I love Nicholas, and he will always be my little guy, but holy guacamole, is that kid acting like a total turd. Of course, I blame myself. I’m Catholic and a mom, a lethal powerhouse of guilt, so I feel confident I can shoulder this albatross. I am not confident I can shoulder Nicholas. In fact, I’m one whiny outburst away from putting him out with the recycling on Friday.
It started two weeks ago, when Nico tackled head-on his first bout of the stomach flu. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: nothing good comes out of puking.
Second children are, by birth order, the wilder and woollier ones. Nicholas is no different. He has far more scrapes, scars and bruises than Mikey has yet to achieve in five years of first-born cautious living. Naturally, Nico took to vomiting with equal passion. No, he couldn’t puke a few times, maybe 3, and call it nap time. Nicholas had to unhinge his pyloric valve in the middle of the night and unleash a fury heretofore seen only in exorcisms, frat parties, and cholera pandemics.
Eighteen times. That’s how many times he threw up on me in the course of 8 hours. It was The Perfect Storm in my very own living room, only instead of spume and seaweed, Mother Nature tried to drown me under 35 foot waves of apple-flavored pedialyte and saltine crackers.
Midway through Puke Watch 2009.
After the storm, there was nothing left. Not even a scrap of clothing. Nico was left sleeping in a chair wearing nothing but a diaper, a bib, and two old towels. I was in the corner rocking and muttering softly.� The next few days after that were just as rough for him, what with the appearance of explosive diarrhea (how I wish it was strong enough to launch me into another continent!), so I cut him some slack and fed him whatever seemed to interest him, which wasn’t much.
One week later, Nicholas awoke with a clean diaper and a dirty disposition. It’s been a battle ground ever since.
He cries when he’s hungry. He cries when he’s done eating. He cries to get in the high chair, and cries to get out. He cries when Mikey is touching the Star Wars figures. He cries when he can’t figure out how to make cars travel vertically up a wall. He cries just to hear himself cry. Except there is no real crying. Oh, sure, he sprung a few tears that one time Mikey knocked him seven ways to Sunday during The Star Wars Battle of June 24 , but everything else? A total faker. Eyes and mouth wide, lungs loud and uvula vibrating like a punching bag, yes. Tears, no.
The smile of a kid who knows he’s going to work you in ten seconds.
I ignore him when he is acting up, for the most part, as do The Mister and Mikey. This sort of behavior is unacceptable. The headstrong attitude, the manipulating, the refusal to accept any position other than his own…it’s like me as a child, only different. In my case I was totally innocent, and any bratty behavior on my part was clearly my mother’s fault.
Hilarious! I mean, not really. The actual living of it must have been horrific. But the telling of the story, and the joy of reading it? Hilarious! Coincidentally (or by design) I returned with my family from taking the recycling to the recycling center, and here awaited your post! Perfect timing! Perfect post! Thanks for the laugh. And I’m so glad he’s feeling better. My, he looks so very innocent in those photos!
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Oh my, it sounds like you guys have had quite a week. Or weeks? How old is he? I see our second born being the same way – does everything more.
Thanks for the good read.
Nicholas is 2.5 years daredevil. :)
Oh Lordy!!! Even in your time of unbridled anguish you still find a humorous way of writing it all down. Thanks for the laugh, although I’m sorry it comes at such a high price. 18 times! And knowing how you love all that. Hope he turns a corner soon!
Great writing. So funny. I’m glad for you the puking has stopped at least.
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Oy! I have a Nicholas and I can relate. Though mine’s the firstborn and not going through a stomach fit, I can totally identify with the faker! Thank you for your chuckles and know that you’re not alone.
have you read the Nicholas series by Ren� Goscinny? We are on the second book…sounds like it’s right up your alley! Hope everyone’s feeling better. We have a cautious 7 yr old boy and a nutty 19 month old girl. She’s likes to leap w/out looking. How do I keep that spirit while lowering the amount of bumps/scrapes? :)
Oh I have been there… Maybe not 18 times though. He is precious and I could eat him up. Reminds me of my own little guy at home. So sweet but such a little tyrants sometimes.
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Just found your blog yesterday and I’m really enjoying it!!! I have 4 children, and with that, a whole lot of tummy bugs over the years. In fact, I think I’ve pretty much made myself immune since it’s very rare that they share the bug with me.
Hope all is well at your house and you stay immune as well!
Oy I know where you’re coming from. Payton spent 25 minutes screaming yesterday because Addison looked at her. Not only did she scream … she tossed herself down, rolled on her back and threw her legs over her head for added emphasis. Royal.
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Kendra–that’s pretty damn funny. :)
Roni–I will have to check out that series. Thanks for the recommendation!
The second child is always looking for additonal attention….sounds familar
Oh, what a week! I’m sorry for the illnesses. Puke and diarrhea are not my thing, either:-)! I did laugh out loud at your comparison of Nicholas to you as a child. It seems that some things come full circle, huh??
You are amazing.. Loved every second of this post…
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hilarity.
I want to come help you. Really, I do.
But, not really.
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I second Cherrytreelane.. it’s the thought that counts right?
: )
Sounds like the dreaded rotavirus to me. We’ve definitely btdt. Ick. Sorry about his constant screaming. Know why? Because his mommy deserted her February Mommy friends. That’s why. I hate to break it to you so unceremoniously, but if you’d never left us he’d have his halo intact (that’s my plug to get you back to the facebook group btw)…
I think that (as hard as it is) ignoring it is the best thing. We sometimes put Haley in her bed to “finish” and we go get her only when she STOPS. Other than that? Buckle in and prepare for the ride of your life! ;)
BTW, my second child has been my easiest so far!? Go ahead…try for the 3rd. See what loony bin you end up in then!!!!
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