You know where we got pumpkins when I was a child? VONS. Stater Bros. Lucky’s. Wherever my mom bought groceries the week of Halloween. There was no way on God’s green earth my mom was going to traipse through a random field of pumpkins off the freeway with three kids and a rusty knife, not after the first year we walked through acres of misshapen squash only to settle, at the end of the field, on pumpkins equally deformed as the ones we dismissed earlier and much closer to the check out line.
Mikey started his campaign for a house full of pumpkins about the same time I saw the first wave of pumpkin patch pictures hit the blogs. I knew I was in trouble after his first carefully outlined sales presentation.� He gave speeches. He made promises. He put on the charm and delivered his best smile. By the end of the week I was ready to give a pumpkin and Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts.
So we went to the pumpkin patch on Sunday and, admittedly, we had a wonderful time.� But, I have to wonder if we wouldn’t be in the predicament we are in as a country if we didn’t stock our ready-cut pumpkin patches with expensive heirloom varieties and obscure gourds grown from seeds collected from vine grafts that horticulturalists can maybe-almost trace back to the cousin of the aunt of the sister of Sacajawea.
It’s not that easy to find a regular pumpkin at a pumpkin patch.� It’s almost as hard as taking a picture of something nuclear orange.
But you can find rides and tickets, the minimum price being $20 for one sheet.� Tickets that you are expected to burn through on countless sky scraping jumpers, pony rides, slides, face painting, and ATV rides.� We could have used those ATVs twenty years ago to haul back our deformed pumpkins.
You can also go on this thing. I don’t know what it is, but it costs 10 tickets ($10) for one ride. It may have also been the basis for a fact pattern on Assumption of Risk in law school.
Don’t worry if your kids are too small to go on rides.� There is always the petting zoo.
There were many more animals, of course, but most of them were fleeing in terror from the two year olds. Lambs, chickens, ducks, goats, et al. were either running wild for cover or lounging like this guy, quite possibly the most jaded looking goat I have ever come across in my life.
This beast thinks he’s too good to lay on the floor and didn’t move a muscle except to roll his eyes at us in disdain.� I don’t speak goat, but something about this guy’s smirk has me convinced he has is hiding in his pen a tattered copy of Animal Farm.
Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals. He sets them to work, he gives back to them the bare minimum that will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself.”
– George Orwell, Animal Farm, Ch. 1
Rides? A petting zoo? At a pumpkin farm? Weird and foreign!
Our pumpkin patches up here are just that – pumpkin patches. The farmers pick the pumpkins and put them on big waggons near the driveway. A little sign stating the prices is displayed, and a little jar for money – on the honour system – is set out.
Caitlin – us too! I pass no fewer than four wagons on my way to town. I think we also have pumpkin patches where you can navigate a corn maze and buy cider, but they aren’t terribly fancy. Plus I’m too cheap to have visited them personally.
Okay, Caitlin I know is Canadian. Jen, where do you live? In the US? Is this just southern California ridiculousness?
Jules, have you read/heard Michael Chabon’s devastating pumpkin patch story? I think I heard it on Selected Shorts, and I know I read it in an edition of Best American Short Stories, but I don’t remember which year. I’ll track it down for you; it is amazing.
No, I haven’t! Yes, please track it down, Frances. :)
HA! I found your blog and I think you should write a book! For reals.. like a real stay at home mom book.. Love the stories.
http://all-things-lovely-blog.blogspot.com/
I agree…love your stories too! I have a pumpkin patch thats about 15 min away from my house and its a huge place. They have hay rides, mazes, crazy looking pumpkins, huge ones, little one and even a huge gift shop. They are also about 2.00 more than somewhere like HomeDepot!… Feeding the nasty goats was like 4.00. CRAZY
xoxo
Priscila
littlemissheirlooms.blogspot.com
Rides? Flags? What? Really? I’m flabbergasted.
Um, dusty patches of farmland is where you harvest pumpkins from. Catlin has it right. If you are lucky they have cider and apples on the farm. You actually pick a pumpkin and talk about how that sucker is going to look when you and your knife get done with it on the way home.
Corn mazes are on special farms that grow… corn.
I never heard of attractions at a pumpkin patch. This a special festival right?
You mean this isn’t everywhere? Good grief, Californians are stupid. No, Becky, this isn’t a special festival. THIS IS AT EVERY PUMPKIN PATCH, ALL THE TIME. When Christmas comes, then it will be the same thing, minus the animals but with trees. These are converted empty fields. Next door to the pumpkin patch there is a restaurant and BBQ supply store.
There are no farm lands left in southern California–at least, not anywhere near me. Actually, we never really have farm lands. More citrus and avocado groves and some dairy farms. Dairy farms are gone, citrus and avocado groves are few and far between.
I should have taken pictures of the rides and jumpers. I really thought they were everywhere.
Chelsey and Priscila–from your lips to God’s ears! :)
Priscila–yes, the pumpkins there are at least $3-$5 more than at Trader Joes.
We have pumpkin patches here. If you’re lucky you can ride a hay wagon back to pick one. If you don’t want to spend the extra money ($5) you can pick one from the wagons up front. I’m with Caitlin, honor system here too. 99% of the small farmers around our area set up little stands with donation jars and their produce. Pumpkins are no exception.
