I signed up for Weight Watchers yesterday, did you?  How is your commitment to a healthy 2010 going so far?  I was nervous (understatement) to step on the scale and get my official starting weight, but in the end I was pleasantly surprised.  I am five pounds down from the last time I weighed in at home, which means I have lost 50% of the holiday weight I packed on in November and December.  The math is fuzzy and confusing, but let’s see if I don’t muddy this up too much.

I lost five pounds when I had the flu.  I maintained this weight loss until my appetite returned, which coincided with the avalanche of cookies and treats that hit our home in December.  I snacked my way through the five “flu” pounds and added five more for a total of 10 pounds in holiday weight.

Lame.

Once the holidays were over, so were the cookies.  The stale stragglers that remained went into the trash.  I told myself not to worry about my weight until I started Weight Watchers in January, so I allowed myself to eat what I wanted within reason and on the condition I didn’t eat blindly as I was when the snacks were just laying there on the counter.  I lost five pounds. There is your testament to the hidden calories in junk food snacks.

The five pounds mean something more to me than numbers on the scale.  During one of my meetings over the summer with my nutritionist, she mentioned that normal people will gain and lose the same 5-10 pounds every year because life is irregular.  There are months, like November and December, where the normal person will eat more than usual.  Once their normal life/pace returns, they lose the weight they gained without conscious effort.  For many people, they don’t even notice the weight gain and subsequent loss.  Amazing, since I am normally aware of every filament I put in my mouth and can tell you within micrograms my weight any time of day.

I feel the five pounds were like that, and I couldn’t be more proud of this step in a healthy direction.  I didn’t get too hysterical over the five pounds I gained.  (I’m not counting the five flu pounds since I was bound to regain them once I started eating again.)  I didn’t allow the weight to put me in the dumps, call myself a failure, or give myself a license to say “forget it” and eat until I regained the fifty pounds I lost.  I tried to be aware without obsessing and for the first time in my life I lost five pounds without trying and without contracting a violent viremia.

If all I get out of 2010 is a healthy relationship with food that my sons can model, I will consider the year a success.

I know.  I can’t believe I am going to do Weight Watchers again, but I am.  It is something I have been debating for a couple of months, and I have reached the conclusion this is something I need to do right now.  My meal plan has been very sloppy lately, and I can’t have that or I will gain back the 50 pounds I have lost.  As it is, I am already up 5-7 pounds in holiday weight.  I’m trying not to panic.  Normal people gain weight during the holidays only to slowly lose it again throughout the year.

Here is my concern.  I don’t think I am “normal people” when it comes to food.  I am too much of a negligent snacker and meal skipper, which is exactly what I have been doing since the holiday rush started.  No breakfast, snack, snack.  No lunch until around 3:00pm when I realize I AM STARVING.  Snack, snack, snack.  Light dinner because, hello, I’m full from snacking.  Late night rolls around, hungry again.  Or tired.  Or stressed.  Or any other sort of emotion that for me is tied to snacking.  For example, Mikey has been sick since last night.  First with vomiting, now with a fever.  I am a nervous wreck, sad that he feels so poorly.  I wrote my elephant post today to take my mind off things, but it didn’t work.  Tonight I ate a small bowl of popcorn after dinner.

NOT GOOD.

On Monday I decided to cut out the snacking.  The number of times I caught myself reaching for a mindless thing (cracker, cookie, chocolate, etc.) was disgusting!  With the boys, I am in and out of the kitchen all day long.  Juice, water, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks…and all the while the counters are laden with holiday food I shouldn’t be considering, let alone mindlessly eating.  Notice I didn’t write mindlessly enjoying.  The truth of the matter is that most of what I have been eating just didn’t taste all that great.

Eating something that doesn’t taste good isn’t normal.  Actually, I take that back.  I think for many of us it is becoming the new normal.  What I should say is that eating something that doesn’t taste good will not be my normal.

I don’t expect Weight Watchers to help me with this aspect of my diet, but I do expect to work the food plan to my advantage.  I intend to regain a rational relationship with food using a structured meal plan and the regular meetings where there will be (please, God!) positive and supportive individuals on a similar journey.  Of course, I will continue working with Jorjana, as she has been instrumental in helping me lose the weight I have thus far.

I don’t consider this a resolution for the new year because, like taking a shower or brushing my teeth, losing the holiday weight along with the rest of the weight I have to lose is something that will happen, not something I hope to achieve if I really, really, really try.  I did not lose 50 pounds only to gain it all back.  If my mom is not a lamp, I am not a yo-yo.

