Week 2

Week 2

Week 2, b

Week 2, c

Week 2, d

Week 2, e

Week 2, f

Week 2, g

There were a few late nights where I really didn’t want to do yoga in my cramped family room on stinky carpet while Buddy sniffed at me and Mikey and Nico argued about who touched whose piece of lint. On those days, I went on walks. Peaceful, solitary walks. I suddenly fell in love with walking again, so this week I didn’t do any yoga. I think yoga needs to be an early morning activity for me to do it with any sort of regularity. I’m thinking of setting up a little yoga area in my room. This way I can do my yoga first thing in the morning, on hardwood floors, without man or beast driving me nuts.

A few of the days I walked were thick like pea soup. So, so muggy! Horrible. Yuck. I can handle triple digit weather, but humidity is something else. People talk about the fiery depths of hell and how hot it is, but I suspect it’s really central Florida in August. Hell is your shirt sticking to your back.

Listening To: PITBULL featuring T-Pain & Sean Paul

I was in the mood for Latin music this week, so I played Shake SeƱora by Pitbull. It was my fastest walk this year.

Week 1

Palm tree

I did it! I didn’t do yoga every day, but I exercised every day, and that makes me feel much better about myself. On the days I did yoga, I did it with the boys while the Mister was out of town. It was a lot of fun. Nico provided comic relief, as expected. At one point the woman in the app instructed us to move into a comfortable pose. She meant a lotus position.

How-To-Use-Ujjayi-Breath-In-Lotus-Pose

I turned around and found Nico had slipped into the Costanza.

tumblr_mrt5kevIyl1rwsd7jo1_1280

Mikey, who at this point was well on his way to earning a PhD in Yoga Perfect Form, just gaped at him with the slack-jawed face of someone who had stumbled upon a baby animal not-quite weird enough to be cute. I did the same, though I managed to stutter a proper noun and three pronouns.

“Nico…you…it…you…”

“What,” he said, looking at us like we were the silly ones sitting there with our legs twisted like pretzels. “She said to get into a comfortable pose. I’m comfortable.”

Nico’s favorite poses were the Costanza and corpse. Everything else he barely managed without collapsing into a pile of giggles or complaining that something, somewhere hurt. It was while Mikey and I were trembling in our side plank poses that Nico, deep into a Costanza, positioned the pillow behind his head into a more comfortable position.

“Yoga is easy,” he declared, as Mikey and I collapsed side-by-side on the ground, gasping.

Mikey rolled his sweaty head in Nico’s direction. “Says the guy who isn’t doing anything!”

“I’m doing something!” Nico had the nerve to look offended as he readjusted his pillow. “I’m doing yoga, Mikey.”

On the days that I couldn’t stand to be in the room with the boys one more second, I put on my sneakers and went on a walk. This proved to be a good alternative. The boys got a break from their annoyed mom, and I didn’t put them out with the recycling. Win-win.

All About That Bass

This video went viral. Maybe most of you have seen it? They’re calling it a body positive song. I’ve included the lyrics below the video which, I admit, is as cute as the song. Except.

Because you know I’m all about that bass,
‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Yeah it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two
But I can shake it, shake it like I’m supposed to do
‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
All the right junk in all the right places
I see the magazines working that Photoshop
We know that shit ain’t real
Come on now, make it stop
If you got beauty beauty just raise ‘em up
‘Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top
Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night
You know I won’t be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,
So, if that’s what’s you’re into
Then go ahead and move along

Because you know I’m all about that bass,
‘Bout that bass , no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

I’m bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
Nah, I’m just playing I know you think you’re fat,
But I’m here to tell you that,
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top
Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night
You know I won’t be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,

So, if that’s what’s you’re into
Then go ahead and move along

Because you know I’m all about that bass,
‘Bout that bass ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Because you know I’m all about that bass,
‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Because you know I’m all about that bass,
‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

As someone who is overweight and sees teen girls thrilling at the onset of the flu because that means they’ll lose at least 2 pounds (wish I was kidding), I’m glad there is a catchy song that says it’s OK to have a curvy figure. Really, I am. I’m not trying to be a politically correct/angry/judgmental person who quibbles over every last thing. I think there needs to be more body-positive songs and movies and books and snapchats and twitters and instagrams and whatever else the hell there is going on now. I just wish it wasn’t at the expense of someone else.

