Toni and I first met at Judi’s wedding shower.� Judi and I were in our early 20s, and we met through work.� Toni was Judi’s future sister-in-law, married to the brother of Judi’s fiance.� Toni, like me, always struggled with her weight, but I remember her wearing at the shower denim short overalls, a hot pink shirt, and a deep, dark tan (hey, it was the early 90s.)� It was an outfit I, with legs like claps of thunder, would have never considered wearing, but Toni looked fantastic.� I noted that aside from the healthy tan, her legs didn’t look much different than mine.� Confidence, I realized, made a difference.
That was 15 years ago, and Toni now does my hair.� Yesterday, sitting in the chair, it was obvious to me that Toni had lost weight in the six weeks since I had seen her last.� She looked as edgy and current as always, only thinner.� I debated all of two seconds before opening my mouth.
“Have you lost weight?”
Toni smiled.� “Yeah, I have.”
“Well, you look even better than usual.� What have you been doing?”� I almost didn’t want to know.� I’m tired of trendy diets.
“You’ll laugh when I tell you.”� Toni paused for only a second before continuing, “I’m doing The Secret.”
“Get out!� Really?”� I was immediately curious.� Not because I doubted her or hadn’t heard of The Secret or The Law of Attraction.� I live in southern California–most preschoolers have vision boards.� But I wanted to know how she was applying the principles, and why.
Toni has been eating when she is hungry.� She eats what she wants. When she is no longer hungry, she stops.� Simple enough, but anyone who has struggled with weight knows this is actually difficult to execute.� She also visualizes herself thinner, and acts likes someone who is thinner.
This is all fine and interesting, but nothing I hadn’t heard before.
“The biggest change for me is that either way, I am happy.� I don’t need to lose weight to be attractive.� I’m fine the way I am.”� And that’s where Toni and I differ.� She looks in the mirror and focuses on what she likes.� I look in the mirror and grimace.� I joked about our differences in attitude, and what Toni said shocked me.
“I’m 41 years old.� Half of my life is over, and I’m not going to spend the remaining half hating the body I am blessed to have.”
All of a sudden, it hit me.� If Toni’s life is half over (and statistically speaking, at 41 years of age it is) then my life is also half over. I have wasted half my life waiting to look perfect–only I didn’t realize it.� Because, really, I don’t feel 36.� I don’t even feel 30.� I barely feel 26, and I can’t believe the Mister and I aren’t newlyweds anymore.
But I am 36 and the Mister and I have been married for 9 years.� And I think it is time to be more accepting of the body I am blessed to have before it is no longer mine to appreciate.
That is the best epiphany I’ve heard anyone have for a while. Why waste what little time we get in life focusing on the negatives and wishing we were different? Enjoy life, laugh hard, and smile!
Wow!!!!! Jules! Awesome lightbulb moment! :)
amen! life is too short to wait for perfect circumstances. thanks for sharing this story.
Amen, sista. Right there with you. It sounds simple enough, and isn’t it interesting that it takes about half our life to a) understand that concept and b) actually learn how to apply it to ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
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Bravo – so well said. Isn’t it great when you finally become happy with what you have instead of what you don’t have… I hear your sentiments – fantastic post, xv
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LOVE THAT!! What a great way to look at things… I am going to cooking up more fun pronto :) Thanks Jules
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That’s really brilliant. You have given me a lot to think about today. Thank you!
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Wow. That’s a pretty cool perspective actually.
Hence, my new year’s resolution was NOT to lose weight. It was to be healthier. I figure the rest will follow . . .
The best thing about Toni’s philosophy is that, like Brie intimated, it doesn’t just apply to weight. There are so many things I want to do, and I’ve just been waiting for the “right time.”
You are SO RIGHT, Jules. The reason why I joined Weight Watchers (and I know that sounds antithetical) is because I’m going to be 39 this years and I feel like I need to say ENOUGH ALREADY. The WW mantra (or at least the one espoused by the leader I go to) is that you’re not on a diet, you’re just taking care of yourself. So I’m going to take care of myself!! I don’t REALLY want to wear a size 8. I don’t think losing weight will make me happy like I did in college (I AM happy now), and I think I’m pretty fabulous when I’m not obsessing over the size of my ass.
Am I there yet? Nope. But I’m trying…
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And I just noticed that my last post is showing on my comment and people are going to think I’m COMPLETELY nuts. Oh well…
Jen�s last blog post..Friends Don’t Let Friends Go Off Drugs
Great attitude, Jen! Now can someone tell me how to STAY on WW? That is the part that alludes me.
This my dear was a beautiful post but even though it was thought provoking and moving and now I feel like I am waiting for deaths doorbell to ring (I have not thought about being 40 and my life being 1/2 over until just now– thank you very mucho). My favorite part was:
“I live in southern California�most preschoolers have vision boards.”
Thank you Miss Jules for always having a zinger in your posst that are so spot on and ridiculously observant that I often find myself wishing I was a fraction as talented as you are…
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And thank you, Tristan, for always noticing my zingers.