7 Random Ways Motherhood Made me a Liar
Hannah over at Strapless Living tagged me to reveal 7 random things about myself. Well, I think this is particularly unfair because my entire blog is random! Just read the last 7 posts. There’s your random! So I decided to mix it up just a bit and disclose, instead, 7 random ways in which motherhood made me a liar.
1. I will always work.
As you know, I vowed to never be a stay at home mom.
2. I will continue to enjoy fine food.
I never imagined I would eat old food simply to avoid throwing it away in the trash. Yet, several times a week, while cleaning up the table from lunch, I wake up and find myself feasting on delectables such as peanut butter and jelly sandwich crusts, banana nubs, 1 chicken nugget, or a 1″ square piece of cold quesadilla. Why?! It’s not like I don’t have my own lunch. The trash can isn’t that far away–in fact, I pass it on the way to the sink. What possible harm could come from tossing away old, cold, bits of food? Are people still starving in China? Yes, and it’s because I’m eating all the food.
3. I will never buy kid-themed anything.
Something happens when you get pregnant. You walk through life with a particular design aesthetic, and you really do believe it will never change. I remember rolling my eyes and shuddering every time my sister-in-law bought a new mom bracelet, or family sticker, or personalized stick-figure anything. I found it all revolting. That is, until we had Mikey. Six months later I was affixing something very similar to this abomination on my Christmas card envelopes as I whistled to some peppy little tune–no doubt by the Wiggles.
Then, at the beginning of the year I wrote a letter to Mikey’s class introducing myself as the room mom for the year. I wrote it on paper I bought especially for the occasion.
4. I will have a modern nursery.
I decided even before I was pregnant with Mikey that I would never, ever buy a glider. They are ugly, serve only limited purpose, are ugly, cost a fortune, and are ugly. Instead, I was super slick and bought this chair from IKEA. Yes, it had a longer life than most chairs out there–Mikey and I can still sit side-by-side and read a book–but it DOESN’T ROCK. See, in my little know-it-all, pea-sized brain I forgot that babies float in amniotic fluid for 10 months and happen to like rocking. So you know what I had to do? If I wasn’t in the living room rocking him in our La-Z-Boy (more on that chair another day) I was sitting in my “design savvy” Ektorp rocking back and forth like Rain Man.
I have this in Nico’s nursery.
Oh, hello Internet. Fancy meeting you here!
6. I will never drive an SUV.
When we got pregnant with Mikey, I was driving this:
Now I drive something like this:
I even lucked out and found one in the same Soccer Mom beige.
7. My children will maintain their own identity.
Right after I had Nico, someone asked me if I would dress they boys in matching clothing. I said no, because that was stupid.
I would upload all the pictures in which they wear matching clothing, but the internet might break.
So there you have it. Seven random ways in which motherhood made me a liar. I feel much better. Feel free to confess your own motherhood induced debauchery. You are not alone.
Bagged Salad
My sister-in-law makes the most phenomenal salads. It’s her “thing,” what people always ask her to bring or assume she will make. I’ve always been known for my desserts, but one day my sister-in-law generously told me all her salad making secrets. I now can hold my own with lettuce, and proudly sit at the right-hand side of her salad bowl.
(I’m aware my pictures are painfully small. That will change w/ the new blog. For now, please click the image to enlarge.)
So that got me thinking: how many of you rinse your bagged lettuce before eating it?
I want to hear whether you do or you don’t, and because this topic is so very scintillating, feel free to post anonymously. 
Finally.
Now that the Olympics are over, what do you say we all get some work done? And maybe go to bed before midnight? While normally not a sports fan, my eyes have been glued to the TV for the last 17 days.
Some observations:
Even when happy, Nastia Liukin looks sad. Something about her eyes makes her seem like an old soul.
I will never be mistaken for 2008 Olympic Gold Medal winner (Women’s Marathon), Romanian Constantina Dita.
This little troll stud (?!) bugged the crap out of me. Too much frat-boy testosterone coursing through that 5’1” frame. Oh, and walking hunched over and pushing your shoulders forward does make you look broader, but it also makes you look like you are walking hunched over and pushing your shoulders forward to make yourself look broader.
Watching Michael Phelps win 8 gold medals was awesome.
Usain Bolt was impressive, and has a very convenient last name. But would it kill him to save the showboating until he actually crossed the finish line? I admit I would not have cried tears into my pillow at night had he tripped on his flapping, untied shoe lace two feet from the finish line.