I have two issues with the lyrics.

I got all the boom-boom that all the boys chase.

Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night

There are studies that show the average male prefers a woman around size UK 14, which around size 10 in the US. Think Christina Hendricks (here without photoshop). By the way, plenty of guys have read that study and said, “Um, no.” That study had a very small sample size, and every study that repeated it had similarly small sample sizes. I’m not saying it’s not true, I’m just saying it’s not true of all guys. Plenty of guys prefer slender women, as they should since we’re not all drones with the same tastes in romantic partners. I know women who are naturally very thin with little to no “booty.” I remember them being miserable in middle school and junior high because they felt they looked like boys/had no boobs/stuffed their bras, etc. etc. The boys teased them for being “boards” the same way they teased my for being fat. I doubt this song would help skinny girls build body confidence.

I’m bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
Nah, I’m just playing I know you think you’re fat,
But I’m here to tell you that,
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

OK, hold on. Now we’re calling girls skinny bitches, but we’re only playing because we know they think they’re fat. What? That makes…huh? No. First, you can’t call someone a skinny bitch and then laugh it off. That’s not a joke; it’s sarcasm. Second, I’m not sure every skinny woman out there thinks they’re fat. Maybe they say that because women find it impossible to say anything positive about their body. Ever. (Eye-opening video) The second she included that “skinny bitch” line she sacrificed the song’s potential to be truly about body confidence.

I also have issues with the video.

1. They say it’s not about body shaming thin people, but that model looks like the center of the joke. Is she the “stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll” mentioned in the song? You know, the skinny bitch (just playing!) who also thinks she’s fat. Every inch of her is perfect from the bottom to the top according to the song, but she sure is getting knocked about by the “real” women in the video. She’s also made to look superficial, vapid, judgmental, and mean.

Side note: The term “real” woman makes me want to scream. If you have a vagina or identify as a woman, you are a “real” woman. [Drops the mic]

2. Meghan Trainor (the singer) is wearing an incredible amount of makeup, has a soft focus lens on her, and is shot from slightly above to minimize her double chin. So much for body confidence. Here she is from another angle.

My last, and most important comment on the video.

Let’s talk about Sione Maraschino and what a ridiculous scene stealer he is. Get outta here with your Maraschino Step.

The Beginning

Yoga

I’ve decided that a daily yoga practice will work best for me right now and, if the studies are to be believed, for the rest of my life. I went ahead and bought the Yoga Studio app because it was the one most recommended and had great reviews. I’ll test it out for the next 30 days and report back with my thoughts every week or so. In fact, I might go back to my Monday update posts. That weekly thought journaling, for lack of a better description, was another key to keeping me on track.

I thought this infographic and companion article from the Huffington Post on how yoga changes your body was interesting.

Happy, Happy

poolside

Mikey turned 10 yesterday. He kept saying the word decade, and it bugged me. Too fast! Too fast!

We celebrated his entrance into his “next decade” (his words) with swim tryouts. Hah! Not the most exciting of days, but this weekend he’s having a slumber party. We’re going out to dinner where there is a clarinet player. Then, the boys, I’m sure, are going to spend the rest of the night playing video games and watching Doctor Who. In the morning they want to play tennis and go swimming.

Sounds good to me, especially since the pool we go to has a bar. Since my favorite drink is nonalcoholic, I can have as many as I want without worrying about someone drowning. Soda water, cranberry juice, and two lime wedges = SO GOOD. Not too dry, and not too sweet if you are specific and ask for a heavy splash of cranberry juice. Splash! Otherwise the bartender thinks it’s a drink for a kid, and you’ll end up with a really sweet, disgusting drink.

Have you read the comments on yesterday’s post? So thoughtful, so accepting of different viewpoints, so willing to offer ideas and suggestions. I knew you all would make what could be a contentious subject interesting and inspiring. Thanks for that. :)

Hi! I’m Jules.

I used to be an attorney, but it made me grumpy. Now I write about life, sweet and savory, as a wife and mother to two small boys. My knowledge of dinosaurs knows no bounds.

You can read more, including the meaning behind the name Pancakes and French Fries here. And, yes, I really am phenomenally indecisive.