You have been working all day and probably reading this during your client dinner tonight. Since I might be DEAD by the time you come home, I thought I might just jot down a few notes on how awesome my day is going right now, at 10:00am.
So, I’m still a little delirious from staying up the last 3 nights taking care of sick boys. Since you were taking care of them, too, I am imagine you are pretty exhausted, too. How’s that coffee? Yeah. I don’t drink coffee. But I do drink diet coke, and since I have to leave the house in a few minutes I might as well buy 235 gallons while I am out.
Why am I going out? Remember when we walked in on Nicholas last night with his feet stuck in the crib rails and choking on his own puke? And remember how we were all “AAAAAAHHHHHH HE’S DYING!! WHAT DO WE DO!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!” and then we cleaned him off and put him in the tub and he was all, “Hey! A bath! My favorite! . . .What’s wrong with you two?” And so you were so freaked out our kid almost went down like Jimi Hendrix you had to do something so you went and put his sheets in the washing machine but didn’t remove any of the *ahem* offending material? Yeah. Let’s just say I need to go to Target to pick up some laundry supplement with digestive enzymes to do the job Nicholas didn’t get a chance to finish. Tomato skins in my washing machine, the Mister. That’s all I have to say.
So Mikey got up at around 9:00am and {BONUS} didn’t pee in our bed. I was so excited I had one less load of laundry to do, I decided to make everyone breakfast, including myself! I had just finished my 3rd bite when Nicholas decided to slip out of his high-chair straps and attempt to bungee jump to freedom. Naturally, I put down my bagel after only a moment of hesitation and decided while I was letting him kick me in protest, I might as well let him kick me in protest while I put on his clothes for the day. It was awesome. Since he is sick, his kicks are totally weak. So are his lungs. I barely felt or heard anything.
I have to say I was pretty bummed to come back and discover that the dogs ATE MY BREAKFAST. Oh yes, they did. And they had the nerve to lick their chops and burp delicately. I decided not making purses out of their ears should be enough to pay forward the pharmacy-tech’s kindness from yesterday.
Mikey is perfecting his football throwing against various walls in the house. This is after he decided to fill his mouth with water, stick all his fingers in his mouth, and with water pouring down his shirt and onto the floor proclaim, “I’m brushing my teeth in a new way!” What the?!
I’m hot, my hair is a mess, and I think I broke my foot.
Well, I better go. Nicholas insists on playing with my old, rusty Buenos Aires license plate and I don’t have the energy to take him to get a tetanus shot if he eats it. I’ll update you on my day as it continues to deteriorate progess.
Can’t wait until you get home. Drive safe. :)
xoxo,
The Mrs.
Oh my goodnes dear! Why you are not the most famous writer mom yet is beyond me…I love the new way of brushing his teethe, how clever! The only problem I am having here is that my fancy and your sons have very similar characteristics? No, not the peeing in bed part but hmmm? I am convinced they don’t really grow out of this behavior…Have a great rest of the day..xoxox
Sounds like your day is going swimmingly.
OMG, you are cracking me up and I am feeling your pain right now. Now I know why you’ve been quiet online. We need to commiserate soon!
I hope tomorrow is not as much of a circus as today seems to be! Oh, and I do hope you don’t have a broken foot as much as I hope my lower back pain is not that serious either! Boys!
Ok, I know it isn’t polite to point and laugh, but I did. Sick kiddos are the worst, and yet, hilarious blog material for your readers! Mikey’s new way of brushing cracked me up. Hope the boys (and your day) get better.
Oh my GOD. I have never been so happy to be entering the TEENAGE years with my oldest child. ANYTHING (well, almost anything) is better than having to purchase laundry detergent with digestive enzymes.
Ohhh, hon. What a night!
I hope your foot is only sprained. ;)
It’s so funny, I dont have the exact same experience, but I betcha every mom I know (myself included) feels your pain! There will be days…. there will be days… Your a good mama, rest in this peace! :D HOpe you have a better day tomorrow! I’ll keep all of you in my prayers! xoxox, M
hi, i LOVE your blog!! it so reminds me of my own years in your shoes, especially this story …. my delightful 22 year old daughter sent me your blog link, saying it reminded her of a tale i tell when she and her brother were your kids ages. i thought you enjoy might a reciprocal laugh….
my husband was a firefighter and got off the 24 hour shift at 8 a.m. i awoke about 6 a.m. to the sound of above mentioned 22 year old, then age 5 months, vomiting in her crib and then starting that pitiful cry of a sick infant….
her noises awoke her 2.5 year old brother in his crib in the same room, which began the day for him!! whooo hooooo!
i go to her sweet self and carefully scoop her up to get her to the bathtub, desperately trying not to get it all over me or drop all over the carpet. i peeled off her zippy jammies in the tub to allow the chunks to either be picked up to flush or wash down the drain and then washed her good.
do i need to tell you that with the bathtub running, her brother in his crib thought the games had begun and he was being left out! if she got a bath, HE got a bath! after scrubbing and showering her, i filled up the tub for them to play. tub toys floated joyfully, with my daughter sitting in a bath tub suction security ring to keep her upright. of course, i stayed in the room with them.
suddenly, out of the blue, her older brother stands up and flies out of the tub like i had dropped a running hair dryer in it. what the….? he bolts out of the room naked as a jaybird.
and then i see the source of his dismay ….. the offending ‘oil slick’ was rising from her subsequent diarrhea )which followed the vomiting) and he was OUTTA THERE!! with her safely in her ring, i frantically started grabbing all the tub toys, realizing if i allowed diarrhea to contaminate all the little parts of the floating toys, people, and portholes of the boats, that i would be disinfecting tub toys with a toothbrush all day long….
she started wailing because i was letting the water out (and with it a good bit of the offending diarrhea) and because i was grabbing her toys as fast as i could… this was proving to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day for both her and me.
for the second time, i hosed her down, soaped her up, and was wrapping her in a towel…when it hit me…..
where was the older brother? (he was also not potty trained yet)
with her in arms, i went out to the living room, to catch him in all his birthday suited glory, standing on the hearth….. peeing on the bricks……
at that point, i thought… THAT’S it…. every fluid out of every orifice and i haven’t gone to the bathroom myself yet. the pee on the bricks WILL wait to be cleaned up. i had sprung up from sleep to the sound of her vomiting and hadn’t stopped since.
about an hour later, dear mister walked in the door ready to hug his sweet and loving family. you can only imagine my wild-eyed look… ;-)
may i give you hope that these children (and their younger brother yet to be born) are the delights of my soul and exasperating times like that are only comedy fodder around the dinner table now. you are on the right track with your boys. keep on keeping on.
Mary, you had me in stitches. Thanks for the story, which is way worse than anything I’ve had to go through to date! (And hopefully never will!)