I cried uncle at 4:52am Friday morning.� I had been up most of the night and by that point could no longer swallow my own saliva without locking down my muscles and whimpering.� Going to the store was out of the question.� I was feverish, achy, and not at all convinced I would buy anything that would work better than what I tried throughout the night.
So I googled.
Several sites recommended gargling with a rinse made from apple cider vinegar, water, and honey to cure strep, which I was pretty sure I had.� Then I stumbled across a site that recommended gargling a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar straight and then swallowing it.
At 4:54 in the morning, this sounded like a very good idea.� If an apple cider rinse can cure strep in twenty four hours, imagine the power of undiluted acetic, lactic, citric and malic acids!� I won’t go into the details except to say that I tried it and almost died.� On the plus side, in the three minutes I flopped on the kitchen floor gasping for breath I didn’t once think about my sore throat, which is just what the website promised.
Following that disaster, I decided I might as well try the rinse.� Because, you know, why the hell not?
Most recipes called for a couple of teaspoons of apple cider vinegar and honey mixed in 8 oz. of warm water.� Easy enough.� I was actually excited because this would allow me to open up a new jar of honey that I bought on sale a while back at the health food store.� The honey is organic, raw, and collected in Africa from bees that feed on the nectar of flowering trees at the base of a river.� It’s exactly the sort of thing a suburban mom driving a beige SUV will buy to assuage the guilt she feels about her less than altruistic life, so whenever this sort of thing goes on sale I make sure to buy it to see what I’ve been missing.
I haven’t been missing much!
Let me just start off by saying that part of what I find so interesting about honey is the variation in flavor and color.� It really does depend on where and how the bees buzz.� Take clover honey, for instance.� The color is light and pretty, just like the taste.� I imagine bees that make this honey flit around from flower to flower wearing wreathes of daisies, occasionally doing romantic bee dances in the air with a fellow drone that has caught their eye(s).� A few loops, a couple of swirls, and–for the grand finale–a twisting ascension into the sky before they break away and come together to form a heart made of pollen dust that slowly falls to the ground and feeds the unicorns.
Going by taste alone, it’s safe to say the bees from Africa wear tin-foil hats and don’t fly the same route twice because they are convinced a secret government agency is trying to kill them.� The only thing longer than their matted hair is the thumbnail they use as a shiv, and not even in the dog days of summer will they consider removing their little bee-sized overcoats made from holey wool.
If clover honey is light and frothy, honey made from flowering trees at the base of a river in a country plagued by drought is dark and despondent.
I didn’t know this, of course, as put to my mouth a teaspoon full of honey.� I didn’t know I was seconds away from ingesting something that tasted of dirt and pond water and, oddly enough, those red kick balls from grade school.� Had I known, I wouldn’t.� But I didn’t, so I did.
I won’t go into the details except to say that I tried it and almost died.� On the plus side, in the three minutes I flopped on the kitchen floor gasping for breath I didn’t once think about my sore throat, which is just what that other website promised, too.
At 5:04am Friday morning I cried uncle for the second time.� I popped a Cepacol in my mouth and went back to bed. When The Mister woke up an hour later and asked me how I was feeling I said, “Not better.”
At 9:23am Saturday morning I popped an antibiotic.� I am mostly all better.
Maybe that’s what the hippie girls rubbed on their tiny, dark hooves. I’m all for organic and natural, but sometimes Pharmaceuticals ARE the answer.
Yes please to antibiotics for strept. I’ve tasted those red square balls in my day – not good, not good at all! Hope you are feeling all better!
You are funny when you are sick. I never use the acronym LOL, because I almost never do… Laugh Out Loud that is.
Today however, I can honestly say:
LOL Jules, LOL.
You make me laugh a lot. You have a way with words…
This was great, thanks for the laugh, and I hope you feel better soon!
oh my gosh you’re killing me over here! I have been thinking about you! So did you go to urgent care or do you just have antibiotics lying around to pop?!? Was it strep?
I once tried to give my daughter honey for her cough because everyone always says that cough syrup for some reason is ineffective for younger children. I had honey, the kind that comes out of a bear. She’d never tried it before and upon giving her the teaspoon full of what looked like delicious honey, she promptly vomited on the kitchen floor and proceeded to drive heave. It was delightful! I think that the Bee Keepers of America would like us to think that honey is this all healing, organic wonder drug of sorts, but for me, I’ll know to steer clear the next time a cough leers it’s ugly head. Glad you’re feeling better
And here I thought I was the only one that compared things to the taste of kickballs. My husband thinks I’m insane. Good to know I’m not alone.
The first year I taught, I had strep 3x + tonsilitis (sp?) because teaching is hard and middle school kids are germy. I learned then the wonders of antibiotics. However, you still need to take care of yourself, because the moment you think you’re good (in antibiotic land) and skip a pill, it may take you down again.
I have never been THAT sick again. Hope you feel WAY better soon!
Glad you are feeling better Jules. And through it all, you maintain a glorious sense of humor, I can just see you trying these remedies, flopping all over the kitchen floor! Ha.
Please be sure to throw away your toothbrush after a few days on antibiotics because, as I have done, you can reinfect yourself with those strep bugs still living there! Yuck, ugh, owie x 2. I loved that my Doc tells me this information the second time around. Not!
I love the pics of your son on (and off) his tricycle! So cute and fearless.
:( sad you were in so much pain! when we have sore throats, we gargle with warm salt water before bed, turn on the humidifier while we sleep (this one is magic), and drink lemon/honey tea all day long.
HILARIOUS. The kick balls, the paranoid conspiracy theory bees, the flailing on the floor gasping for breath, the unicorn, the beige SUV – all genius.
I can honestly say I’ve never been drawn by the natural or organic route. I’m able to live with myself while eating white flour and taking pharmaceuticals. Maybe it stems from childhood when at the first little sign of a potential cough, Daddy would mix up his favorite remedy: whiskey, lemon juice and honey (the plain kind from the grocery store.) GAG! I think I willed myself well to avoid such treatment.
I’m laughing very hard! And the dogs are staring at me!
This is too funny, and I am sure you didn’t post this with the intention of soliciting any home remedy advice. But if you can stomach it, I have one more. This one actually works!!! Let’s face it organic home remedies are not going to cure any kind of infection, but they can make you feel better while the Rx drugs do their thing. This one is from my grandma:
Before bed and upon waking gargle one full glass of warm water as salty as you can stand it. DON’T swallow it. You must use IODIZED salt – NOT Kosher or Sea Salt. You can rinse your mouth with some cool clear water if you must, but don’t drink anything for at least 30 minutes.
Apparently, you can squirt the same solution up your nose if you have a sinus thing going on, but I have never been brave enough to try that. I Hope you feel better soon!
I drink a shot of apple cider vinegar before every meal because it is supposed to help your metabolism and I heard Fergie does it too. Not straight because I can only do that with whiskey/tequila/vodka.
The secret? Mix it with water and a Crystal Light drop in.
Feel better.