Dear Miscreant Children,
Somewhere between some time ago and today, you’ve decided to boycott everything I make for dinner. It doesn’t matter what I prepare, it’s revolting. And I’m a good cook! I understand I shouldn’t complain since you both (especially Mikey) have been fantastic eaters for most of your life. Too bad. I will also take the time to dispense some advice.
- When I make chicken noodle soup from scratch, do not complain that it doesn’t taste like “the other one.” I know you all like Chicken Tortilla Soup. I didn’t make Chicken Tortilla Soup. Eat your soup.
- When daddy decides to help me out the next night by making canned Campbell’s Tomato Soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, do not proclaim it’s the best dinner you ever tasted. I control the check book, and the check book controls Christmas. If you catch my drift.
- Do not change your taste overnight without telling me.This means, if you have liked roasted pork loin, potatoes, and sauteed cabbage until now, do not tell me you now think “it’s really boring and awful” after I have spent 3 hours cooking enough pork loin to last us a month. Guess what? Your’re is going to eat pork loin for the better part of a week in many incarnations. Sucks to be you.
- KETCHUP IS A CONDIMENT!
- No, chips and ice cream will not make your stomach ache feel better. Don’t ask, and quit pretending like you are on death’s door.
You’ve been warned. Sit down at the table, eat your dinner, then call me the best cook ever.
I’m still debating how to coerce you into doing my bidding, so I’ll have to get back to you on that one. I’d threaten you with Hamburger Helper, but I think you’d like it, you sick, sick, children.
Signed,
Mama
Jules that was hilarious – I almost spit my coffee all my keyboard! Especially #2 (kids forget mom does ALL the christmas shopping!) I’m with you on all counts: is it too much to ask for a “thanks for dinner mom” instead of “can we got to Mcdonald’s?” (usually said just as I’m serving dinner). One day, they want ham sandwiches for lunch – this ham is the BEST ham ever. Next week: ew! I don’t like ham. :-)
When my kids were the same age yours are, when asked what was for dinner I routinely replied “We’re having Yuck I Hate That.”
Ha, yes.. #4 needs to be tattooed to my forehead and then maybe they will hear me. Ditto with salsa and soy sauce.
My attitude is that I only buy what I like. I like veggies, fruit and fish and tofu.
If it’s not in the house then they will eat what is. They really have been good eaters, but I avoided the fights.
I so remember the food mood swings.. if all else fails, I send them outside with a bag of carrots!
Good luck Management! lol
I just have to say that I love your writing style! Your blog is so entertaining and relatable, even though I don’t have children (yet). But, when I do, I want to be a mother just like you! =)
I am reading this blog for the first time. I am laughing my butt off… maybe if I keep laughing it will go away… ha Anyways sorry for that little bit of too much info. I read through the posts and thought “OMG I am so glad I am not the only one that feels like this!” I have a little one but she is still picky.
Also I said a lot of those never things too until I had the baby. No to the ugly chair. No to the matching clothes. No to the stuff on the frig… why would I want to clutter my frig with kid stuff – duh now I know. It is entertainment for little hands while I do stuff. Not fun stuff but kitchen stuff. Entertainment still.
I will be reading this blog daily from now on. :)
Is it possible that you are reading my mind? I swear I have had EXACTLY these same thoughts on more than one occasion! Thanks for the laughs.
Ok, Jules. I’m feeling this one. Kids should NOT change what they like on a daily basis-after you’ve cooked what used to be considered great.
Good idea on the Christmas shopping…
Another thing kids do not appreciate? homeschooling and the effort involved.
I am so glad to hear I am not the only one suffering at the hands of these little people.
Jen, that is the funniest thing ever and promptly going in my come-back repertoire.
Becky, I need your attitude. I always buy what everyone else likes, thinking it will win me points. FALSE.
Karrie, Mommy & Daddy K, mhdgblog: hello, and thanks! That means a lot. :)
Cara–anything that requires effort, patience, and love will be poo-poo'd immediately. Sigh.
Funny funny post. I can totally relate to your situation. My 22 month old eats everything but then every so often goes on a food strike for one item or another.
My almost 5 year old only eats 3 things total for lunch and dinner.
Pasta (no red sauce!) in beef broth or olive oil, chicken nuggets and peas. He no longer likes broccoli (when he did – it was ALL he ate)or regular chicken.
He will, if he is STARVING consume mini home made meatballs (again, no red sauce)and on rare occasions he will eat the roasted chicken.
Oh, and I forgot – pizza – with the cheese removed and the red sauce scraped off – so basically pizza dough.
We have actually resorted to telling him Santa will bring more toys if he tries more things. I’ll let you know how that works out.
I overheard him showing the Toys R Us toy catalog (with pertinent toys circled and starred) to his much older sister Ashley yesterday and asking her, “if Santa doesn’t bring me ALL these, will YOU get the rest?”.
We get this all the time from our boys. Particularly the eldest who always replies “I don’t like *Fill in meal here*” unless it’s pizza, chinese chicken (sweet and sour) or some other kind of crappy fast food. So he’s got a choice, eat or don’t- up to him. Then we inevitably hear at dinner, “Wow I really like *fill in said meal*” or “Yum this is really good!”. DUH- that’s why we make it.
I think I need to post your list in my kitchen, LOL.
Nice! Can I use similar instructions to give to my husband??? And I wonder where she gets her pickiness from…hmmmm?
Hah! I just snorted my pellegrino..