Jaded goats, odd-looking swing entrapments, and probably mounds of ginormous lollipops for sale in the shape of a three-story haunted house….what has our culture come to? (Although you did have me laughing all through this post)
It seems we are right smack in the middle of a culture that is grooming kids to have the attention span of a gnat. They have to be constantly entertained. Why does everything have to be such a production? And cost a fortune? We took our kids to a matinee last weekend and it was $65 just for the tickets. Crazyville.
I’m with you, simple is much better. I’d advocate a hay ride followed by picking out a big fat pumpkin. Then call it a day.
I couldn’t agree more, Seleta!
Wow, so this is only a Californian thing? I had no idea. Like Jules, I thought this was the norm for pumpkin patches. We have a favorite farm that we go to and every year their set-up gets more fancy!
This is really interesting.. really.
You know the postcards and pictures of red and orange and yellow trees. Pumpkins, apples and cornstalks? That’s where I live. It’s all true and more. I can’t describe how beautiful it is here right now, but those pictures don’t do it justice. We have busloads of tourists come just to see … but also I’m sad I don’t have beautiful sunshine all year and avocado trees : )
I did always think California had loads of farms though. I drove through the Columbia River Valley years ago and was blown away by the great fruit I could get on the side of the road like we do here. I just thought that was everywhere.
Becky–sounds beautiful! We don’t have much of a season change here. But, we also have sunshine year round. I have 7 shopping bags over flowing with avocados from my parents trees! I’m sure there are still a few farms in the central valley (more like wine). Southern CA is just a different beast.
Isn’t the Columbia River Valley more Washington/Pacific Northwest? Again, totally different animal. My friend went to Idaho just last month and couldn’t believe all the wide open space.
I must have a perfect pink piggy like that one!! So cute! Goats have got to be the weirdest animals. I went to a corn maze this weekend and they had a goat attraction ( you couldn’t pet them, just chuck pellets over the fence and look at them) where the goats were sleeping in a hollowed out school bus that was half buried in the ground. They were also climbing on this elaborate construction and hanging out in a tree house like establishment. They were the most chill animals ever.
The corn maze boasted that you could pick a pumpkin on your way out. We were so excited because we thought for $12, we were getting a steal – 45 minutes navigating a nonsensical corn maze, eating corn dogs and fried snickers bars, listening to a middle aged band sing suggestive country songs, riding in a hay ride complete with amorous 9 year olds and a Halloween soundtrack and crudely painted, mildly amusing folk art that you can stick your head through and take pictures- on top of a picture-perfect pumpkin to take home! Later, we discovered, the pumpkins were an extra $10 each! I think I’ll just pick up one of those freaky looking leprosy pumpkins next time I’m in the grocery store instead.
Friend who went to Idaho chiming in here…. the expoitation of pumpkins/Halloween I think is the Inland Empire’s response to so many people from the OC moving out here. I can remember going to Doi’s to get pumpkins, that was the only “patch” in town and there was nothing there but pumpkins and fresh fruit. Gawd, what were they thinking?!?!?! Pushing fresh fruit…. those pushers :-)
We were so lucky to grow up in a place where we had vast open spaces, groves of Oranges, miles upon miles of stinky dairy farms and avocado trees sprinkled throughout the city, around every corner.
Northern CA (Tomatoes in Davis, Garlic in Gilroy)/CentralValley (table grapes/veggies) and Central Coast (wine grapes) are such different places completely, it’s like visiting another state entirely when you head to points North.
For the love of God, will someone help me get that photo of the soon to be EX and I off of wordpress.
I am at the point where I am willing to pay someone to do it, as I am completely wordpress challenged.
Kara–send me your log in and password. I’m as motivated as you are to see that picture GONE.
p.s. Yes, IE has changed and I don’t always think it’s for the better. :(
Jules, you are soo right here, I really see even with my own grandkids how spoiled they are, they have to be constantly entertained and over stimulated. I live in Carlsbad , California, in Del Mar across from the race track there is this pumkin patch deal that looks like a carnival sort of place, including train rides,boat rides, swing rides, etc. It’s called Pumpkin Station…your Wonderland of Fun… www. pumpkinstation.com, so I do know what you mean. We used to go to Bates Nut Farm when the kids were little pick a pumpkin go for a hay ride, and I would pack a picnic lunch and we would spend the whole day there at minimal cost. Times are so different now.
This is totally not a California thing. I live in Missouri where pumpkin farm extravaganzas are a matter of course. You’re right — it didn’t used to be like this. My mother would bring us each home a pumpkin, my father would carve them, done!
I have a hard time dealing with all the waste involved in pumpkining. Are humans the only animals that waste their food this way? Are Americans the only humans? The farmers say the unbought pumpkins are fed to pigs, but I don’t think we need that many pigs either.
“the most jaded goat I have ever come across”…oh dear Miss Jules, you kill me…
It’s NOT just a California thing. We go to the same pumpkin patch every year – hayride out into the fields to pick pumpkins, petting zoos, store with apples, cider & donuts for sale, etc. I was always shocked that we’d get back from the fields with our pumpkins, we’d set them on the scale and then have to scrounge our pockets for something like $50.49 – CASH only. (!!!) For God’s sake – it’s a gourd not filet mignon!
Now that the kids are older their focus has changed: we spend our time in the corn maze running wildly from clue to clue to collect all the punches on our card so we can get a FREE mini donut. Oh, and mind you, we’re racing – against people we don’t even KNOW. My family is highly competitive. :-) We top that off (because the FREE donut is so tiny) with their hot out of the oven apple fritters – now THAT is worth every penny. :-)