Only the Most Perfect Thing Ever.

I suck at geography. Everyone who knows me admits it is true. In fact, my brothers like to ask me random geographical questions, knowing I will not know the answer, just so they can laugh at me and say, “Remember that one time when Jules was, like, 25 and she couldn’t list the seven continents?” Then they’ll drop to the floor in hysterics. Oh, and my age? It gets older every time they tell that story. Which is about twice a week.

For the record, I think I was 11. In fact, I know I was 11 because we were flying back from vacation when I innocently asked my dad in a crowded, quiet airplane, “Dad, how many states are there in Europe?” After he picked his eyeballs off the floor and took 3 blood pressure pills, he calmed down enough to be barely yelling at the top of his lungs.

“WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU SAY??? OH MY GOD, MIRTA, DID YOU HEAR YOUR DAUGHTER??? I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE!!!!”

Really? Not even now, with 150 strangers looking at us?

I spent the next 6 hours on a plane answering geography “pop” quizzes drawn up by my dad on cocktail napkins. My brothers, younger bastards that they are, lapped up my punishment like Cheshire cats.

Mike (9 years old): Haha. I can’t believe you thought Europe had states.

Jules: Shut up.

Paul (7 year old): Yeah, Jules. I can’t believe you thought Europe had states.

Jules: That’s real original Polly-Want-A-Cracker.

Paul: I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT!

Jules: Well it fits, Parrot Boy.

Dad: You three knock it off back there or I’m getting out of my seat!

Mike: Jules, you’re so dumb I bet you don’t even know the seven continents.

Jules: I said shut up, and yes I do.

Mike: Say them.

Jules: They’re the ones that start with A, and I don’t need to tell them to you.

{Strategy: Mike is a genius. Freakishly smart. I knew I was skating on thin ice by entertaining any sort of mental battle with him and was avoiding having to directly answer his question about the continents.}

Mike: You don’t know them. How could you? You thought Europe had STATES.

And, like most battles, I lost on account of pride.

Jules: Fine. North America, South America, EUROPE…

{Starting to fade}

Asia…Australia…

Mike: I KNEW IT! You don’t know them! OhMyGod! DAAAAAAAAD!

And you can imagine how thrilled my Dad was to discover the names of seven continents didn’t just roll of my tongue like gum balls. The next three “pop” quizzes involved continents. I think it was fill-in-the-blank.

But don’t worry, I know them now. Except that I had to double check in Wikipedia because for some reason I thought there were eight and I was going crazy trying to remember the last continent. Especially since, while scanning the world in my mind’s eye for the missing 8th continent, I realized suddenly I ran out of earth.

All this to say I found this on Darla’s blog and thought it was the most perfect thing ever for this geographically-challenged, California girl. So perfect, in fact, I just might send it to my Dad and brothers..knowing full well one of those clowns will bring up that stupid continent story.