Getting pregnant isn’t always easy. For some of us, yes. A couple of months of easy work produces a team of dividing cells that bubble inside you, not unlike like happiness you feel when a second pink line suddenly appears alongside the lonely control. It was like that for me, but not like that for more than 12% of women out there, and not like that for my best friend, Kara.
She’s tried things. Lots of things. They haven’t worked, except one time, and it was fleeting. A few short weeks of dividing happiness before the bubble burst. So she and her husband decided she would take a break from trying lots of things. They decided to become foster parents in hopes of adopting domestically. Within a couple of short months, they were the foster parents to two girls aged 7 and 2. The youngest one had red hair, like Kara.
The girls were removed from their home because their parents were dealing and taking methamphetamines. They came with two trash bags of clothing, abandonment issues, and developmental delays. Kara and her husband were thrilled.
They went to the beach and museums and parks. They ate real, complete dinners as a family. Kara met with the oldest’s teachers and both she and her husband worked around the clock to bring her up to speed academically. They put her in private school for the summer and attended her awards ceremony at the end of the term.
They were bubbling with happiness once again.
The parents, while clean, were not making the progress stipulated by the Court. They failed to secure a job. They had no place to live. The girls came back from visitations hungry, dirty, and, on three occasions, with with heads teaming with lice. Kara took off work all three times to take care of the situation because that’s what moms do.
While the parent’s lack of progress was unfortunate, Kara and her husband were, albeit secretly, bubbling with happiness at the prospect of adopting the girls.
And then, on an ordinary Wednesday, the social worker called Kara and her husband to let them know she would be recommending to the Court reunification. She wanted the girls placed back with their parents full time. The parents were still jobless and homeless, but she felt those were issues to overlook in light of the fact they had been clean for almost six months.
And, again, Kara and her husband’s bubble burst.
Thirty days later, I attended a farewell party for the girls. The next morning, Kara dropped the girls off at the adoption agency and said goodbye for the last time. That night they received a phone call about another little girl, this one eight years old. For many reasons, they gently closed the door to their open home–temporarily. They needed to take a break from blowing bubbles.
And so that is why this week my favorite moment is not really a moment. Instead, it is a feeling of respect and admiration for those couples out there, like Kara and her husband, who open their homes to the many children out there who have no family of their own. Children out their who are alone in a world without family, without hope, and without bubbles.
If I had a magic bubble blower, I would surely blow them some. And a few for Kara, too.
:( Kara u are amazing.
How sad for Kara and her husband, but truly sadder yet for those girls.
For the chances they may not have.
I don’t know that I could let go, over and over and over again.
Kara is an amazing and positively healthy person for knowing her own limits.
No doubt, I will ever be able to have a phone conversation about this with you as the tears that are falling from my face are causing me to completely choke up.
You have been my biggest champion, cheerleader and motivator throughout our path to parenthood. From posting on my carepage to making the commitment to give me my daily shot. For this, I’m eternally grateful.
Thank you for getting me to blog, it has been an amazing gift. I’m so blessed to have your friendship and promise to never take it for granted.
Love-K
Thanks Mainhappymama. You are an amazing Mama! Thanks for being a good friend to J.
Thank you Jackee4glamourous for your compliments. Our path has been filled with many sad times that have resulted in making our marriage extremely strong. I’ve given too much of my life to infertility and now I think it is time to be happy again.
“How sad for Kara and her husband, but truly sadder yet for those girls.
For the chances they may not have.”
I agree with this. You were really blessed to have those lovely girls a part of your life even if only for a short time. I’m sure you already made improvements in their life and they will remember that.
I have a friend who also has been trying for some time to have a child, it’s so heartbreaking to see everything she is going through. You’re so lucky to have such a great friend like Jules. Best to you.
The world should have more people like you Kara. Thanks for making the world a better place.
oh. god.
((Hugs)) to Kara. You are truly an inspiration!
Kara, you and your husband are real life heroes. I pray that you receive a child/ren as soon as possible.
I hate to say it, but It sickens me to know that those precious little souls were sent back to their birth parents. Being a parent is not about sharing the same DNA, but rather about loving everyday, always looking out for their best interest, and sometimes doing the least glamorous things one can imagine. It’s a job that never stops. Nor does your love.
You both have the biggest hearts in the world and any child would be blessed to be in your arms. Forever.
P.S. I don’t mean to be nosy, but you may want to talk to a friend of mine who is about to adopt her second child from Russia. She has been posting about her upcoming arrival and is the warmest person you can imagine. And one amazing artist!
Her blog is here http://littleredhead.typepad.com/little_redhead/
amy purple – You are a sweetie pie, thanks for the kind words.
misplaced – You are also bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you.
maggie – I say that daily – for a variety of reasons. I have lots of questions for that dude.
kristen – ((hugs)) to you also, Thank-you.
Seleta – I share your same philosophy and thank you for your prayers. I will check out your friends blog and I don’t think it’s being nosy at all – you are a very caring person and it shows.
Jules – Your readers have blown me away with the random kindness and niceness that leaves people speechless because it comes from stranger. I will certainly be paying it forward :-)
Yep. I always get the nicest people leaving comments on my blog. I love it.
Kara, I don’t know you but I think you are the greatest too. Even though things ultimately haven’t worked out how you (or all of us) would have like – I can’t help but think of the profound life experiences you have shared with those girls. You have no doubt left a mark on them they will never forget. I wish the best for them.
Brings tears to my eyes… :( Kara, what a strong woman.
This just breaks my heart. Even more so because I know someone who had to return her foster son to his mother yesterday. She was beside herself because she believes the baby isn’t going to be well taken care of.
I have tremendous admiration for people like my friend and Kara. I wish these parents and all the little ones involved the very best.