Whew.  Glad I got that off my chest. :)

In other news, after two years of hearing people rave about this book, I caved and bought Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon.  Have you read it?  I will let you know what I think once I am done.

I’m back to writing out my meal plans.  You can check it out by clicking the Meals tab at the top of the blog.  I’ve lost 50 pounds, but don’t look to me as a role model.  Half the time I am barely hanging on, and the rest of the time I am debating what I should eat, when, and how.

You would think by now that I would have some idea what I am doing.  Not so much.  But, hey, fifty pounds!

I’ve been getting a number of requests asking me to share what I eat everyday, so I have decided to make public the meal plans I send to Jorjana every night.  Like many of you, I am a busy mom.  By necessity, my meals are simple and made from foods that don’t take much effort, but we’ll get into the details of what I eat and why (along with my favorite brands, recipes, etc.) on my meal plan page.  You can reach this part of the blog by clicking on the Meals tab at the top right.

I decided to give my meal plans their own little place on this blog for two reasons.  First, not everyone wants to know what I eat during the day, or how much weight I have lost.  Since I will post at least once a day most of the time (I write meal plans daily) I don’t want to clutter up their feed readers with my posts on food and diet.

Secondly, this is a perfect place for me to keep track of what I am eating.  What works, what doesn’t, and what I would like to make again on those days I am stumped on what to eat.  I’ve tried printing out my meal plans at home but, really, I don’t need another random piece of paper floating around my house.  I’m excited to try this out, and see if it keeps me organized.

I hope to see many of you there, and please feel free to comment when you stop by.  I would love to hear what you are eating, too, or how something I am eating reminds you of a good recipe that you would like to share.  I am a big believer in exchanging information, so the more this resembles a community effort, the better.

See you there!

TSpeaking of vegan, my thirty days on the new meal plan is almost up.

• I have more energy, but since I haven’t taken the time to calculate my intake, I don’t know if it is because I am taking in more calories.  I do know that in terms of volume I probably eat double.  For example, before my quick, brainless breakfast of choice was a couple of slices of cheese and an apple.  Now I eat a cup of Kashi Go Lean with a chopped peach and a splash of soy milk.  For lunch I often have rice, garbanzo beans (my favorite), a vegetable, and a fruit.  Dinner varies, but is along the same lines.
• I have lost 6 pounds, bring my total to 46 pounds lost.
• I have saved a minimal amount of money on my groceries because there were many foods I had to stock up on.  Now that I have most of what I need, I did notice last week a $20 decrease in my grocery bill for the week.
• I’ve been able to avoid most of the colds and stomach bugs floating around the house in September (this weekend something similar to rotavirus paid us a visit), although I don’t know if that’s my diet or my steely hard will to survive.

The question now is what to do next.  Do I stay on this plan?  Add fish, which my nutritionist recommends?  Go back to my previous meal plan?  I’m not sure I could go back, completely, because the volume of food and the energy I feel is great.  I just like more variety when I go out to eat.  If I have one more burrito from Chipotle, I might lose my marbles.

Any thoughts?  Do you have a meal plan that works for you?  Better yet, how and what do you eat daily, and does it work for you?  Are you where you want to be, weight and health wise?

Yesterday I went to get my teeth cleaned.  Don’t worry, it gets better.

At my last teeth cleaning appointment six months ago, the hygienist did a standard H&P.  She asked me if I had high blood pressure or diabetes.  I said no.  She looked at me and blinked; I looked back and scowled.  I could tell that she was thinking that if I didn’t have high blood pressure or diabetes then, I would eventually.

Yesterday I showed up 45 pounds lighter.

She walked me back into the room and started the H&P.  “So,” she asked, “any changes in your health?”

I wasn’t sure what to say.  I had lost weight, but it’s not like that would be reflected in the enamel of my bicuspids.  I decided to keep it simple.  “Nope.  Nothing’s changed.”  Still no hypertension or diabetes, contrary to your predictions, gypsy woman!

“Nothing, huh?” She looked at me and blinked.

“No, everything’s the same.” Blink.

“Nothing except you getting skinny, huh?”

“Oh.  Oh!  Well.  Yes.  Can you tell?  I have lost a little weight…”  Did I call you a gypsy woman?  You’re no gypsy woman, you’re my new best friend!  Let’s go watch The Notebook and braid each others hair!

