[Original portions of this post have been edited� to protect the privacy of others.]
I am back from a meeting in which I discussed with several females attorneys a plan to get me licensed and active within the community. I’ve been nervous about this meeting since the day I scheduled it; the day the Mister was laid off. I’ve been out of the loop for years. I have few contacts, and limited practical knowledge. For nights on end I have worried if I could do it–if I could start a law practice on my own and not worry constantly about looking stupid, inexperienced.
I am afraid my need to be perfect will stop me from trying. It wouldn’t be the first time the voice in my head said I can’t do this.
But I didn’t say any of that. Instead, we discussed at length the money it would take, the areas of practice I should consider, and the most effective ways to gain business in a down economy.
We also discussed how someone’s kids are in trouble and how someone else is getting a divorce and how someone else spends too much money while someone else is very cheap and, oh, someone else doesn’t seem very motivated, does she?
Then we moved back to me, and they told me I was bright, and easy to get along with, and someone they could count on to do a great job. After listening to them pull me up and pat my back and sing my praises I started to believe them, and as I walked to the car with one of the women I thought to myself I can do this, I know I can
When I got in my car I caught sight of a picture of Mikey and Nico as I was buckling my seat belt. I looked up and watched the other woman pull out of the parking and head off to to deal with something a mother shouldn’t have to deal with. I can do this, I thought. But can I do it all?
I admire your courageousness and yes, you can do it. I’m struggling from the same issues right now ~ 22 weeks pregnant, taking the California bar this month (already licensed in two other jurisdictions!), working a full time job at a big law firm. It’s very stressful and the pressure to do it all because I’m a perfectionist and because everyone has and always will expect me to be able to has caused doubt many times over.
The thing I keep repeating to myself is that I will never know if I can do it if I don’t try. I’m not sure yet that I’d rather try and fail… but, I know that if I am able to accomplish everything, I’ll be proud of those achievements and glad I did them. Plus, think of the wonderful example you are setting for your children.
Well I KNOW you can do it and knew it all along. As far as doing it all, all you CAN do is do your best and I know that you already do and will continue to do what you feel is best for the boys.
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Thanks, NKC. Good luck with the bar this month. We’re in the second week of February, so you should be taking it T/W/TH of next week, right? I’ll be thinking of you, although if you’ve already taken it in 2 other jurisdictions you probably won’t need the 52 changes of underwear I did on the first day. :)
I think we kid ourselves when we think we can do it all, and give our all to everything. But we can do our best at everything we do and that is good enough. That being said, I think you can do anything you put your mind to. You are an awesome woman!
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we must have had a blogger psychic connection today because i had a similar “i keep telling myself i want/can do this, but can i really?” moment. that perfectionist streak is a mean one, but i have faith you, you’ll figure it out (or figure out just enough to get it all done, haha)
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Thanks, Jules. The exam’s the last week of February (24-26) so there’s still a whole week or worrying. I’ve only sat for one bar (waived into the other) and that one I had the luxury of spending the whole summer studying for! What I wouldn’t give for 8-12 hour study days now, seems totally ironic.
Best of luck to you and again, not only can you do it, but you can do it well!
That’s a big question. Your career will be demanding. On the other hand, you’ve spent your children’s primary years being at home with them and nurturing their needs. According to child psychologists, the first three years of a child’s life is most critical in bonding with a “primary caregiver” for healthy emotional development. And believe it or not, a personality is fully developed by age 6, according to psychologists.
I think keeping emotionally connected to our kids throughout their whole life is key. It keeps you in touch on so many levels. When they’re older, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and think they don’t need us as much. Actually they need us more than ever. I can tell you will always be “connected” to your boys. And what a gift that is to them.
I have a friend who is an attorney (and a darn good one) and only works three days a week. She has two toddlers and does a nice job balancing. She keeps life simple. And always puts her kids first. It’s an inspiration to see, really.
You’ve been taking care of your family. And now you’re continue to do so…just in a different kind of way. For now. Believe in yourself. You’re amazing. Just ask your kids.
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I struggled with my original comment because it sounded too stern. It was hard for me to go back to work even though my kids were older than yours. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to work EVER and just read and blog and watch movies. I’m not even embarrassed to admit that! I love being at home. HOWEVER, it’s also been wonderful knowing that for the first time in a long time, I’m contributing financially to our family. Steve did it for so long with no complaints that I like that I can alleviate some of the stress for him now.
Don’t worry about balance, Jules. There is no such thing. Some days you’ll give more to your work. Some days you’ll give more to your kids. And they’ll be FINE with it. You are the one who will have to make the real adjustments and you’ll do that too. The Mister will be behind you and some days you’ll really need that. It will be more than fine. Just give yourself the chance.
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Jules, you’ll be able to do everything you NEED to do. The rest will fall into place. Read this post: http://specialtycards4u.blogspot.com/2008/09/favorite-quote.html
My favorite part: “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. ”
{hugs xoxox}
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Does this mean less posts??
In all seriousness, a friend of mine, who is also a lawyer by trade, just started back to work this week after being home for two years with her little guy (and has to deal with all those credits and whatnot she now needs). It’s tough, really tough, especially when you aren’t really getting to make a choice about it (been there too!). But your kids will do great- don’t worry :) Now you’ll get to hear “all about their days” too and they’ll be seeing something we don’t often get to- daddy staying home! I know my husband has commented often how he wished he could (and there are some days I’d gladly trade places, LOL). And, nothing is ever permanent, as you guys already know. Some one is going to be really lucky to have you on their side when you start practicing again.
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I agree with some of the previous posters. You will do your best-both for your boys and for your job. And maybe this is just for a season?? You know? You’re not signing a life contract. Who knows what The Mister will find…and maybe soon!? The awesome thing is you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone and do your part to support your family in a crunch. If you can’t feed your kids…that’s not being a great mom, right? :)
I can’t imagine what you are going through with this choice though…I know your heart is at home with your little ones…but you are a strong person and you will do what you have to do to make it in this crazy world! ((hugs)) and prayers for your family during this rough time.
The plan is to work part time from the office we have in the back yard and to meet with clients as needed in my friend’s office. That is the plan. However, I tried this when Mikey was a baby and it didn’t work due to child care issues, hours that extended beyond part time, etc. I’m hoping that we won’t have the child care issues this time. I have my mom, a friend I trust, and the Mister at least for a little while.
I freaked when I heard about the drugs and reform school. I remember when those kids were sweet and little. Seleta makes an excellent point: they need you even more when they are older.
I going through the same thing. I have my nursing license and considering getting my feet wet again. I hate the hours and am only so so so about the work itself (shameful but true) but it is what I chose my education to be in and I could financially assist this family of mine in a big way. I am afraid at what cost though. Maybe baby steps could work for both us? We’ll see – good luck :)
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Wow. Good luck with everything. I have complete faith that you can do it.
You can do anything, YOU are a genius!
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