Something tells me he likes the attention.
Did you watch the Olympics? Are you tired, behind on work, and simultaneously happy/sad it’s over with, like me? What observations did you make during the Olympics? What do you think of the Chinese age controversy? (Nice collar, IOC young dude)
p.s. Since the Olympics are over, look for How I Met the Mister, Part II tomorrow!
Only the Most Perfect Thing Ever.
I suck at geography. Everyone who knows me admits it is true. In fact, my brothers like to ask me random geographical questions, knowing I will not know the answer, just so they can laugh at me and say, “Remember that one time when Jules was, like, 25 and she couldn’t list the seven continents?” Then they’ll drop to the floor in hysterics. Oh, and my age? It gets older every time they tell that story. Which is about twice a week.
For the record, I think I was 11. In fact, I know I was 11 because we were flying back from vacation when I innocently asked my dad in a crowded, quiet airplane, “Dad, how many states are there in Europe?” After he picked his eyeballs off the floor and took 3 blood pressure pills, he calmed down enough to be barely yelling at the top of his lungs.
“WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU SAY??? OH MY GOD, MIRTA, DID YOU HEAR YOUR DAUGHTER??? I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE!!!!”
Really? Not even now, with 150 strangers looking at us?
I spent the next 6 hours on a plane answering geography “pop” quizzes drawn up by my dad on cocktail napkins. My brothers, younger bastards that they are, lapped up my punishment like Cheshire cats.
Mike (9 years old): Haha. I can’t believe you thought Europe had states.
Jules: Shut up.
Paul (7 year old): Yeah, Jules. I can’t believe you thought Europe had states.
Jules: That’s real original Polly-Want-A-Cracker.
Paul: I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT!
Jules: Well it fits, Parrot Boy.
Dad: You three knock it off back there or I’m getting out of my seat!
Mike: Jules, you’re so dumb I bet you don’t even know the seven continents.
Jules: I said shut up, and yes I do.
Mike: Say them.
Jules: They’re the ones that start with A, and I don’t need to tell them to you.
{Strategy: Mike is a genius. Freakishly smart. I knew I was skating on thin ice by entertaining any sort of mental battle with him and was avoiding having to directly answer his question about the continents.}
Mike: You don’t know them. How could you? You thought Europe had STATES.
And, like most battles, I lost on account of pride.
Jules: Fine. North America, South America, EUROPE…
{Starting to fade}
Asia…Australia…
Mike: I KNEW IT! You don’t know them! OhMyGod! DAAAAAAAAD!
And you can imagine how thrilled my Dad was to discover the names of seven continents didn’t just roll of my tongue like gum balls. The next three “pop” quizzes involved continents. I think it was fill-in-the-blank.
But don’t worry, I know them now. Except that I had to double check in Wikipedia because for some reason I thought there were eight and I was going crazy trying to remember the last continent. Especially since, while scanning the world in my mind’s eye for the missing 8th continent, I realized suddenly I ran out of earth.
All this to say I found this on Darla’s blog and thought it was the most perfect thing ever for this geographically-challenged, California girl. So perfect, in fact, I just might send it to my Dad and brothers..knowing full well one of those clowns will bring up that stupid continent story.
Thank You
Thanks for all the well wishes. My migraine is gone. I thought it was coming back today midafternoon, but so far so good.
Also, I wanted to thank you for the fantastic book recommendations! I’m still working my way through them, but I just have to say you all have some fantastic taste in books. Right before we left for Lake Tahoe I took all your suggestions to the bookstore and planned to take them all off the shelf, read the backs, and then decide which I would bring on the trip. Then God started laughing. And Nico started crying. And Mikey had to have one of each wind-up toy. And a ball.
I ended up grabbing the first four I could find. Not the thoughtful selection process I envisioned, but the books were all excellent so it worked out.
Since late June-July I have read and loved the following:
2. When You Are Engulfed in Flames.
3. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.
4. Naked.
Next up is Middlesex after I finish a couple of outstanding projects. Then I’m going to make my way to PaperBackSwap.com and be completely unsurprised when not a single book I want is available. Then I will go to the bookstore and buy some more recommended reading.
How has your reading gone? And do you recommend I add any other books to the pile? It’s big, but oh so pretty.
