The way my egg cracked for today’s breakfast was strangely appropriate.� I held the egg as I normally do, an egg similar in shape and size to the ones I normally use, and tapped it against the chopping block with the same force as always.� Still, the egg in my hand formed an odd vertical crack until the two halves lay in my right hand like an open silly putty container.� I blinked in surprise and, as the egg slid broken into the bowl, stared at the shell trying to figure out what went wrong.
That’s how I feel about my diet lately so, yes, it was strangely appropriate that my egg cracked as if it had a mind of its own.
My diet.� My stupid, confusing, mind-screwing diet.� I continue to eat correctly.� I don’t cheat.� I follow the rules and do everything else as usual and, yet, I am wallowing under a blanket of malcontent.� My grains are low glycemic, but I have yet to recapture the verve and vigor I had the first month.� I just don’t have energy.� I frequently feel cloudy and unmotivated.� I procrastinate more than usual and am loathe to get up from my desk chair and make myself lunch.� And, of course, I haven’t lost weight.
Diane warned me that the addition of grains would cause a water shift of about three pounds.� Three pounds that I would lose within a week or so.� It took me nearly three, and that’s only because I cut out two of the daily grain servings.� I have an appointment with her soon, so I added back the missing two grains in guilt.� Along with the grains, I regained the three pounds in water weight overnight.� This means I have not lost any weight this month.
Diane has a very normal, centered approach to food, so she is quick to remind me that a platueu is normal and healthy.� I am neither normal or centered when it comes to food, so a still scale is all but killing me.� I remind myself that my clothes seem a bit looser.� But then I consider that I wear the same jeans almost everyday because they are the only clothes that fit me.� For all I know, they are loose because I am wearing them threadbare.
I’m not obtuse enough to miss that my dissatisfaction with my diet coincides neatly with my plateau.� In fact, I am painfully aware of the coincidence and want to gnash my teeth in response to being so obsessed with the numbers on the scale.
When?� When will I have a normal response to food?� When will I pick up a simple banana and not recite in my head the calorie count and major vitamins and minerals?� When will I objectively watch my weight creep up three pounds and acknowledge it healthy and temporary?
When pigs fly, I suppose.
i really encourage you to read Dr. Mercola’s book The No Grain Diet. Some people just don’t do well with grains….
i know you are talking about the bigger picture here, but i still wanted to share.
Hang in there. Rooting for you from far away, on the same journey as you! Freedom from this slavery exists, somewhere…
I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. It sucks, hang in there.
Not losing weight as you continue to eat healthily sucks, but hang in there and I’m sure it will start to go down again.
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Isn’t it so completely boring to have such an obsession with food? I’m not criticizing, Jules, I’m empathizing because I too wonderful if I’ll EVER be one of those people who enjoys delicious food, yes, and can eat anything, yes, but doesn’t eat ALL of it or ban herself from eating IT because of a lack of normal, sane, control. UGH. So frustrating.
And, as you can imagine, I envy you having boys and not a girl. LOVE LOVE LOVE my girl but worry so much about imparting this weirdness in her that I have. THAT is my new daily struggle.
That being said, it sounds like you’re trodding along in a healthy way and that’s WONDERFUL. Until they make a pill or a microchip or SOMETHING that can be taken that makes us ‘normal’ about food, it’s the best we can do.
always hoping/thinking the best things for you.
Hang in there. For what it’s worth, I’m on a very similar path right now. I did great for the first 3 1/2 weeks – lost 9.5 pounds. I was supposed to get on the scale yesterday, but it’s that time of the month and there’s no way-no how I’m getting on it right now. It would not be “healthy” for me to see that number. I seem to have lost my zest for cooking and preparing all my vegetables & good protein. I feel sluggish and lazy. I’m starting to grab for the easiest & quickest thing to eat – NOT a good habit. Here’s hoping that we both pull out of this funk soon! We need to.
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Totally normal Jules and totally frustrating to boot. What type of grains? Maybe you have an allergy to those grains that you don’t know about which is causing lethargy and unrest, just thinkin’..
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Oh Jules, I’m so sorry. It’s frustrating enough to “deprive” yourself. But it’s unbearable when you’re (seemingly) making no progress…I hope you kick this plateau in the butt soon!!! What are you doing for exercise? Have you thought about (since you added grains in) upping your caloric output? I know, exercise is no fun but it’s better than further self-deprivation in my mind! (That’s why I can never lose weight. I’ll do the exercise, but lose the food?? No way! But that’s gonna have to change after this baby and you’re gonna do this! Because you’re gonna be my inspiration—PCOS diet stuff—and I know I’m going to need it! :) (Cause you know, it is all about me! ;) )
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Actually, Cara, I don’t feel like I am depriving myself. Staying on plan has been pretty easy when compared to my long, long history of diet failure. I just think my hard work should be rewarded with a weekly 938483 pound loss on the scale. :)
That’s great to hear Jules! And I totally understand about the feelings when you don’t lose massive weight each day that you work hard at it. BTDT
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