And that, everyone, is the first person who doesn’t know I am dieting to comment on my weight loss.  Everyone else who has commented on my weight knows I am monitoring my food intake like a stay at home mom trolling YouTube for new New Moon trailers.  My friends and family comment frequently, especially my sister-in-law, Stephanie, who knows I need the motivation and can spot fluctuations in weight within 1/32 of an ounce. I appreciate every single comment, but it’s not the same as when it comes from someone on the outside.

I had such a ridiculously large grin plastered all over my face that I had to pick imaginary lint off my jeans to hide my face.  And then, then!, when she wheeled over to me to push that little foot pedal thing to lower my chair, THEN I slammed my legs together and raised my knees every-so-slightly to make my thighs look thinner.  Yeah, I totally did that and I am almost not completely mortified by my juvenile behavior because, ladies, she noticed I lost weight before I resorted to trickery.  And I have, dammit.

I changed my meal plan for September, but since the change was fairly drastic and involved the addition of grains, I decided to keep quiet for a bit until I was sure I wasn’t going to slip on a black mask and starting prowling the neighborhood at night for kittens to eat.

I am happy to report that the cat population in my neighborhood remains stable.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter already know that I decided to try a vegan meal plan for the month of September, but even those of you already privy to my decision don’t know how it came about.  The last 4.5 months or so of dieting have gone well with the exception of my meal plan.  As I complained about repeatedly, I couldn’t seem to add grains back in without it altering my mood negatively.  I don’t know why this is, but it continued to be a problem, even when I stuck to low glycemic grains.  This isn’t to say my meal plan wasn’t successful.  I lost 40 pounds following it to the letter.  You can see the meal plan I used to lose the first 40 pounds here.

But, if I am being honest, variety was an issue.  And it was a lot of meat.  Too much meat for my taste and my budget.  I was born in a country famous for their meats, even I had my limits.  Sadly, so does my monthly food budget. (Hello, $7 wedge of brie.) My energy was a factor, too, which I think had to do with calorie count.  Finally, I was a vegetarian throughout college and a vegan for two years of that time.  During that time I was the healthiest and thinnest I have ever been, and that is something I have never forgotten.  But, every time I tried to adopt my college eating habits, it didn’t stick.  I would start back in with the cheese and meat and before you know it the lifestyle change was dead before it was even born.

This time, though, I knew that I could adopt any change in my diet that I wished.  Really.  I am in such a great place with food right now that I wish I could bottle it and give it away.  Actually, I would prefer to sell it so I could make enough money to visit my grandmother in Argentina for the first time in 15 years, but that’s a different story.  I credit the program I am doing with Jorjana for most of that, but there are a few books that have helped me with my diet and have played a part in the change in my meal plan.

The first book I bought shortly after meeting Jorjana through this blog is From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction.  The book came  highly recommended, but I almost didn’t buy it based on the title alone.  I always considered food addicts people who binged on vast quantities of food, or had food hidden in their dresses drawers or closets.  Not the case at all, I discovered.  The meal plan in this book is far more strict than necessary for me, but a variation of it would be beneficial for anyone who struggles with food and weight. 

My change in meal plan wasn’t inspired by a book, although last year I did read and love The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted and the Startling Implications for Diet, Weight Loss and Long-term Healthand Skinny Bitch(focusing on the content and ignoring the obvious marketing machine).  It being last year, I didn’t do anything more than try for a day or two before giving up.  This year things are different, so I was ready to give it another shot.  I went to the library and checked out an enormous pile of books on establishing a healthy vegan diet, but my absolute favorite one so far has been one that was recommended by the authors of Skinny Bitch. The book, Breaking the Food Seduction: The Hidden Reasons Behind Food Cravings—And 7 Steps to End Them Naturally, is one that I finished in less than two days. It was that good. In fact, this is where I found my current meal plan, which you can read more about here.

I’m on day 9 of this new meal plan, and I have to say this is the best I have felt in months. For me, the meal plan is effortless. Oddly, I haven’t had a single problem with the grains. If anyone has a theory as to why, I would love to hear it. I will say this–I am eating a TON of food. Nonstop, it seems. I haven’t really focused on weight loss (it’s only been a week) but if anyone is interested I can report back to you the stats at the end of the month.

{post script}

I’ve just previewed this post, and good gravy this is one hella hot mess. Welcome to the long-winded labyrinth that is my mind. I’m going to go ahead and post this because with both boys sick, I will not have the time to edit this disaster for clarity and I will just end up deleting it out of embarrassment. I’m sure if there is something unclear you will let me know, right?

{second post script}

I know the links look goofy, but I can’t seem to fix it. Something with the way wordpress communicates with my Amazon store is making everything look oddly spaced. Oh well, you get the idea.