skating costume. It was terrible.’ Or something similar. ;)
So funny! I would like to know when Halloween turned into “dress like a hooker” day? We had many 14-15 year old girls come to the door wearing things that would make me blush if I were wearing them just for my husband. In our bedroom…
This is hilarious.
That being said, aren’t peacocks a little testy? He seems to have been really getting into character.
We took Ethan (almost 2) out for the first time this year. We did four houses (our neighbors who know us), then a few stalls at a nearby trunk-or-treat at a church, and called it an evening. I can’t understand the adults/pseudo adults/underage hookers who will go to all the trouble and ignore the ridiculousness of what they’re doing all for the sake of ten bucks’ worth of free candy.
This just may be my favorite P&FF ever! My gosh from the peacock costume to Halloween chariots, I am done!
Thanks for a great laugh this morning, Jules! That peacock costume is freakin’ awesome!!! But you did get one great blackmail photo to use later in his life. ;)
OH MY GOSH it drives me BONKERS to see people trick or treating with their infants. COME ON! either you are eating all that candy yourself or worse, you are actually giving it to that kid WHO IS SO YOUNG THEY DON’T HAVE TEETH YET (and thus, I suppose, can’t get cavities from it. but still… preservatives, sugar, INFANT, whatnot.)
You. Crack. Me. Up!!! Seriously!
I totally agree w/ people who can claim dependents on taxes being way too old (and can we say pathetic?) to trick or treat.
This. Makes. Me. Die. Laughing.
this is flipping hilarious. love the pic of the peacock, love the post, love the blog.
I totally understand the impulse of new parents wanting to dress the baby/toddler up in a costume, because it’s adorable. But I don’t know why they can’t just dress him/her up, take the baby around to show off at a few neighbours’ houses, and not be there to trick or treat? It just makes you look like greedy adults who won’t buy yourself some candy. We took our two-month-old out to a few neighbours’ places last year, and now that he is 14 months we did the same thing. We didn’t ask for or receive any candy, but our neighbours liked seeing him and it was fun for him to wander around for 20 minutes.
Edited to add a Halloween gripe: my neighbour was roused from her bed by 11-year-old trick-or-treaters repeatedly ringing the doorbell at 10:30 at night! The mistress of the house was none too polite in her dismissal.
I love this! You always keep me laughing. We had so many cars parking on our street with people pouring out like a clown car or something. It was amazing. We ran out of candy super early too.
were you at my house? because I had a couple come to my door “collecting” for their sleeping baby. TAKE YOUR KID HOME.
Geez.
Your boys are adorable! My almost 3yo Francesca walked for a block or so and then sat in her stroller and refused to get out. She was dressed as a princess and looked like she was sitting on her throne. Had I known, I would have decorated the stroller! We had a family pull up along the street in a van too, I was crossing the street to come home with the kids and walked right in front of them – vehicle sticker on the van wasn’t even from our town. One of the kids, dressed as a bee, couldn’t have been more than 13 years old and couldn’t have been less than 6 months pregnant. I kept looking at her because I couldn’t figure out it it was part of her costume or if she really was pregnant. Best as I can tell she was really pregnant. Explain that one to a five year old.
We’ll give you a run for your money on bad Halloween pictures. I had to stuff both my boys in their costumes this year and they. were. not. happy. about. it!
Oh my gosh, this was hilarious! And, I totally agree on the too-old kiddos trick or treating. It’s just obnoxious:-)!
Wow, that’s quite a group you got. We got one group of 4-5 teenagers who not only DID NOT dress up, but I think my husband mentioned seeing one opening her purse to collect the candies. All I have to say is. THAT better not be a Gucci purse that she just opened up because she should be giving ME all her candies!
By the way, I love the peacock costume. My nearly 4-yr-old son, upon seeing the picture of Nicholas crying wearing his peacock costume, told me that the reason Nicholas was crying must be because he really wanted to be in Mikey’s Storm Trooper costume. ;-)
When we were little we went for blocks and blocks but at each house the people would try to guess who we were under our costumes. I had a crooked front tooth so I would never smile and as soon as they started quizzing me about who I might be, I would open my mouth and they knew instantly, MaryBeth, so then they knew everybody that was with me so the fun (tricking them for the treat)was over.
How sad they just stand there with an open bag, never even looking up, or even saying treat or treat. Last year at my brother’s house (I don’t get any at my house) a couple boys came to the door with no costumes and I asked what they were, didn’t like their answer and said no costume no candy.
Driving for candy and we wonder why our kids are overweight and out of shape.
oh this was so hilarious! and could your photos be any better? so awesome.
Its different in the burbs. Here in Harlem, USA, the trick or treaters gather on the street with small buckets for treats from the stores, mostly it is about being outside and showing off your costume. Infants in strollers dressed up, yeah we got em. Being pushed in their strollers by their 13 year old mothers? We have them too. Big pillow cases full of candy? Didn’t see one. If you really want an eyeful, take the subway and head downtown. It’s not about the candy here, its about the most creative costumes you can imagine. Love your rant. If I ever lived in the burbs (I won’t) I would leave a bucket of candy at the front door, turn off the lights and turn on the alarm system. And then go into the city where the real fun is happening.
Yeah, we have a ridiculous amount of teenagers that go out each year around here, but it seems to be accepted by everyone…but I had to say I was surprised at the the number of teen-aged “hookers” this year. Another reason my husband is grateful we have three boys.
Hilarious! Love the peacock picture.
The rules for getting candy on Halloween at our house:
-You must be under the age of 18.
-You must be wearing a costume.
-You must say “trick or treat”.
We might be kind of tough but only the ones that try deserve the candy. We had a mom tell us that her kid was sick at home and she was trick or treating for her. Uhhh…no, you don’t get any. If your kid’s sick she shouldn’t be having candy anyway.
I can always count on you to tell it like it is!!! If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get even one good costume picture :O(
I can always count on you to tell it like it is!!! If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get even one good costume picture :O(