You are probably reading this in a nondescript hotel room in Atlanta, Georgia. How’s that going? Are you having fun on your second long business trip in one month? If I was a counting girl I would probably bring up that between your business trips, client dinners, business parties, and late nights at work you have been gone more than you were here in the month of April. Lucky for you, I am totally not a counting girl. Not. At. All.
Things around here are great! Super!! I do believe the second your plane left the ground 83,000 people from Craigslist emailed me that they need to see our various items for sale RIGHT NOW. Naturally, they were all males with emails like, “Larry_the_Love_Man[at]yahoo.com” or “Beer-n-Bitches[at]gmail.com.” They seemed really interested and should be here around 6:00pm. Wish me luck!
Mikey decided last night that his stomach hurt so bad that he needed to go to the hospital. I offered him chocolate instead. He was happy with the outcome, and so was I. I could be wrong, but I don’t think his stomach was really hurting him.
As much as I would have loved to wrestle with Mikey, it just wasn’t the time. You understand, right? I felt a little guilty because instead of wrestling I looked up at Mikey, wild-eyed, and screeched, “Mikey! You have GOT to help me get these little pieces away from Nico or daddy is going to be really mad at mama because NICHOLAS broke his computer.” And then Mikey looked at me full of pity and calmly walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Mama. Relax. It’s ok. We’ll just call Handy Manny. He can fix anything.”
Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?! That’s exactly what we needed: an animated Wilmer Valderrama and talking tools. So I bit the bullet and made the long distance phone call to Sheet Rock Hills. Manny said he would be here sometime between Larry and Ruben (that’s Beer and Bitches), but I might have to call him off because I have most of the keys already put back. So you see, I have everything under control and there is nothing for you to worry about. I mean, well, I guess if you had to worry about something–you know, if you were so inclined–it’s that I can’t find the letter S. But, again, totally not something for you to worry about. I’m pretty sure it’s either under the sofa or just rounding the curve in Nicholas’ duodenum. If it’s under the sofa it will be back in place by tonight. If it’s in the smaller intestines, well, it will most like be in place within 24 to 48 hours. Either way, plenty of time before you get home! Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this. I bet you would have never known anything was amiss.
OK, that’s it. Not much else to report. Pretty boring, really. I’ll talk to you later. Have a safe flight, and I’ll see you when you get home. You know, right before you leave again to go play golf with your dad. Just saying.
xoxo,
The Mrs.
This reminds me of the Great Two-Week Hunting Trip of 2007, and the series of not-so-nice letters to my husband I posted on my blog. Yeah, you’re a way nicer wife. Totally.
The Mister here: Well, good luck with that “S key” if it is in the later of the two. Also, sorry about the horrible grammar, (have any of you tried to make a comment via web on a blackberry?), not the best tool when trying to leave a comment. Bottom-line, because I know your a “bottom-line women”, no worries and you are the best for all that you do. I miss you and the guys and I’ll be home very soon. xoxo
He smirkenly says from his hotel room … whereas he is sipping cocktails and talking business, and you are searching through the poo of a toddler for the letter “S”. I do believe I detect a bit of smarminess in his post hehehe. ;)
The Mister!!!!! :)
We can’t wait for you to get home, either. I found the letter S, too, and I didn’t even have to dig through crap!
xoxo,
The Mrs.
Kendra–nah, no smarminess from the Mister. He’s a softie and says stuff like that all the time and because he means it. I’m waiting for the day he wises up and realizes he got the short end of the stick marrying me.
That was the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks! I think I need a Handy Manny of my own!
Oh and don’t worry. According to my experiences, Beer and Bitches probably won’t show up anyway.
This made me laugh out loud!
It sounds just like the correspondence between Mr. OH and myself, minus the poop but adding a real hospital visit every time he is 1000 miles away.
I have got to hire you as a writer someday….
How cool that your Mister posted a comment! I don’t think D knows what Blogger is…
Your Mister is a sweetie pie and I think you both pretty lucky as you make a great couple who can find humor in ANY situation. I think his comment was very genuine and sweet.
-K
I was going to say, “Touche”, until I saw The Mister’s comment and now I’m just going to say that I want to be just like you!
My kitty, Haley, totally did that with my INS key on my last laptop! She has a habit of walking over the keyboard (uh, stop that!) and i picked her up midway, her claws came out and she pulled it off. So i guess it was kinda half my fault too. Should have just let her finish walking and it probably would have been fine.
Can I get Handy Manny’s phone # from you? I think he intentionally gave me a fake one the last time I saw him because everything in my house is broken and has been that way for too long.
This was really funny…I think we share a life!
Now excuse me, I have to go change some lightbulbs and move a piano…my husband is out golfing…again.